UTAH: State Forced To Defend Same-Sex Marriage Against Man’s Relentless Campaign To Marry His Laptop

Remember the nutcase who sued Apple in 2013 because his computer didn’t block him from accessing the porn which ruined his marriage? And then in 2014 when he attempted to intervene in one of Florida’s same-sex marriage cases so that he could marry that porn-filled laptop? And then last year when he tried the same thing in Texas? Well, here we go again. Ben Winslow reports at Salt Lake City’s Fox affiliate:

There is no constitutional right to marry a laptop, the Utah Attorney General’s Office said in a new court filing. Responding to a lawsuit filed against Governor Gary Herbert, Attorney General Sean Reyes, and Utah County Clerk Bryan Thompson, lawyers for the state asked a federal judge to dismiss it.

Chris Sevier sued the state of Utah, arguing that if same-sex marriage is legal he should be allowed to marry his computer. He recently amended his lawsuit to include John Gunter, Jr., and Whitney Kohl, who are arguing for the right to enter into a polygamous marriage.

Sevier has a history of filing similar lawsuits in other states. He is acting as his own attorney in this lawsuit, and has been barred from practicing law in Tennessee. “Plaintiffs contend that because the courts have recognized same-sex individuals’ right to marry, this Court should further expand the right to marry to include unions between a person and a laptop computer and unions between multiple partners,” assistant Utah Attorney General David Wolf wrote in the filing.

Wolf’s filing also notes that Servier’s laptop is not 15 years old, the age of consent to marriage in Utah.

The irony here, of course, is that like in Texas, a state whose legal apparatus once fought ferociously against same-sex marriage has now been forced to defend it.

RELATED: In 2014 Sevier was charged with stalking country music singer John Rich.

  • AJ Drew

    So… is he addicted to porn, or to lawsuits?

    • paganguy

      I’m guessing he’s addicted to attention.

    • Smokey

      “Men in Suits” is a thing.

    • Uncle Mark

      Clearly, his laptop is the only thing that doesn’t reject his touch.

    • Acronym Jim

      Yes.

  • Uncle Mark

    With my job, I already feel like I’m married to my laptop. If anything; I’m looking for an annulment

  • Todd20036

    The loser is such a mental case I doubt even Liberty U will defend him.

    He needs psychiatric help, but because he’s a tool for the RWNJs, they won’t truly help him.

    And yes, I know about computers giving consent or writing a signature, but frankly, this guy is so far gone that logical arguments aren’t really even applicable here.

  • barrixines
  • Uncle Mark

    The saddest part of this story is that he’s small enough to fuck the USB port

    • Stogiebear

      Plug and play, Baby. Plug. And. Play.

    • Menergy

      more likely, the ear-bud plug port…..

    • Todd20036

      So THAT’S what that thing is for.

  • Stogiebear

    If Sevier can shove his laptop up his ass in open court I think that would go a long way toward proving something. Something that desperately needs proven.

  • David Milley

    Whatever happened to the penalty for filing frivolous lawsuits?

    • Frostbite

      In the U$? Frivolou$ law$uit$ i$ what keep$ the court$ earning ca$h!

    • I have heard of barring people from filing a particular class of suits in particular courts, but what he is doing is moving from State to State. He is also serving as his own attorney and just paying filing fees. He cases are thrown out quickly — and he is wasting time and hundreds of dollars in court costs — but no penalty. I don’t think he can be penalized for a first time law suit in any court.

  • JT

    He’s just frustrated because laptops no longer have slots for him to put his dick into.

    • Tawreos

      The air vents should be big enough.

  • 3-Star

    Thank you President Reagan!

  • Jmdintpa

    Calling Matt Staver… Come in Matt Staver!!!

    • Tawreos

      Like Staver is going to share the spotlight with this nutjob. Staver only helps out when he is the lone nutjob is the spotlight.

  • This is all I can muster in regards to this man, his lawyer and this entire load of BS….

    https://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/477/07f5ba90-b8ac-0133-724c-0e438b3b98d1.gif?w=740&h=417&fit=max&auto=format

    • Reality.Bites

      He’s acting as his own attorney

  • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

    They could always fall back to the way the judge handled it the “horse” case.

