Crazy Eyes: God Raised Trump To Be President [VIDEO]

Trump campaign evangelical advisor and ex-gay torture clinic operator Michele Bachmann today declared that Donald Trump was “raised up” by White Jesus to be our president. From her interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network:

“This is one thing I know from the Book of Daniel: the bottom line of the Book of Daniel is this: it teaches us that the most high God lifts up who He will and takes down who he will. And I look at this primary race that the republicans had, seventeen great candidates. I actually supported Ted Cruz. I thought he was fabulous but I also see that at the end of the day God raised up, I believe Donald Trump who was going to be the nominee in this election. I don’t think God sits things out. He’s a sovereign God.

“Donald Trump became our nominee. I think it’s very likely that in the day that we live in, that Donald Trump is the only individual who could win in a General Election of the seventeen who ran. Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know but I do know that the Bible is true and that Daniel teaches the most high God which is one of God’s names is the one who lifts up who he will and takes down who He will and so that’s why my prayers and my actions and my work on a daily basis is to make sure that Donald Trump becomes, ‘President Trump’ the first Tuesday of November this 2016.”

  • PickyPecker
  • bkmn

    It’s fun watching the ones with the supposed high morals twist their logic around to support Hair Furor.

    And Ladybird has a new service available in his office.

  • Kevin Perez

    ..but faithful to his wives..not so much.

  • PickyPecker
    • Oikos


      • B Snow

        What’s the little lizard/T-rex? Adorable!

        • Oikos

          Raptor jesus

          • B Snow

            Awww! 😀


    • Rebecca Gardner

      We need more Pirates if we expect to combat Global Warming!

  • bkmn

    Has anyone told her the first Tuesday in November is the 1st?

    • Kevin Perez


      • bkmn

        Maybe we should tell her that voting has been moved to December 8th.

        • That_Looks_Delicious

          …in Manitoba.

    • CPT_Doom

      Or that the winner doesn’t become president for a couple months afterwards?

    • BobSF_94117

      I imagine a lot of Trump followers are going to show up at the not-open polls on November 1st and go into a tizzy about Obama cancelling the election…

      • djcoastermark

        Whee, Hip hip hooray, He does get 3 third term.

    • GayOldLady



      Shhh, it’s working, I have been posting that info on far right sites.

    • kaydenpat

      Shhhh. Don’t tell her.

  • Mark Neé Fuzz

    Was she rock running with Palin, and did she trip and bang her noodle too?

  • Six Pins Delores

    That quote made as much sense as Sarahs’ word salad after bashing her skull

  • amati1684

    Donald Trump: a profane, adulterous, miser is the best God could give the Evangelicals of America.?That should prove to them for all time that there is no God…

  • dcurlee

    So win Hillary wins what will be her comment. Oh wait satan had to confuse us to vote for her

    • bkmn

      You know it will be something like “oh well, Trump wasn’t a TRUE CONSERVATIVE” because that is always their excuse.

    • Uncle Mark

      So by Michele’s logic, then Obama was raised up by God to be President for two terms….yet Michele has done nothing, but try to tear down God’s anointed one for 2008-2016. Time to burn her for heresy. (Her husband is practically flaming already.)

    • Joe in PA

      God must have sat this one out?

  • geoffalnutt

    Marcus and the amazing technicolor Muu Muu.

  • Sam_Handwich

    go fuck yourself with a chainsaw

    • bkmn

      She already did but missed the mark and gave herself a lobotomy instead.

    • PickyPecker

      You’re a bit on the spicy side today, Candidate Handwich.

      • Sam_Handwich

        i have a hair across my bun!

        • MB

          Lemme guess…someone tried to pull the old switcharoo and substitute baloney ??? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………………..

          • Joe in PA

            limp pickle. I hate when that happens.

        • Joe in PA

          what’s wrong with hairy buns?

  • Canadian Observer

    I am glad she has a “direct line” to her invisible friend. I realize said friend is really busy, but when she gets a chance, could she press this friend for an explanation about the platypus… essentially, “WHY”?

  • Lazycrockett

    These people are just soooo stupid. It’s truly amazing how stupid these people are.

  • Jason

    I thought god wanted HER to be president? He sure can’t make up his mind.

    • Uncle Mark

      Please…Michele’s head is as empty as a seashell. She thinks she’s hearing God’s voice, yet when most people hold Michele’s head close to their ears, they just hear the ocean.

  • Captain Jack

    The crazy runs deep in this one!

  • PickyPecker

    “,,,my work on a daily basis is to make sure that Donald Trump becomes, ‘President Trump’ the first Tuesday of November this 2016.”

    Do you think she knows that a new president isn’t really president until January, 2017?

    • BobSF_94117

      And it’s not the first Tuesday. The first Tuesday is November 1st, so the election is November 8.

      • Oikos

        Let’s hope lots of repugs think it is the first Tuesday in Nov.

        • BobSF_94117

          As long as they don’t have guns.

