Tag Archives: loony tunes

Creationist: God Gave Us All A Nasal Bone Because He Knew, Because Of Sin, We Would Need To Wear Glasses

“We also can look at the nasal bone right here. God designed humans very specifically, with this nasal bone, because He knew, because of sin, we’d be wearing glasses and contacts, right? So this helps hold our glasses. Primates have no need to wear glasses, so they were not created with that bone there.” – Creationist “Dr.” Jennifer Rivera, speaking …

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Christian Prophetess: Jesus Took Me To A Football Game In Heaven Where He’s Always The Winner In All Sports

“They have sports in heaven because those people have gifts. But every sport is played for one person, and the winner in any of these sports are always Jesus Christ. “And I’m even going to share this before we go — I was taken to a football game in heaven. Anyway, he took me to this football game that somebody …

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Michele Bachman: Satan Wants Biden To Win But God Has Already “Sealed The Election In The Heavenlies”

“Satan wants to intervene with God’s plans, and he has a certain amount of authority on this Earth. But we as believers have greater authority because the scripture says, ‘Greater is He who is in us than he is in the world.’ So that’s why we can stand on this scripture. “We can stand and say, No. 1, ‘Devil, you …

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Zoomvangelical: Christians Must “Release The Aroma Of Christ” In Polling Stations So People Will Vote For Trump

“We are the ones, dear Lord, that you have called in this hour to literally release the aroma of Christ Jesus into our state and into our nation. And I am praying, dear Lord, that as your people walk into the polling locations tomorrow, that they will indeed have the aroma of Christ on them. “And it will literally cause …

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Televangelist: God Will “Put His Finger” On Trump And Will Punish Any Voters For Joe “Child Sacrifice” Biden

“I believe, No. 1, he will be a two-term president. I believe, No. 2, he’ll even get some Nobel Peace Prizes. I believe, No. 3, that his legacy will be one of the great presidents of the United States. “And I also believe that that warmth that I saw in him will shine greater and greater, as he has the …

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Christian Site: Beware Of Witches In Your Church

Jennifer LeClaire writes for Charisma News: So-called “Christian” witches love to come to my church, Awakening House of Prayer, in Fort Lauderdale. Mind you, I realize there’s no such thing as a Christian witch, but that’s what they call themselves. I’ve seen a rise of Christians practicing witchcraft. Or maybe they aren’t Christians at all. I won’t judge someone’s salvation, …

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Christian Prophet: Angels Call Biden “Sleepy Joe” And God Told Me He Sent Trump To Be Our “Superhero”

“He knows exactly who he’s going to pick, and you all know none of us are perfect. God’s seen the beginning and the end, and he knows exactly who he needs to do those jobs. God likes bold personalities, passionate people. “That means they’re expressive, they’re fierce about what they believe in, and sometimes those people maybe go over a …

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Copeland: Trump Proves That Christians Are Immune

“I was noticing today – President Trump and his beautiful First Lady – without masks. They are immune. They are immune. And this display of our president giving God thanks for helping in that time – and he walked out immune. Somehow. Glory to God. Woo! Thank you, Jesus. Come on man, we’re immune. We’re going through this thing with …

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Christian Prophet: I Drove Past Early Voting And God Told Me “All Those People In Line Are Voting For Trump”

“Even in the natural (?) regards to the fake news and lying liberals – I like to use Trump’s terms – if you look in the natural (?) of what’s happening, there is no evidence that Biden has any people behind him. “But these rallies with tens of thousands of people wanting Trump, knowing that – so many of them …

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Christian Site: Protect Yourself From Halloween Witches

Kathy DeGraw writes for Charisma News: October is the month when witches and Satanists are praying and fasting to wreak havoc on Christians and destroy their prophetic words and destiny. The demonic realm is sold out and committed to accomplishing its plans and purposes. Satan’s adherents pray and fast all month in preparation for their high holy day. The evil …

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Christian Prophet: Jesus Gave Me Commission To Draw God And I Touched God’s Hair While Visiting Heaven

“I could [draw God], because of my photographic memory. But I think one of the greatest experiences I’ve ever had was when Jesus Christ introduced me to his father and Jesus himself gave me a commission to reveal the father himself. “What he’s like, the things he says, what his heart is on things. He definitely has white hair. But …

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Michele Bachmann: Muslims Have Ruined Minnesota

“Minnesota was founded by people who had a very strong biblical ethic. That has changed beyond my wildest dreams to where we are today, I’m sorry to say. “I would say probably the main thing is a loss of reverence for God and of the things of God, and a loss of reverence for his word and the truth of …

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Christian Prophetess Kat Kerr Dispatches “1000 Special Ops Angels” To Ensure Trump Gets Reelected [VIDEO]

“I can just tell you this from Heaven. Trump is going to win. We in America are the land of the brave, the free, and the filled with God. And I can tell you that whole event was filled with the presence of God. And yes, there were 1,000 angels waiting. “You know who these angels were? I could see …

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Demon Semen Doc Furious About Trump’s Diagnosis

The New York Daily News reports: Hydroxychloroquine-pushing doctor Stella Immanuel is fightin’ mad that the president — a fan of hers — didn’t keep up the bogus COVID-19 prevention program he claimed he was following in May. Immanuel found herself on the world stage in July after Donald Trump Jr. promoted a video of the infamous doctor sharing misinformation about …

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Michele Bachmann: COVID Is God’s “Judgement” On The United States For Trump Admin’s Middle East Plan

“Something happened in the earlier part of this year on January 28th. A peace plan was put on the table that came from the United States. “Also Prime Minister Netanyahu was here as well, in the White House, when the plan was revealed. What did the plan call for? It was meant to be a blessing. “But it called ultimately …

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Michele Bachmann Warns: Pre-Printed Ballots Could Be Smuggled In From China, Stored In Minnesota Barns

“So could you have a more perfectly framed scenario for fraud? So in this kind of scenario, it’s entirely possible that you could have ballots already filled out. In fact they could be printed in China. They could be routed through various countries so you can’t detect them. Make their way into Minnesota, be in a barn somewhere. Until after …

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Scamvangelist Plans To Tongue Trump Into Winning

“On this show, we’re going to only do two things. We’re going to pray perfect prayers with perfect faith. And the only way to do that is to pray in supernatural languages. And we’re going to allow the Holy Spirit to prophesy. “I can tell you this: If enough Christians pray in tongues, this country can turn around. I know …

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Dominionists: God Has Anointed The Handmaiden

Peter Montgomery reports at Right Wing Watch: On Tuesday, during an online event hosted by former Trump campaign adviser and POTUS Shield founder Frank Amedia, dominionist and anti-abortion activist Lou Engle recounted anti-abortion activist Matt Lockett’s prophetic dream in which Lockett said he grabbed Karen Pence by the shoulders and told her, “Remember the name Amy Coney Barrett!” Engle added …

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Bachmann: Biden Will Turn Us Communist In 100 Days

“This is a revolution in the street. It parallels communist takeovers in nation after nation for the last 103 years. This is a communist revolution and take over in our streets, and really Joe Biden is the nonessential candidate. “From his party’s perspective, they don’t care who’s at the top of the ticket because what they know is that 100 …

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GOP State Rep: Wearing Masks Is A “Demonic Ritual”

“I walked in Walmart tonight without a mask … and I refuse to wear a mask anywhere I go from NOW ON unless I choose to! That’s my right… as it is yours!! “But really…. this is not about masks… masks are just a symbol of deception and oppression. Its compliance training for what’s to come. It’s about control and …

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