“Miracle” Drug Saves Pat Robertson After Stroke

From Pat Robertson’s CBN News:

Dr. M.G. “Pat” Robertson is recovering after sustaining an embolic stroke around 12 noon Friday. A family member recognized the onset of symptoms and Dr. Robertson was rushed to the nearest stroke center.

The stroke center consulted with a neurologist/stroke specialist who quickly ordered an MRI to determine the cause of the stroke and the location of the clot. The consulting neurologist and the hospital team administered the clot-busting drug tPA approximately 80 minutes after the onset of symptoms.

Within minutes of receiving tPA, Dr. Robertson was awake and responsive and able to move all of his limbs. The neurologist declared the rapid recovery to be a “tPA miracle.”

From the Friendly Atheist:

Modern medicine working isn’t a miracle. Robertson should be grateful that he could rely on skilled doctors instead of thoughts and prayers. (In 2015, he awkwardly rationalized his way through a viewer’s question about why Christians should visit doctors if they were supposed to have faith.)

Obviously, the jokes write themselves. I’m not playing that game. But keep in mind that, a few months ago, Robertson blamed the mass shooting in Las Vegas on a lack of respect for Donald Trump and God.

Makes you wonder what the hell Robertson did that God is punishing him with a stroke. Give it until next week, I’m sure he’ll just blame the stroke on gay people.

Just for fun, below I’ve included a couple of news accounts from one of the times Pat Robertson celebrated God’s stroke-wrath.

  • Mark Née Fuzz

    I always thought a stroke would be God’s way of telling him to STFU. All joking aside, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But still, I wouldn’t mourn if it had killed him.

    • netxtown

      I’d be ok with loss of speech. I’d be interested to see how a grifter works the grift with no sales pitch…

      • Stogiebear

        They’d roll him out on a gurney in front of the cameras and that woman who sits next to him would have a Bible in one hand and suction tubing in the other to vacuum up the drool.

        • Mark Née Fuzz

          A stroke didn’t keep that nun (Mother Angelica?) from appearing on her show.

        • Stephen Elliot Phillips

          Cut a hole in robertsons neck, prop him in a chair and use him as a ventriloquist’s puppet.
          The grift must go on!

      • Chucktech

        Re-runs, my boy, re-runs. He’s got lots of material in the can.

  • whollyfool

    He presumed to know the will of God. Smh

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN

    Christians in foxholes…. they always turn to science. And defy their god’s will.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/13ca3b59e11d568c021d3b7916b7b7881a5f718bf88fc2d3b191bd4671e1f6ee.jpg

    • TuuxKabin

      Je, je, thanks, sending to grand niece, born a few times over(cooked) who wants to be a surgeon for the $ principle. So she can give more to her church. Sure, Jan.

    • Boreal
      • narutomania

        Much like Drumpf:

        “If I win the election, it’s the BIGGEST victory in history and I’m a king. But if I lose, it’s rigged and YOU didn’t really win.”

        Or

        “The forthcoming report, which I know nothing about because it’s not a tweet consisting of fewer than 220 characters, is a LIE and FAKE … unless it heaps fawning praise on me.”

        • ted-

          That pretty much nails it

        • McSwagg

          You left out the FOX ECHO … ECHO … Echo …echo … echo chamber.

      • ColdCountry

        Reminds me of Duke Forrest’s line from (the movie) M.A.S.H. about Frank Burns, “Every time a patient croaks on him he says it’s “God’s will” or somebody else’s fault.”

    • Menergy

      Love it!!!! Thanks for this and thanks to Boreal for the following one below!

    • Paul

      A side note on this photo. Last Dec I was in Peru and came down with extreme abdominal pains and my friends took me to their local doctor. He decided that I had appendicitis and needed an operation. This photo was hanging in his office. My friends sister-in-law said they needed to take me to one of the international clinics in Lima where after testing and an MRI it was decided that I had an extreme abdominal blockage . (Basically I was full of shit) . This photo brings back some not so pleasant memories of what might have happened.

    • JCF

      -ists. And really, only a wacky subset of these. The healing of disease has been a major emphasis of Christianity since Jesus. It’s only a radical fringe which have rejected medical science’s role in healing.

  • Dean Gold

    Praise be that Jebuz invented evolution so that biologists and chemists could invent/discover the drug that saved the life of this ignoramus. When it was really his imaginary skydaddy and not real science and evolution and stuff like that! Praise be, now lets go cut benefits from poor people and attack trans and gays.

    • 🐾vorpal🐾

      If there was a caring god, there wouldn’t be people like Pat Robertson.

      • Stephen Elliot Phillips

        There would still be people like him but we’d see bolts of lightning all the fucking time followed by burned corpses. Too bad theres not a concerned sky-daddy

      • Joseph Miceli

        Or the Holocaust, or Haiti.

      • Chef Philips

        “If there *were*….” Subjunctive (contrary to fact).
        “If there was….” –leaves open the possibility your statement might be or come true

        • 🐾vorpal🐾

          I don’t deny the possibility any more than I deny that we might discover underground unicorns on Mars: it’s vanishingly unlikely, but could happen.