      • Lumpy Gaga

        She’s observing Shove Tuesday.

    • Joe in PA


  • Cuberly

    Then gawd must be totally cool with some interesting things.

  • Pollos Hermanos

    I seem to remember her saying that God called her to be president in 2012.

    I think God is just fucking with her at this point.

  • Y’know, I’ve known spiritually-minded men and women who really made me think and experience the wonder of having a conscious mind, capable of reasoning, logic, and critical thought.

    And then there’s this batshit insane woman who thinks God is some kind of invisible sky-daddy who interferes with U.S. elections, for the purpose this time of electing a thrice-married adulterer and scammer of the poor, a man who WANTS to torture and kill innocent people, who OPENLY rejects the entire Christian notion of needing divine forgiveness for ANYTHING he’s done in his entire misbegotten life!

    In any case, woman whose cheese was never in the vicinity of its cracker, YOU assured everybody Cruz was God’s hand-picked choice. Not just once, but repeatedly. Now you want us to believe you’re right this time? Not a chance, oh Queen of Dingbattistan.

    Now kindly fuck off. Then fuck off some more… you know the drill.

    • BearEyes

      woman whose cheese was never in the vicinity of its cracker
      that cracked me up!

    • kaydenpat

      That cheese and cracker joke is priceless!

    • Traxley Launderette

      Again, you win the thread, hon.

      Thanks, Becca.

    • grindstone

      God is sovereign.
      Except when that black guy won a fair election.
      Do you even hear yourself, Michele???

  • crewman

    She also had a calling from God to run for President. Remember how good her presidency was?

    • kaydenpat


      Funny how her God only “lifts up” Republican politicians.

      • teeveedub

        Her God manages to ignore the politicians who actually help the poor. Ergo, God is a capitalist.

      • That’s because it takes divine intervention to raise those things up above the level of a snake.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    If a God did raise up Trump to be President then the smart money says it was Loki.

    • Paula

      That Loki, he’s such a trickster!

    • Yixing’s Fluffer

      Or Pan.
      Or Hades.

    • Sporkfighter

      I’d bet on Cloacina, Roman goddess of the sewers.

  • Sashineb

    Uhh, I dunno Michele, but I think you’re going to find splodey heads are going to splode when the Rump gets his lardy backside handed to him.

  • rednekokie

    Is there no end to the stupidity of these cultists?

    Oh, wait — you have to be stupid in order to be a cultist.
    Question answered.

    • Uncle Mark

      Don’t EVER question the faith !! That’s the first rule. That’s the irony about these cultists. They will tell you that religion/faith answers their questions & problems, but when questions are asked, the questioner is labeled a heretic/evil/nonbeliever.

  • Mark

    I fucking hate xtians – I have no use at all for religion.

    • Michael White

      where are the lions when we need them

      • RNegron

        That would be cruel to the lions.

      • Mark

        she wouldn’t amount to much more than a short hair stuck in its teeth…

    • ericxdc

      …and run-on sentences!

      “Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know but I do know that the Bible is true and that Daniel teaches the most high God which is one of God’s names is the one who lifts up who he will and takes down who He will and so that’s why my prayers and my actions and my work on a daily basis is to make sure that Donald Trump becomes, ‘President Trump’ the first Tuesday of November this 2016.”

      • teeveedub

        “… Maybe I’m wrong …”

        Oh, Michele.

        When have you ever been right?

        • Jimmy Joe

          Didn’the God tell her to run for president 4 years ago?

          • Traxley Launderette

            He was fucking with her.

            Just like he did with Santorum, Carson, Cruz, and that meth addict over on the next block with the washing machine out in his front yard “for protection.”

          • Mark

            oh no no no…..that was that other gawd….the one with ‘damn’ for a last name..

        • Oh’behr

          That explains her Iowan family moving to Minnesota. Thank you. Now as a Minnesotan I feel better. Whew.

      • Mark

        I am fucking exhausted being up 48 hours and no sleep so forgive me oh grammar police – not!

      • John

        Moreover, she’s wrong about the “first Tuesday” thing. Election Day 2016 is the second Tuesday in November.

        • Jimmy Joe

          Really. She is a moron. David Brody is a moron. And so are the website proofreaders at CBN.

        • She’s also wrong about who will be president on any of the Tuesdays this November. I love to break it to her: Barack HUSSEIN Obama will be President!!! Take that, Ojos Locos.

    • Jerry

      Is this the Anti-Christ big reveal? I’m so disappointed.

      • BlueberriesForMe

        I got my hopes up, too. Sigh.

      • Todd20036

        “Ant Christ”

        • geoffalnutt

          Aunt Christ?

    • wds

      So, then I guess you hate me … >shrug< Because I do believe, I don't push it on others, and I certainly don't make Michelle Bacpoops type comments – FYI (Oh, I'm also gay and 70 – that makes me even more unwelcome in some circles.)

