Idiocracy

The Associated Press reports: Gov. Ron DeSantis, who served three terms in the U.S. House, wants a legislative probe on recent decisions by cable carriers to remove One America News Network and Newsmax from their programming lineups. In Bradenton, DeSantis suggested that the House, currently under Republican control, would be the best venue for that urgent inquiry into potential “intellectual …

Mediaite reports: Just in case you needed more proof we live in the dumbest of all possible timelines, M&M’s are dropping their spokescandies after backlash from Fox News and other (mostly conservative) commentators, replacing the anthropomorphic chocolates with Maya Rudolph. Fox News host Tucker Carlson was one of the most vocal critics of the redesigned spokescandies, panning them as “deeply …

“They closed the gyms during COVID. Anybody who closed a gym during a pandemic that kills people who are fat clearly doesn’t care about your health at all. “They hate nicotine. They love THC. They are promoting weed to your children but they’re not letting you use tobacco or even non-tobacco nicotine delivery devices which don’t cause cancer. “Why do …

The Independent reports: Donald Trump has announced that he will preside over the memorial service for Diamond of the political vlogging duo Diamond and Silk. Diamond, whose legal name was Ineitha Lynnette Hardaway, passed away on 8 January at the age of 51. “Please join us on Saturday, January 21, in Fayetteville, North Carolina – she loved that state and …

NBC News reports: Bankrupt crypto firm FTX said on Tuesday that $415 million worth of crypto was hacked from the exchange’s accounts, representing a sizeable portion of the identified assets the company is trying to recover. In a presentation titled “Maximizing FTX Recoveries,” lawyers and advisors for FTX debtors updated the total liquid assets identified for recovery, and said they’re valued at …

Yahoo News reports: January is not even over, but this weekend’s On Patrol: Live aired what may end up being the most shocking TV moment of the year. At the beginning of Saturday’s episode of Reelz’s law enforcement docuseries, police in Beech Grove, Ind. responded to reports of a diaper-clad child roaming the halls with a firearm at a local …

Mediaite reports: Rep. Tim Burchett (R-TN) shared his unfiltered thoughts about UFOs on NewsNation Saturday, including accusing the federal government of a “huge cover up” and telling viewers that there is proof of UFOs in the Bible. “The first chapter of Ezekiel is pretty clear of a UFO sighting,” Burchett said, citing the King James version. “I don’t trust government,” …

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports: Democrats on Wednesday slammed a Republican-backed change to the Missouri House dress code for women legislators. Rep. Ann Kelley, R-Lamar (photo), proposed explicitly requiring women legislators to wear jackets on the House floor, saying “it is essential to always maintain a formal and professional atmosphere.” Lawmakers debate changes to House rules at the beginning of …

Mediaite reports: Rep. Chip Roy (R-TX) slammed President Joe Biden over his border policies and said the new Republican-controlled House will stop funding the Department of Homeland Security when given the chance. “Well, I guess the president of the United States was able to find the southern border on a map,” Roy began. “Took him two years to finally get …

The Daily Beast reports: Rep. Anna Paulina Luna came to Congress on her first day in office ready to do battle—not just with Democrats, but also with her own party, as she became one of the 20 Republicans to vote against electing Kevin McCarthy speaker. But back home in her conservative Florida district, Luna is waging a very different kind …

The Texas Tribune reports: Texas will no longer fight to ban 18- to 20-year-olds from carrying handguns in public. A judge ruled earlier this year that a state law banning the practice was unconstitutional, and Texas initially filed a notice that it would appeal. But Texas Department of Public Safety Director Steven McCraw withdrew the appeal to the 5th U.S. …

Mediaite reports: A woman who protested at an elementary school while dressed as a cat told Fox News host Jesse Watters Tuesday she did so to prove one cannot change their species in the same way they cannot change their gender. Because America is so often beyond parody in the year of our Lord 2022, Lindsey Graham appeared on the …

“How about this one? A producer for Tucker Carlson Tonight happened to notice that CVS is now selling sex toys. And they appear to be a relative bargain. “For example, there’s a Tush Cush for $11.97, though the accompanying lotion that goes with it will set you back an additional $11.97. “And if you’ve got the cash, right there in …

“Let’s go through the pros and cons of smoking marijuana. The pros: food tastes tastier, music sounds better and nature is more impressive. “Cons: It kills your sperm, girls don’t dig it, the scene isn’t as cool as people think it is. If you’re an athlete, it affects your conditioning. It stays in your system and it kills your brain. …

Vice News reports: On the QAnon message board the Great Awakening, members concluded that the sudden nature of Kirstie Alley’s death was a clear sign that her death was part of a global plot to silence critics of the COVID vaccines. “I wholly believe the [deep state] has a way of dosing people with poisons that create aggressive cancers,” one …

“These woke high-IQ stupid people are easy to recognize. They hate George Washington, they hate Thomas Jefferson, they hate Dr. Seuss, and they hate Mr. Potato Head. “These woke high-IQ stupid people, they walk around with Ziploc bags of kale that they can eat to give them energy. If you want to eat kale, that’s up to you. I don’t …

Mediaite reports: Anti-Semitism-spouting entertainer/entrepreneur Kanye West surfaced on social media Sunday night to post a bizarre rant about Elon Musk and former President Barack Obama. How we got here: On Thursday, West appeared to reach rock bottom in his descent into anti-Semitism when he performed essentially an extended infomercial for Hitler on Alex Jones’s show. On Sunday, West popped his virtual head up …

Raw Story reports: Failed California gubernatorial candidate and current Fox News contributor Caitlyn Jenner said on Friday that she didn’t blame anyone for being offended by Kanye West’s overt praise of Adolf Hitler, but she nonetheless wished him well. “I’ve known, obviously, Kanye for a very long time, he’s always been very, very good to me,” she began. “And I …

Mediaite reports: Kanye West has once again been suspended from Twitter for violating the social media platform’s rule against the incitement of violence. West posted an image of the swastika photoshopped inside of the Star of David on Twitter Thursday night, hours after he professed his admiration for the Third Reich and its leader during a bizarre appearance with Alex …

Salon reports: Kanye West praised Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler during an appearance on Alex Jones’ InfoWars conspiracy broadcast. The rapper, who now goes by Ye, appeared on the right-wing conspiracy broadcast alongside white nationalist Nick Fuentes, a week after the pair met with former president Donald Trump at his Mar-a-Lago resort. “That’s right, you’re not Hitler, you’re not a Nazi, …