SOUTH CAROLINA: Republicans File Bill Seeking To Classify Same-Sex Marriage As “Parody Marriage”

South Carolina’s WHNS-TV reports:

Upstate lawmakers are working to pass a new bill that will probably get people talking. According to the SC Statehouse website, the bill, entitled the “Marriage and Constitution Restoration Act,” was introduced in the House, read for the first time and referred to Committee on Judiciary on February 15, 2018. “‘Parody marriage’ means any form of marriage that does not involve one man and one woman,” read the bill. “‘Marriage’ means a union of one man and one woman.”

From the bill:

Whereas, all forms of parody marriage and all self-asserted sex-based identity narratives and sexual orientations that fail to check out the human design are part of the religion of Secular Humanism; and

Whereas, the State of South Carolina’s decision to respect, endorse, and recognize parody marriages and sexual orientation policies has excessively entangled the government with the religion of Secular Humanism, failed to accomplish its intended purpose, and created an indefensible legal weapon against nonobservers; and

Whereas, in the wake of Obergefell v. Hodges, 135 S. Ct. 2584 (2015), there has not been a land rush on gay marriage, but there has been a land rush on the persecution of nonobservers by Secular Humanists and an effort by Secular Humanists to infiltrate and indoctrinate minors in public schools to their religious world view which is questionably moral, plausible, obscene, and is not secular; and

Whereas, it is unsettled whether or not sexual orientation is immutable or genetic and is therefore a matter of faith; and Whereas, parody marriages have never been a part of American tradition and heritage; and

Whereas, parody marriage policies and sexual orientation statutes are nonsecular and policies that respect, endorse, and recognize a marriage between a man and a woman are secular, accomplishing its intended objective.

Among the bill’s six GOP sponsors is Rep. Bill Chumley [photo], whom you may recall from his failed bill to mandate porn blockers on all new computers and phones.

  • bobbyjoe

    Also known as the “Wasting Everyone’s Time on the Taxpayer’s Dime” Bill.

    • J A W

      More accurately, “Pandering To My Imbecile Base So That They Don’t Notice I’ve Done Nothing To Improve Their Lives” bill.

      • Rambie

        ^- That! It’s election year gaming to energize the base. They let the cat out of the bag with this, “…there has been a land rush on the persecution of nonobservers[sic] by Secular Humanists and an effort by Secular Humanists to infiltrate and indoctrinate minors in public schools…”

        Can’t you already hear the shrill, “Won’t someone please think of the children!” and the “The gays made me bake a cake / take pictures / etc!” cries from the oppressed “christians” ?

        • J A W

          Thing is, their base has moved on–and that their Moron Messiah hasn’t magically made all the “others” disappear, their spirits are, well, damped down a lot!

          • Rambie

            They’ve moved on to new tactics for the same old hate.

        • prixator

          Really! It took them almost 3 years to come up with this crap?

          • Rambie

            3? They’ve been using this playbook for decades but why change when their voters fall for it every time.

    • zhera

      “the religion of Secular Humanism”

      These people are so deep in their bigotry and assholery they’ll never stop wasting taxpayers’ money. They are elected by other bigots and assholes, with the help of lobbyists, to do just that.

      • Kristine Tarcy Hollander

        If we are of the “religion of secular humanism “ then I call for religious freedom under all of their mumbo-jumbo religious persecution protection they are all throwing around.

  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    Notice that none of Donald’s marriages count as parodies to these jackasses even though he’s cheated on all 3 of his wives. Nor does it count as a parody when inevitably people like this Chumley asshole is found in a hotel room with a hooker.

    • Goodboy

      Agreed but don’t call little boys hookers. He has the pedo look all over his face.

      • doninkansas

        All the best people are saying so.

    • Chucktech

      That’s because that’s all part of gawd’s plan, you see.

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        It that’s true, god must be one sucky planner.

        • cleos_mom

          The creator god in the Book of Genesis created a being with the ability to make choices and just assumed that it would never make a choice he’d disapprove of. Any parent of a 3-year-old could have told him differently.

          • doninkansas

            Or a cat owner

      • jeffg166

        Yes, he’s a flawed vessel, cracked, corroded, rotting through and through.

    • Todd20036

      But it is a parody when a couple of 40 years can finally marry, and do so.

      It’s a parody when one man races to marry his life long partner before he dies of MS

      Because babies, or something.

      • carlnsteve

        i am one of the parodies. my man and i were together for 40 yrs. and out to everyone.. “OMG! you’ve been together longer than my parents are old!”. guys in the gym congratulated us at every anniversary, and when he fell visiting one day, the whole gym stopped to help him up. this was my present for being open and proud and simply living our lives. then, for eight years, i watched him die in front of me as i nursed him with MS.(perhaps the cruelest of diseases). we never married because we already were and everyone knew it. live your life, love your tribe and alleviate misery always because you are human.

        • Todd20036

          My only concern was his family “moving in” and taking his stuff because you didn’t have a legal contract… unless he willed everything to you

          • Ninja0980

            And even if he did, all it took in some cases was one misplaced i or t and presto, the will was null and void.

          • Falconlights

            Exactly. And a bigoted judge will always look extra hard for something that could nullify it.

          • carlnsteve

            they tried to sue us for his mom’s estate, and lost, so we divorced them and have never spoken since. i haven’t even told them he’s gone. rude is as rude does. i do understand how lucky i was legally to have dodged that mess, and i feel for all of us who must protect beyond the norm.

        • Falconlights

          How beautiful! my wife and I have been together for over 1! years and married for over 10. I would be lost without my wife.

    • J A W

      And a male and underaged one at that.

  • Moebym of the Returners


  • Todd Allis

    Written by parody politicians.