    • Whicker Park

      No no… AUNTIE Christ /s

  • The Milkman

    She’s insane.

    • RoFaWh

      Isn’t that a given?

  • shellback

    I can quote from a much better book of fiction than you. “Begone! Before somebody drops a house on you, too!”

  • Rex

    God sure has lowered his standards.

  • Paula

    I hope when Hillary wins she immediately begins dropping hints at SCOTUS possibilities. I want the righties to have a terrible holiday season. Let ‘me whine all the way up to innaguration day.

    • RoFaWh

      My hope? That if Drumpf wins, Obama (who will remain president until January) orders all nuclear warheads removed from missiles for shipment to some storage facility a long way from the missiles.

      Let Drumpf press that big red button as often as he wants, but nothing happens.

      • Uncle Mark

        In that case, let’s hope Obama stores one of those warheads under the Oval Office.

      • geoffalnutt

        Each time he presses it he get spritzed with soda water from his lapel flag pin.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      Melania. She’ll crib all her decisions from Michele.

  • That_Looks_Delicious
    • kaydenpat

      Looks so good on her.

      • Uncle Mark

        The straps make it look slimming.

        • ericxdc

          despite what they say about horizontal straps, I do believe you’re right!

    • Cattleya1

      Oh, BTW Michele – election day is the 8th. It’s the second Tuesday as usual. Thank goodness Liberty University taught her all the important stuff…

      • Robincho

        And instantly he will be President Trump come 11/2/16

        What a fucking maroon…

    • McSwagg

      I’m glad chrome plated buckles are back in style. Those brass buckles were just too ‘gawd-y’ for my taste.

  • JaniceInToronto

    Lunatic spouts lunacy.

  • Rex

    Just like God raised up Obama to be president.

    • Uncle Mark

      Damn…you beat me to it. If only I saw your post earlier.

  • Hank

    Michele Bachmann…

  • Ninja0980

    Keep in mind that aside from 2012, this woman easily won reelection to her district and actually managed to win a couple of primaries before flaming out.
    Folks keep talking about the stupid people voting for Trump while forgetting they’ve been around for a long time, voting folks like Bachmann and Goemert into office again and again.

    • sword

      I live in her old District and the wingnuts are still here in majority droves. The district of walking brain dead.

  • Matt

    “maybe I’m wrong…” Yes, Michele, you’re wrong. You’re also an irresponsible idiot.

  • June Gordon

    And the Lord has lifted her face since the last time I saw her.

  • Rex

    Jesus raised up Michelle Bachman to make me feel super intelligent.

    • Uncle Mark

      Jesus raised up Michele to keep her husband out of the gay bars and off Grindr. Thank you, Jesus !!

      • Siff Illis

        Marcus Bachmann turned out to be “anonbtm694u” on Grindr. I fell for it and now I have the drip.

  • GayOldLady

    Goddam….first Palin now Bachmann. What is this, crazy ass woman day?

    • Hank

      Wait until we hear from Katrina Pierson.. THEN it will be “crazy ass woman day”!!!

    • MB

      Well, according to John Hagee today IS the day of the appearance of the antiChrist.

  • Rex

    Any Christian that believes Donald Trump is a good Christian man is immoral.

  • Bill Post

    Hey Michelle: Love the suit… Did Mark pick it out??… you’re killing it.

  • Eric Lewis

    Did God choose Rick Perry to be a dancer if the whole Presidential candidate thing he chose him for didn’t work out ?

    • McSwagg

      And all this time, I thought Rubio was the cha-cha candidate.

  • Six Pins Delores

    On a more shallow note, who left Michele out in the sun? :/

    • lymis

      More to the point, who’d let her in?

  • Oikos
    • kaydenpat


    • pj

      what these people never think about.

      • Oikos

        They don’t care about those kids, they’re already born. Now a mass of fetal tissue however is precious beyond belief.

    • Joe in PA

      pssst: they’re black…so it’s ok.

      🙁 It’s an ugly world we live in O. That’s why I’ve just cracked open a nice big bottle of tequila.

      • Oikos

        No drinking for me for a while.

        • Joe in PA

          oh my gawd, how will you cope?

          Hang in there!

        • Joe in PA

          Hey buddy, just checking in. I haven’t seen you in a long time, hope things are ok.

          • Oikos

            Been a bit rough. Feeling better.

          • Joe in PA

            Thanks for the reply! You’ve been missed! Heel!

  • delk

    I bet Daniel explains why Marcus’s farts smell like dick.

    • Hank

      Yuck… who would want to “DO” that Queen??? Not even LyndseyBelle would!

      • Six Pins Delores

        Michele did several times. Think about it at your own peril

        • Hank

          Thanks! /s I just finished my dinner!!!

  • This is all such a joke I can’t believe it’s really happening. Am I being punked. Am I going to wake up and it’s January 2016 and Walker and others are doing well in the early primaries? How the fuck did this happen?