          (That being said, I did not know that linguistic tidbit, and appreciate you sharing it!)

          • Chef Philips

            I don’t remember how the subject is treated or taught in English. In some other languages where mood is more marked (e.g., Romance Languages, Latin), these “fine distinctions” are the subject of their own learned treatises!

            On the other hand, if your native language were, say Slavic, then subjunctive is almost irrelevant. The entire mood has been replaced by a simple unchanging particle, бы /by/, which is placed after (in Russian) the resultative l-participial form of the verb.

  • zhera

    Goddamn traitorous science won’t get any credit, it’ll be all God’s glory and hallelujah and please donate.

    • narutomania

      Exactly.

      The SHOT came in time to save him. But praise ooga booga and makaka makala send money.

  • ClevelandJim

    Ugh, Methusela dodged the bullet again

  • margaretpoa

    How could they tell he was having a stroke? He always babbles nonsensically and has a slightly fixed smile that drips unconnected inanities.

    • ChrisMorley

      Symptoms
      The five most common symptoms of an embolic [aka ischemic] stroke are:

      – Sudden weakness or numbness of face, arm or leg; especially if the numbness is all on one side of the body
      – Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding
      – Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes
      – Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination
      – Sudden severe headache with no known cause

      http://www.uwmedicine.org/health-library/pages/embolic-stroke.aspx

      So perhaps his nonsensical babbling suddenly dried up?

      • DoctorDJ
        • Lizard

          Yeah. I learned the “A” test–tell them to hold out both arms. If one arm can’t be held up or automatically drifts down, go to the ER.

          When it comes to strokes, act fact. “Time is brain.”

        • iBare

          There’s a 5th sign, garbled text messages. It’s hard to text when you’re having a stroke, so if you get messages that don’t make sense don’t assume auto-correct isn’t working.

          • juanjo54

            I found that out when I had mine. I was lucky because a friend was with me and recognized what was happening. I was sending a text to someone and it was gibberish.

        • jerry

          Or it may just be closing time at the bar…

        • BlindBill

          You left out the “I” there is treatment if you act fast and have insurance

        • JCF

          Ugh, an elderly (Episcopal) priest of mine, years ago in smalltown Pennsylvania, suffered a stroke during worship. The speech slurring thing. People in the congregation (including a doctor) realized what was happening, and rushed to get him some help…but he never really recovered. Memory eternal.

    • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

      Maybe he complained about smelling toast?

  • olandp

    Crap! This is what I wake up to? God really needs to up his game.

    • Bambino

      He is too busy getting ready to be thank by the superbowl team he help this year.

    • Chef Philips

      Or, you could do something else when you wake up! 🙂

  • ceeenbee
    • Mark Née Fuzz

      pears and knishes?

    • anne marie in philly

      bwhahahaha, tots & pears!

    • Lizard

      Heeheehee 🙂

  • ChrisMorley

    OT

    Yet Another Crackpot

    Oklahoma lawmaker pushes bill for ‘chemical castration’ of sex offenders

    – Republican Rick West likely to face strong opposition

    – Seven states allow use of drugs to reduce offenders’ testosterone

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/feb/03/oklahoma-lawmaker-pushes-bill-for-chemical-castration-of-sex-offenders

    ‘While drugs used to diminish an offender’s sex drive can be effective, they are mostly successful with offenders who want to change their behavior and take them as prescribed, said Frank Zimring, a law professor at University of California at Berkeley and an expert on sex crimes.
    But he said the laws are generally about good politics since sex offenders are an easy target, and not necessarily about sound criminal justice policy.
    “Chemical castration is half advertising slogan, half fantasy,” Zimring said. “There are chemicals which are supposed to, if dosages are maintained, reduce sex drives. That isn’t castration.”
    The Oklahoma legislature has entertained various bills involving the castration of sex offenders. In 2002, a measure allowing chemical or surgical castration of sex offenders made it all the way to the desk of Republican governor Frank Keating, who vetoed it and derided it as “silly”.’

    • lymis

      That sort of idea cannot be allowed to be even entertained unless and until the criteria for being put on a sex offenders registry gets a SERIOUS overhaul.

    • Chef Philips

      “chemical castration” of any ilk is barbarous, so it sounds perfect for Oklahoma

      • DaMoldBrok

        I live in Oklahoma, the problem with that thought is, they like to have stings in the fun spots with undercover gestapo. Most of the time, it’s the hot cop that starts the contact, then lies in court that the poor guy initiated the contact. That is where they will try to start with the pervert castration bullshit. Not with the pedophiles, because they are str8, and white. I know several guys that were caught up in those stings, ruined their lives. Lucky, a few of them had witnesses, sued for a nice sum.

        • Chef Philips

          Sorry to hear that, DaMoldBrok! Hopefully you will never have any such issues, but if you do, please contact Lambda Legal or some other LGBTQ advocacy group in your area.

          There *are* defenses to such prosecutions, even in Oklahoma, and folks who are caught up in such “stings” have options (as you noted at the end)!

  • GayOldLady

    If he isn’t dead, this isn’t news.

    • TuuxKabin

      Thank you and good morning Dollingk.