  • Slippy_World
    • RobynWatts

      Good doggie!!!

    • Paula

      I love this one…

      • Falconlights

        It’s definitely made my evening.

    • cleos_mom

      A smart pet trick. Of which Cesar Milan would not approve. 🙂

      • Joe in PA

        There is a lot of shit that macho POS would not approve of.

        • Ben

          Down, Joe. Down… dont make me get the squirt bottle.

        • gothambear

          Isn’t he a big ole queen? He sure seems like one…

          • Joe in PA

            I don’t think so, but who knows. He’s an ass whatever his orientation is. 🙁

    • Dagoril

      Image stolen for future use. Thank you for your understanding 😉

    • Todd20036

      Actually, that’s the collective response of the comments on that site.

    • Ninja0980

      My favorite gif.

    • Falconlights

      I’m with the puppy! Love your avatar, by the way!

    • Grumpy Old Man
  • ChrisInKansas

    Still so butthurt that they lost. Sad! Weak!

  • lenvus

    Notice how the bill’s author(s) specifically attach religion to marriage? Yeah, like that will hold up in any court. Nice try, bucko.

    • RoFaWh

      So no more getting married by a justice of the peace?

    • Will Parkinson

      With the makeup of this court, the certainty I once held has diminished greatly.

  • John Davis

    I guess there’s no pressing problem in South Carolina that needs legislative action other than going after “the Gays” !

    • RoFaWh

      Never mind South Carolina’s extremely poor public school system. never mind the poverty and disease of poor South Carolinians (by no means all black).

  • RaygunsGoZap

    If these assholes can’t do better than this, I refuse to even be insulted by it.

    • Chucktech

      Really. It’s just more laughable god infused religious impotence.

  • Joe Maynard

    “questionably moral, plausible, obscene, and is not secular;”

    Perhaps they would be more persuasive if they were capable of constructing a coherent sentence. I suppose “plausible, obscene” was meant to be “plausibly obscene,” but, you know, why bother with proofreading when you’ve got God on your side? (yore side?)

    • Librarykid

      Now don’t go confusing things with the difference ‘tween adjectives and adverbs

  • Paula

    What the fuck is with these people? They never give up. I would get a good chuckle out of hearing that this guy was beaten severely.

    • Skeptical_Inquirer

      I prefer him to be found in a room with a hooker in the middle of committing a pee-pee act and later say that he has to spend more time with his family but his wife is a no-show.

      • Judas Peckerwood

        That wouldn’t rule out a good beating in addition, would it?

      • BlueberriesForMe

        Your crystal ball is working very well.

    • Gustav2

      It is funny how all these Protestants want to own the word “marriage” like they are popes.

  • SFHarry

    I’m wondering, does Parody marriage include marriage between a man and any woman 20 or more years younger than him?

    • Chucktech

      No, no, I believe that’s called “biblical marriage.”

    • BudClark

      First cousins? Sisters? Brothers? Parents? Baby goats?

  • Jim Maloney

    They sound ‘nice’ or a parody of ‘nice’.

    • RobynWatts

      Always remember that “bless your heart” doesn’t mean anything, but “go f**k yourself” in Southern Baptistism.

      • cleos_mom

        “Thank you for sharing” has the same meaning in other regions.

        • Leo Tallant

          If you’re a Disney cast member in one of their parks it’s, “Have a magical day”.

  • Bryan
  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    I bet his porn watching is of the most filthy and hypocritical sort.

  • CraigNJ

    But religious freedom!

  • Ross

    A parody of a human says what??????

  • anne marie in philly


  • Ken

    I guess this is to be expected from a parody political party.

    • red-diaper-baby 1942

      Your use of the term is a lot more accurate than theirs. They tend to use words without knowing what they mean.

  • BartmanLA

    A parody? Like as a joke??? Much like the parody that heterosexual marriage has become over the decades with all the divorces, polygamy and domestic violence??? Sure let’s make it a joke… That has to be one of the dumbest and most wasteful pieces of legislation ever submitted on a state level!

    • BearEyes

      it’s not a parody if a skydiving Elvis officiates

  • Goodboy

    Parody definition..produce a humorously exaggerated imitation.

    Yeah, I’m sure it’s just about recognizing a nonsecular marriage. They just never fucking stop.

  • BearEyes

    parody legislator.

  • Friday’s_cat

    Think there would be any money in a coastal ferry that would run from the Chesapeake Bay and disembark near Cocoa Beach Fl?
    That way tourists from the sane states visiting Florida theme parks could avoid giving money to goobers.
    That’s if Florida is a destination if they don’t chage the gun laws.

    • Mikey

      I don’t know, which do you think is more likely to happen first: gun laws change, or Florida finds itself drowned in the Atlantic from rising sea water?

      • Chucktech

        My bet’s on the sea water thing…

        At least, that’s definitely going to happen…

    • RoFaWh

      The Atlantic is too rough, and on that voyage, you’d go right by Cape Hatteras in an area known as the graveyard of the Atlantic.

      Better to catch an Amtrak auto-train that takes you and your car directly to Florida without interacting with the goobers.

  • alguien

    i’ll bet this guy is a parody homosexual

    • Blueflash

      Yeah, right. All the millions of gay-hating fundie Christians in this country are actually gay themselves. Next.

    • Oscarlating Wildely


      No, really. Just eww.

  • Tulle Christensen

    They really do not understand equal protection of the law do they

    • thatotherjean

      Oh, most of the legislature understands. They just don’t like it, and they’re “legislating” for their base, who don’t like it either. Fortunately, they’re a minority, and younger voters aren’t on their side.

  • Christopher
    • anne marie in philly

      oh I like that; even in the disney font!

