Jim “Survival Buckets” Bakker: Witches Are Behind Scandals That Send Televangelists To Prison [VIDEO]

Scamvangelist Jim “Survival Buckets” Bakker today revealed the real reason that he and other Grifters-For-Jesus have been brought down by scandals and/or sent to prison. It was WITCHES what done them in! “All the demons in hell brought sex, drugs, women, whatever!” This secret plot was revealed to Bakker by an ACTUAL WITCH, you guys! Watch below.

  • William

    Wow!

  • geoffalnutt

    Does she float?

  • BearEyes

    silly me – and all this time I thought it was scammers, frauds, and conmen doing the nasty to get them sent to prison.
    What could I possibly have been thinking?

    • oikos

      Scamghazi!!!!

  • Todd20036

    True only if the people you got caught sleeping with weighed less than a duck

  • Mike C

    Nanny wants her bingo money back, Jim.

    • Robincho

      All hail Ruth, the hardon-giving Gordon…

    • fuzzybits

      Tannis root tea!

  • anne marie in philly

    nope, asswipe, it was GREED that sent you to prison! and the fact that you fucked a church secretary…

    • GayOldLady

      But, but, but, it was the woman’s fault because the “demons from hell” sent her to take him down. I can’t believe that people actually send their money to this jailbird!

      • oikos

        It is mind boggling,

      • anne marie in philly

        ESPECIALLY after all the PTL hoopla; but then again, the xstains have short attention spans…

    • charemor

      Actually it was a fraudulent real estate deal that did Jimbo in. Selling more shares to vacation time or whatever than he had available.

    • perversatile

      ‘He wasn’t greedy, he was sloppy”

  • oikos
    • bzrd

      boiling milk, maybe, if the water doesn’t work.

      • oikos

        Any super heated liquid.

        • RoFaWh

          Sous vide would be better because it’s slower.

          • oikos

            Yes but he would die more quickly if it were sealed and I would prefer he suffer.

  • SoCalVet

    Felon says what?

  • Baby Dave

    PTL= Pay The Lady

    • Snarkaholic

      Perpetuate The Lies

    • John Masters

      Pass the loot.

  • bkmn

    Anyone that is sending money to this fraud should not be allowed to vote.

    • Wynter Marie Starr

      They shouldn’t be allowed to live alone either. Someone must make sure they don’t forget their meds.

      • you don’t even know how right you are. my grandmother fell into the TV preacher thing after my grandfather died. it was scary. she’d been a sensible woman up until that point, esp with money. but she was living alone and i guess they spoke to her, or something. we had to take over her finances and get her to assisted living. she was giving them $100/wk.

        • Wynter Marie Starr

          It makes me so angry that vulnerable and grieving people are taken advantage of in this way. Not all of them have relatives who care. It also shows how money hungry these scammers really are. Taking advantage of someone like your grandmother is low.

      • Grumpy old Man

        I was home visiting my 90 yo mom when the Repugnant Party called asking for more money. I explained that lawsuits would be the least of their worries if they did not take her off their list. They are as bad as the damned tele-preachers. My poor mother could not say ‘no’ to them.

        • Wynter Marie Starr

          Good for you! It is easy to fool people at any age if you are a talented con artist. The fact that they were asking for more money says quite a bit about the lack of ethics on the part of those who called.

    • Judas Peckerwood

      On the bright side, it’s that much less money for them to spend on guns.

  • hdtex

    Tammy was smart to get out when she did.

    • LovesIrony

      she was just as big of a fraud.

      • Todd Allis

        At least she repented. From Wikipedia:

        Despite her background in Christian fundamentalism, Tammy Faye became a gay icon after her parting from PTL, appearing in Gay Pride marches with such figures as Lady Bunny and Bruce Vilanch. Messner reached out to support gay Americans with HIV/AIDS when it was still a much feared and unknown disease. She supported the LGBT rights movement, including same-sex marriage. She was benevolently referred to as “the ultimate drag queen,” and said in her last interview with Larry King that, “When I went — when we lost everything, it was the gay people that came to my rescue, and I will always love them for that.”

      • bambinoitaliano

        And she wasted on those cheap mascaras.

        • bzrd

          Baby, baby, baby, she was asked about that stuff on her eyes and explained it made her happy to look like that and didn’t care what anyone thought.

          • clay

            Like Dolly Parton’s icons were prostitutes.