      • GayOldLady

        Good morning sweetie! How are you this fine day?

        • TuuxKabin

          Chill factor to the bone, thanks. Have to get up and out for forging and gathering before the rain comes.
          Gearing up for the Bowl of Bowls? What’s servin’?

          • GayOldLady

            It’s cold here too. I haven’t thought too much about what we’ll eat for dinner, yet. I might go out and get us some wings, pizza or other Super Bowl appropriate foods. Darlin is still in some pain, but her appetite is very good so she’ll be ready to chow down by the time the game starts. What’s on your menu today?

          • TuuxKabin

            Food will help the pain, sure, and it’s good she’s got an appetite. Well, until I hear from Jerry who was suppose to come over for drinks and lunch, but had to go to SC for a family emergency, I’m a bit preoccupied. Not sure when he left, or if he’s left, via AmTrak. But. We’ll do the usual Sunday morning farmers’ market, p/u a turkey breast we get three meals off of. Going to bake it in a roasting thing, covered in bacon, but don’t tell Mr. D. Gather me wits and materials for tomorrow’s workshop and sweep up last night’s broken vase. Can’t imagine how it was broke. She who must be controlled, but is impossible to do, has an “I was almost killed last night when that thing broke,” look about her. I’ll withhold judgment until Mr. D can present HUr side of the story, I’m sure. Hope someone wins the damn game. That usually happens, don’t it?

          • GayOldLady

            I hope your friend is ok. I was surprised at another train accident this morning, especially an accident of this nature. It sounds as if there were 2 fatalities. I imagine both were Engineers.

            Someone always wins the SB. I’m cheering for the Eagles this year. NE has won enough Super Bowls for the entire league, but I’ll enjoy the game whoever wins. I always love the halftime show and the commercials. It’s really become an American tradition and one I look forward to.

            Give Mr. D & the Terror a hug, You have a great day.

          • TuuxKabin

            Good relief for thought. The engineers would be most likely, sad as it all is. Thanks. A while back, around Christmas time I read that PINK was going to be half time entertainment. Put me on a PINK tear, who is an incredible entertainer, talented and a scamp. Shirley Bassey did a cover of “Get This Party Started.” I like it when classics take something new to cover. Linda Perry wrote it.

          • anne marie in philly

            P!NK is singing the national anthem; she’s a homegirl so RECOGNIZE! otherwise, I ain’t watching cause I ain’t into football. I DO, however, want my team to kick that cheating lying sack-o-shit pretty boy’s ass back to boston with a YUGE LOSS!

          • TuuxKabin

            Ah, okay, then I’ll listen for that part, the national thing, then go out to a teevee free restaurant and enjoy some quiet time eating and drinking. Thanks.

          • What’s the workshop? 🙂 (Most recently I’ve been training Department of Social and Health Services on how to work with Queer Senior Citizens–just did one Thursday down in Olympia)

          • TuuxKabin

            Collage. With a local, zip code 10025, group of elders. Every Monday, 2-4PM at the local public library which had me become a volunteer, which is cool to be, IMHO. Another workshop is pending, with a local Community Health Center for elders with memory loss and another for people grieving.
            Good work, what you’re doing. Is SAGE in your vicinity? I was a volunteer over 35 years ago with them when they were starting up out of a small church office in Greenwich Village. They’ve grown nationally now and Generations United is finding resources for them.

          • prixator
          • TuuxKabin

            That’s about it. We must have poltergeese.

          • I do hope health and happiness are two permanent residents in your home–hope she feels better soon–

          • GayOldLady

            Thanks Ty, she’s already feeling better.

    • narutomania

      I prefer him alive and in complete control of ALL his mental faculties … but paralyzed and unable to respond outwardly, trapped inside his body and forced to suffer for the next ten years.

    • Strepsi

      GayOldLady nails it as usual! Wake me up when he’s dead. Smooch! 😘

      • GayOldLady

        Maybe this will at least get his dilapidated old carcass off TV. I’ve blocked all the god channels via my remote. I can’t stand to see him or Kenneth Copeland or any of the others for even a second. Disgusting old leeches.

      • ted-

        May I kick the dead bodybwhen that happens? Sooner the better

      • Renfield

        The only televangalist I’ve ever seen was Oral Roberts, (way way way) back in the day. I don’t why why my grandmother, whom I would sit and watch TV with, ever watched him or how often. We are Jewish so it wasn’t a religious thing. I was pretty young but even then I could see what a bizarre con it was.

    • joeyj1220

      He’s one step closer. Praise Jesus

      • GayOldLady

        Old grifters like Robertson live until their body parts literally fall off.

    • Bronxboy47

      He’s been brain dead for years. I’m sure he’ll claim god gave him the stroke to demonstrate the power of intercessory prayer.

    • John

      All things considered, the obit is in sight.

  • Gerry Fisher

    Stroke wrath. Sounds like a bad porno title.

    • TuuxKabin

      Sure, make me wake up the cat with my laugh out loud.

    • Mark Née Fuzz

      Straight into the gutter. Whatever are we going to do with you? I’m not sure if bare bottomed spanking would be a deterrent. Nor would sitting on your chest till you cry uncle.