    But back to this specifically, it’s just bizarre watching fundamentalists fawn all over Donald Trump even though he never goes to church and does not exactly live what they would consider a moral lifestyle. I know Dominionism and all that but even by that standard of “whatever leaders do is okay because Jesus” he’s still too sleazy for them to touch. But they love him because really they don’t give a fuck about Jesus but they do care about hating on minorities and women. So he’s just great. They just need to stop pretending it has anything to do with their god because that’s just bullshit and even they have to know that.

    • The_Wretched

      Part of it is a variation on the prosperity gospel (though that’s here too). God’s favor is seen in secular power and wealth. Trump is the nominee there for God must have wanted it. The dominionists get hard-ons for strong man dictators the world over regardless of their human rights records

      • Yes, that too. Ugh. What awful people.

      • lymis

        Yes but by that same logic, Obama is the President, so God must have wanted that.

        • Rolf

          And Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Mussolini, Putin, Caligula…..
          I know I’ve said it before, but that Jehovah creature is one nasty, sadistic psychopath.

        • The_Wretched

          Say that from a few pulpits and it’d work.

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      And you’ll be in bed next to Suzanne Pleshette.

      • Or I’ll wake up and Patrick Duffy will be in my shower.

        • Octavio

          Go for Duffy.

    • Cuberly

      On a recent episode of the Cognitive Dissonance podcast they highlighted some of the seriously nutty dominionists that are coo coo for Trumpy. David Barton trying to draw parallels between voting for Trump and the flawed rulers in the bible. Some wackadoodle trying to rationalize the infamous wall to random biblical passages.

      They’re super desperate to stitch Trump into their paper thin beliefs it’s quite humorous.

      • I love Tom and Cecil. I am, alas, a couple of weeks behind on the podcast because it’s summer and I haven’t been commuting all that much. I should be caught up by the end of the week, though.

        • Cuberly

          OMG! They were guests on the most recent episode of God Awful Movies, it was funny as hell. If interested check it out. They review God’s Not Dead.

          • I also listen to Scathing Atheist. 🙂

          • Cuberly

            lol…of course, and Atheistically Speaking.

    • kaydenpat

      Seems like they reflexively support the Republican candidate, even when he’s an obvious fraud like Trump.

      • Octavio

        Seems like?

        • fastlanestranger

          Screams like.

  • Ben in Oakland

    And when 2Rump loses, will you be admitting your mistake?

  • grada3784

    GOP Platform – The Divine Right of Trump?

  • jm2

    but the question is ‘raised up’ from where! my bet? the 7th or 8th Circle of Dante’s Inferno…..

    • PickyPecker

      3rd or 4th grade, more likely.

    • There are just so many choices Minos could’ve made for him. To be honest, the places he’d be excluded in Hell are far outnumbered by those where he’d be judged to belong.

      Suicide and simony seem to be among the few sins he’s avoided. We already know he’s itching to commit murder as President.

      • bkmn

        Somebody spent a lot of time working on their fantasy world.

      • jm2

        he qualifies for all circles except the 9th. HOWEVER, if he were to become preznit, all bets are off……..

    • lymis

      Either the 4th (greed) or the 8th (fraud), although it’s possible he lives in one and has a nice vacation home in the other.

      • jm2

        he was moved down to the 7th with his “knock him in the head” and “punch him out” comments at rallies inciting violence. greed was a given at birth!

  • Porkie

    Didn’t God had also raise one M. Bachmann to be president a few years ago …..If I were you Michele, I should definitely stop listening to the voices …..they are not your friends.

  • RoFaWh

    She’s nuts.

  • kanehau

    Fuck your god… fuck your opinion… and fuck you.

  • Oikos
    • bkmn

      Think how much hunger, poverty and homelessness could be tackled if they did pay their fair share of taxes.

      • Oikos

        No more homeless people, everyone fed, jobs programs to stimulate the economy.

        • bkmn

          Mental health facilities that Reagan closed reopened and fully staffed.

          • Oikos

            Filled with republicans and talibangelicals.

    • kaydenpat

      Dang it! I need to hurry up and start my own church.

      • Oikos

        I think I saw an ad about someone’s roommate making top dollar by doing so.

        • RoFaWh


    • fuzzybits

      But he needs the money for all the hair product! 😛

      • Oikos

        There is something about M̶a̶r̶y̶ Jesus hair gel.

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s been a blight on American politics, but I have to admit that new haircut looks really good on her.

  • shellback

    She has her father’s eyes.

    • Whiskered Sot

      Gomez, take those out of her mouth.

    • William

      Hail Satan!

  • lymis

    ” the bottom line of the Book of Daniel is this: it teaches us that the most high God lifts up who He will and takes down who he will.”

    Where, exactly, what this philosophy when Obama was elected twice?

  • JR

    If that’s the best candidate God can provide, we’re all fucked.

  • JR

    Michele, are you sure God’s candidate isn’t Hillary?

