Tag Archives: TSA

(Tipped by JMG reader Spencer)

Runner-up: “TSA Advisory: Children who opt-out of scans will be told Santa is dead.”

(Via – AmericaBlog)

I’m trying really hard (but mostly failing) to get all revved up about the “national outrage” on TSA scanning and searches.

Writing from his dildo-strewn basement dungeon in the suburbs of Chicago, Porno Pete LaBarbera is freaking out over Janet Napolitano’s assurance that all airport security pat-downs will be done by agents of the same gender as the passenger. Because that’s exactly what all those queer TSA agents are hoping for! “But what about homosexual TSA agents?” AFTAH President Peter LaBarbera …

It’s the new “Don’t tase me, bro!”

Homeland Security announced today that effective immediately you can no longer bring toner or ink cartridges weighing more than one pound onto your plane. Not that anybody was actually doing that. The ban, announced today by Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, also covers other cargo deemed high-risk. The changes follow the discovery of bombs concealed in ink cartridges on a …

Over at Boy Culture, Matthew Rettenmund thinks JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater could play Johnny in a remake of Airplane! Below is Young Turks host Cent Uygur’s take on the incident.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) says that the president would probably have no problem with terrorists beating TSA agents, since he (Gohmert says) has no problem with terrorists evading the Gaza blockade.

The TSA has launched an investigation of employees at their Orlando field office after learning of an office board game being played to mock gays, women and minorities. The board, resembling the TV game show “Jeopardy,” includes categories such as “pickle smokers,” “our gang” and “creatures,” which sources said were names used by managers for gay men, African-Americans and lesbians. …

“If I were going to make up an alias, I wouldn’t pick Rosenberg. I’d pick Jolie or Pitt…Do terrorists wear Manolo Blahniks? I can tell you Donna Karan does not make anything that hides a bomb…I tried the tears; they didn’t work. I tried reasoning. I couldn’t bribe because I didn’t have any money. I said ‘I’m going to have …

Gawker and Towleroad have posted this transcription of new pre-flight security rules which were announced on a JetBlue flight from San Juan to NYC yesterday. Among the rules: no in-flight TV, no items in your lap for the last hour, no trips to the restroom during the last hour. However, I flew JetBlue from Orlando to NYC yesterday afternoon and …

Is that what’s next at airport security checkpoints? During 19 hours of travel, aboard two flights across three continents, law enforcement officials said, Abdul Farouk Abdulmutallab bided his time. Then, just as Northwest Flight 253 finally began its final approach to Detroit around noon on Friday, he tried to ignite the incendiary powder mixture he had taped to his leg, …

Remember the guy who tried to light a bomb in his shoe? And now we have to take our shoes off at the airport? Remember the guy who tried to sneak in liquid explosives? And now we can’t bring shampoo on board? What do you think the TSA will do about the ass-bombers? Richard Scneier: Nobody tell the TSA, but …

In July 2007, I told you about Raed Jaffar, who was thrown off a JetBlue flight at JKF because his t-shirt said “We Will Not Be Silent” in both Arabic and English, which made the passengers and crew uneasy. One TSA official likened Jaffar’s wearing the shirt to a bank robber who walked into a bank wearing a “I Am …

After being forced to remove her nipple rings in order to pass through airport security, a woman has hired the grand dame of litigiousness, Gloria Allred, in order to sue the TSA. Having traveled many times with fairly hardcore leathermen, I can tell you that as I am typing these words, TSA employees around the country are getting quite an …

It’s really too bad that there’s a writers strike right now, the Daily Show and Letterman would have a field day with this.

Yesterday a NYC-bound Spirit Airlines passenger smuggled a “fist-sized” marmoset past security at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International by keeping the monkey under his hat. Only after the flight was airborne did other passengers notice the animal “playing in the man’s ponytail.” A day earlier, the passenger got the monkey past security as he departed Lima, Peru. When asked how they could …