      • TuuxKabin

        Chest?

        • Mark Née Fuzz

          Where else? Maybe I shouldn’t ask.

          • TuuxKabin

            I don’t like stating the obvious.

        • Ragnar Lothbrok

          It’s usually where the nipples are.

          • TuuxKabin

            I was thinking nostrils.

  • greenmanTN

    Shocking news! I thought he died years ago and the show was hosted by his corpse, manipulated like an antiquated Muppet.

    • fuow

      I suppose animatronics have their occasional firmware glitches, too. Would explain a lot about a lot of christer ‘prophets’.

    • Silver Badger

      Disney animatronics do short out every now and again.

    • perversatile

      “Meat Puppet”

  • Dave B

    NOT prayer? Science saved him?, no not science that’s impossible. Because science is for libtards.

    • kaydenpat

      You know he’s not going to give the credit to the doctors or medicine which saved his life. He’s going to praise White Jesus for this miracle.

    • Chucktech

      …and christians on their death beds.

  • orion dumptee

    Best wishes,Pat on this ‘special’ day..and may you have MANY MORE jus’ like this one….

  • DoctorDJ

    Just stfu and die already…
    Geezuz.

    • McSwagg

      Love your portmanteau of “geezer” and “jeebuz” !

  • Frostbite

    Darn!

  • Boreal

    He’s near the top of my list of those I’m hoping take dirt naps soon. If he kicks, I’ll rush to the liquor store for some champagne.

    • Mark

      I have it in the fridge, ready to pop open at a moment’s notice!

      • Menergy

        yeah, I’m keeping 3 bottles in my fridge for important occasions like that!

  • My thoughts and prayers with him, namely I think that he should die in pain and horror, and I pray that his last moments are filled with nothing but psychic anguish.

    • Macbill

      May his last thoughts be fear and anguish, convinced that Satan has come for him.

      • Chucktech

        Or realizing that there’s no there up there.

    • lymis

      When the New Age movement was at it’s peak, there was a widespread (in context) idea spread that if there was some sort of Last Judgement, it involved not only reliving your own life, but reliving all the ways your life impacted others from *their* perspective, including all the ripples that sent out. (God being omnipotent and eternity being a long time and all.)

      I’m utterly agnostic about that idea, but for people like Pat Robertson, I find myself hoping that it’s completely true. Fucker deserves to feel every bit of anguish his actions has caused others.

  • josephsinger

    We don’t need to talk smack about Patty, but we can largely just avoid talking about her and her friend 45.

  • TuuxKabin
    • Menergy

      have to agree — I’ve never ever called my decades long residence state of California “Cali”- ever.- (even now as I’m resident of New Mexico)

      • TuuxKabin

        Thank you. I’m a native from the SF Bay Area, in NYC and do not recognize it as anything but California, Ca, Calif, or Cal. But not this perky lil’ dipshit ‘Cali’ as cute as naming all the winter storms now. So Barbie.

        • Menergy

          I totally mirror your preferences and official versions of “California”! I migrated to California after WW II as a 3-year old when my dad returned from the war in Europe/North Africa. Grew up in California (both north and south) as we moved around Air Force bases – then to Germany,and Italy, and England and back to San Francisco, California as home. Always loved the Bay Area, left it in 2004 as I retired and moved on to Santa Fe NM for the duration….

  • Stogiebear

    Coffin dodger.

    • Chucktech

      Pat’s knock-knock-knockin’ on heaven’s door. Go on, Pat, go into the light. And hurry the fuck up.

  • Karl Dubhe

    You know, if god had only sent that stroke after midnight…

    We might be reading a better story this morning.

    • Stogiebear

      Ah, the oft-referenced stroke of midnight.

      • Menergy

        Hahahahahaha! Thanks for that laugh , Stogiebear!

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    Why won’t you dieeeeeee?

  • hdtex
  • erstegeiger

    My beloved grandmother, “Grannie Annie” had a series of strokes in the year before she died. We knew they were warnings. Eventually a big one happened and we lost her. The same could be true for Pat and he could be gone soon.

  • DaddyRay

    Worst Miracle Ever

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Phone call for you Pat,
    It’s jesus !!
    He said to come home.
    Today!

    • Bambino

      Before the cows please.

  • Wesinoregon

    Praise Science

  • AmeriCanadian

    Patty Cakes…your “god” is sending you a message. Please listen.

  • Boreal
    • McSwagg

      Few people know that Newton (first pic) believed in alchemy. After his giant breakthroughs in physics (gravitation, motion, and optics) and math (he invented calculus), he spent his latter years trying to turning base metals into gold.

  • JDS
  • greenmanTN

    Damn modern medicine! We almost got him!

  • TexasBoy

    Couldn’t they have just prayed the stroke away? God will surely punish them for using a hospital and having such little faith.

    • Boreal

      Why did ‘god’ let it happen in the first place?

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        He’s getting up there too.
        Come to think about it…why don’t they ever discuss god’s age ?
        If they did, they could give him a birthday and we could have a whole new holiday!!

    • Chucktech

      I’ll tell you why. Because they know that prayer bullshit doesn’t do squat.