    Judge: “Sir, what type of horse do you wish to marry?”
    Moron: “My 8 year old mare.”
    Judge: “Petition denied, case dismissed; the legal age to marry in this state is 17”

  • Uncle Mark

    He tried to sue Apple…claiming that his laptop’s inability to block porn ruined his marriage, when the real truth was that the wife wanted an upgrade

    • bambinoitaliano

      She needed a bigger hard drive but stucked with Commodore not even a garbage collector wanted to pick up from the curb side.

    • But there are plenty of programs that will block porn for you. Another frivolous lawsuit.

      • Uncle Mark

        Heck, you can even set your web browsers to safe mode to avoid porn. The man’s an ass and an attention whore

        • Now if he had sued the porn spammers, I wouldn’t object to that. Why I got so much pussy porn spam I do not know. I certainly never got any cookies that would suggest I’d be interested in that sort of thing. (I have straight friends who got plenty of gay porn spam too.) That shit was annoying especially before spam filters.

          • Uncle Mark

            Yep…i used to get a lot of spam for breast enlargements AND penis enlargements. I kept wondering what kind of Jerry Springer freak show spammers thought I was.

          • Eric Bohlman

            Spam’s so cheap to send that it actually costs more to target it than to send it out indiscriminately.

        • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

          Either that, or he’s got mental problems. Or both.

        • Goodboy

          Yep but the kid concern is a red herring these wack jobs use every single time to get what they want.

  • olandp

    “Wolf’s filing also notes that Servier’s laptop is not 15 years old, the age of consent to marriage in Utah.”

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

    Pervert!

    • Librarykid

      I think the solution to this is castration with no testosterone supplements. The desire to insert part A into any part B should disappear in time.

    • doninkansas

      Even worse, a rapist too, after all not only is it underage, but also unable to give consent even if over the age of consent.

    • That’s hilarious that the state included that defense. Epic trolling.

      Also, 15 is way too fucking young to get married.

      • Carrieccruz

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !mj166:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !mj166:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash166HomeDesignsGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!mj166..,…

  • Bluto
    • Xuuths

      Thanks for the homage to Cheech & Chong.

  • netxtown

    he’s just concerned his hard drive will go down on him and his 5 – 9’s of uptime will be forever ruined…..

  • bambinoitaliano

    So he is a sexual predator of underage laptop? What a sick bastard! Hide you computers, hide your laptops and your devices folks! I’m sure Tony Perkins of Fucking Related Computer is interested in Sevier service.

  • Rex

    I’m sure he voted for Trump.

  • Rex

    Something tells me his penis is a perfect fit for the USB port.

    • RNegron

      That would be a really odd shaped penis…. ooohhh… nevermind.

  • i mean really. as soon as the laptop can give its own consent (not consent from a program…), then yes, let them get married.

  • ccc

    Is it me or are you also getting a repressed self-hating homosexual vibe?

    • Rambie

      I grew up in Utah the entire state is full of “repressed self-hating” vibes homosexual or otherwise.

  • TexasBoy

    There is no constitutional right to marry a laptop, the Utah Attorney General’s Office said in a new court filing.

    I can argue it simpler. A marriage is, legally, a contract entered into consensually by two parties. A laptop is an inanimate object, it has no free will and can not give legal consent.

    • yep. easy open and shut case.

      • Reality.Bites

        Which is more than most laptops have.

    • Rambie

      True today but give it another 10-15 years and the AI’s could be arguing for free will.

    • bambinoitaliano

      I’m not so sure these days when every operating system and apps require me to click on I Agree tab before I am allow to proceed. :p

    • Chris Baker

      And, presumably, he purchased the computer, so it’s technically more like a slave. He already owns the computer, so there is no need to marry it. Much like one does not need to adopt one’s own children, because those children already belong to the person via blood relation. A marriage is just a way for two unrelated people to form a legal family relationship.

    • Jerry

      Yes…see 5 requirements for a legal contract, particularly “capacity”. It’s Business Law 101.

