Bryan Fischer: The Coming Eclipse Is From Satan

“The path of this total eclipse of the sun is remarkable, in that it crosses over the entire continental United States, almost perfectly bisecting America from the Northwest to the Southeast. And in that path, the sun will be perfectly blotted out, by the ruler of the night, plunging all of America in its path into virtual total darkness. Satan, and those who unwittingly serve as his accomplices by resisting the public acknowledgement of God and seeking to repress the expression of Christian faith in our land, are bringing on us a dark night of the national soul. – American Family Association radio host Bryan Fischer, posting to Facebook.

  • JWC

    Ya Brian its gonna go all dark and bite your bum better hide

  • Lazycrockett

    Also true Christians can look up on the total eclipse with their naked eyes and will be filled with the spirit of the lord.

  • SammySeattle

    It took him 38 years to come up with this.

    • another_steve

      This is what he does for a living.

      Pity him.

  • shellback

    Brian, fight Satan. Stare at the eclipse until it’s over. Jeezis told me to tell you.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I endorse this notion.

    • MonochromeMouse

      Jebus said, in 2 Corinthians, that god will give you special holy-vision powers if you stare directly into an eclipse from beginning to end

      • fahvel

        amusing as hell but wait till the day after and read about the number of eye injuries – it will be directly in proportion to the iq of the voting right wing.

      • Joe Downey

        That is TWO Corinthians from the King Trump Version AKA the Orange Monkey God Bible

  • another_steve
  • William of Glynn

    Nut.

  • Princess Lardass

    Fucking idiot!

  • Nowhereman

    Oh for pity’s sake! Go read a grade school science book and catch up with the real world

  • bkmn

    It would be a real shame if some of his listeners believed him and had panic attacks that caused their deaths.

  • David J

    Who needs astronomy when you have crazy religion?

    • Nowhereman

      Betsy DeVos would like public school children to use the buybull as a science book.

      • Snarkaholic

        Fine…then they can set a few dozen poisonous snakes loose in her office…since she’s such a believer, she should be a-okay.

  • Sashineb
    • 2patricius2

      I think instead of thumping his Bible, he’s been thumping his head. Either that, or his bank account is getting empty.

  • Nowhereman

    Just curious–How is this not a sign of mental illness?

    • BJORN RAGNVALDR

      Oh, it is. It’s the mental illness not diagnosed as such, cause gawd. The illness is more than tolerated, it’s outright encouraged. It’s entire purpose over the centuries were to control the minds, actions and pocketbooks of the ones gullible and fearful enough to buy it. They stoke more fear and uncertainty, as well as create common enemies that it is their duty to condemn (their book says not to but….details). They grew big enough to buy politicians with the grift from their flock, and have themselves enshrined by the government, which is why they need to be taxed, also.

      The cult of mental defect.

  • Cuberly

    He should set that to music….oh wait,…it’s been done.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6iRNVwslM4

    • netxtown

      I can honestly say that John Fogerty was the first male celebrity that I very quietly thought was hot.

  • Tomcat

    THANK YOU SATIN!

  • JoeMyGod
    • Steven B

      You beat me to it. Was was just posting the same thing.

      • Jenniferjgibson

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        • Steven B

          Jesus H Christ. Why do I get all the fucking trolls?

      • Gloriatmason

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    • Eddie Besketti

      if you ask me, the signs were there even before the election.

    • Richard, another Canuck

      Love your URL for this story Joe. Tragedy can do terrible things to people…

    • Danieruw

      My mom just sent me that!

    • Charlie 2001
  • AtticusP
  • Ignorant bleatings like this is proof positive that religious fundamentalism retards and devolves the human brain.

  • ColdCountry

    Oh, Brian. If you’d paid attention in science class, you wouldn’t be living in such fear.

  • TheManicMechanic

    My suggestion to these idiots is they make lots of Jonestown Koolaid and share it among themselves and their followers when the eclipse hits.

  • Wynter Marie Starr

    Just how fucking stupid are these people. It’s a celestial event that is easily predictable due to the way the universe and our solar system works. It has nothing to do with any god or devil or spirit. It’s a natural event like wind. Pick up a goddamn book at least once a year that was written in this or at least the last century.

    • Mikey

      syense is hard, durrrrr.