  • Gerry Fisher

    The religionists think that, if they grow “god wills it” or some such in front of anything, then what comes afterward doesn’t have to make any sense at all. “‘Cuz! God SAID so! Ptttttth!”


    I think that is blasphemy , I know it is lunacy.

  • FunButNutz

    In 2012, didn’t she claim God told her that she was destined to be President?

    • motordog

      That was probably Loki…he’s a renown liar and trickster…

  • Nevermind this bitch overstaying her fifteen minutes of fame. She is so long past her sell-by date that she’s stinking up the entire refrigerator.

    • RoFaWh

      I found a three week old package of ground beef mislaid in the fridge this morning. NOT eating it even though it’s not yet stinking.

  • Bernie Keefe

    Crazy Bitch said what?

  • LovesIrony

    apparently god wants Hillary to be president

  • tim870

    That’s the best god could do? Omnipotent my ass!

  • AdamTh

    I thought that “god thing” was supposed to have told Teddy Cruz he was going to be prez… Or was it Ricky Perry?

    Maybe their god really said Ricky should do DWTS….. (Hope that doesn’t mean Cruz will be on next season.)

    • Brian in Valdosta

      God is something of a cock tease, you see.

    • bkmn

      Or Fuckaflea, sedated doc Carson, and the ever-present but not aware little pRicky Santorum…lots of them hear voices.

    • Rolf

      They were going to pick Santorum but he kept slipping and falling.

      • McSwagg

        He claimed that it was a “Break Dance” routine.

  • Mow

    Small detail, hun. Neither candidate becomes “President” until 20 January, when she takes the Oath of Office.

  • Brian in Valdosta


    Go. A. Way.

    • Octavio

      !!!! THIS !!!!!

  • teedofftaxpayer

    Then GOD raised a fool to be President.

  • olandp

    So, if God raises up who he will, and he takes down who he will, it follows that Obama was God’s choice and you Michele worked against God’s chosen one.

    Burn in hell bitch!

    • kaydenpat


    • GanymedeRenard

      Stop using logic! You’re oppressing Christians!

  • anne marie in philly

    yeah yeah yeah, all y’all GOP fuckheads were saying that about cruz too. STFU! there is NO GOD!

    • Octavio

      No god, but there are puppies! (and kittens)

      • anne marie in philly

        HELL YEAH!

  • kaydenpat

    And even when Trump loses, Bachman will still claim that her God is in control. Sigh.

  • Rick Jackson

    So Ms. Bachman, how will you interpret the scripture when the most high God lifts up Hillary and takes down the Cheeto? According to you if God wills it, God will make it so.

    • kaydenpat

      Lol! Good question.

    • Tor

      If their side wins, it is God’s will. If they lose, we are in rebellion against God and he will smite our asses. It’s quite simple, really.

  • Bill T.

    God should have stopped making creatures at the platypus.

  • bambinoitaliano

    Jesus was a birthed by a poor single mother in a foreign country. None of his background and upbringing fits the bill of the GOP let alone Trump immigration policy! He is a yuuuge loser in Trump’s eyes. So no. There is nothing in common between uneducated self indulgence Americans like this hag, the con man and the son of god.

  • Cackalaquiano

    So, if God “lifts up who he will and takes down who He will” then why are you talking to us about it and praying to God about it?

  • HomerTh

    Election day is the second Tuesday in November (the 8th), not the first. So yes I am hoping all the dipshot Republicans go to vote on November 1.

  • Bluto

    Commence the stoning.

    • shellback

      And your co-pilot is who?

    • Rebecca Gardner

      Why can’t I find a car like that on my daily motorcycle commute so I could yell at him.

  • Secure


    “Rafael Cruz has declared that his son Ted has been anointed by God to be the next president of the United States.

    “All of us were worshipping and the words that came out of Ted’s mouth were, ‘Hear my lord, use me,'” Rafael told televangelist Kenneth Copeland. “I believe God has raised him up for a time like this.”

    Cut to crowd of ministers gathered around Rafael Cruz praying. Copeland added, “We are seeing a sweep of the move of the spirit of God from coast to coast all over this nation. We receive the outpouring of the holy spirit over Washington DC.”

  • Tom Ato

    In other news…the Washington Post reports today that fugitive polygamist Lyle Jeffs has gone missing. His lawyer says he was possibly swept away in the rapture. The FBI thinks that he coated his ankle monitor with olive oil and slipped it off. Write your own punchline.

    • Uncle Mark

      The proper phrase is, “He annointed his ankle in oil.” However one of his fiancee’s, Florence Henderson and her sparkling Wessonality, have been brought in for questioning.

  • penpal

    When Trump gets his ass handed to him in the election, will she finally pack up her pulled plastic face and fuck off?

    • Tor

      They are so convinced of their rectitude, that when Trump loses, the only reasons will be voter fraud and election theft.

  • jWd

    cuckoo Patty

  • Kelly Lape

    So according to the Book of Daniel… Obama was raised up by God?