  • narutomania

    Ssshhhh. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is calling you back into her warm starchy embrace.

    Stop resisting.

  • Harveyrabbit

    ““Pat” Robertson is recovering”

    Well someone wasn’t doing their job!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a8d6efb43d5e52e4b261a01fa0dea54e344a9102d2f9687b6e4e9d221526ba8f.jpg

  • Mark Austin

    Well, shit. Better luck next time.

  • Almost.

    • William

      Missed it by that much.

  • Del Sam

    It was gawds warning to him to STFU.

    • DaMoldBrok

      That was the same initials I was using for the SOTU.

  • Jefe5084

    Damn it.

  • Jefe5084

    At least he is pre-embalmed and mummified.

  • Just_reading_and_writing

    Best news all day. It won’t be long now, “Dr” Pat.

  • Jefe5084
    • McSwagg

      I’ve seen those boots in real life. Caricatures usually exaggerate features. This one, not so much.

  • Halou

    He’ll tell his viewers to shun medicine for faith, dying at the age of 30 from something stupid like diarrhoea, meanwhile he and fellow church leaders reach grand old ages like 90 or 100.

    For as much as the home-schooled folks would be able to know the “men of god” will be immortals. Existing as ‘proof’ that god’s chosen people are indeed blessed. It is all a ploy.

  • He is fortunate that nearly all health care professionals (until now, with religious liberty policies run amuck) are dedicated to treat everyone in need of medical care regardless of the patient’s religious beliefs, personal morals, criminal records, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, weight, physical beauty or lack there of. Because if the medical team judged him as a corrupt, religious bigot, and could have opted out, he might not have benefited from the medical “miracle”.

    • David L. Caster

      Something of which he should be reminded.

  • j.martindale

    Only the good die young.

  • #DJTK5F

    First, Jeeby’s Daddy knocks him off a horse, then he smites him with a stroke.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD5uPZzBr5c

    • DaMoldBrok

      Nope, wasn’t smite, that is final. The old coot was stricken.

      Smitten was prefered, so we could all have a reason to have a party, as if a reason is needed.

  • disqus_D9pH1OIG67

    He has spewed and strewn so much hate I can’t say this is good news.

  • billbear1961
    • Bad Tom

      Werner Herzog is being vetted tonight at the Coolidge Corner Theater in Brookline, MA!

      8pm. Nosferatu: Phantom der Nacht, the original German title.

    • Statistics Palin

      After that, Nosferatu became a pope. After that he retired with a hot boyfriend in the Vatican.

      • Chef Philips

        Not to mention, Gucci slippers

  • kaydenpat

    Going to bite my tongue. Trying to be a civilized gal up in here.

    • DaMoldBrok

      Oh, no, honey! Please don’t hold back an take the chance on possible harm, stress or injury!

      LET THE SHIT FLY! ! ! ! !

      • kaydenpat

        Lol!! I’ll save that for the day he goes to meet his maker.

  • William

    I tuned in to the 700 Club for a few minutes last week and was amazed that he was still alive.

    • Cuberly Deux

      Heh…and people call me brave for checking reactions over on Breitbart.

      You’re a trooper!

  • SilasMarner

    I have no qualms saying I wished he died. Should have been decades ago before he poisoned many more minds.

  • Bomer
  • Dutchman
    • #DJTK5F

      Extra tots, deep-fried in lard; try to clog the son of satan up

  • Dreaming Vertebrate

    A stroke can be deadly!
    Thoughts and prayers.

  • aagold76 .

    wait- prayer and god didn’t save him- science did……BLASPHEMY!

  • Mike

    Is it a miracle, modern medicine, or an advertisement of a drug for sale, starring Pat Robertson? Well, we know there is no such thing as a miracle; and if the drug were so “miraculous” it would work for everyone and not just this meathead, and it would already be well known; so I’m putting my money on elaborate hoax. It would be interesting to know how much Robertson and his confederates have invested in the drug company.

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      >> Is it a miracle … ?
      It might just be an animatronic tuneup.
      Possibly a loose circuit, broken bluetooth chip or even a fried motherboard.

    • marachne

      Alteplase IV tissue plasmogen activator (aka tPA or “clot buster”) is the only known early treatment for ischimic stroke (a vessel in the brain is blocked by a blood clot, causing tissue death as opposed to a hemmoragic stroke or brain bleed). It can only be used in the first 3 hours after stroke to be effective. This is not “big pharma” it’s actually a pretty amazing drug – but not a miracle.

      PSA: this is why we use the FAST acronym (Face drooping, Arm weakness, Speech difficulty, Time to call 911) for possible strokes. Time is life!

      • -M-

        In addition, the tPA used in medicine is produced by genetic engineering. It was one of Genentech’s first big products in the eighties. How does zombie 🧟‍♂️ ghoul Robertson feel about that godless meddling?

  • Dot Beech

    There is nothing miraculous about saving the worthless life of Pat Robertson.

    It’s the work of the Devil.

  • RaygunsGoZap

    We are sooooooo close!

  • Gigi

    So it was a drug that saved the evil old cretin, not thoughts and prayers. Curious.