    • BJORN RAGNVALDR

      They live their lives very selectively from a book of mythology written by a superstitious people who didn’t know where the sun went at night, they had the excuse of lack of knowledge of the world beyond their familial borders and no way to navigate the world. These bags of Jim Bakker slop have no excuse. It’s willful ignorance.

    • Smokey
      • FAEN

        ^THIS^

    • Gianni

      These fakirs know that. Problem is if they espouse such knowledge to their followers, they don’t get money for it. Gotta keep after your bottom line.

      • RoFaWh

        They are betting that a substantial slice of the population wasn’t paying attention during science classes in school.

        • Gianni

          Good bet! Works for them! 🙂

    • nocadrummer

      And far more predictable than the wind.

    • Harley

      That’s too sciency for these intellectually deficient morons.

    • rednekokie

      But it couldn’t possibly happen without a flat earth — that’s why it only happens in the US — the rest of the world is on the other side of the flat, and has fallen off already.

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        LOL, that was a good laugh you provided, something we all sorely need while watching the destruction of our country.

        • rednekokie

          Glad you laughed. Laughter is the music of the soul, and Music is the laughter of the soul.
          We all need both.

  • Ronald Reagan is Dead!
  • Westcoast88

    Now I’m confused.
    Another religious nut bag is saying that the eclipse is a sign that God is angry.
    Who to believe?

  • Tomcat

    Schools will be closed all over America Monday due to the impending Apocalypse.
    Please do not look directly at the Apocalypse for fear you will be blinded and not be raptured because you are not perfect.

    • JDS

      Then they are stupid parents who wanted the Eclipse rescheduled.

  • Michael

    I really thought Satan was coming in the form of tomo morning’s hangover

    • another_steve

      Satan visits me in the morning when I’ve had a third Beefeater Martini the evening before.

      • Gianni

        Sort of a personal invitation.

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN
    • 2patricius2

      Of course, that’s also the mystery of Drumpf’s election.

    • Gianni

      That’s too funny! 😀

    • RoFaWh

      The whole family died in a wreck???

    • Snarkaholic

      The guys are all wearing dresses…seems pretty progressive to me!

  • Tomcat

    There is more chance of a religious zealot reaching into your pocket and taking your money than there is that the world will end with this eclipse.

    • Tomcat

      Much more.

    • AmeriCanadian

      One is virtually guaranteed to happen.

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
  • crewman

    You use science to accurately know when the eclipse will be but then say it is because of Satan? I forget, did Trump appoint Fischer to any position? Head of NASA? Secretary of Science and Technology?

    • Tomcat

      Keeper of the NUTS.

  • Tomcat

    For those of you that think the eclipse is the end, feel free to go in advance to prepare a place for us in heaven.

  • Because math, physics, and astronomy is just too much for Christian white supremacists superior minds.

    • I mean ancient brown pagans in China and Korea just did a bit to of math and pretty much dispelled the idea that a solar eclipse is something divine. But apparently these modern white Christians are the superior ones.

      • clay

        (and Central America)

      • TimCA

        and Moorish Spain too.

    • JCF

      -ist.

      • clay

        cyst?

  • Natty Enquirer

    Virtual total darkness, favorite companion to virtual truth.

  • #sheetcaking

    Guys like him are proof that evolution doesn’t always take.

    They also reaffirm my choice to become an atheist.

    • Hue-Man

      We’re all born atheists….

      • #sheetcaking

        Umm…I’m aware of that. But it’s not really a conscious choice at the time.

        • Natty Enquirer

          Neither is religion for anyone born into it.

          • #sheetcaking

            Again…I’m more than aware of that. I grew up in a religious home and ultimately CHOSE atheism.

        • Hue-Man

          It wasn’t our conscious choice when our parents force-fed us myths about white jesus or allah or multiple hindu gods. We’d all grow up to be atheists absent those negative influences.

  • Lee Grupsmith-Pedersen

    Oh puhLEEZE Bryan, NOW a warning? First of all, it will NOT plunge the entire country into darkness–just the narrow path of totality gets full on dark. The rest of us will have to make do with dimness.

    And that brings me to Satan. Of course you say this event is “from” Satan. Who is it Satan from? Who permits him to do these things? Are you perhaps implying that Gawd is not all-powerful and in control, you stinking heretic you?

    Enough. I’m going to get baked and draw up plans for a camera obscura for Monday morning.

