Right Wing Conspiracy Theory Of The Day

Thought Catalog reports:

In case you were wondering, my favorite part of the Internet is definitely the crazy conspiracy theories. We’ve had insane Twitter threads about Avril Lavigne being replaced by a clone, Lady Gaga murdering her mentor, and Melania Trump being replaced by a man in a wig, but this new one about the British royal family is a nice change. According to Twitchy editor Greg Pollowitz, Harry and Meghan’s children may be American citizens, giving them the chance to rule not only one country, but two.

  • Cackalaquiano

    I guarantee they don’t want us.

  • vorpal

    I for one will welcome our new tea and crumpet overlords.

    • Ha, that was my thought. “Hey, that probably wouldn’t be entirely be a bad thing…”

      • Steven Jaeger

        One word, Brexit. They are just as capable to do the loony bin march as us.

        • ChrisMorley

          The ‘negotiations’ are going so well – Winning !

          Brexit talks: for all Britain’s bluster, the EU has it over a barrel
          – Brussels no longer pretends it is in ‘negotiations’ with the UK – May must either meet its demands or walk off a cliff


          The EU has just given the UK 4 days to sort out
          – Agreeing the Divorce Bill
          – Reciprocal Citizenship Rights
          – Practical details for a ‘Soft’ (undetectable) Border between Ireland and Northern Ireland.

          Each EU country’s parliament has to decide if the terms the UK proposes are acceptable, before the EU Summit in early December can agree to begin the next stage, agreeing a transitional deal and trade talks. The Conservatives have exasperated all sides.

          • Steven Jaeger

            I didn’t realize it had gotten that bad, but as I say. They can do the loony farm march too.

    • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

      can’t happen soon enough for me.

    • ColdCountry

      I don’t think they want us.

      • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

        They’d be mad to want us.

      • Iain Gardener

        As a Brit hos lived in SF and NYC I’d love to welcome you chaps to become part of us.

        • ColdCountry

          Thanks! But I doubt the majority would agree. We’re too violent, for one thing. Me, I’d be happy living… oh, maybe somewhere in Yorkshire, near Hawes, perhaps, or Scotland.

          • Iain Gardener

            I actually live not that far away from the Dales it’s a wonderful part of the world!

  • JT

    As long as Drumpf is put in the Tower, it’s all right.

    • vorpal

      And it’s a sure bet that nobody will be asking him to let down that thing nesting on his head that he pretends is hair so they can save him.

      • Dazzer

        The British pride themselves on being a nation of animal lovers. The small, unidentified creature on Trump’s head would be rescued and left to live out its natural life in a wildlife reserve.

        • KCMC

          Hedgehog. Head hog.

          • Dazzer

            No way. hedgehogs eat slugs and snails. You’d see the nibble marks around Trumps forehead if it were a hedgehog.

        • ChrisMorley

          While we’re animal lovers, we also loathe Alien Invaders, like this bleached creature nesting on his head. It Will Be Expelled.

          We already have a love-hate relationship with the North American Grey Squirrel, because they are causing the extinction of our very much cuter Red Squirrels.
          It will not end well for tRump’s fake thatch.

          • vorpal

            Reminds me of one of my favourite poems back in high school, the Grey Squirrel by Humbert Wolfe:

            Like a small grey
            sits the squirrel.
            He is not

            all he should be,
            kills by dozens
            trees, and eats
            his red-brown cousins.

            The keeper on the
            other hand,
            who shot him, is
            a Christian, and

            loves his enemies,
            which shows
            the squirrel was not
            one of those.

          • ColdCountry

            Want your starlings back?

          • ChrisMorley

            We used to have thousands in Manchester which provided spectacular murmuration displays over the city centre, so Yes please. They’ve just moved elsewhere http://www.starlingsintheuk.co.uk/roost-map.html

          • ColdCountry

            Gretna Green, maybe? I’d love to see that in person some day, but here, they are pushing out the smaller songbirds, so you can have them back.

          • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

            What’s funny, I read the English Sparrow is in decline in the UK. The funny part, you could drop a net over any fast food joint parking lot in the US and restock the entire island with ease.

          • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

            Eat more grey squirrels! Up the Tufties!