  • red-diaper-baby 1942

    Once again, they want to turn the clock back by a couple of hundred years, cancelling everything that’s happened since and including the Enlightenment.
    Speaking as a lifelong secular humanist, I’m fed up to the back teeth.
    (Do people still say that, or is it just something my mother used to say, when I was growing up in the fifties? It occurs to me I haven’t heard it in a long time.)

  • Cackalaquiano

    I assume this jackass is Southern Baptist, so can we classify that denomination as a parody religion?

  • unclemike

    Alabama: We are the dumbest sister fisters in the south.
    South Carolina: Hold my beer, ‘bama.

    • Tulle Christensen

      Oh yea, how could you leave Mississippi out of the list? huh?

      • unclemike

        Oh, I’m sure they’re getting ready to make their move.

    • Jess Mee

      At least Alabama had enough sense to not send Roy Moore to the Senate.

  • Jerry Kott

    They just can’t stop Shadow Boxing their Fears!

  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    They give themselves mulligans for fucking up what they claim is God’s Will.

  • DaveMiller135

    Something doesn’t become a religion simply because it would be easier to make your argument if it were one.

  • Chucktech

    Call it whatever the fuck you and your god-addled rubes want. The Supreme Court has told you it’s the law of the land and there’s not a goddam thing your backwater state can do to stop it.

    And, BTW, fuck you and your false dead god, too.

  • bkmn

    Remind me again how same sex marriage harmed them…

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    Our country is so fucking backward.

    Gay people are getting married. Get the hell over it.

    Oh, and South Carolina: your bbq sucks.

    • RobynWatts

      Got that right. Yellow mustard mixed with honey does not make “barbecue sauce.”

    • thatotherjean

      North Carolina BBQ, on the other hand, rocks. North Carolina politics, not so much.

      • Oscarlating Wildely

        ketchup or vinegar?

        • thatotherjean

          Vinegar. Ketchup in BBQ is an abomination unto Nuggin.

          • Oscarlating Wildely

            Honest question (note: I and my family have never, ever lived south of the Mason Dixon line; I’m the most Southern, and I’m in Philly so I am pretty ignorant on all of this); Is ketchup considered more, um, “less refined”? Compare the two to mustard. I just learned about this.

          • thatotherjean

            Not that I know about. It’s just a matter of what your taste buds appreciate, at least in barbecue sauce. Perhaps in other things, ketchup is considered more “kid stuff,” because it’s usually (in the US, anyway) sweet, and children prefer it to mustard.

          • Oscarlating Wildely

            That may be it. I’ve heard mustard referred to being eaten at the kids table. Never knew what it meant. Thanks!

          • Rambie

            I’m a Western boy where we normally had the tomato based BBQ sauces growing up. From sweetened with honey to spicy with pepper and chilis.

            I like the dry rubs best with a variety of vinegar, mustard. and tomato based sauces to pick from.

          • Librarykid

            NC did get it right with vinegar-based BBQ sauce.

        • RobynWatts

          Vinegar here (if I have to have NC BBQ). My personal favorite kind of BBQ is Memphis dry rub.

          • Oscarlating Wildely

            …..I have no idea what that means. Does it involve booze?

          • RobynWatts

            It’s where they take the meat and coat it with spices prior to placing it in the smoker. When the meat is turned over during the cooking process, more spices are added. The idea is that the spices keep the meat’s own juices from drying out and to flavor it while it’s cooking. When the meat is finished cooking, it can be served either dry (without sauce) or “wet” (with sauce on the side).

            Memphis also has a “wet barbecue”, where the meat is soaked in sauce before cooking, then brushed on during the process. Again, sauce is optional when serving.

          • John30013

            In my book, sauce is never optional.

          • Librarykid

            “The secret’s in the sauce.” Sipsey

      • cleos_mom

        But does it include baked beans?

        • thatotherjean

          If it doesn’t, it should. More often, though, it’s corn on the cob. If you’re lucky, you can get both.

      • Rick Jackson

        We’ll eventually get the rethuglican assholes out of office and be a state we can be proud of once again.

        • thatotherjean

          I hope so. One of my kids lives in Asheville, and the other in Carrboro. The sooner the better.

      • Grumpy Old Man

        Which version of NC BBQ? The vinegar-based?

        *edit* – question asked and answered further downthread.

    • JCF
  • ClevelandJim

    Ok, I was having a really nice day, full of Gus Kenworthy warmth and Adam Rippon sass. A really nice change of late. And now, because of this, I’m just getting pissed off all over again. Thanks Joe, and thanks Obama! 😉

    Man, these ignorant fucks just never quit, do they?

    • thatotherjean

      Nope. It’s how they win, too often. They just keep hammering away at whatever it is, and wear everybody else down.

      • Ninja0980

        Not only that but our side assumes once we’ve won something the other side will give up.
        Not how it works.

  • Friday

    Christianity keeps sending its vile pettiness and vanity to the halls of government, then wonders why people keep telling them where they can shove their ‘definitions’ of other people’s marriages.

    • JCF


      • Friday

        Frankly, if it was just the ‘-ismists’ doing the sending, we wouldn’t be dealing with this.

        • JCF

          The essence of Christianism is 1) fetus-fetishism, and 2) “Gay = Ick”. Any/all “theological” distinctions are FAR down the line! Ergo, if they’re sending “Gay = Ick” politicians to the halls of government, in the Name of White Jebus, they’re Christianists.

          • Friday

            But there aren’t enough of those to actually represent even near-half the country, never mind a majority. They’ve got others playing along as long as it isn’t them directly targeted.

  • Mr. Ric

    They better be careful. Last time someone tried something similar God was so pissed he flooded Tony Perkins’s house.