  • Blake J Butler

    He was more colorful when he expressed his “love” for black guys. Just a fruitcake with an obsession for the homosexual sex.

    • another_steve

      Please stop badmouthing fruitcakes with an obsession for homosexual sex.

      I happen to be one of those.

      • Blake J Butler

        Different kind of fruitcakes Steve, just like assholes, depends on the interpretation.

        • another_steve

          I’ve been waiting 65 years for my voice to deepen. At age 15 I asked my father what was up with that, and he merely shrugged his shoulders.

          Today I sound like a cross between a 16-year-old girl and Harold from “The Boys in the Band.”

          🙁

          • Blake J Butler

            My voice still gets mistaken for a female’s sometimes and i’m 23. My balls dropped years ago and i still don’t think it will change to more being more masculine.

          • another_steve

            My first full-time job out of university involved interviewing members of the public. I was around your age. I was and am fem (have no problem with that).

            I remember interviewing an elderly man with vision issues. He mistook me for female and called me “ma’am” throughout the interview.

            Whatever.

            In my dotage today, the memory of it gives me a chuckle.

          • RoFaWh

            Old adage: When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

            Take up a new career. For example, cabaret singer.

  • AmeriCanadian

    I wonder if he would consider me a satan worshiper since I’m about to embark on a ten hour road trip to situate myself right in the middle of the path of totality.

  • Dagoril

    Anyone who sees the eclipse will go blind and will be eaten by Triffids!

    • grada3784

      According to one dubious source, Triffids can be dissolved by seawater.

  • MonochromeMouse

    Because there has never ever been a total eclipse of the sun before in the history of the world.

    • RoFaWh

      Nor has anyone been able to predict eclipses.

  • Zeldacat

    Pathetic.

    Meanwhile, I’ve been wanting to see one of these my whole life and live in the path of totality and will be on the top of a mountain to see it. I can’t wait! The weather is supposed to be absolutely perfect. 🙂

    • SoCalGal20

      Awesome! It’s something to see!

  • GeoffreyPS

    Isn’t this a rather pagan belief for a Christian?

    • Jefe5084

      Shhhhhhh…don’t use logic or bring up anything factual. Their heads explode…oh, well go ahead.

  • Smokey

    “The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.” Bertrand Russell
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/595477ce39bfcfeb40f90ef9a3f02f7f045fccd2d576c36a199ba3dd41fdf9f1.jpg

  • Blake J Butler
    • Tomcat

      Still not sure if that guy is alive or dead.

  • houstonray
  • Bluto
  • Jean-Marc in Canada
    • Lazycrockett
        • RoFaWh

          But that egg is not a chicken egg; it wasn’t laid by a chicken.

          • Since it had the first chicken in it that doesn’t matter.

          • Jefe5084

            “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” It was not stated: “which came first the chicken or the chicken egg?” Eggs from dinosaurs probably were around before birds. Birds are thought to be have evolved from a type of dinosaur. Way over simplified, I know.

          • Eddie Besketti

            so the question should be: which came first – the dinosaur or the egg?

          • ECarpenter

            Well, no, because the ancestors of the dinosaurs also laid eggs. So the eggs came first.

          • ECarpenter

            You’re Christian, right? You’re compelled to change the rules when you find that your beliefs have been successfully debunked, right?

      • Tomcat

        And people got along much better before religion.
        Religion taught everyone to hate.

        • AaronD12

          And to stop thinking. An acquaintance’s 10-year-old daughter confided in me that the reason she doesn’t want to be a scientist anymore is because her parents said that scientists lie.

          Yeah, it’s way outside my bounds, but I set her straight. She is now back to wanting to be a scientist. Fuck her stupid parents for putting religion before their child’s dreams.

        • Christine

          It’s easy to get along when there are only a handful of people and lots of space to move around in. Having a conflict? Go over the hill and find a new cave!

        • BobSF_94117

          Most religions were about humanity’s place in the world. It didn’t get all thou-shalt-not-y until monotheism reared its ugly head.

          • lymis

            There were plenty of thou-shalt-nots under polytheism. Don’t kid yourself. That’s not a defense of monotheistic thou-shalt-nots, but let’s get the facts right.

          • David L. Caster

            Religion started out life as mythology that was turned into a tool of politics. It always sucked at accurately explaining anything let alone guiding morality.