  • Michael R
    • This GIF reminds me of a time when I was in college that this girl from one of my classes talked me into coming to her place to help her out studying. I went over, and before I could do anything, the lights went off, and she was on top of me. I managed to wriggle myself out of the situation, and left. She then proceeds to tell everyone that I was gay. I actually was — I was a closet case at the time but she was really like the guy above so it didn’t matter. But it just brought back a memory.

      • Librarykid

        I would have reported her for sexual assault and given her a real reputation. You could have dashed out because you could not find condoms in the darkness and she was obviously a disease-riddled whore as well as insane.

    • Todd20036

      PUPPY!!!

    • Andymac3

      Got to steal this for future twitter posts. It speaks to me on so many levels.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
  • Michael

    Sorry but no respectable laptop that was at least 15 years old would ever marry it’s owner because only a loser would have a laptop that old.

    • Hey. if this were a state where Trump got a voting margin of more than 30%, you and your laptop would be at least first cousins.

    • AaronD12

      Let’s think about what a 15-year-old laptop would be:

      * The first-generation “chicklet” iBook G3 running at 600MHz.
      * The PowerBook G4 (DVI/Gigabit Ethernet) running at 667/800MHz.

      I loved my chicklet iBook… it even got me out of a bad situation by running my company’s support web site for 7 days while the server was down… but I wouldn’t marry it.

  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    Is this guy rich? Don’t the courts usually demand people like this have to pay the legal costs of the other party to discourage this kind of thing? If he’s not employed, I can’t think of anybody who’d want to hire him the second they find out he’s a vexatious litigant of the weirdest kind and a stalker.

    • From what I understand, generally in the USA, no. Court costs yes, but legal costs no. If I sue you, and I lose the case, I generally do not have to pay the cost of your lawyer.

    • Hue-Man

      He is acting as his own attorney in this lawsuit,…

  • Although marriage is a step too far, there are many of us who have had sexual fantasies over sleek and elegant electronics. I, for one, remember how aroused I became at first sight of french-designed Cuisinart food processors in the salad days of my youth. Lucky for me, I never consummated my fantasy.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/274c426be4844af1bb79ba79a1ab3a7805edd8ef6d76efd15a579b7ba7f6da11.jpg

  • RNegron

    They all have a problem with the simple concept of ‘consent’. The moment an entity is able to fully give consent I say go for it. Until then machines and animals are off limits, as are children for the same reason.

    • Xuuths

      As are dead people, those who are unconscious or impaired cognitively.

  • Superman

    You know, in the world of “tech law” these questions, which appear silly and frivolous, are actually excellent tests of the law’s ability to negotiate thru lightning fast advancements in technology and the social issues thus raised. The guy’s an extreme example. But legal questions evolve. And the States will resolve those differently. And its good to have early decisions in order to critique the precedent. In an age where three parent genetic parenting is now an option in the UK, three party marriage becomes a more pertinent legal question. And now that porn addiction is recognized and being treated medically, the question of legal culpability is out there; particularly when the matter has been criminalized in many international jurisdictions. One man’s frivolous lawsuit is another man’s landmark ruling.

    • Scott Fitler

      Thank you for that analysis, I didn’t see it that way at first — I was thinking why aren’t they fining or punishing him for wasting the court’s time but you make a good point.

    • Xuuths

      Not always. Some are always frivolous lawsuits.

  • j.martindale

    If he is into butt sex, I would be more than happy to shove his laptop up his ass.

    • Xuuths

      Turns out that you don’t have to be legally married to do that. Who knew?

  • SFHarry

    Is he trying to get on his employers repair plan or maybe one day the government will pay for all repairs. If it has any pre-existing hard drive problems the Republicans will have none of it.

  • John McKee

    I dunno, maybe just let him marry his laptop? I don’t know what idiotic slippery slope argument he thinks is so compelling in this case but I also can’t see what legal benifit he receives from it (Spousal privilege maybe?) that isn’t massively outweighed by things like consent if we are treating the laptop as a human spouse.

    This kind of feels like a just fine, let him catch the car situation.

  • netman extraordinaire

    Abort, Retry, Fail.

  • kcken

    Given that you have to have “legal standing” in order to enter any type of contract, you would think these cases would be immediately tossed from the court. So dumb.