    • Since this is the UK, I would assume we’d turn him over to the Daleks.

      • vorpal

        They certainly couldn’t find a cyberman suit big enough to accommodate his… “ample greatness.”

      • ColdCountry

        What, you didn’t see the Daleks in New York??? But I don’t think they’d want to assimilate him, I mean, who would?

    • ChrisMorley

      Eeeeek, that’s where we keep the Crown Jewels, so it’s definitely Not All Right.

      • JT

        Rudolf Hess was there. Drumpf’s evil and treachery definitely make him an appropriate candidate.

        • ChrisMorley

          We offer a wide range of attractive alternative historic imprisonment experience options available, from Oublier (‘Forgotten’ – the lowest dankest castle dungeons where people were just left to rot), through Prison Hulks (pensioned off timber navy ships with an astounding disease death rate), to Deportation to Australia.

          • JT

            The imagery of being put in the Tower to await the axe is the most appealing.

          • Dazzer

            If we cut his head off, we’d have to display it on a pike outside the Tower.

            I’m not sure our tourist trade could cope with something that ugly on public display.

          • JT

            It wouldn’t last long. It’s too rotten already.

          • David Walker

            Don’t know, Dazzer. The fucking moron’s head perched atop a fish sounds amusing…and it could also increase the tourist trade by tens of millions of happy people from around the world. I shouldn’t toss the idea aside just yet.

          • Dazzer

            Good point. Madame Tussaud’s does a roaring trade in their Chamber of Horrors.

          • Iain Gardener

            Don’t you realise if you cut off his head two more will grow in its stead

          • Steven Jaeger

            But his IQ is still 0. 0x2=0

          • ColdCountry

            Still pissed off at Australia, eh?

    • Todd20036

      If you think I’ll climb his orange hair to rescue him, you’re nuts!

    • David Walker

      The fucking moron already has a throne. That’s where he does his tweets.

  • Tawreos

    They don’t have to wait, I would be happy to spend all my time kneeling before Harry.

    • Anastasia Beaverhousen

      While humming “God Save the Queen?”

      • Tawreos

        I really don’t think reminding him of his grandmother is going to help things, but if that is what he wants then I will hum that all day long.

      • clay

        “humming” is probably right on the head … of the nail.

  • Tawreos

    2 seconds of thought should make whoever came up with this bullshit realize it is bullshit. It would take the deaths of Prince William and all of his children for Harry’s to be on the throne.

    • Pfft, your liberal “logic” and so-called “facts” mean nothing! :p

    • Gayer Than Thou

      And also there’s the problem that the British monarch doesn’t actually “own” any countries anymore. But points for creativity for sure.

    • ColdCountry

      I have a feeling it’s someone’s job to come up with this shit. Or their hobby.

  • Henry Auvil

    Isn’t Prince Gingersnap fifth in line to the crown? Seems like a long shot to me.

    • Gustav2

      And after the new Cambridge baby he will be sixth.

      • Amanda B. Rekendwith

        He’ll be this generation’s Princess Anne.
        She was 3rd in line when she was born (just like Prince Harry was) and now she’s twelfth.

  • greenmanTN
  • netxtown

    If it will insure that we never get another trump asshole – then I certainly hope Harry gets down to business in very short order.

    • ChrisMorley

      Harry is what we Brits call the ‘spare’. No matter how prolificly he and Meghan breed, they are low in the royal succession queue.
      In front of them are Prince Charles and then Prince William and then his kids.

      • netxtown

        I can see that…but Harry as ‘spare’ could maybe be a ‘spare us’ !

  • DaddyRay
  • Charlie In SF

    What about Churchill? His mother was also American.

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    How do the people who believe this crap even know how to breathe?

    • ShelleysLeg

      I question how they find their way home. Must have mummy pin their address under their drooling chins

  • Gene Perry

    Well, yes. Harry’s kids would be like 7th or 8th or 9th (whatever) to the throne. But first you would have to knock off Charles, William, all of Will’s kids and Harry. And, yes, having an American mother would give Harry’s kids duel Brit-US citizenship. So, it is — weirdly hypothetically — possible.

    • ColdCountry

      It’s a PLOT, I tellz ya!