          • BobSF_94117

            Most polytheistic systems allow for a wide range of human attributes exhibited by different gods, including undesirable traits or characteristics. Thus what some gods tell us we shall not do, other gods actually do. It’s easier to find an understanding deity.

          • Mihangel apYrs

            I seem to remember reading the Shiva had his flexibilities . . .

      • Robincho

        “homosapien”? Nice try…

  • 2patricius2

    Many of the states it’s crossing are red states. Hmmm.

    Of course, since total eclipses are predictable by science, that kind of blows his theory out of the sky.

  • Gianni

    Before science and associated knowledge, the ancients believed such things because their “priests” told them so. The priests were capable of divining the meanings of such inexplicable things because of their communications with the gods and demons.Nowadays, we know and understand the forces and mechanics at work that produce such things as eclipses. However, there is no lack of soothsayers and charlatans who commune with the gods and share the true divine realities behind these things. That’s because there is an endless supply of fools, dummies, and idiots who desperately want to believe the way the ancient peoples, who knew nothing of how/why these things occurred, believed. Also, they send money!

  • Pat

    Preach it Bry Bry! Go stand in the middle lane of your local highway at the height of the eclipse with a bible in your hand and PREACH it!

  • Smokey

    Bryan, maybe if you had given into your urges you wouldn’t have these delusions:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/266dc95bc44fc6a1fe207f5154153465a3aa0923d0f18daa2a3e88aebce4ab45.jpg

    • another_steve

      Why is the image cut off at the bottom?

      Do you hate us?

      • Smokey

        Let’s just say I had to cut a lot of the picture off. (And what are the terms of usage? Only Republicans can send dick pics?)

        • Eddie Besketti

          omg – my dyslexia mind actually read “….terms of sausage.” and my fingers actually typed dicks licksia and I had to go back and correct it. Now could Smokey please go back and correct his picture.

      • lymis

        Satan blotted out the bottom of that picture.

        • Oh’behr in Minnesota

          Yes, though you can betcha that Bryan has used Google Image Search to find the original, has downloaded it and gotten off to it more than once by now. Oh and has it loaded to the cloud too for future research purposes, of course, similar to Porno Pete.

          PS … I like saying betcha since Sarah Palin mimics my Minnesotan accent. Though I don’t ever say, betcha.

      • Gest2016

        Yes this posting is almost a human rights abuse. Give us more!

    • KCMC

      Eclipse me now till Monday. Hard.

    • OdieDenCO

      why is there not a “see more” link at the bottom of this post?

      • David Walker

        Maybe that’s not his name. Although if it is, “Suddenly Seymour” would have a whole new ring to it.

    • Joseph Miceli

      Just remembered… I need to get some chocolate.

  • Ninja0980

    The stupid is strong with these people, just as it is with our waiter at the diner we’re at right now.

  • JCF
  • bdsmjack

    What does one wear to a Satanic eclipse?

  • Outlaw Woman

    Except that this eclipse was all calculated out a few centuries ago when mankind pretty much figured out how the moon and planets move.

    Message to those who consider themselves to be “TRVE CHRISTIANS”(tm):
    Protective goggles are SATANIC !
    TRVE CHRISTIANS must observe this heavenly phenomenon with their naked eyes !

    • Based on the fact that this country “elected” Trump, I’m convinced there are going to be a LOT of permanently sight-compromised people in Emergency Rooms Monday afternoon.

  • Dagoril

    I hope somebody warns Tony PerKKKins about the eclipse. God might try to destroy his house again!

    • Jefe5084

      Or push Pat Robertson off a horse again.

  • jonfromcalifornia

    Blah, blah, blah, more evangelical bullcrap… blah, blah, blah…

  • FAEN

    Grifters Gonna Grift.

    • Hue-Man

      Grifters GOTTA Grift.

      • FAEN

        Well that too.

  • MikeBx2

    So Jesus got Trump elected but he still mad?

    • Gianni

      Makes one wonder. God got his way and still wants to kick our asses.

  • unclemike

    Science is really hard for some people.

    • Ben in Oakland

      Grifting those people isn’t.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Seriously. In 2017!

  • Tachvs Maximvs

    Ah! Yessss! The Dark Ages again! Let’s all invoke the spirit of Merlin so he may free us from Satan’s evil! Once here he may even slay a dragon or ten, pesky critters!