    • Mikey

      drugs are good, m’kay?

  • DreadPikathulhu

    Damn.

  • Stephen Elliot Phillips

    Im sending thoughts and ̶p̶r̶a̶y̶e̶r̶s̶ strokes to pat

  • DaveMiller135

    I was thinking about gay sex right about then. But when am I not?

  • Tomcat

    And of course he will say hid god saved him, not medical science.
    Next time do a slow walk science.

  • Tomcat

    When thoughts and prayers are worthless turn to medical science asshole.

  • Pizza009

    Dear God,

    You missed

    • Robincho

      Does this qualify for one of Perkkkins’ mulligans?…

  • Tomcat

    Truth be known god don’t want his stupid ass with him anyway.

  • DesertSun59

    I, for one, have exactly zero reservation condemning dead tyrants and fools. When he dies I will cheer and Tweet about how happy I am about it.

  • Jack

    Oh c’mon. I’m sure that whoever is responsible for getting him to the nearest stroke center was praying the whole time. That drug is just the manner in which the miracle was delivered.

    I mean, G-d didn’t really need Moses to lift his staff to part the Red Sea. That was just to draw attention to what was coming next!

    Oh wow. I’ve just come to understand “with G-d, all things are possible.” Whatever I don’t understand, I can just ascribe to G-d. Takes a great burden off my gray and white matter.

  • Blake Mason

    Was it enough to ruin his speech at least?

    • Guess?

      Family member who identified symptoms: “He was rambling incoherently.”

      Paramedic: “So how was that any different than his usual behavior?”

      • Blake Mason

        LOL… but Stroke is a serious subject… my grandmother suffered from a stroke a few years ago and lost part then all of her speech…

  • ted-

    Isn’t this a sign god isn’t happy with him ?

    • jeffg166

      God don’t want him and the devil won’t have him.

  • Friday’s_cat

    It’s really great when you have the cash on hand from Tele-scammed viewers to pay for state of the art treatment. How many of his “flock” end up on a slab, paralysed, or a slobbering vegetable because they gave their savings to him.

    • Mikey

      and some of them even get sick and have strokes.

    • Reality.Bites

      Not enough

    • Chef Philips

      Yes, his treatment probably is quite expensive. One also has to be very close to a hospital with the proper diagnostic equipment *and* the proper drugs. So unlucky in this case

  • Jerry Kott

    This is a precursor to his Big Bang? The big one will be soon.

  • GanymedeRenard

    So the mummy was resurrected. Shouldn’t he it be thanking the gods of Egypt?

  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    “I’m sure he’ll just blame the stroke on gay people.”

    You’re welcome.

  • lymis

    Every silver lining has its clouds.

    The scientific developments that have allowed so many decent wonderful people to survive and thrive after strokes are a wonderful thing in the world.

    Sometimes that means people like Robertson benefit. Oh well.

  • tasteless chap

    Damn! So close…,.

  • M Jackson

    His recovery is a huge disappointment, it’s very sad.

    • Mikey

      my sincerest condolences.

      • DaMoldBrok

        Shouldn’t ‘sincerest’ be changed to ‘warmest’?

        • Mikey

          it depends if you believe in global warming or not?
          oh wait, you mean.. ahhh! I get it.

    • McSwagg

      He could always suffer a relapse. You must cling to hope !

  • AmeriCanadian

    When Marion kicks the bucket (won’t be long now), who among his spawn will fill his shoes (not that they are very large to begin with)?

    • McSwagg

      His insipid son is always blathering about something on his show. He’ll get the mantle.

  • marachne
  • Stubenville

    Robertson is very lucky. There is a surprisingly small window of three hours in which tPA (Tissue Plasminogen Activator) can be administered, and it cannot be used in some circumstances. Even if all the treatment criteria are met, there is a six percent chance of worse bleeding, and a one percent chance of death caused by the drug.

    • Bad Tom

      Hemorrhagic strokes are no go for tPA.

    • perversatile

      Only if by ”very lucky” you mean ”the amazing perks of unbridled wealth”. Even if Pat had flat-lined, the ”Sweet Friends of Jesus Grifting Brigade”
      would have hooked that desiccated turd to a life support system and devised a method of issuing special communicates based on Pat’s eye blinks or bowel movement splatters in order to keep those highly profitable messages from god conning (whoops) I meant coming.

      • Stubenville

        Robertson was lucky he was with someone who recognized the symptoms and knew what had to be done pronto. One of the common stroke onset symptoms is a horrific headache; some people take aspirin, lie down, and never wake up. Had Pat been sleeping or alone, the outcome might have been quite different.

        Pro tip; if you ever think you may be having a stroke or heart attack, call 911 for an ambulance. Do not have someone drive you to a hospital; patients arriving by ambulance are treated first.

        • DaMoldBrok

          Which is our preference.

          Then again, deep down, we all wish he goes through a long drawn out, debilitating, painful, grotesque, no known medical help, disease. To pay penance for all of the money he has grifted from gullible Granny’s, the inheritances that were willed to him instead of the deserving families, horrible things he has said about us and others that he has proclaimed as evil, the souls that his statements has caused grief and torture, all the young lives that were lost by their own hand because of his rhetoric.