  • MikeBx2

    A better parody would be to make a three times married, pussy grabbing philanderer and his soft porn model wife the head of the family values party.

  • Max_1

    REMEMBER: It’s never ever “REDEFINING MARRIAGE” when Republican Christians redefine marriage as a parody marriage. Nope… No hypocrisy there.

  • Makoto

    Wait, if I get parody married, do I have to get parody divorced, too? Like, Bozo the Clown uses a squeaky hammer to smash the parody marriage license?

    Details, man, I need details! If you don’t list it out specifically in your bill, I will have to assume more. If you cheat on your wife, does it convert to a parody marriage, as a conservation of one-man-one-woman union, or does it dissolve, or does it explode like a vinegar and baking soda conflict of marriage?

    • skyweaver

      I wish I could upvote this more than once

  • GayOldLady

    Whereas, it is unsettled whether or not god is just a bad joke or a figment of man’s pathetic imagination and is therefore a matter best described as bullshittery until proven otherwise.

    • RoFaWh

      God was invented after cave man Oog got food poisoning from bad meat and spent several days in a high fever, vomiting and having diarrhea. In his poisoned state, he had the oddest dreams and gawd was one of them.

      Remember, people: cook your meat.

  • Halou

    What the fuck does any of this even mean?

    “self-asserted sex-based identity narratives”
    “religion of Secular Humanism”

    • red-diaper-baby 1942

      It doesn’t mean anything, and it’s not supposed to. These are just applause catchwords for their base.

  • another_steve

    My marriage is not a parody. It’s real and tender and meaningful.

    (Well, on a good day…)

  • Statistics Palin

    Here in California we call South Carolina marriages incest.

  • Gigi

    Laughable bill from parody human beings. #GTFOH

  • bkmn

    Can I use the parody married tax tables, since those tax rates are much lower?

  • EqualityForAll

    OK. So let’s also create “Sham Marriage” for those who marry or remain married for any reason other than love and commitment, “Combat Marriage” for those who emotionally and/or physically abuse their spouses, “Porn Star Marriage” for those who pay a porn star an exorbitant amount of money to tell them that they have a big penis (even though it’s the same size as their pinky finger.) Any others?

  • lymis

    “Whereas, in the wake of Obergefell v. Hodges, 135 S. Ct. 2584 (2015), there has not been a land rush on gay marriage, but there has been a land rush on the persecution of nonobservers by Secular Humanists and an effort by Secular Humanists to infiltrate and indoctrinate minors in public schools to their religious world view which is questionably moral, plausible, obscene, and is not secular;”

    That sounds like he’s complaining that people are harassing non-religious people and trying to impose a non-sexular worldview on the “nonobservers” – which is true, but that should involve barring religion, not redefining same-sex marriage.

    Secular Humanists are persecuting “non-obervers?” WTF?

    • Hue-Man


    • OdieDenCO

      it sounded good when the voice in his head said it

  • Ninja0980

    A reminder that contrary to what some folks think, there are bigots still ticked off that we won marriage equality and want to turn the clock back on that.
    And with the judges Trump is putting on the court, they may be able to do just that.

    • AmeriCanadian

      They’re going to try really, really hard! For decades. I think the only thing we have on our side is that they are close to dying off.

  • DaveMiller135

    “Whereas, parody marriage policies and sexual orientation statutes are
    nonsecular and policies that respect, endorse, and recognize a marriage
    between a man and a woman are secular, accomplishing its intended

    Wouldn’t what he intends be the exact opposite of what he has written here? I.e., that parody marriage policies and sexual orientation statutes are secular, or not religious in nature and etc.?

    • Rob NYNY

      No, his premise is that not being religious is a religion, and so government-sponsored secular institutions (like same-sex marriage) represent impermissible state involvement in religion.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Oh for fucks sake – LET IT GO !

    • DaddyRay

      His marriage is a sexless, loveless marriage – obviously it is the Gays fault

  • Halou

    You know what a real parody marriage is..

    It is the then 60-something year old man (now 71) who, right after his 3rd wife, a woman of questionable immigration status, had given birth to his 5th child he decided to have an affair with a porn actress. An affair that went so badly for him he decided to give her $130,000 in hush money.

    But a same-sex couple who have remained committed to each other for decades despite societal pressure and outright discrimination aimed at separating them… That’s apparently a sham?

    • bkmn

      You left out the part about him screwing the Playmate of the Year around the same time he did the porn star.

      • Halou

        Oh yeah.. The affair that went even worse! He had his buddy at the National Enquirer dish out $150,000 of “his own money” to buy her story so it would never see the light of day.

        How bad must his ‘performance’ be that he has had to, as far as we know, cough up $280,000 to hide it?

        • Makoto

          I saw a pretty terrible “Pepe the frog” meme recently. “It doesn’t matter if she fakes it in bed.. if you faked everything to get her there”

          But now I realize – somehow that actually seems appropriate for Trump. Fakes his wealth, power, influence, hair, and prowess in bed, then uses NDAs or payoffs to keep the fakery going…

          • Matt Williams

            And lawsuits. Can’t forget the lawsuits.

      • jeffg166

        I’m sure there are many more out there. They may feel free to chime in now to get their 15 minutes.

  • Gigi
    • Todd20036

      Powerful cartoon – covers multiple atrocities.

    • At least he’s throwing out “the quicker picker upper” brand

  • Luther Kreiger

    This is literally gibberish written to try and codify an insane view as if it were not insane gibberish. It would be kind of adorable if these weren’t grown human beings in a position of power to change peoples’ lives.

  • Dirk Prophet

    There are many opposite sex parody marriages.

    • Treant

      Oooo! Oooo! Mr. KOTTER! I know! Oooo! Oooo! The Third Whore and the Traitor!