    • Keiffer

      But if after Elizabeth’s and Charles’ death, William abdicates a la Edward VIII then couldn’t Harry claim the throne over William’s son George’s claim?

      And separately, should the hypothetical become reality just how is an American citizen who manages to be sitting on the throne going to manage to bring the US under the UK’s control?

      • Dazzer

        Nope. If Williams abdicated, the line of succession would go to George, then Sophie and then the third child Kate is expecting.

        They’d all have to be wiped out before Harry would be in line for the throne.

        And the chances are that if William abdicated and Goerge was still too young to ascend to the throne, Harry would be made Prince Regent – but not actually King.

    • clay

      . . . and THEN beat out the other, what 150,000,000 other eligible US candidates?

  • Michael R
  • Gustav2

    In the vid of HM, she is wearing the Albert brooch. Given to Queen Victoria by Prince Albert as a wedding gift….

    and long before he was in the can.


      I wear Prince Albert to the right.

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      And where did Prince Albert wear it?

  • OdieDenCO

    back off Harry! we have enough wantabe kings in the nation as it is.

  • Halou

    For this to work it would require that a political party nominate a foreign head of state as their candidate, then for the general population to confirm that choice in an election.

    Having a foreign agent like Trump running the United States is bad enough, but to go all in and say a foreign head of state, I doubt even the GOP would be that openly committed to a foreign nation’s interests.

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      They’ll sell off anything, if the price is right.

  • Gretchen

    Will they extend universal health care to us? Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad plan to rejoin the Commonwealth.

  • greenmanTN
  • Gustav2

    Remember folks, for years we heard from the same people Obama wasn’t an American eligible for the presidency even though he had an American parent.

    • Zeldacat

      Yeah, but he’s one of them brown people. They don’t count, right?

  • OdieDenCO

    alright, that’s it! we need to invade GB and bring William & Harry back as hostages. they can stay at my place.

  • worstcultever

    1 – Too late, Russia already took us over. (Which these assholes are apparently fine with.)

    2 – I really like Harry and his gal. Definitely the coolest royals since Di.

  • Kevin Perez

    In 39 years, which is the first chance that this can happen, I’ll be dead. So knock yourselves out.

    • clay

      Yep, it would take another nearly two generations, minimum and the kid would have to long shot at the throne and a much longer shot at the presidency . . . but probabilities and math aren’t their strong suit.

  • Jack

    Oh, we’d be part of the Commonwealth.

    • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

      probably have to toss the Constitution and its Electoral College system and certain of its Amendments, the second one leaping to mind.

      • Dazzer

        A lot of the Constitution would remain. The Electoral College would go and the Second Amendment would probably be subjected to rigorous common law case law rather than an interpretation of the Constitution on its own.

        But there isn’t a lot of the Constitution that would be incomparable with most Commonwealth countries human rights laws.

        A lot of States’ laws that conflict with the Federal law would have to be dumped, though.

  • DaddyRay

    I knew we would get National Healthcare someday

    • JCF
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  • Boreal

    A this point I’m ok with them taking us back.

  • j.martindale

    At this point in history, I sincerely doubt that anyone would want the U.S. as a colony.

    • Dazzer

      In the nicest possible way, America is superficially attractive – but oh so high maintenance

  • billbear1961
  • Butch

    And they shall name the child ….. Barack Obama, and he shall be born in Hawaii, and become president…..just to hose the conservatives.

  • DaddyRay

    Putin already called dibs

  • Jay Silversmith

    then hair furor will be queen?

  • Mrs. Councillor Nugent

    “And I, shall be Queen.”

  • Bluto

    1. We become twinsies with Canada.
    2. Then we can legally kidnap Mr Trudeau.
    3. Winning!
    Bonus, I become Grand Duke of WV. Bow, bitches.

    • Reality.Bites

      Actually, while Canada and the UK have the same monarch, there are no more legal ties between us than between the US and UK or US and Canada. Arguably, through NAFTA and other treaties there is far more shared/delegated sovereignty between Canada and the US than there is between either of us and the UK.

      To express it another way, it would be perfectly legal for Queen Elizabeth II of Canada to declare war on the UK.

    • RKitty01

      there’s plenty of queens here in WV that will rank above you!