    Why does Michele hate God?

  • Tor

    Get ready for some takin’ down.

  • ceeenbee

    Interesting because she said last election that god chose her to run and hermie cain said god chose him to run and stabby carson said god had anointed him to run and huckleberry knew that god had chosen him to be president and perry said that god had spoken to him letting him know he was chosen.

    …and who did this fickle,feckless, fraud finally settle on? Herr drumpf, a serial adulterer, philanderer, lying, racist, homophobe and misogynest.

    • RoFaWh

      Gawd has good taste in those he raises up. Whatever his other flaws may be, Herr Drumpf is definitely not boring. Insane, ignorant, obsessed with himself, delusional, disconnected from reality, unable to avoid lying every five minutes, etc, yes, but not boring.

  • Scott Russell

    Then apparently God also rose up Bill Clinton. And Obama. And God seems to like Hillary a lot, too!

  • IamM

    God really loves playing mean tricks on her.

    • David Walker

      I think many of us would, given the opportunity.

  • Gregory B

    Batshit crazy…

  • NoShame

    Daniel was a bottom?

    • Homo Erectus

      Well, he was a eunuch – what else can you do?

      • RoFaWh

        Just ask any man over a certain age how he manages to have a sort-of sex life even though the mating tackle has breathed its last.

        It can be done though, without necessarily reaching a climax once in a while.

        /how do I know?

  • Sean


  • SFBruce

    It’s a good thing she’s out of the House of Representatives.

  • Gerry Fisher

    There are plenty of stories in the buy-bull of people who rise up and then fall. Or people who rise up and do despicable things, like own slaves and execute people and sell off their daughter. So, that “god raises him up” thing? So what?!

  • Rillion

    Anyone want to bet if she proclaims that God raised up Hillary Clinton if Hillary wins?

    • JustSayin’

      even Vegas won’t take odds on that betting line..

  • JustSayin’

    i want to play parts of that back to her on Nov 9th after Hillary wins…watch her head explode and blood pour out of her…..eye sockets

  • The Sentinel

    This is fucked up even for her.

  • Brian

    Goddamn it. I have that lamp behind her. Now what the hell do I do with it?

  • Silver Badger

    People like crazy eyes create more atheists every day.

  • Sporkfighter

    Has Jesus registered under the Foreign Agents Registration Act? Is He a citizen? Is He registered to vote?

  • Jim

    But when she was running for the Republican presidential nomination, she told us that God had raised her up to be president. Not to mention all her competitors who also claimed that God had raised them up to be president (like Herman Cain–remember him?) For God’s sake, how many Republicans is God raising up to be president already?

  • TheManicMechanic

    She is such a dense twat.

  • Henry Auvil

    Crazy eyes, crazy EVERYTHING.

  • Captain Obvious

    Not even God could make Trump president on the first Tuesday of November.
    Because the election will still be a week away.

    She is every bit as sub-moronic as she is gullible.

  • And here I thought those eyes couldn’t get any creepier. Color me wrong.

  • WKT20

    These people are fucking nuts!

  • Acronym Jim

    Michelle Bachmann thinks Fred Trump was god?

  • Carl

    Christianity is dull and has never made good on it’s promise to improve our species. Why must I always hear about it?

  • Oh, and by the by? In 2011, Bachmann was claiming God told her to run for President.

    • TrollopeReader

      If D’s don’t claim that “God told me to run for president” then they supposedly aren’t believers …. yet if an R gets told to run … that they have the “blessing” of the Goddess ….then, well, I know the angels and cherubs are having a fun afternoon !!


  • Neely OHara

    Gee, I guess God”raised up” Obama twice, and probably would raise him up a third time were it not for those pesky secular term limit thingys….

  • Clive Johnson

    In the same fucking sentence she contradicts herself but is incapable of detecting it: “…Daniel teaches the most high God which is one of God’s names is the one who lifts up who he will and takes down who He will and so that’s why my prayers and my actions and my work on a daily basis…”

    Earlier she says that this god is a “sovereign God.”

    So, her prayer assumes that this god is influenceable by prayer, that maybe this god is lacking something, that maybe a marbles-in-the-skull crank like Bachmann can provide this god with information it doesn’t already have.

    They never have to account for their lunacy.

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    And this, this dear friends, is what happens when you know that your husband really, really wants cock and you can only offer vag. And Jesus isn’t fixing that shit any time soon.

    • RoFaWh

      During the last election cycle, didn’t that Bachmann bitch say that she and Marcus-boy don’t have sex?

      Notice her christian charity: she doesn’t force her gay husband to use her lady parts. How very kind of her.

  • octobercountry

    So then, by her own logic, God raised up Obama to be president these last eight years. So why didn’t she respect his decision then?

    • TrollopeReader

      Because his Muslim God isn’t her God (even though they are!) ….

  • I did

    I’ve learned over the years that not all Christians worship the same God. These folks worship a Toddler-God made in their own fucked up image.