    • Reality.Bites

      They are. He files, the state responds, the lawsuit is tossed.

  • ByronK

    Wolf’s filing also notes that Servier’s laptop is not 15 years old, the age of consent to marriage in Utah.

    LMFAO!!! That’s great – he’s trying to marry an underage laptop. Fucking waste of carbon he is.

    • M Jackson

      He should be arrested on child-computer endangerment laws.

      • Hue-Man

        To computer: “Show me where he touched you.”

        • meltedrubbersoul

          The Enter key.

      • Mikey

        also transporting a minor across state lines for sexual purposes.

      • meltedrubbersoul

        Or what is colloquially known as Lolitatron’s Law.

  • But does the laptop want to marry him? This is a ridiculous lawsuit and the court should refuse to hear it.

  • Gabe Davis

    I wonder which connector his tiny penis will be plugged into.

    • m_lp_ql_m

      It’s all Bluetooth now.

  • BobSF_94117

    I say the state should let them get married, then appoint a guardian for the laptop and sue for divorce and alimony.

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    He’s been cheating with that little Chromebook when Mrs. Mac is at work.

  • Boy Elvis

    Well, it sounds like this doofus’s foolishness is actually serving us, so I say go for it, Servier! Your failure will amuse me and advance my cause at the same time.

  • The_Wretched

    Laptops aren’t persons and it’s annoying he threw in poly (no standing). the case should get summary judgement against the plaintiff.

    • Rrhain

      Corporations aren’t people, either, and yet they somehow have constitutional rights, including the right to deny you your right to birth control.

      • The_Wretched

        So you’re arguing he should get to marry his laptop?

        Corporate “personhood” was always understood as a legal fiction for ease of contracting. Well, until HobbyLobby decided to overturn standard law that’s stood since the founding so that xtians could force employees to follow the owner’s religion.

        • Rrhain

          No, I’m saying you should never underestimate the stupidity of conservatives, especially in the judiciary who will violate every principle they claim to have so long as it furthers their political agenda.

          Take Scalia: He directly said innhis dissent of Lawrence v. Texas that that decision necessarily requires the legalization of same-sex marriage. So why did he vote against it in Obergefell? Oh, that’s right: Gotta screw the gays.

          So I doubt there is any argument to allow people to marry laptops…but I won’t be surprised if the argument is twisted to say that gays shouldn’t marry.

          • The_Wretched

            Wisely said.

  • teedofftaxpayer

    Sorry but the laptop can’t consent to marriage. It’s not old enough.

  • Ninja0980

    Time for the men in white coats to take him away.

  • John Boily

    He seems like he’s not taking delete/alt/Esc for an answer.

  • Lars Littlefield

    If this twerp lives in the Provo area I’ll be happy to drive up to Happy Valley and run him over . . . back up over him . . . and run over him again.

  • Hank

    I thought about marrying my Mac Mini, but lets face it, I am indeed a “size queen”!!! Right Daddy???

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/38ed6f768af115e01662d5252971ded5bb647350c543998e5df63bb9429285c0.jpg

  • Randolph Finder

    Oddly enough, the fact that he is trying to include Polygamy in what his suit wants to legalize has taken the case from an annoyance to something that the State will *seriously* fight. The reason is that the mainstream LDS church is desperate to keep polygamy from being made legal due to the number of issues it would bring up among the members, since the entire change to getting rid of polygamy was based on the idea that it wasn’t legal. If California (for example) was to have a proposition legalizing polygamy, the amount of money that the LDS church would be willing to spend would make Prop 8 look like it came out of petty cash. Similarly, the mainstream LDS church is pushing to raise the legal age for Marriage *just* to make it easier to prosecute the Fundamentalist groups.

  • Nic Peterson
  • Ben in Oakland

    If a man can marry a woman, why can’t he marry his laptop?

    In a world where Trumps can be elected, anything is possible.*

    *with apologies to Eleanor of Aquitaine.

  • Bj Lincoln

    Wow. He is really stupid.

  • At some point, presumably long ago, his arguments became disingenuous. By now, someone must have explained to him the differences between an adult human being and an inanimate object.