  • 3-Star

    Rumor has it that Charles is not the father of Harry so if this is true there’s nothing to worry about.

    • Dazzer

      Charles is definitely Harry’s father.

      Harry takes after his paternal grandfather Prince Philip and the Spencer side of his maternal lineage.

      • Ross

        Thank you.

      • 3-Star

        Oh really? A DNA test would prove it but we know that’s not going to happen. The alleged father is former British Army captain James Hewitt. He was in a long-term “affair” (confirmed by Diana and her protection officer), and has red hair. There’s a two-year gap between Harry’s birth and the “dates” of the affair but if the sheets could talk…


    Too late, Russia called dibs.

    • William

      Russia gets Alaska. Let them deal with Sarah Palin.

  • red-diaper-baby 1942

    This was marvellous.A truly funny conspiracy theory, without any dangerous political implications. I needed a good laugh today!

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Fuck. Now we’re going to have to learn to speak English.

    • Tawreos

      Will we have to adopt the accent as well?

      • ChrisMorley

        Worry more about Brit Spelling Enforcement Forces.

        • Reality.Bites

          Already here

        • Ernest Endevor

          Go directly to gaol.

      • David Walker

        Just like the Canadians: No, but we’ll have to add u to a lot of words and use “tre” instead of “ter”, as centre. And then there are changes like “laboratory” and “aluminium.” And as Ernest Endevor points out, total changes such as “gaol.”

        What I’d like best would be driving on the left. I think it should be introduced slowly, though…perhaps state by state…or alphabetically. Hmmm. That would be Alabama. They could adapt.

        • perversatile

          Based upon it’s frequency of use, I’m sure the following will be the first word we’ll be obliged to pronounce correctly-

          With your background in radio, I’m sure none of the following new, though personally, I am shocked to discover the ease in which we’ve been influenced by the ‘French Tongue’ if you will. ZUT ALORS!
          Aunt, adult, pajamas: Why can’t we agree how to pronounce common words?

          • William

            Pronunciation of the word ‘process’ is a dead giveaway.

          • David Walker

            Personally, I’ve never objected to the “French Tongue,” but that’s another story. My first radio station’s program director would consult the CBS Guide to Pronunciation (even though we were Mutual and then an ABC station). By the time I got to the classical music station, I was good at pronunciation, reading as if talking, and in using my voice. I will confess to being scared shitless about foreign composers’ names, but I quickly discovered that, for the most part, each language had its own rules for pronunciation, and we had a pronunciation guide in the control room for those “who the hell is HE” moments. Oh, and I would pronounce it HARassment, so as not to offend. harASSment would sound too much like “her ass meant,” and we’d never say that on air, would we? inSURance, not INsurance…that sort of thing.

          • perversatile

            “Her ass meant’ I may have to flutter my hand over my bosom.
            Have you noticed NBC no longer bothers beep out Setth Meyer’s
            use of the word ‘shit’ anymore? My the times have changed.

          • David Walker

            I knew we were headed down that slippery slope when ABC censors allowed 2 hells and 1 damn per hour in their drama shows. That’s just a floodgate you can’t re-close.

          • perversatile
          • David Walker

            Oh…my…god. I’d forgotten about her and about this. It’s always going to happen, I guess, and I welcome it. Jack and I used to get very self-medicated and listen to Laurie for hours on end. No…no…I love that Jack can come out of the blue and we can sort of be together through my memory. This was another that was played endlessly. I miss Jack. I miss our music. And, frankly, I miss the self-medication that took us where Ms Anderson wanted us to go. Life was good. Thanks for this.

          • perversatile

            Laurie Anderson
            once gave me a
            wry bemused look,
            I’ll cherish it forever

        • Kruhn

          The Canadians drive on the right like we do.

          • David Walker

            Understood. Just fantasizing. (Would be ‘fantasising’?)

        • MichaelB

          Maybe it would be a good idea to start with trucks and buses only for the first couple of months to see if it works out. If it does then cars could switch.

          • David Walker

            A well-crafted plan, MichaelB. We’ll incorporate it.

    • Hue-Man

      Start with Z = ZED.

  • Mark Née Fuzz

    I kinda wanna know what kind of drugs people like this use.