  • Natty Enquirer

    Tick tick tick, Chumley.

    • Treant

      What nickname has this guy NEVER had? “Comely” Chumley.

  • Ninja0980

    Oh fuck off you old dinosaur.

    • RoFaWh

      I’m an oldster (75 come November). I am always shocked how retrogressive so many other old, white-haired, white-skinned men can be!

      Dinosaur is a good word to describe them.

  • HomerTh

    When was the last time he fucked his wife. He should be asked that at every opportunity.

  • HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

    Also known as the “Everyone In The World Doesn’t Think And Act Like Me At All Times and We Can’t Have That” bill.

    Perhaps they could find something….anything….useful to do with their time.

    • Halou

      I’m guessing ‘doing their jobs for once’ is out of the question.

  • TrollopeReader

    South Carolina – Rebel Proud since April 12, 1861.

  • Treant

    Only if I can define his as “Ammosexual Marriage.”

    • TrollopeReader

      that would make a nice commercial clip, so to speak …

      • fuow

        Yeah, we should reload that one.

  • cleos_mom

    idiot doesn’t even know what “parody” means.

  • j.martindale
  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    Apparently, South Carolina has a parody educational system too. Worst in the country. But instead of fixing this, these assholes have to dedicate themselves to attacking their gay fellow citizens.

  • sisterfalconer

    From someone with a parody brain.

  • Ninja0980
    Looks like Wyoming wants to get in on the fun as well.

    • fuow

      Hey, but at least we can read in Wyoming.

    • UrsusArctos 🐻

      Is this some ALEC crap?

  • ErikDC

    Democrats should agree to co-sponsor if the following passage gets added to the bill:

    Whereas, Bill Chumley is certainly a repressed homosexual and needs porn blockers to prevent himself from looking at videos of sexy eastern European boys fucking online; and

  • JWC

    The Carolinas If they can be inconvenient or obtuse when it comes to LGBT issues they will They know it won’t pass but they get press, piss people off and temporarily make life miserable It serves no one

  • orion dumptee

    played tourist in NC/ SC coastal jus ONCE…area is CHOKED with these ignorant ‘crackers’ plus senile ret. milt types (trumpbots).and relig fanatics

  • Dale Snyder

    Because this is far more pressing than school murders.

  • fuow

    So, they acknowledge in the bill that they are attacking people because of their religion?
    Of course, thanks to the liberals who didn’t vote in 2016, we now have a Supreme Court which might just say ‘OK’ to religious discrimination.

    • Michael White

      or voted third party

  • j.martindale

    Anything they can do to try to demean LGBT people, they will do. These are REALLY petty people. Small minded bigots. Fuck them.

  • Barry S G

    What’s with the upside down pentagram in the background. Is the SC legislature full of Satanists? Maybe Bill Chumley should check that out first since it is in his own backyard so to speak.

  • Bambino

    There will be no marriages of any kind if you don’t stop the NRA warlord from gunning down the American children asshole!

  • teedofftaxpayer

    The right wing dimwits will continue to try and repeal same-sex marriages while they continue to cheat on their wives and their girlfriends.

  • Macbill

    The State must secretly want to share funds with the gehz and their lawyer minions when the gehz win all their lawsuits.

  • DesertSun59

    As you can all see the GOP is not only going nowhere, but they are not losing a single important constituency. Evangelicals, who make up the bulk of the GOP base are still as strong as they ever were. That’s because they deal with fantasies. The biggest fantasy is that a Judeo-Christian deity invented marriage.

    • JackFknTwist

      The crime is that US law makers support and have supported killing children.

      US politicians are child killers……same as if they pulled all those triggers.

  • Tom G

    Ummmm…. just to be assholes?!

    • stevenj

      I think they already are assholes because this is what assholes do.

  • OdieDenCO

    Def squirrel level 3 alert: distract from murder complicity at all cost

  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    See what else South Carolina politicians are doing instead of fixing their very real problem of SC being last in so many categories: Bill 4957, “It is unlawful for a person to appear in public wearing his pants more than three inches below the crest of his ileum exposing his skin or undergarments.” And it’s a bipartisan bill!

    • OdieDenCO

      ah the plumber’s crack bill. a most necessary bit of legislation. many lunches were lost before it’s enactment

    • Kruhn

      A racist bill if ever one has ever been proposed. After all, we don’t want kids emulating those race music stars and their saggy pants.

  • DumbHairyApe

    These people who say same-sexed human bodies were not designed to be put together have never spooned a member of the same sex before. They fit together just fine!

    • Steven in Texas

      I give you infinite upticks!

  • MBear

    LOL – GFY

    • MBear

      Oh and: Shithole State…?

  • Thorn Spike

    This from the parody party.

  • jayjonson

    These bastards are parodies of human beings.

  • ian

    No doubt they think interracial marriage is a “parody” of “same race marriage”, but are too cowardly to say so just yet.

  • Is it just me, or do you see the resemblance too? And they are both very dim bulbs.


      Please do not besmirch my beloved Chumley. A mainstay of my childhood. As for this chumley, if the Wayback machine could just return him to the Neanderthals he comes from.

      • I adored Chumley too! I loved the Professor’s 3DBB. That was a very cool show.

  • Cuberly Deux

    Cripes! That reads like a christianist cult manifesto.

  • Oh! I finally understand what’s going on. They are drumming up support from their base for the 2018 midterms. And as a nice extra shit cherry, they are diverting press from their beloved leader and his entanglement with russia, russia, russia.

    • Makoto

      Exactly – if they don’t pass the bill, well, fundraising to get “real” “family values” GOTP types elected so they can have the votes next time.