  • Bronxboy47

    He seems pretty confident the people who follow him are too ignorant to realize he’s pulling this crap out of his ass.

    • Tomcat

      It must work, he makes money at it.

      • RoFaWh

        Or he has a copy of the Moscow pee tapes and has let the crazy old fascist hear about it.

  • Hanwi

    Holy fucking hell…..I just don’t know what to…….I just can’t….

    https://youtu.be/lrL0bYsF_0E

    • Hanwi

      Just in case anyone was wondering, clip from Kung Fu Hustle, one of the finest movies ever made. Artistically, thematically, cinematically perfect in every way, top 5 for sure.

  • Karl Dubhe

    I need more vodka, in order to be able to interpret his prophecy.

    Please send bottles. 🙂

  • OdieDenCO

    Science is not a left wing conspiracy and the boogeyman doesn’t live under you bed! you two bit twit!

  • marshlc

    Mark Twain was poking fun at this medieval mindset way back in 1889, in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court.

  • ColoMtnWoman

    No, NumbNuts, it’s called celestial mechanics.

    • William

      Try getting one of them after 5 PM.

      • David L. Caster

        Nothing more pathetic than a broken down star.

  • skyweaver

    Or you could take a science class

  • “Satan, and those who unwittingly serve as his accomplices… are bringing on us a dark night of the national soul.”

    He typed this out and posted it on Facebook? That fool! Now the demons inside his computing machine that make it work will know he’s on to them!

  • The_Wretched

    Or it’s celestial mechanics and astronomers have a really good idea how and when the next one will happen for the next 10,000 of them.

    • RoFaWh

      If you want to read some really sad stuff, try the astrophysics forum on Craigslist.

  • j.martindale

    Or it might just be an eclipse. Those happen occasionally.

  • BartmanLA

    Please can we hope this guy is right in the path of the eclipse, as well as every right wing nutjob, and crazy like Alex Jones and when the eclipse happens they’ll have disappeared when the sun comes back out??? That would be so helpful!

  • -M-

    Joe’s having fun with URLs again. 😀

  • Mark

    Good god – we’ve regressed to the 15th century? What the fuck??

    • Mike_in_the_Tundra

      I thought I was going to last one day without saying it, but What The Fuck?

  • teedofftaxpayer

    Another dumb shit who doesn’t know science. How the hell did this dimwit even get out of school.

    • Ben in Oakland

      He knows science. He knows grifting.

  • netxtown

    dude – a dark night on your nasty soul could be promoted by a monkey wrench behind either ear. STFU and go quiver in a corner before Satan really does set his teeth in your ass….

  • djcoastermark

    Here comes the start of the crazy old men yelling at clouds. This weekend is going to be so fun. Tuesday morning is going to be a fricking riot of laughter. (it already is, but, ya’know)

    • William

      Will there be a wave of mass suicide?

      • shellback

        Oh, gawd, I hope so.

  • ArchiLaw

    Or, the earth and the moon are moving.

    • ECarpenter

      Two separate popes decreed that the earth does NOT move, it neither rotates on it’s axis nor orbits the sun. So there, you doubting Thomas!

  • DoctorDJ

    Bryan Fischer is the reason we have instructions on the shampoo bottle.

    • TKW

      I never repeat. Does that make me a bad person?

      • DoctorDJ

        Yes.

        It should be an infinite Do-loop.

        • David L. Caster

          It should read lather, rinse, repeat as needed.

  • NZArtist

    Anyone here think religion isn’t a mental disorder?

    • leastyebejudged

      Where’d you get your degree in psychology ?

      • NZArtist

        “Anyone here think Trump isn’t an arsehole?”
        “Where did you get your degree in proctology?”
        Yeah, good luck with that.
        You’r not one of those people with an imaginary friend, are you? They seem really quick to demand their delusions are the *acceptable* delusions.

        • leastyebejudged

          That’s what I thought. You’re typically unqualified.

        • TimCA

          Recently, elsewhere on another blog site, I wrote “Trump is mentally unfit to hold the office to which he was elected” . I was immediately bombarded with comments demanding I produce a degree giving me authority to make such a statement (of course I have none), asking when I’ve ever personally met Trump to make this assertion etc. I replied one doesn’t need a degree or personally meet Charles Manson to come to a conclusion regarding his mental health.

      • Karl Dubhe

        An adult who has imaginary friends also has a mental disorder…

        • leastyebejudged

          You are? Maybe get that checked out then.