  • LOL As if any of Harry’s children (or Harry himself) will ever be king or queen. Or as if any of those children are going to be born in the US. It doesn’t even seem to be a big deal that she’s divorced because he’s never going to be king so it really doesn’t matter.

    • Reality.Bites

      Doesn’t matter if they’re born in the US if the mother is American.

      However I expect she will renounce her American citizenship.

  • Acronym Jim

    Wasn’t this the plot of the movie “King Ralph?”

    • clay


  • Tomcat

    I never knew that the King or Queen of England could claim territory.
    Last I heard it was more a symbolic title.

    • clay

      Queen Victoria and South Asia, but not so much since WW II.

  • David
  • David
  • Stephen Elliot Phillips

    Who the hell would want this cesspool of corporate-political graft. This garbage heap of uneducated, poor, unhealthy deplorables??
    Best thing we could do as a country is break up into several smaller but more like-minded entities.

    • William

      Perfect location to use the neutron bomb. It gets rid of the population, and leaves the stuff.

  • Bambino

    Same scripts different cast.
    There’s no Russia collusion but the Brits are coming!
    What Roy Moore did was 40 years ago but Doug Jones is weak on crime!!!
    There’s no truth to the pussy grabbing but Hillary emails is the worst !!

  • Reality.Bites

    I saw this on my tumblr feed yesterday, but I assumed the original poster was joking.

  • TexasBoy

    Except there is a difference between being “in line for the throne” and actually sitting on one. I have no objection to someone in the royal family who was born American being President. They would have to renounce any royal title, as the US does not allow citizens to accept a noble title.

    I mean, hell, look who we have now, a man who wants to be king of the USA.

    Article 1, Section 9, Clause 8

    “No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States: And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince or foreign State.”

    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      Not only that, but the kids would be born under diplomatic protocol thus making them British anyway.

      • William

        As long as their mother is American, any children would also be American at birth. Please lord, not another year or three of citizen/birth debates.

        • Jean-Marc in Canada

          Please don’t misunderstand me, I get that because of her nationality, the kids would be considered American, I’m just pointing out that in the eyes of the Brits, they would be Royals and thus British citizens as well. American citizenship does not supersede others, they would simply be dual.

    • Ernest Endevor

      Now, didn’t George W want to start an equine aristocracy with inherited titles? And didn’t John Adams want to be called ‘Your Majesty’? I live in the Hudson Valley. The land from above Manhattan all the way up to Albany was divided between five families. The Livingstons who owned this stretch did their damnedest to reintroduce an English manorial system. Didn’t work.

  • Hunter M

    That is assuming that the F N Moron doesn’t kill us all first.

  • Alex Polkovsky

    Anchor baby! Anchor baby! Anchor baby!

    It’s a Cinderella story waiting to happen. Somebody option the movie quickly. Coming to America 2: This Time it’s Improbable!

    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      Thing is, even if the kids were born stateside, they’d still be considered British because children born of “Royal blood” are considered to be born in their sovereign’s nation regardless of physical locale pursuant to diplomatic protocols.

  • Stubenville

    [eyeroll] Grasping at straws much?

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    What I find most amusing is the notion that the kids would be American, no, they wouldn’t. Protocol would see them as British Citizens, regardless of where they’re physically born as they would be children of a sovereign Prince of a Realm, in this case, Great Britain. They may end up with dual status, but their lineage would be to the Crown, not the U.S. So this whole conspiracy collapses on this one fact alone. That said, it’s one of the more interesting notions and let’s face it, I suspect there are some in the U.S. who might actually prefer a British Parliamentary System over the current status quo in DC.

    Cue…. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/344e76b1becfc9f88ca8db3f363b0eea32fd8f9c41c26610d8079be740e01753.gif

    • Ernest Endevor

      I would hate a system like the UK’s. But I’ve been trying to get the Danes to invade for years. The sticking point is the South. They’re not keen to assume responsibility and who can blame them.

      • Jean-Marc in Canada

        It works here in Canada well enough. The Danish system is very good though.

  • VodkaAndPolitics

    Dear Lord! Article 1, Section 9 of the US constitution prohibits any American Official, elected or appointed from holding a Title of Nobility from a foreign power. She can be A Princess, She can be President, but she can’t be both.