      If they pass the bill, but it’s killed by the courts, fundraising to get “real” “family values” GOTP types elected to make sure they can continue to pack the courts.

      If they pass the bill, and it’s upheld by the courts (somehow), fundraising to get the “real” “family values” GOTP types in power to keep up the “good work”.

      And either they distract from Trump’s latest tweet, or Trump’s latest tweet might distract from this long enough to get through committee and vote. Either way, they think they win.. by hurting others. Whatever they think would cause liberal tears is what they aim for.

      • Goodboy

        No wonder they worship Russia. They could only dream of getting the same corruption.. I mean laws passed.

      • What a grim, power hungry world they live in.

  • FAEN

    This will not distract us from Russia fucking with our election. Hear that? Good!!!

  • Dagoril

    If Secular Humanism is a religion, than why are these mouth breathers trying to infringe upon people’s sincerely held religious beliefs??

    • Barry William Teske


  • Bert_Bauer

    A “landrush”? From my count, there’s about five or six Christian Talibanists who have demanded special rights to be exempt from breaking the law – and none of them were in South Carolina.

  • JT

    There should be a bill classifying Rethugs as parody human beings.

  • Jim Michaud

    It’s crap like this that brings people to our side. This proposal is about as effective as a three year old threatening to hold his breath until his face turns blue.


      Are you referring to Cadet Bonespurs?

  • Ross
  • netxtown

    He surely does sound serious! hehehe

  • Wynter Marie Starr

    Oh, please. Marriage means different things to different people and has changed throughout the centuries. This asshole can go fuck himself and he’d better make sure his closet is spotless. Some of my gay friends have stronger and deeper marriages than some of my straight friends. Marriage is a social construct and it means what we say it means. Let’s leave mythology out of the picture. And if you won’t, make sure it only applies to yourself and not the rest of us.

    Love, a straight ally.

  • licuado de platano

    Proud secular humanist here.

    • BudClark

      Queer high-church Episcopalian (chuckle) …

  • GanymedeRenard

    Please, tell me this is from The Onion. Please, please!

  • j.martindale
  • David

    Countdown to an “inconvenient” South Carolina republican gay sex scandal in 5…4…3…2…..

  • William of Glynn

    Apparently there’s an identical bill in Wyoming.

    I can’t help but wonder who’s behind these bills. /s

    • Librarykid

      ALEC American Legislative Exchange Council

  • David

    If they knew they could get away with it, most southern states would vote to legalize slavery, today.

  • Mrs. Councillor Nugent

    One man, one woman, one 59 Chevy Impala. . .

  • Franciscan

    So this is a parody bill? Filed apparently in a parody legislature. Great material for Saturday Night Live or Colbert Report.

  • Hey, how about that! That means my parody husband and I live in a parody house, are parody good neighbors, and pay parody property taxes. Cool!

    But about those parody taxes, should we like be exempt?

    • Canadian Observer

      You can pick up old Monopoly games at yard sales, I suggest you pay those parody taxes with parody money.

  • Piet

    Reading the bill is like a lesson in how to create alternative worlds. The basic terms of it are twisted to mean exactly the opposite of what they mean in real life. It’s like Republicans have a talent for spin. Oh, wait . . .

  • Franciscan

    With wildly off-base references to the United States Constitution, and the creation of yet another conservative boogeyman, “secular humanists.”

    • Lars Littlefield

      Recently in our the local County News there was a mormon uprising because Eagle Foundation acolytes discovered Mortimer Adler’s Ten Philosophical Mistakes on the K-10 to K-12 recommended reading list. Those of us who showed up to condemn the mormon minions at a school board meeting were accused of being “godless secular humanists” as if that were a bad thing. Much hilarity ensued. It didn’t take much open discussion to discover those who opposed Adler couldn’t explain exactly why they found him so objectionable (none of them present had bothered to read the book). But that didn’t stop one mormon matron from trying. “Well, there’s this entire chapter on Happiness! We can’t have our children exposed to questioning what happiness is!” The meeting immediately broke out in sustained laughter.

      We do have our moments here among the dramatic outcroppings of rugged red rock. 🙂

  • roadtripboy

    OMFG….why do I still live in this state.

    • AdamTh

      It would seem to be a funny place to live….

  • 🐾vorpal🐾

    Stop shoving your parody religion on my very real marriage.

  • Stephen Elliot Phillips

    Typical republican. Doing nothing for their constituents. Just racist, homophobic, bigoted bullshit

  • Circ09

    Interesting choice of argument since he says it is a matter of faith/religion. Religion is covered under the Civil Rights Act whereas gender expression and orientation are not explicitly. People’s religious beliefs through their years are one of the most changeable yet accepted characteristics. No need for it to be immutable to be covered under a host of different laws. He might have opened up more a can of worms here than he knows.

  • Lars Littlefield

    This! This is why I’m so furiously anti guns. If I weren’t I’d definitely hunt down these assholes and be done with them!

  • Lee Grupsmith-Pedersen

    If there is a ¨religion¨ of ¨Secular Humanism¨, I bet they have one hell of a choir on Sundays.

  • Scott MB

    “…recognize a marriage between a man and a woman are secular…”

    So, all this time they have been whining that marriage was created by god so therefore is religious in nature. Now they are saying hetero marriage is secular and ssm is religious so the state can’t recognize it? Am I reading this right. If so, then that gives ssm more protections under First Amendment than hetero marriage. Secular Humanism is a religion so gets all the protections.

    Do they understand what they are doing? They will negate anyone from making ssm wedding cakes and such due to religious beliefs since ssm has been designated as a religious ceremony.

    Stupid fucks!

  • James Windsor

    All members of fundamentalist baptist churches. May they rot.