  • JT

    Crazy eyes has one sorry skydaddy to believe that.

  • Vior and Sean Thompson

    She looks demonic.

    • ByronK

      Correction: She is demonic.

      • RoFaWh

        Maybe, maybe not, but she sure looks demonic.

  • ByronK

    God must be high if he’s “lifting up” Trump. It’s taking him several tries but he seems to keep dropping him on his head.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Still an idiot I see.

    No, that’s it, that’s all the concern I have for this moron.

  • Ginger Snap

    Well Crazy Eyes your god sucks like all the rest of them.

  • Javier Smith

    Actually god wasn’t picking his presidential candidate, he was picking his nose, got caught, and tried to play off the booger as intentional

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      “Hmm,” said God. “They’re usually green. This one’s orange!”

  • zhera

    2. Step away from the crack pipe.
    3. Shut your goddamn mouth.
    4. Michele, you just said two things: God didn’t want you to be President, and when Hillary wins in November, YOU will be fine with that because God chose her.

  • John B.

    So I guess that means that god(s) wanted Obama to be President of the United States?

  • andrew

    The Book of Daniel actually tells some of the crazier myths found in the bible. In chapter 3, the tyrant Nebuchadnezzar has Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego bound and thrown into a white-hot furnace because they won’t worship his god. However, the bible story tells us that Yahweh didn’t allow the flames to harm them. “They walked about in the flames, singing to God and blessing the lord.” Michele Bachmann actually believes that it really happened. Michele, “The things that you’re liable to reads in the bible – it ain’t necessarily so.”

  • MDixon34

    Well this is good news, “god’s” presidential choice never seems to win. Even crazy eyes once stated she was told by “god” to run for president.

    • TampaDink

      How odd that one of don the con’s dead parents told her to run.

    • Homo Erectus

      Last time it was a Moron with the magic underwear.

  • TampaDink

    So which one was god, Fred or Mary? Either way, god is dead.

  • Christian Flanagan

    • JCF

      Well, the Episcopal Church is a religion that blesses gay fucking (hope that’s close enough!).

  • Gigi

    I didn’t know Michele The Beard Bachmann was still around. I thought the legalization of same-sex marriage would have caused her to melt like the Wicked Witch from the Wizard of Oz.

    • Homo Erectus

      Sometimes they don’t melt completely away:

      • Dean

        I once saw Margaret Hamilton on stage in a national touring company of “A Little Night Music,”, playing the grandmother in a wheelchair. What a beautiful show visually but boring as all hell. There was a rash of these old broads on Broadway–Anne B. Davis in “No, No, Nanette!” and Imogene Coca in “On the Twentieth Century, Limited.” It was fun to see them in person.

  • ultragreen

    So this white evangelical Christian bubblehead thinks Donald Trump, who never goes to Church, who is unfamiliar with the Bible, who cares more about money than anything else, who is an egomaniac, who is now married to his 3rd wife, a wife that posed nude in pornographic photo shoots, has been selected by Jesus to be president of the United States? She’s totally nuts.

    • RoFaWh

      Her nonsense merely confirms a widely held belief: that rw pols who play the religion card don’t actually believe one word of Holy Scripture. Proof? In their insane ravings, their political philosophy always trumps [pun unavoidable] what the founder of their religion said to do, no matter how contradictory they may be.

  • Galvestonian

    The crazy is strong in this one but she’s clearly foolish – idiotic – stupid – silly – senseless – nonsensical – absurd – ridiculous – ludicrous – lunatic – preposterous – fatuous – inane – asinine – harebrained – half-baked – impracticable – implausible, irrational – illogical – not normal – mad – cockeyed – daft – half-baked – a few cents short of a dollar ( and of course ) 5150 – ate up – ate up with the dumb ass – bananas – bat-shit crazy – batty – bobo – bonkers – certifiable – crackass – cracked out – cra-cra – cray – cray-cray – crazier than a run-over dog – crazier than a shit-house rat – craziness – crazy-pants – creepy – crunk – cuckoo – cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs – dodgy – far out – freaky-deaky – fucked up – funkdafied – funky – goocher – have a screw loose – hog-wild – hyphy – insane in the membrane – jacked up – kooky – leafy – loony – loopy – loud – mad – mad as a hatter – madcap – mad whack – messed – messed up – mondo bizarro – more cuckoo than a clock – more cuckoo than a clock factory – need a check up from the neck up – noid – non-linear – nucking futs – nuts – nutso – nuttso – nutty – off (one’s) box – off (one’s) nut – off (one’s) rocker – off the deep end – off the wall – on crack – one fry short of a Happy Meal – out of hand – out of (one’s) mind – out of the box – out there – out to lunch – postal – psycho – redic – ridonkulous – scary – screwy – seven thirty – shit-bat crazy – smoke crack – spastic – spich – throwed – throwed off – trippy – two cans short of a six pack – unbelievabubble – wacked – wacked out – whack – whacked – whacked out – wigged out and zany.