          Quick and painless he has not earned, let him suffer!

          • DaMoldBrok

            Oh, FSM, please forgive us, we are vicious!

  • five

    Stupid science.

  • Paula

    Hopefully, they are lying to us to cover up how serious he really is. I think there is a precedent out there for x-tians lying.

    • RJ Bone

      But it’s such a tiiiny (FUCKING HUGE) precedent!

  • MikeinATL

    Miracle drug created by science, not Jesus.

    • Lakeview Bob

      Man that is a damn good point.

  • Joseph Miceli

    God damn it! We almost got him! I need all our infernal prayer warriors to stay vigilant and keep petitioning our Infernal Master to strike Pat down. Me and my friends have sworn an oath to party that night like it’s 1999!

  • Uncle Mark

    Wouldn’t it be the irony if this was a divine stroke, causing Pat to “see the light”…condemning Trump as the devil and then giving all his money to charity? His family and “Christian” Network would throw Pat into the rubber room so fast.

    • Gianni

      Even I could call that a miracle! A stroke that destroys the Christian infected part of the brain and allows the submerged thinking, rational, and realistic part to emerge to take over the thought processes – how could loyal believers explain that? The family would surely have to keep him hidden.

  • David Raymore

    Karma is a bitch. Too bad he didn’t suffer more than he should have.

  • violamateo

    Can’t help wondering if, when he finally does kick the bucket, he’ll be buried in an unmarked grave á lá Fred Phelps, to avoid people coming along and spitting/pissing/shitting/throwing garbage on it.

    • Talisman

      Packed in concrete. We don’t want him crawling back out.

  • Jason

    Dammit, science. Why you gotta be so effective and impartial?

  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    I’m reminded of Tony Perkins saying disasters are God’s punishment only to have his house flooded. Why does no interviewer ever point that out to him?

  • Matt

    Guess the devil still has a need for him to be on earth with the rest of us. Damn.

  • RJ Bone

    His god keeps trying to call Pat home and Pat keeps taking medications and availing himself of expensive science to stay here on this wicked, sinful Earth.

    Why is Pat using drugs instead of Thoughts and Prayers alone, like a good sheep? Isn’t HIS faith strong enough? Why is Pat defying his god? Doesn’t Pat love his god?

    • David Walker

      Pat LOVES his god, especially when he/god comes up with a new scam to bring in lots of bucks. Kinda sad that his biblical theme park by the Sea of Galilee didn’t come to pass. The idea worked so well for Jim Bakker.

  • David Walker

    It’s Sunday morning. It’s snowing. I don’t have a hangover (overhang, yes, but that’s a different story). The cat is nearly overly affectionate. Life is good…except that the hatemonger merely had a stroke and will praise god, not science, not education, not the caring of strangers. And he’ll make money off of it. Suggestion: Since god got the credit this time, why not let god take over completely next time? No MRI, no pills, no doctors, no nurses, no staff, just god.

  • Natty Enquirer

    God works in mysterious tissue plasminogen activator.

  • JWC

    Phony old grifter

    • Chef Philips

      In good news, though, Antonin Scalia is *still* dead! 🙂

      • JWC

        I still think his death was weird maybe planned

        • Chef Philips

          Stranger things have happened

        • Chef Philips

          Fat Tony’s male companion that evening had to be smuggled out, amidst all the other logistic details. Seems very unlikely all were not involved (or at least knew more than they are saying).

          • JWC

            i just like the mysterious European Hunting guild and some sequestered private ranch

          • Chef Philips

            If you are not familiar with the Knights of Beggar’s Benison, I think you might be pleasantly surprised if you googled them, Mrs Slocombe!

          • JWC

            that wasn’t the group he was with it was the international Order of St Hubertus

  • DavidAZ

    How does an animatronic Halloween scare toy have a stroke? Too much dust buildup on the CPU?

    • Gianni

      😀 That’s the best description I’ve heard yet! 🙂

      • Gianni

        Thanks for the best laugh I’ll have all day!

  • kareemachan

    You’re anti-science until you need it, amirite?

  • Bert_Bauer

    Couldn’t he and his followers just pray the stroke away? Relying on hospitals and medicine shows a shocking lack of faith in Jeebus.

    • andrew

      Those faith healing scams are just for the lambs they fleece.

  • Lars Littlefield

    Bummer.

  • Will Parkinson

    Drat.

  • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

    He’s alive and responsive, but that means nothing. My dad suffered a similar stroke. A few hours later he was conscious and responded to doctors. He also was able to move his arms and legs — barely. He never fully regained his speech and was never able to walk again. He went through months of attempts at physical therapy and made minimal progress. He had a rash of mini-strokes and died nine months after the initial stroke.

    Robertson’s 89. There’s no way he’ll be able to do anything beyond minimal movement and his necessary bodily functions. Once weakened, his body will begin the inevitable decline. It won’t be long.

    • Chef Philips

      Thank you for sharing the story about your Dad, Cucker “Dick” Tarlson. Did your Dad receive the same kind of medication–in a timely manner–that Robertson received?