  • ColdCountry

    What the ever-loving fuck is wrong with these people?

    Yeah, yeah, I know – religion and stupidity.

    • coram nobis

      It’s an election year, and pandering is not an endangered species in the upstate districts.

  • SFBruce

    Chumley is a true RWNJ. This bill actually argues that “parody” marriages don’t deserve protection because they aren’t secular, while Chumley’s idea of a true marriage (one man, one woman) is secular, and therefore, deserving of governmental sanction. How the writers of this bill kept a straight face as they wrote this is a big mystery.

    In the same WTF category, Chumley also supported erecting monuments to the African-Americans who fought for the confederacy. In a surprise to absolutely no one apart from Chumley, historians find no evidence African-Americans fought with the confederacy.

    • Librarykid

      at least not voluntarily; they were enslaved, after all.

  • stevenj

    “Parody marriage”

    That describe’s trump’s marriages to a T.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
  • stuckinthewoods

    Same sex marriage is marriage parity.

  • kat

    The state of South Carolina is like a permanent 24-hour exhibit on the burning stupidity of the American Christian.

  • JackFknTwist

    Yes, yes, yes.
    The “Greatest Generation” disgraces itself again.

    I wish these old fat fuckers would just fuck off and die.

  • edrex

    yes, north carolina has deserved strong criticism for it’s backwards politics, but south carolina has always sucked way more. it’s just not a nice place.

  • Krysta Mewes

    This will never stand up to constitutional muster. it is blatant discrimination and makes no pretense of hiding the ignorant bigot views

    • coram nobis

      It’s loaded with the “secular humanism” references, which is swell political theater but will lead a court to conclude that, on its face, it contravenes the Establishment Clause. Some of the more cunning legislators may realize this but it’ll play well in their districts. Political masturbation, nothing more.

    • KnownDonorDad

      Gorsuch will think it’s okily-dokily.

  • JDS
  • cayliffe

    My husband and I are transplants to Greenville, SC from Santa Monica, CA. And this is, I believe, becoming atypical here in SC. Please understand that the 3 big cities of SC, Greenville, Charleston and Columbia are gay-tolerant, indifferent mostly and in fact Ballet Trockadero played here Sat night to a packed house. These ol’ boys, the mouth-breathing troglodytes with the rotten dental insurance are disappearing faster than possum turds on a Michelin tire. The best thing that could happen is to have CA, (and other “giver” states) who receive back 60 cents for every dollar sent to the US Fed, cut off the Deep South (the “taker” states of which SC is number 5 of the bottom 15 ). This ridiculous bill has no traction in SC. But Jeezus and obesity and big hair still rule.

    • Kevin Andrews

      You have all my sympathy. Cared for my parents in Easley, SC in the upstate and wouldn’t go back if my life depended on it.
      Pinched up delusional people mostly grade school drop-out and Meth-Heads.

      • cayliffe

        LOL. So true. Plus biscuits and Baptists. I think after realizing that most of America is Easley now, it made it easier to tolerate living here long enough to reach our financial goals.
        The Santa Monica life wasn’t worth the hassle and expense just to eat lunch with Goldie and Kurt at the next table. We just bought a home in another more progressive country. Won’t be long now.

        • Stuart Wyman-Cahall

          O, Canada?

          • cayliffe

            I’ll be speaking more Spanish than French.

  • Nate

    A rep for Wyoming has introduced a bill that is an exact copy of this.

  • Nowhereman

    OK, let me wrap my head around this. Two gay people who love each other and get married is a “parody”, But an asshole like Trump who abused at least one of his ex wives, cheated on his current wife several times and fat-shamed her while she was pregnant with his child is sacred? Yeah, that makes perfect sense…

  • RemusL

    If such a bill actually passes in South Carolina, does that then establish “Secular Humanism” as a legitimate religion in the state with identifying as LGBTQ+ a key part of being a Secular Humanist?

    • Gretchen

      Please let that be so. Then we can use that religious freedom right these other fuckers are so obsessed with protecting.

    • Girlgoon

      We need our own LGBT, tax free political entity. Oh yeah a church.

  • Richard B

    Those South Carolina republicans bigots are feeling mighty empowered these days with like-minded Donald Trump seated in the Oval Office.
    If South Carolina wants their businesses to be boycotted and become another flyover state like their sister state, North Carolina, so be it.

  • fuzzybits

    This is the first story I click on today. All I can say is you evil folks should have the guts to come out and say you hate us and want us off the face of the earth. Hateful bastards!

  • LarryChemEngr

    Another meaningless stunt to amuse and appease the morons who are the base of the evangelical Republicans.

  • “Legislature” — any deliberative body that creates law, often divided into an upper and lower house.

    “Parody Legislature” — South Carolina’s House and Senate.

  • dcurlee

    Sad when my marriage is stronger than the ones he’s defending

  • Kevin Andrews

    The Missionaries of hate have their BJ U to crank out the pinched-up people and delusional mental midgets just like Liberty U. These bigots and delusional liars aren’t doing the business of the people. They are Christ-O-Fascist without a single redeeming quality.

  • Ben

    Well, to be fair.. all modernmarraiges are parodies of the type that they had 2,000 years ago.

    Alternately, I would only accept this from any of these people who haven’t had sex out of wedlock, divorces or didn’t cheat on thier spouces. I’ll bet that doesn’t leave many of the GOP left..

  • Wil Bowen

    Go F–k yourself you idiots

    • djcoastermark

      And I wold like to add, they can uc themselves.

  • Tor
    • Gianni

      These things are never one-state wonders. There is a republican/evangelical based network that concocts these legal maneuvers and floats them to certain state legislatures where they believe the ‘soil’ is fertile enough and the gay hatred is deep enough that the “legislation” will at least make news and get an airing. Who knows? It might even pass and then get wings to fly to other Republican-controlled states.

