Tag Archives: Vatican

A Vatican priest stepped in it yesterday when he compared the global rash of child molestation investigations to the systemic persecution of Jews. Speaking in St. Peter’s Basilica, the priest, the Rev. Raniero Cantalamessa, took note that Easter and Passover fell during the same week this year, and said he was led to think of the Jews. “They know from …

According to a Vatican spokesperson, Ill Papi Nazi has immunity from being called to testify in any pedophilia trial because Vatican City is a sovereign nation and Ratzinger is its head of state. Dalla Torre outlined the Vatican’s strategy to defend the pope from being forced to testify in several lawsuits concerning sexual abuse which are currently moving through the …

The Catholic Archdiocese of Miami is being sued. And you know why. The Archdiocese of Miami, along with top Vatican authorities, knew as far back as 1968 that the Rev. Ernesto Garcia-Rubio, a priest later defrocked amid child sex-abuse allegations, had a troubled past in Cuba before transferring to South Florida, lawyers representing victims claimed Monday. The lawyers say the …

(Tipped by JMG reader John)

According to the Catholic Church’s top exorcist, Satan himself lives in the Vatican. Father Gabriel Amorth has conducted 70,000 exorcisms in the last 50 years and says he needs to do a few inside the palace as well. In the last few months, the Catholic Church have been rocked by a series of sex scandals in Ireland, Holland and, most …

“A true Christian is someone who, in any given situation, is supposed to ask themselves what would Jesus do, then try to do that. How an organisation which has acted, decade after decade, only to protect its business interests above the interests of children can feel it has the right to dictate to us what Christians should do is beyond …

I can’t fucking wait to hear how Ill Papa tries to wriggle out of THIS one! “Put on some music, swallow a Viagra, and adelante!” That’s the headline in Europe today following reports that a papal aide used an intermediary in an elite Vatican choir to solicit young male choristers and seminarians for prostitution. Police wiretaps are expected to result …

The Vatican’s ATM is in Latin. Other fascinating Vatican tidbits are at the link, such as the fact that Vatican City has the highest crime rate in the world thanks to the pickpockets that prey on tourists.

The Vatican has issued its Top Ten Albums of All Time. SRSLY. The Beatles, Oasis, Pink Floyd, Michael Jackson and U2 may be one step closer to paradise. But Bob Dylan is still “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” The Vatican has previously denounced rock music as the devil’s work but in a surprise change of tune on Sunday the Holy See’s …

A new biography of Pope John Paul II reveals that he used to get into some serious self-whipping. Kinky! In the book, Oder wrote that John Paul frequently denied himself food — especially during the holy season of Lent — and “frequently spent the night on the bare floor,” messing up his bed in the morning so he wouldn’t draw …

Pope Benedict Palpatine has issued another insulting attack on gays, saying that homosexual marriage endangers all of humanity. Oh noes! Pope Benedict XVI on Monday called laws ignoring the difference between the sexes an “attack” on creation just days after Portugal moved to legalise gay marriage. Creatures, including humans, “can be protected or endangered”, the pope, 82, told the Vatican …

Pope Palpatine says he forgives the woman that attacked him on Christmas Eve. Appearing for his Christmas “Urbi et Orbi” blessing to tens of thousands of congregants in St. Peter’s Square, the Pope made an appeal to “abandon all logic of violence and revenge” and lead with “generosity” on “the path of peaceful coexistence.” The plea came less than a …

Jewish groups are furious over Pope Palpatine’s announcement that he is submitting Pope Pius XII, infamously known as “Hitler’s Pope,” for beatification. Jewish leaders from around the world expressed their outrage today after the Pope opened the way for his controversial wartime predecessor to be made a saint, with some calling the possible beatification of Pius XII as “inopportune and …

Limerick Bishop Donal Murray has resigned in the wake of Ireland’s child molestation scandal. Last month the Irish public was shocked by the revelation that the Catholic Church had covered-up the abuse and molestation of thousands of students at its orphanages and private schools. Murray met with Pope Palpatine all this week and today the Vatican issued a brief email …

An Italian newsweekly is reporting that the Vatican Bank is being investigated for a $300M money laundering scheme involving one of Italy’s largest banks. Panorama reports that officials from the Bank of Italy’s Financial Intelligence Unit (UIF) have identified transactions worth up to €180 million (£160 million) that allegedly violated anti-money-laundering regulations in accounts held at a UniCredit branch in …

“Transsexuals and homosexuals will never enter the kingdom of heaven and it is not me who says this, but Saint Paul. People are not born homosexual, they become homosexual, for different reasons: education issues or because they did not develop their own identity during adolescence. It may not be their fault, but acting against nature and the dignity of the …

Last month Pope Palpatine invited the world’s Anglican priests to join the Catholic Church if they disagreed with new gay-friendly Anglican policies. This weekend the first avalanche of thousands of defecting priests was announced. Over 4,000 Anglican priests all over the world, including married ones, are expected to join the Catholic Church, Bishop Matthias Ssekamanya announced on Friday. Ssekamanya, who …

“I consider if someone is homosexual, it is a provocation and an abuse of this place. Try to go to a mosque if you are not Muslim. It is abuse of our buildings and our religion because the church interprets our religion that it is not ethical. We expect respect of our church as we expect to respect that a …

The Vatican has issued a statement saying that other religions are worse when it comes to pedophile holy men, and HEY, at least our guys don’t like ’em super young! In a defiant and provocative statement, issued following a meeting of the UN human rights council in Geneva, the Holy See said the majority of Catholic clergy who committed such …