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        I wish I could tell you. My dad was living with my mom in a care facility when her Alzheimer’s had progressed to the point where it wasn’t safe for her to remain at home with Dad. He had spent the past seven years trying valiantly to be her caretaker and he didn’t want to relinquish that role. He, too, moved out of their home and joined her when we leaned that his jaundiced appearance was due to a malignant tumor that had formed on the duct between his pancreas and gall bladder. He had just begun receiving chemo treatments when the stroke struck him in his sleep. My brother called me after he’d been taken to the ER and admitted. For the next nine months it was therapy and setbacks, progress followed by more smaller strokes that wore him down bit by bit. Chemo was halted and the cancer grew. He simply lost consciousness and faded out on a beautiful Saturday in July. Mom was in the activity room when it happened. She gave no indication that she knew what was happening. She was just very quiet and emotionless, but she sank into my arms when I held her and tried to talk about it with her. I know somehow she knew, even if she didn’t show it. I sat with her at his memorial and the Army officer handed her Dad’s flag. She took it and said very quietly, “Thank you.” That was all she said that day.

    • stevenj

      My mother was very lucky. She had a minor stroke caused by atrial fibrillation (at age 90) and didn’t even know what was going on for a day and a half. She thought she was coming down with the flu. I just happened to call her to tell her I was on my way down for a visit (25 miles away) when she told me it took her 2 1/2 hrs the night before to cook a simple meal. When she told me the rest of her symptoms I told her it sounded like a stroke. Called a neighbor who got her to the ER where I met her. Physical, occupational and speech therapy got her pretty much back to normal after a couple of months and the drugs she’s taking have mitigated the atrial fibrillation. However her chances for a 2nd stroke are high.

  • Chris Gardner

    Gay people didn’t cause his stroke. Duh! It was Obama! Maybe Clinton and her emails may have had something to do with it as well. /s

  • Ninja0980

    Only the good die young.

  • Charlie In SF

    Saved by science; who would have thought?

  • teedofftaxpayer

    Damn, and we were getting ready for a celebration.

  • Friday

    Saved by healthcare he’s been on a lifelong crusade to deny to others.

  • Gianni

    I suspect the weekly donations will be increasing about 10-fold for a short while.

  • I told y’all yesterday: Goblins are basically immortal. Only thing that happens gradually over the centuries is they keep shrinking and becoming more decrepit.

    One day, he’ll reach that fork in the devolutionary road where he’ll have to choose between Revenant and Nosferatu.

  • Michael

    Dammit.

    • castaway

      Don’t worry, it won’t be long. Maybe time to stock up on a bottle of bubbly and keep it within reach. Only the good die young.

      • coram nobis

        Keep the bubbly chilled.

  • How could family members recognize the symptoms? Babbling gibberish? Face droop? Incoherence? Confusion? Not making sense? He’s been doing all that for years!

    • RJ Bone

      It was a realllllllllllllllllly long stroke.

  • Dom Saunders

    I’m still not convinced the real Robertson didn’t die years ago and was merely replaced by some extra-terrestrial goblin in a human skin suit…

  • andrew

    Pat Robertson regular heals people, in the name of Jesus, through the TV. Why did these evangelicals rush him to a Stroke Center and give him tPA ? Don’t they believe in their own faith healing? Of course they don’t. That scam is just to get the little old ladies to send him a large portion of their social security checks.

  • Secure

    He looks senile. He is senile.

  • Franciscan

    Maybe God will work a miracle ensuring that Mr. Robertson leaves broadcasting to spend more time with his family.

  • leastyebejudged

    The Christian doctors never hesitate to lie and do harm to everyone but Christians.

    Just like Christian shrinks, not to be trusted !

  • mpatreyu

    Hasn’t he been having a stroke for years now?

  • Kissmagrits

    I wonder how long before he launches into a criticism of medical science on the $6.95 Club.

  • Marides48

    How can a man with such a tiny brain have a stroke?

  • fuzzybits

    I’ll be around in a week folks,keep sending that pension money!

  • The Milkman

    tPA isn’t a miracle. It was invented by the same scientists and educated people that Pat’s followers abhor.

  • CottonBlimp

    If you don’t believe in science, the only medicine you should get in the hospital is prayer.

    Fuck Pat Robertson and fuck every stupid shill that lets that fucking monster prosper.

  • Thorn Spike

    So close.

  • agcons

    Close. Next time, Pat.

  • Pete Wascher

    somebody’s suit is too big.

  • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

    Well, damn. I’m gonna need a bigger black candle!

  • Wade Persnippy

    It was science Pat, not god that saved you

  • Gene Perry

    Gee, cured by science! I thought you guys relied on “thoughts and prayers.”

  • Nix

    Why was he taken to a hospital to be given medicine, as the godless heathens? Why was he not instead rushed to the nearest church so that he could be miraculously and completely healed by his god with prayer? What a complete lack of faith Robertson has, even as he demands that his viewers have faith (and then fork over lots of money to him to show that faith).

  • HeresOne4U

    Just imagine if the attending physician was an atheist and refused him treatment because it was against his/her’s beliefs…under Freedom of Religion – the other side of the coin…