      • Anthony James Palumbo

        Why blame Tammy for what her husband did? Transgender evangelist and LGBTQ activist Paula Neilson has said that “she didn’t have one prejudicial bone in her body.” Tammy Faye, from what I see, and talking to a number of LGBTQ activists, was a very sincere person, who loved the gay community. (Her son is now a liberal preacher who is fully gay affirming) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XVy88x63yg

        • FancyThat

          a pic of Tammy’s big hair friend, Jan.

          Hopefully the gentleman Jan’s with isn’t another homo-hater. (ahem)

          Anyone who watched Jim & Tammy pork up the PTL Club for the outrageous Christian Mecca- pie-in-the-sky Heritageville USA scams knows Tammy wasn’t just a bystander. Sure, she was funny, and could camp along with the best of them, but she still played her scam game for a long, long time and her hands were just as filthy.

          Every time Jim said Hakuna, Tammy shouted Matata. Don’t fool yourself.

  • Robincho

    Fail… Poverbs clearly refers to him that soweth discod among bethren…

    • Snarkaholic

      It also has some useful advice on how to deal with false profit-oops! I mean false PROPHETS.

  • Michael Smith

    I guess witches were working overtime in the late 80s and early 90s then.

  • 2patricius2

    So it was a witch who sent Bakker to jail?

    • TampaDink

      Yes. It was Glinda, the good.

      • Snarkaholic

        Yeah, she dropped a house on him…The BIG House!

      • oikos

        ‘You’ve always had the power to fuck your secretary.’

      • Snarkaholic

        Popular…you’re gonna be popu-u-lar
        in your prison cell…with Butch, Spike, and Mel
        You’ll be very, very populaaaaar!

        • TampaDink

          And when someone needs a makeover
          I simply have to takeover
          I know, I know exactly what she needs….

          • Snarkaholic

            In-DEED!

      • McSwagg

        I always thought it was Jessica, the Just (Hahn) that b’witched poor Jim.

        • TampaDink

          Jessica was the siren that guided Jim into the rocks…but it was definitely Glinda who ushered his ass into prison.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    When did Witch become a synonym for Fraud?

    • Bluto

      About the time that radical liberal jesus-hating transsexuals became unstable bigoted misogynistic teabagger christian terrorists.

  • bkmn

    When did he take over Burt Wolf’s body?

    • BearEyes

      Hey! Leave Burt out of this. I still like watching him on PBS.

  • CPT_Doom

    Wait, I thought Prue, Piper and Phoebe didn’t get their powers until the mid-90s?

  • Kissmagrits

    And all this time I thought it was the fevered twitching in your loins, Jimmie. And that dumb Disneyland thing you sold to devoted hard-working families in the
    late ’80s. I stand corrected.

  • delk

    Trying to picture Jessica Hahn done up like Stevie Nicks.

    Stand Back!

  • Phil

    Yes, it was…..

  • LonelyLiberal
  • TampaDink

    Mr. Bakker, “witches” is not an acceptable synonym for District Attorneys or for incriminating evidence.

    • David Walker

      Or for taking responsibility for one’s actions. Granted, that’s a lot more difficult to do than blame witches.

      • TampaDink

        As is sung by the witch in “Into the Woods”….

        “No, of course, what really matters is the blame.
        Somebody to blame.
        Fine, if that’s the thing you enjoy, placing the blame,
        If that’s the aim, give me the blame.
        Just give me the boy.”

        • David Walker

          Wow. Excellent. Seriously, where would we be without musicals?

          • perversatile

            A great number of us would be un-employed!

          • TampaDink

            I’d be lost without ’em….and was very pleased that Pres. Obama awarded Stephen Sondheim with the Medal of Freedom last week.

  • LovesIrony

    flush

  • zhera

    Men are never responsible for their actions. That’s why women must wear burqas in public, laws against domestic violence are against God, and those slutty sheep were begging for it anyway.

    • clay

      They can resist everything, but temptation.

    • David Walker

      Many lifetimes ago, I became addicted to a summer theater that ran only melodramas. Several of the plays contained the heroine sighing to the audience, “Why is it always the woman who pays…and pays…and pays?” True to melodramatic tradition, the audience invariably called out, “Say it again!”…which she did.

    • cleos_mom

      But they’re protecting owuh wimmin.

  • Snarkaholic

    What does he call the married men who he guilted into giving him full-body massages?