    • kevin vincent

      It didn’t make it past committee either. Neither will this one

  • j.martindale

    These fundamentalist Baptists and other right wing religious nut jobs are basically ignorant bigots. They do not know anything significant about the basis of their superstitions. They do not have a perception of history beyond 1950. They are too simple minded to question the contradictions of their religion, and they mindlessly focus on irrelevancies that are nothing more than sexual prejudices. Fortunately for most of the country, these hicks are largely populated in the south. Unfortunately, they are permitted to vote, despite their obvious unpreparedness for that duty.

  • Amanda B. Rekendwith

    Maybe someone could pass a bill classifying South Carolinians as Parody Americans, or Parody Humans.

  • Nychta

    Parody legislators.

  • infmom

    Since a marriage license has always been a 100% secular contract between two people and the 100% secular state, somebody’s got their panties in a bunch over nothing.

    • Bj Lincoln


  • Bj Lincoln

    I thought secular humanism was not a religion. Isn’t that the point?

    • Lars Littlefield

      Yup/ But you can’t tell the superstitious that. They are averse to hearing or recognizing the truth.

  • coram nobis

    This parody is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to its perch it’d be pushing up the daisies! It’s kicked the bucket, shuffled off its mortal coil, rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!! This … is an EX-PARODY!

  • kevin vincent

    THis exact same bill failed in Wyhomimg this won’t even make it voting

    • shivadog

      I wonder who is behind this. This looks like the exact same bill, word for word that they tried to pass in Wyoming.

  • Dana Chilton

    That is all kinds of twisted logic. Wasn’t their initial argument that “traditional “ marriage was created by their god and defined by the Bible? Now marriage is “secular” and same sex marriage is unconstitutionally religious?

  • ECarpenter

    These Parody Politicians are hilarious – they act like real politicians, writing bills and having solemn press conferences and such, but the content of what they do is so ridiculous that even some of their Evangelical brethren and sistren snort with derision.

  • Joseph Miceli

    You know, anyone with a brain can go through that dribble and refute it line by line with reams of scientific data and proven evidence….but why bother. This legislation is mean spirited and hateful and isn’t meant to make sense. It is solely meant to hurt people. Well, if I get a chance to hurt them (non-violently of course!) I’ll be sure to take it. Fuck those guys!

  • Rebecca Gardner

    All they know is hate! hate! hate!
    Hey, we go really issues to fix but let’s spend all of our time focusing on a non-issue that had no impact on anyone’s lives, only the people in love.

    What ghouls.

  • Wuulf

    The religion of Secular Humanism. Is that like Pastafarianism aka the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? …

    • leastyebejudged

      No. There IS a beer garden in the afterlife. And pirates.

  • greenmanTN

    Theres lots of parody going on here but it has nothing to do with gay couples.

  • 2guysnamedjoe

    The religion of Secular Humanism is like the sport of Not Playing Baseball.

  • Charles Nelson

    You mean like “parody equality” for the brown races?

  • Mike in NC

    These fundagelicals just don’t get it! Marriage is a legal contract with the state, whereas Matrimony is a sacrament in the church. The two are closely related, but not identical!

  • leastyebejudged

    When you say Biden is “too damn old” to run, just take a look around at what else is in office that needs to be challenged and resisted.

  • Falconlights

    Take a long hike off a short pier, hater. Our marriages are not parodies.

  • abqdan

    This is the kind of grand-standing nonsense we see far too often in our politics – one of the reasons most Americans hate politicians. It’s not worth worrying about until there’s some indication it might make it out of committee…

  • Fritz Keppler

    Will they follow Jesus and not recognize the marriages of those who are divorced? Those could be seen as parody marriages too.

  • Billy Green

    They spelled “parity” wrong.

  • Eric Mory

    Well, that just takes the meaning of secular, flips it on it’s head, then kisses it on the b-hole. At least we know how they get so full of crap.

  • Danny De Jayeff

    I hope they all get what’s coming to them… and make it slow and painful; thank you very much.

  • It certainly pays to be vigilant …. but this bill will go nowhere. It’s just political grandstanding in an election year.

    • I would not be so sure about that given the godly are emblazoned by conservatism.

  • Dunkerblinker

    He appears to be a parody of a human being.

  • Snownova

    “the religion of Secular Humanism”

    There. Is. No. Such. Thing.

  • TimJ

    As is so often the case, my only reaction is: “what the f*** is wrong with these people?”

  • BobSF_94117

    Whereas, it is unsettled whether or not sexual orientation is immutable or genetic and is therefore a matter of faith

    Uh, they just raised (?) sexual orientation to a protected class, even in South Carolina…

  • SilasMarner

    Let’s say this is a “Parody Tenure” in their time in the South Carolina legislature.

  • Matt

    F.U., GOP. That’s all. That’s all I’ll EVER have to say to a conservative.

  • Robert Conner

    Looks like a stock photo of a geriatric fuck face.

  • Lindoro Almaviva

    I love it when they think they can stop a running train with a Styrofoam wall.

  • orion dumptee

    Those areas in upstate SC have a mega church on EVERY corner (size of a wlmrt super ctr) – they pull in so much money…so many STOOPID people..unbeliveable…

  • Eli Bradley

    Huh, I thought a ‘parody’ marriage was one where you decided to tell people that you were doing some mountain hiking when you were actually sleeping with your mistress.

    That -is- what Republicans in South Carolina do, right?

  • RobynWatts

    Bad salesbot….flagged!!!

  • Jess Mee


  • wmforr

    I sanity a prerequisite for public office?