    • Erp

      Actually it prohibits them from receiving one. If they already have them it is probably ok (the idea seems to have been to prohibit bribes).

      BTW the conspiracy theory works better the other way round. The US is planning to get an American citizen UK monarch and then they will be required to pay US income tax on the monarch’s income (US law even states US citizens who renounce US citizenship still have to pay income tax for 10 years). One could make it wilder by having the income tax paid on the crown’s income.

    • Taylor Bixler

      Is Ivanka aware of this?

  • Tiger Quinn

    Sigh. Ahem, when a royal comes of age, moves up in rank, gets more land (a dozen other things), they get new names and titles – literally becoming new people. Diana had to be made into a landed royal before she could marry Charles. (Not sure what they’re going to do with Lady Actress there) They wouldn’t be American citizens. Also, Harry is now fourth in line for the throne, his kids being fifth and sixth. And that’s if the Queen ever even allows Charles to ascend (she hates him). American friends, you’re fine.

    • Natty Enquirer

      Markle is a U.S. citizen and any child to whom she gives birth will be one, too, unless she or they renounce citizenship.

      • clay

        To take a British royal title would be to denounce US citizenship.

        • Canadian Observer

          Denounce? Renounce actually.

          • clay

            D / R, both are the same! /s

      • Maya Collins

        The official word is that she is going to become a British citizen and convert to the church of England before the wedding.

  • Jeffg166

    Maybe this is the brexit backup plan.

  • FAEN

    If the Brits re back we’d be a bigger Canada which would be fabulous. Plus we would kick butt at the Commonwealth Games. Just saying.

  • Lakeview Bob

    This is just too fucking stupid on so many levels to even comment on.

  • Will Parkinson

    I love this! How can we make it happen?

  • TuuxKabin
  • safari

    I want Prince Harry to be first Grandpa.

  • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

    Nobody in their right mind would wish to reclaim the great ball of dung we call America these days.

  • William

    The Monty Python prophecies are coming true.


  • These people always seem so desparate to seem SMARTER THAN ANYBODY. #conclusionjumpers

    • Ben in Oakland

      They are smarter than anyone who’s dead right now. surely, that must count?

  • What if you’re a fncking idiot, GP? No, what-if’s. You ARE a fncking idiot!

  • Friday

    Err, it’s in that Constitution the Right pretends to love but ignores, you can’t hold or accept a foreign title of nobility while in public office.

    • -M-

      Thank you. And besides which the president doesn’t own the country, they just hold an office for a limited period of time.

  • Hue-Man

    “Inter-national” marriage is what caused the disqualification of Australian MPs (Members of Parliament) who were found to be dual citizens which is forbidden by their Constitution.

  • TampaZeke

    Oy fucking vey! This idiot has no clue of the line of succession or the the status of the Queen wife of the heir King after his demise.

  • JWC

    If Britian was smart that the last thing theywould want It would be like getting your Grammas 61 Pinto

  • boobert

    Let’s make it worse and with Harry having a daughter that marries barron ! Hopefully, I’ll be long gone before that happens.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    They can have it back, I would take a queen and the royals over the wannabe Royals that is the Trump Clan. I think we have shown we have failed self goverance.

  • JAKvirginia

    “Thought Catalog?” More like Pulled-It-Out-Of-My-Ass pamphlet.

  • James

    For one of Harry’s kids to be monarch there’d have to be a huge number of deaths. It’ll never happen.

    However, it’s true that they might be citizens, or at least liable for American taxes. There were a lot of news stories a few years ago about people born overseas to American parents who in adulthood discovered they were supposed to submit US tax returns. Meghan is giving up her job and moving to London. I wonder if she’ll renounce her citizenship too.

  • andrew

    One of Harry’s kids will become the British Monarch right after the President Pro Temp of the U.S. Senate becomes POTUS,

    • JCF

      If only because the former would mean a bunch of tragic deaths (of decent, even if be-crowned, Brits), I’m REALLY hoping the latter is more likely…

  • meltedrubbersoul

    Oh boy, crypto-Lyndon Larouchian intrigue!