    • NowAnAgnostic

      Great! It took patience typing that. Now I’ve said my ABCs . . .

    • coram nobis

      Plenty of crazy there. Here’s more synonyms: toys in the attic; parted her mooring; slipped her trolley; washed up on the beach in la-la land; looney tunes; silly symphonies; homage to catatonia; chiquita bananas; Monty Python brain specialist.

      • RoFaWh

        A few bricks shy of a full hod.

  • Frostbite

    why does anyone give this crazy has-been the time of day let alone airtime?

  • fuzzybits
    • coram nobis

      I see the movie you did there.

    • M Jackson

      Heeeere’s Crazy!

  • Homo Erectus

    Ahh yes, the Book of Daniel Chapter 1 verse 9:

    Now God had brought Daniel into favour and tender love with the prince of
    the eunuchs.

    What does that mean?

    • Natty Enquirer

      You might find this page rather interesting.

      • Homo Erectus

        Thanks for posting that. I believe the only people that don’t know what is written in “gods word” are “born again believers”. For example, the story of Phillip and the eunuch in the book of Acts is the first documented conversion of a gentile. Imagine that – a gay black man was the first recorded gentile christian. Heads explode…

  • KarenAtFOH

    I dunno, I think she should consult with that guy downthread, and see if they agree that Trump was raised to be the antichrist.

  • NowAnAgnostic

    The book of Daniel. Would that be Webster?

    • TKW

      Daniel Radcliffe. She’s reading Harry Potter.

  • Bob M

    I wish God would make up his mind, what about all of those other people who said God raised them up to be president?

    • coram nobis

      God smirks in wisteria ways.

    • sherman

      Perhaps this is proof that there is more than one god.

  • 2guysnamedjoe

    I highly recommend E.L. Doctorow’s The Book of Daniel over its bullshitty Bronze Age namesake.

  • sherman
  • coram nobis

    God raised Trump to be President — of what?

  • Larry in Oklahoma

    While it’s cool that she acknowledges it WAS God’s will that she lost, what’s she gonna say when Trump loses? The Bible lied? God let her down? What??

    • JCF

      Nah, she’ll be onto spinning that God REALLY has plans for the midterms, and 2020 (or even impeachment).

  • coram nobis

    “Try to stay on topic this time, Michelle.”

  • M Jackson

    Uh, did Sarah Palin write that speech for her?

  • JCF

    “…because the Most High God Always/Only chooses someone w/ an ‘R’ after their name! Jesus himself w/ ‘D’ would be damned!

  • Nychta

    I’m so weary of those white-robed activist gods.

  • ben-andy

    It really will take miraculous intervention by DOG for it to happen on “the 1st Tuesday of November” because the election isn’t until the 8th [that would be the 2nd Tuesday to everyone except Crazy Eyes].

  • B Snow

    The quote is “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.” It’s about Castiel and Dean, and they would have had the most awesome gay Love For All Eternity if the show was on someplace more daring than network television.

  • marshlc

    All I really think about this is “What a fucking way to live”.

    Grovelling all the time at the feet of a capricious god with the maturity of a two year old. Bleating on and on about freedom, but in chains to their god.

  • wds

    I have NO idea what god this idiot is talking about, but it certainly isn’t someone I know … or even know about. I think Marcus doing the redecorating must have caused what little brain she had to shrink even further … SMH


    She’s had some “work” done in addition to a new hair do. She looks more republican than ever and there is no way on this planet she can hide those pools of insanity she calls her eyes.

    • RoFaWh

      Has she had her eyeliner tattooed in place?

  • John Calendo

    And on November 9, when Hillary is the President Elect, Bachmann will say what all these people always say, what they said when gay marriage won:

    God has removed his “hand of protection” from our country bla-bla-bla.
    God’s “judgment” is upon the land bla-bla-bla.

    It’s only when Republicans win that we are see the benevolent will of God in his glory. Everything else is a thunderstorm, an earthquake, a message, a sign that their lightening-bolt hurling Jehovah is in a bitch of a mood.

  • Librarykid

    “I don’t think God sits things out.”

    Bitch, Please. What about all of the horribly evil things that have happened in history that a deity NOT sitting on the sidelines could have prevented or stopped? Your stupid religiosity makes me just want to puke. Your family members who said that you were a congenital liar had your number from the fucking start.


      Thumbs up. Two thumbs.

  • kareemachan

    And once again, the voice of the Coccyzus americanus rings out over the land.

  • Rob T

    Let’s see if I have this logic right: God chose Trump for the nomination because he’s the only one who can win the general? So God fixes the primary but sits out the big election? He couldn’t have just “raised up” Michelle’s boy Ted in the general election instead of raising up Trump in the primary?

    I’m so confused.

  • James

    The logical next question is, if god doesn’t sit elections out and Hillary wins, then what will you say, crazy lady?