    • oikos

      Daddy.

      • Sam_Handwich

        lol

      • perversatile

        Often

  • Steeeevo

    Still is

  • Rod Steely

    Right- because nothing I ever do is my fault. It’s all god and witches and devils. The devil made me do it!

  • teeveedub

    So he previously blamed his downfall on Jerry Falwell. So I guess that means Jerry was a witch (in addition to being a bigot, a liar, and an all-around raving lunatic asshole, of course).

    • Tor

      In that sense, they are all witches. Jim included.

      • Friday

        Come along, now, we actual ‘Witches’ have been very patient with all this shit. No sense buying into it *now.* 🙂

    • charemor

      And as Christopher Hitchens said, if Falwelll had been given an enema, he could have been buried in a matchbox.

  • Duh-David

    Throw a “Survival Bucket” of water at the witch and steal her broom and the Wizard will send you home.

  • Lakeview Bob

    Is life even worth living if you go through life believing in the boogeyman? What a sick fuck of an asshole.

  • Wynter Marie Starr

    Religious male scammers and grifters blaming women for 2,000 years for their own inherent weaknesses, failures, greed, and uncontrollable behavior. And this is supposed to be the superior sex? Real men don’t blame women or anyone else for their own illegal behavior.

    • Snarkaholic

      “If you hadn’t burnt the home fries, I wouldn’t have had to beat the shit out of you.”

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        I’d be more likely to hit the guy upside the head with the frying pan. But, yeah, it’s always the woman’s fault when she gets beat or raped. At least in the eyes of some. It’s pretty sad when you stop to think about it.

        • If you ever find yourself in that situation, be careful to choose your skillet wisely: make sure it’s not so heavy that it can’t be swung swiftly enough to carry enough force, nor so light as to be potentially ineffective. If you absolutely have to go with “light but ineffective” make sure it’s full of sizzling hot oil when you first pick it up. That shit’ll give you a few seconds of distraction for multiple swings.

          • Claude Jacques Bonhomme
          • Herald

            That or Stainless steel!

          • douglas

            Just make sure it’s still hot.

          • RoFaWh

            Cast iron much better since it’s considerably heavier.

          • Absofuckinglutely!

          • perversatile

            “‘Teflon coating is the enemy of precision .”

          • jmax

            Looks exactly like the 80-year-old 10×3 skillet I inherited from my mother after she passed. Still cooks the best fried chicken ever.

          • Bj Lincoln

            That’s what I use my Great Grandma’s cast iron skillet for!

          • Cuberly

            Seasoning your skillet?

          • Claude Jacques Bonhomme
          • Cuberly

            Ha!

            Be sure to remove ornaments before making Johnny cake.

          • Claude Jacques Bonhomme
          • Cuberly

            Oh my, a fave from my childhood. (drool)

          • perversatile

            Bravo Cavalli!

          • charemor

            Definitely!

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            Excellent advice, Stogiebear. I prefer cast iron pans and they pack a wallop. My mom always tells the story of a friend of hers whose husband went for her. She was a tiny, tiny woman, under 5 feet and about 100 pounds soaking wet. She broke the guys elbow with her cast iron pan and when the cops came, they refused to believe that such a small woman could’ve done the deed.

          • clay

            Yep, knew an old woman in rural Kansas who was 4’11” in heels. Threw her abusive husband out of the house, through the picture window. Leverage and adrenaline can be an effective mix.

          • perversatile

            how to approach even the smallest of conflicts…
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSmOLKsLohA

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            Two things men never take into consideration when considering if a woman can hurt them or not.

          • vorpal

            Cast iron for the win. We have five of various sizes.
            Teflon / other nonstick pans are not allowed in our house anymore.

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            I think they cook food better than anything else. That’s all we use as well.

          • vorpal

            Nice, even heat that you can heat on a range to any temperature without worry, and you can toss them into the oven as well. No worry about overheating and destroying and hence consuming a nonstick surface of questionable safety and likely toxicity, and they can take whatever beating you can give to them.

            If properly seasoned, you can make even finicky things like over-easy eggs and crepes in them without issue.

            What’s not to love?

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            I don’t keep birds, but if you do, the non stick pans can be toxic to them. If they are toxic for birds, what are they doing to us? The cast iron pans I have were my grandmother’s, so they are beautifully seasoned and I season every time I use them. I often think that the ghost of meals past can almost be tasted. I know that isn’t really so, but I still think it.