          It’s interesting to em so many little c*nts like you crawl out of the woodwork when people point out you are UNQUALIFIED.

    • Ben in Oakland

      It could just be a con game. I betcha never thought of THAT!

      • NZArtist

        It can be a combination of both. I mean, there actually are (hard to believe, I know) people who have an imaginary friend. And there are other people who are willing to take advantage of that for personal gain.

        • Ben in Oakland

          Please. Say it ain’t so.

  • Paula

    I plan on moving my house when it is dark and everyone else is looking up. They will never even realize.

  • Max_1
  • MBear

    Now that’s science you can bank on!

  • Marc Leger

    What a moron.

  • scott lopez

    Awesome! It’s something to see!

  • Benji

    F*ing crackpot!

  • sword

    At last…science is able to predict where and when the Devil is going to act…to within meters and seconds. Those “Christians” have never had a clue.

  • Judas Peckerwood

    Jeez, dude must fall to pieces each and every night.

  • Jefe5084

    SCIENCE ROCKS!!!

  • The Sentinel
  • DaveMiller135

    Oh Bry Bry. Use some science. The eclipse isn’t from Satan, it’s from Uranus.

  • Jmdintpa

    laugh on but when it all comes tumbling down yall aint getting none of my jim baker food buckets.

    • greenmanTN

      Promise?

    • William

      My favorite flavor is yellow.

      • Eddie Besketti

        I’ve got your favorite flavor free flowing.

  • Secure

    Holy shit he must be really fucking freaked out by volcanoes.

  • David Walker

    I knew this was going to happen. God created the universe, but Satan came up with the eclipse. This is a quick part from an old Bob Newhart routine about an expedition of the 7 lost cities of the Incas. It’s amazing how it applies to Today’s Xn Assholism.
    https://youtu.be/M-TdCHvnDpY?t=4m54s

  • Christine

    JFAC.

  • Steven B

    Troll. I’m reporting your post.

  • Richard B

    Isn’t life complicated enough right now with white supremacists Nazi wannabes marching all over with the blessing with the mango madman who is money laundering billions of $$$ with our arch adversary Russia who also played a role in installing the mango madman as POTUS and now Tupelo, MS’s most superstitious witch doctor, the White Hair Man, is channeling with one of the gods and now foresees the arrival of a great eclipse sent from the one and only ultimate supernatural bad guy Satan – whew !

    The sky fairy worshipers said the world was going to fall apart if I married my best friend, but who knew it would be like this?

  • nocadrummer

    These people have a remarkable ability to deny science. Even when they realize that it’s science that helps them know the exact path of the eclipse. There’s just a complete disconnect between the fact that we’ve known it’s going to happen for many years, when, and where, and yet blaming it on Satan or God’s wrath.

  • M Jackson

    So this christianist idiot just came out of hiding to give us a lesson in christianist/apocolyptical nonsense. Via Facebook lol.. These marginal bottom feeders are so eclipsed by the idiocy of the president that used to be the product of their wildest dreams, Fischer cannot find an entry into the national discussion and it’s ridiculous at this point to watch him try.

    • greenmanTN

      If he spiced up his stories with sweaty long-haired men with earrings he might get a little more traction. It needs more sizzle!

  • Ben in Oakland

    Fucking idiot. The eclipse was predictable, was predicted years ago.

    But sure. Satan.

    Personally, I think it is just the shadow caused by Jesus’s Hemorrhoids. You make them swell, and he is pissed.

    • BobSF_94117

      Well, in his defense, Satan is pretty predictable. Not as predictable as Bryan Fischer, but still…

      • Ben in Oakland

        It’s amazing just how predictable the Father of Lies and the Prince of this World is.

        You’d almost think that Fissure and his ilk are very familiar with him.

    • Slim Compersion

      Yes, predicted using science. Not religion, but science.

      While the religionists spin their fanciful tales and prophecies, even they find the scientific predictions so reliable they just take it as a given that they will come true. But they never mention that.

  • Ben in Oakland

    You know, when the sun gets eaten by thatgigantic satanic pig? It happens every single Goddam night.

    • ECarpenter

      Scary, huh?

    • greenmanTN

      And it’s turtles all the way down!

  • andrew

    God told me, I kid you not, that he has directed this Eclipse to bisect the USA because he is angry that the American voters and the Electoral College chose two different people to be president, then his voice got kind of garbled, you know he lives billions of light years away from earth, but I think he said: “I hate figs.”

    • RJ Bone

      NTS: put figs in next burnt offering 😉

  • fahvel

    interesting: you have a moron with no social skills at all aspres and think he’s dangerous – remember though, the pres has no ethics, or morals, or relations with other humans. Psychos like this fisher are seriously dangerous – they have a morality, and an ethic and relate well with fools but they sell horror.

  • ECarpenter

    When a total eclipse passed over Texas in the 1800s, thousands of Xtians thought it was the end of the world, and that the sun’s corona was Jesus’s crown. They prostrated themselves in the fields and waited for Jesus to show up, or went on violent rampages in anticipation of Satan coming to get them.

    The educational system in Texas has been severely damaged by ignorant religious people for a very long time.

  • billbear1961

    Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

    Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

    Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

    A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

    Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

    Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

  • orion dumptee

    gee, Bryan… I”m so confused…I thought you liked EVERYTHING dark and Black

  • BobSF_94117

    I assume he’s looking for some true believers to ship their virgin daughters to him.

  • caphillprof

    Low class Christians never can keep control of their metaphors.

    The eclipse happens with or without god. It’s inherent in the cosmos.

  • FloBear

    Mental illness is sad.

  • Homo Erectus
  • Benny S.

    And then, two minutes later, when the eclipse is over, Fischer will also post to Facebook: “God is the victor over Satan!”

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      “Satan will swallow the sun, but if you send money I will pray for the Lord to make him to hork it up.”

    • Ann Kah

      …shame about those virgins they sacrificed to make the sun return…

  • Frostbite

    The voices in my head told me Trump came from Satan. So obviously it’s true.

  • DesertSun59

    Fischer’s logic fail is breathtaking.

  • JDS
  • rednekokie

    Aren’t we lucky that the earth has remained flat, so that god can send the moon across it just to blot out the light in a certain prescribed prophetic manner, the purpose being to spank us for our naughty actions?

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Yes, we know that Bryan- and we thank him for it.

  • Baltimatt

    Meanwhile, CBN News (Pat Robertson’s outfit) reports the eclipse as a divine sign.

    http://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2017/august/solar-eclipse-random-happenstance-or-a-divine-sign

    Can’t these folks get their talking points straight?

    • Slim Compersion

      “Astronomer and minister, Hugh Ross, of the faith-based science group Reasons to Believe finds the fit of earth’s little moon over the humongous sun too exact to be mere serendipity. He sees the designing hand of God.”

      Funny how they never account for annular eclipses.

    • Ode2joy

      What were your talking points when you convinced the administration I was the problem? 🙄

  • Clive Johnson

    “by the ruler of the night” – also known as the fucking moon.

    • Canadian Observer

      I’ve heard of the harvest moon, the blue moon and even the red moon, first I have heard of a fucking moon. Looking forward to it, of course.

  • Pip

    Jesus Fucking Christ I know science can be hard. I get that tiny pea sized brains have a hard time grasping basic concepts. But this is science you learn in middle school. These people are just too stupid. I can’t even.

  • boatboy_srq

    This is what happens when you study literature and pretend it’s fact, instead of studying actual facts.

  • NMNative
  • BillyDee4

    Every 12 hours or so the earth is plunged into darkness. It’s called night. Not Satan.

  • Rick James Brown

    Yeah. Sure. We’ve known the EXACT SECOND the eclipse was gonna happen on
    Monday…for decades. But Satan decided to punish us…now. Makes
    perfect sense Bryan.

  • Daniel Wreaks

    what you talkin bout Willis

  • Matt

    Damn, that is one stupid, stupid man.

  • Mike in Texas

    So who forgot to issue the trigger warning to religious nutcases?

  • Robert Anthony

    Yeeeeeeah… most people don’t call the moon “the ruler of the night”, but I suppose it would seem that way when you believe in magic space wizards and their nemesis boogeyman/fallen angels.

  • Richard Ferrara

    Funny how people keep referring to the eclipse as a “sign” even though it was known years in advance that it would be on this date, just like all the next eclipses. Here are the dates for the next hundred years: https:
    //www.greatamericaneclipse.com/future/
    Unless we have a more “godly” president, these dates are subject to change, 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