          • vorpal

            I had forgotten about the toxicity of teflon to birds. Nasty stuff. I don’t know how much of it I probably consumed over the years when I was young and impulsive and warped / burnt / scraped my fair share of hideous teflon cookware. I shudder to think about it.

            LOL in my case, since I am a dirty boy, I can taste some of the meals past on my pans. I’ll make Thai food in the evening rich in soy sauce, garlic, and chillies, and then the next morning cook my eggs right in the same pan I used the night before. Delicious!

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            LOL, I’m they type who can’t sleep if there is a single glass in my sink. I clean as I cook, because I’m that anal retentive. (I also drive people nuts when I do that, but screw them. It’s my damn kitchen!)

          • vorpal

            Haha! You may be like a former friend of mine. I went to visit her once, poured myself a glass of water, and when I was done, placed the glass next to the sink so I could reuse it (I drink a LOT of water).

            She immediately bounced up, rushed over, washed the glass, and put it away.

            My mind was blown.
            I wash dishes when I want to use them, and hubby and a weekly visiting cleaning lady pick up my slack :-).

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            I’m not as bad as my mother who dries the sink after she’s done with dishes. She thinks I’m a slob because I don’t do this. She’s also been known to take away dishes from people to wash while they’re still eating. It’s a huge joke in my family.

          • vorpal

            LOL I seriously know the pain of your mom’s guests!

            My dear aunt (I love her tons) is a NUTJOB when it comes to cleanliness. We often eat Canadian Thanksgiving at her house, and my cousin and I usually do all the cooking.

            I will ask my aunt for a pot, and she will put it on the counter for me. When I turn around five minutes later to grab it, it is GONE!

            When I ask what happened, she replies, “Oh, I thought you were done with it so I washed it and put it away.”

            WTF?!?!?

          • perversatile
          • vorpal

            My great aunt was the only one allowed to vacuum her carpeted house, because all the vacuum tracks had to match perfectly so vacuuming could only be done in one solitary direction.

            One day she tripped on the vacuum while climbing up the stairs and fell down and destroyed both her shins in the fall. She had to wear casts for weeks and was not allowed to walk around much.

            So she took to crawling on all fours vacuuming her house because nobody else could be trusted to do it correctly, even if they promised to do it her way to the best of her ability.

            LOL attitudes like that completely elude my understanding :-).

          • perversatile

            I’ve always thought, there must be something really messy
            going on somewhere in the life of obsessively hardcore cleaning fiends.
            Motivating them to such extreme behavior.
            My Aunt Alice pulled the rain gutters off her house
            because my uncle couldn’t clean properly,
            and all her towels fall apart because she
            uses too much bleach every time she does the laundry.

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            I always tell my mom she’s got adult onset ADHD, which I really believe. And a touch of OCD. Perhaps it’s the same with your aunt? Some pepole go overboard with the cleaning thing. I’ve always thought a little bit of dirt made for healthier kids.

          • vorpal

            Ha! I have untreated adult ADHD, and it can be a real hassle. (Just got diagnosed a couple of years ago, and when I told my parents, they were like, “Duh!”)

            For me, though, it definitely does NOT manifest in cleaning :D.

            As someone with Crohn’s Disease, I fully encourage parents to let their children wallow in dirt, since one hypothesis of autoimmune disorders is a lack of exposure to pathogens in childhood.

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            Oh, she’s got a ton of other symptoms. Her cleaning is due to her complete inability to sit still for more than five minutes. She thinks it’s an insult, but it really isn’t. It’s a real thing.

            Yes, I’ve heard all the stats about allowing children to get dirty or play in dirt. I never used anti bacterial cleaners and we’ve always had pets. I encouraged getting dirty. (How else do you know if they’ve had fun?) This started because one kid would throw a fit if he got dirty and I needed to end that quickly. Older women would come and lecture me about how dirty they were getting when I let them play on the floor of stores. I used to smile and reassure them that I had a kickass washing machine.

          • RoFaWh

            Teflon is as inert as anything else in the universe at room temperature. On the stove, you have to keep them under 350-400 F, or the teflon starts to break down and emit gases that are (aha!) fatal to birds. As long as you aren’t doing a high temperature stir fry, your birds would be safe.

            Myself, I only have one teflon pan, and it’s mainly for poaching eggs.

            [That is not the exact temperature at which breakdown starts, but I’m too lazy to look it up.]

          • vorpal

            I like my cookware like I like my men:
            Hot as hell, but preferably not smoking.

          • Bymynishus

            Avocados and onions are toxic to birds. Chocolate is toxic to birds, cats and dogs. What are they doing to humans?

            Though I wouldn’t recommend overheating non-stick pans and sucking in the fumes. Something being toxic to birds isn’t necessarily the same for us.

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            Non stick pans are chemicals. And what affects birds chemically can affect us, although we would need much larger quantities of the chemical.

          • Bymynishus

            Well, everything is a chemical. But yes, the potential for toxic chemicals in non-stick coatings are much higher. My point was, “it hurts birds” isn’t really a good metric. As you pointed out, it would take more for it to harm us. There’s probably an LD-50 for a lot of those toxins.

          • RoFaWh

            What’s not to love about cast iron? Principally, the fact that it takes a l—o—n—g time to heat up.

            Want to fry some chicken? Set the burner to a medium low level, put your c.i. pan on it and leave it for a good twenty minutes.

          • vorpal

            Sure, it does take longer to hear up, but on my gas range, it isn’t dramatic and I can make fried eggs in a couple minutes all the same.

            I’m not in a particular rush, though.

            I don’t really fry in cast iron (I use metal pots for that), so I haven’t been inconvenienced in that way.

          • Bymynishus

            Cast iron pans + gas range = winning combination… especially if that range can put out some serious BTUs.

          • perversatile

            …while pounding my meat flat using the back of an iron skillet,
            I take a sip of wine, smile, and love Julia Child just a little bit more.

          • vorpal

            Nice :-). Definitely this ^.

          • perversatile

            Pots, Kettles and Skillets I Have Flung

            The first thing I grab-
            is never a plate.
            My precision is superb,
            you should see my best mate.
            The man that I wed-
            has a dent in his head.

            Selection from-
            “a frozen leg of lamb in the icebox of my heart”
            Wine Press Publishers, 1978

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            Haha. A woman’s weapon that yields results! Love the poem.

          • perversatile

            I’m pretty sure, it’s one of
            Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings’ earlier works

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            Thanks for the info.

          • Friday

            Let’s do fight training later, shall we? Nothing fancy. Any leverage is good leverage, if you don’t know any. Light, heavy, just hit. Continue till opponent down or escape possible.

          • Grumpy old Man

            lf you go with ‘light’, use the edge; cast iron is always a good choice.

          • Bj Lincoln

            Thanks for the good advise Stogiebear. My advise is to never attract people who are violent to your life. At the first sign of violence, throw them out on their ass and make sure they understand they are never to return. I don’t take shit from anyone nor do I attract ass holes to join the party.

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    • Hal Watts

      Witches, devils, and demons did not destroy the credibility of the Christianists. They did a damn good job of destroying themselves…..

      • Friday

        Well, yes. They’ve driven themselves fully insane on their own…. I think some other measure may be required if they’re to quietly retire to the non-issue they so richly deserve to be though, now that we’re here.

      • Destroyed? Looks like Bakker and his ilk are still raking in the dough.

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        I agree. But that’s often what happens in an unending quest for money and power.

    • douglas

      It all started when Eve took the fall.

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        Ah, poor Eve always gets the blame. It’s never pointed out that Adam was a giant pussy and hid behind her. All she wanted was knowledge. Far too many women are still being punished for that bit of misogynistic mythology.

    • RaygunsGoZap

      This is all good advice if you want to take them alive. Otherwise, wide blade kitchen knife + one stick to the femoral and then just stay out of arms length for 30 seconds or so.

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        I’m lucky in that I don’t have to worry about this. Here’s what I don’t get; men that beat women have to sleep sometime. I guess they count on the fact that they’ve sufficiently cowed their victims.

  • Phaius

    Then it’s pretty clear your god isn’t that powerful, Jimmy boy!

    • John Masters

      In biblical times, when one tribe lost a battle to another, it was said that the losing tribe had the weaker God. I mean, it’s biblical…so, Jim, what does that tell you?

  • Nic Peterson

    Golly I wish my sisters could wield that kind of power.

    • Friday

      Actually it’s ‘not that kind’ ..he’s the one that thinks everything’s ‘devils’ when his own religion abuses people and sex itself. ‘Power’ strictly speaking is not really what these people say or want or fear in the first place. Power’s a measure of accomplishing something, not a measure of blame.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    Clearly it couldn’t have been witches they would have turned him into a newt.

    • Friday

      Well, that didn’t work, the bastard ended up Republican party chairman anyway.

  • Igby

    Look at the audience shot at 1:02. Can you spot the witch in the crowd? How about the warlock in the bright turquoise shirt? Laughing, I tell you, laughing!

  • Tor

    These people cannot accept responsibility for anything!!!

  • Octavio

    He really does have “beady little eyes.” People with tiny eyes creep me out.

  • Sk3ptic

    What about werewolves? Couldn’t it be werewolves?

    • TampaDink

      Do you think it was a bear?
      ~A bear? Bears a sweet, besides, you ever see a bear with 40 foot feet?

      • BearEyes

      • rabbit_ears

        How about a 50 bear?

        • TampaDink

          That works for me. ☺

      • RoFaWh

        It might have been a Russian.

        [Pop quiz: explain that literary referrence.]

        • TampaDink

          Without cheating, I’ll guess Suzy the Bear as played by Nastassja Kinski in “The Hotel New Hampshire”? (I did have to look up the spelling of her name.)

          • RoFaWh

            Wrong!

            Report to the front office for chastisement.

            The answer is that the reference is to “The Circus of Dr. Lao” by Charles G. Finney, in which one of the habitues of the circus might be a bear or might be a Russian. The book contains many small arguments between other characters over this point. Strongly recommended if you like sly humor.

          • TampaDink

            Thanks for the enlightening. I’ll look into Finney’s works.

  • I’m telling you: toxic narcissists are THE problem. We have to develop a proper test to identify them so that they can be isolated from any position of responsibility.

  • safari2bongaloo

    • safari2bongaloo

      Wanted for questioning

    • safari2bongaloo

      Seen fleeing

    • safari2bongaloo

      Watch out for Riz

  • rabbit_ears

    These witches aren’t very good at destroying televangelists. We still have an overabundance haunting the airwaves.

    Listen witches, do your jobs ok? It might be boring compared to the other stuff you like to do, but don’t make me take this to HR. They’re way more frightening than you are.

    • popebuck1

      Yeah. We need to have a discussion with these witches – clearly they haven’t been bringing their A game.

    • Friday

      Hey, it’s not *our* damn fault if they keep getting sex and not learning nuffing!

      • rabbit_ears

        They never learn, which is why the witches were hired in the first place! We need the magical equivalent of Navy SEALS, only casting spells, not bullets!

    • witch

      I’m trying my hardest damn it, but these bottom feeders are like roaches, squash one and two more crop up 🙁

      • rabbit_ears

        The alternative is a nice wholesome sexually repressed ’50’s style life,
        baking cookies, going to neighbours tea parties forever. Now are you
        motivated?

        • witch

          Just like my mom, stand behind your man ( and if he gets uppity, put the knife in his back), o.O

        • perversatile

          My Auntie always said,
          ” Show me a housewife
          that isn’t jacked to her teeth
          on Benzedrine,
          and I’ll show you someone
          that needs to get her hair done
          and has a filthy house”

  • Jan Wesselius

    Bakker has been going out of business for 10 years now.

  • TampaZeke

    His son must be so fucking embarrassed!

  • bambinoitaliano
    • perversatile

      all the timehttps://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=imgres&cd=&ved=0ahUKEwi-0_vV2LnJAhWCFj4KHfTvB5EQjBwIBjAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fboozyshoes.files.wordpress.com%2F2014%2F10%2Famok.gif&psig=AFQjCNGi88egsv919WXJbKg6EiF7lg3Yzw&ust=1449026009977237

  • MikeBx2

    Remember that time when Jim Bakker was crying like a baby as they carried him off in handcuffs? Remember that? I remember that. Good times…

    • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

      The witch that caused that joyous event is grifter Bakker’s greed.

      • David Walker

        Accepting personal responsibility is tough. Listening to witches is much easier, and blaming them is easier still. Somewhere back there I thought it was god what told him to open Six Flags Over Jeebus, just like god tells republicans to run for office. Hmmmm. I wonder now if it’s witches who tell republicans to run.

        • Jon

          The voice of Jeebus sounds an awful lot like gas leak hallucinations.

  • Octoberfurst

    So according to Jimmy a friend of his was on a plane with a witch who told him about their evil plot to bring down all televangelists starting with Jim Bakker. Wow, that just sounds so plausible doesn’t it? I wonder if she cackled and rubbing her hands in glee as she said it? I guess the forces of Hell did make Bakker do all those bad things! Poor guy—such a victim. But I am kind of surprised that the power of Jeebus didn’t thwart their evil schemes. (He must have been on vacation or something.)
    I also wonder how many of his brain-dead followers believed his story.

    • Friday

      Witch-hunters are a cowardly and superstitious lot. It’s like a “Don’t mess with Texas” sticker, you want one that says, “But it’s so *easy!* It’s like “Dammit, stop with the jokes about the undead legions, these people are totally irony-blind!”

  • Gianni

    Sounds like Jimmy the shyster is suggesting that he was innocent of committing any crime and that witches wield a lot more power than God. Apparently, God wasn’t able to protect him from the evil spells of the witches. People who buy into this drivel cannot even remotely be described as intelligent. Religion appears to be nothing more than a biblically based method of separating a fool from his money. And, hallelujah, it works like a charm – to the tune of millions a year.

  • Robert Conner

    Good on you, witches!

    • Friday

      Alls we did was pour some Guinness and chant, “I am rubber, you are glue,” a few times. I mean, what do you want, the guy sells paint buckets of broccoli, apparently.

  • I wish Tammy Faye’s disease upon you, Jim. I want her back and you in the ground.

    • RoFaWh

      Tammy Faye’s death certificate says that the cause of death was hypermascarity.

      • *uncaps the tube* Maybe he’s born with it, maybe it was intelligently designed maybelline.

  • Martin

    Witches for Trump 201666

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    Wow! The new wifey has increased her vocabulary since the buckets of cheesy broccoli video. Wow!

  • Natty Enquirer

    Well, isn’t that … extra special.

  • TKW

    Well, first of all, Mr, Bakker, everyone knows that witches travel by broom or by twitching their noses. Why would she possibly be traveling by airplane? Seriously! 🙂

    • EdmondWherever

      He should have asked her name. If it was Granger, he’d better watch his ass.

    • Friday

      Budget cuts. 🙂

  • EdmondWherever

    If these people don’t have to be full-fledged grown-ups, then neither do I. Now excuse me while I open up my new TIE fighter.

  • Bill T.

    Tammy Faye has been having an absolute ball haunting Jim’s pea brain, and it shows.

  • FancyThat

    The after segment always seems to lack the glitter of the before. Same for hubby Jim. According to Dr. Ben Carson, the post-prison Jim Bakker should now be quite gay.

    • Friday

      Well, that ain’t making me any straighter, among other things it’s not. 🙂

  • Leo Tallant

    Two nut cases and a woman who dresses like a Thanksgiving Day Pilgrim say what???

  • Paula

    No, I was at the last coven. Nobody talked about sending scamvangelists to jail. They do a great job on their own.

    • billbear1961

      Exactly–like they really need anyone to push or trick them into crimes!

    • Friday

      It’d *totally* be a clean shoot if we did, but since when did we need to? They bring their own ‘demons.’ (And they seem to be under the misapprehension people besides them think sex is “profane” to begin with, needless to say. If they got a blessing for sex they’d possibly be ‘tempted’ to treat someone *right* for once.)

    • perversatile

      Nothing shows your lovin’,
      like something from the coven

      • TuuxKabin

        Ha! no wonder you call yourself perversatile.

  • billbear1961

    Oh, now you’re the victims of MAGIC, are you?

    I seem to recall something from church when I was a child about the forces of Hell ITSELF being unable to prevail against the genuinely virtuous.

    But there’s nothing genuine or virtuous about you or other hypocrites like you, is there, grifter?

    Don’t blame others for YOUR wrongs, you greedy, primitive NITWIT.

    • Friday

      Well, I dunno where he got his idea of sex and demons from but it’s not like his ilk needed witches to lift a finger about it anyway. 🙂

  • glass

    This rant pail’s in comparison to his previous rantings. O_o

  • fuzzybits
    • Silver Badger

      The best witch of all time!

      • sikkentarred

        She WAS the best, wasn’t she!

    • Bobby P

      Aunt Clara!

  • Marides48

    “The DEVIL made me dot it!”

  • ExGayTherapyKills

    Christians love to go on witch hunts looking for witches to burn when it is they who are the criminal witches.

    • Friday

      Well, they’re *criminals.* Wouldn’t last a minute in witch-ethics. 🙂

  • Silver Badger

    He just can’t give up the lime light. Time to go the “I have sinned and am now forgiven” route.

  • witch

    Who ? Me ? …..innocent blink blink

  • Jan Wesselius

    It was pointed out to me that Bakker or any guest he has on his show will not discuss gays. Now the guest may be anti gay but will not bring it up on his show. Reason? Bakker did have an affair with a man while married to Tamey Fay.

  • kaydenpat

    The devil made me do it!!!

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    Wow, just delusion spoken with soft tones and hues of dripping concern.
    thank god for the gorgeous man in that advert from Neiman’s on the sidebar to distract me from their inanity. (And hello Mr. Fall Collection to you, too!)

  • Jack_Carter_USA

    Well, of course it isn’t Jim’s fault that he’s a sleazy crook who can’t keep it in his pants. What do you expect from him, personal responsibility or something?

  • Javier Smith

    But do you KNOW if she’s a witch? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp_l5ntikaU

  • jomicur

    And I suppose it was witches that made you sexually harass your male aides, right Jim?

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    That’s a very silly thing to name your penis.

  • wds

    Dear Jimmy Boy – what got you in trouble was your dick, CSing desire and your greed … it has nothing to do with witches, unless you might be one. Seriously? I don’t think your “Buckets” are going help you get around this one. What’s really sad? Is there are actually people out that that will do the “Amen and let me get my wallet” routine. however, Jimmy Boy, in that Bible you profess to know, there are some really serious penalties for leading folks “astray” and if you’ve been hanging around with witches – um – there’s even a MORE serious one for that … it’s quite a painful and messy death. SMH

  • Cuberly

    Ugh! Extinguish that flaming pile of nonsense poo post haste!

    http://i.imgur.com/RlXSpMf.gif

  • Yeah it was witches. It can’t just be that they are lying hypocrites and fucked around and got high of their own free will. Oh no. It’s totally someone else’s fault.

  • John Clerkin-Whitcomb

    Though there’s a lot that can be said, and many witty pictures and clips I could post, I think I’ll keep it short and sweet and simply state the obvious: Dick Wad

  • abel

    That this shameless grifter is still appearing before, and presumably hoodwinking, a gullible public is disgusting. What is with these guys? Bakker, Haggard, and so many others have been exposed as frauds, liars, hypocrites. Yet on they go, grifters to their last breath. People who fall for evangelists are truly stupid.

  • Max_1

    So he admits that he’s a witch… sign.

  • Porkie

    First of all, I am an athiest and have never been incarcerated; so Jim would know better than I, but I am reasonably certain that both freedom through the love of christ and freedom through the US parole commision demand acceptance of your guilt and repentance – not blaming your crimes on someone else. (No matter how witchey they may be),

  • Cuberly

    Hmmm, my understanding is Jerry Falwell pulled Bakker’s livelihood out from underneath him. Or at least hastened his downfall and swept in to feed off the scraps.

    http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,146854,00.html

    Jerry Falwell is/was a witch?

    http://www.satansrapture.com/jerry.jpg

  • grada3784

    Let’s hear it for the witches.

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  • Tony Prost

    These people are so plainly just stupid.

  • MattPS

    Talk about having an over-inflated ego! As if even .01% of the population even remembers who he is, or used to be! I thought this guy was already dead. Honestly.

  • TheSpinMonkey

    Witches???? So that is where all my brooms has been disappearing to.

  • NMNative

    Evangelical ministers are just like the republican candidates: They are all trying to top each other with who can believe/state the craziest shit. This one’s pretty good. Witches are to blame. Top that Pat!

  • NancyP

    Nothing new here – blame it on a woman.

  • Diogenes Arktos

    “sex, drugs, women” It seems he doesn’t remember that his unforgivable sin many many years ago was that he engaged in male/male sexual activity. That was the ruling of his then denomination. (IIRC correctly it was only forms of masturbation, nothing “real”.)

  • dcurlee

    If there is a hell, him and the likes of him will burn for sure. You would think people would have learned the first time around with him

  • NumbersGuy

    Well thank goodness we know it was witches and not the gays. Usually it was always the gays. The gays caused a volcano. The gays caused a earthquake. The gays caused the hurricane. At least, in this case, it was the witches and not the gays. Glad that’s all cleared up now.