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The Palm Beach Post reports: A Florida man who drove his blue Ferrari into the water off a Palm Beach dock last month told police that Jesus told him to do it, according to a report released Monday. “Jesus made me the smartest man on Earth,” the man told police, the report says, “and it’s so hard to have this …

CBS News Miami reports: A Florida man is in jail charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after he threatened to kill his neighbor “with kindness,” because the word “kindness” was written on the machete he used to stab his victims, said investigators. Bryan Stewart, of Milton Florida, allegedly cut a man with a machete moments after he was …

The Wichita Falls Times reports: Wichita Falls police received a rather unique call Friday morning involving a woman drinking wine in a Walmart parking lot. Employees requested officers to ban a woman from the local Walmart store after she reportedly had been drinking wine from a Pringles can for several hours while riding on an electric cart. The woman was …

Theater Mania reports: MGM has set Jennifer Hudson (The Color Purple, Dreamgirls, the upcoming Cats film) to play Aretha Franklin in a biopic directed by Tony Award-nominated stage director Liesl Tommy (Eclipsed) and written by Callie Khouri (Thelma & Louise). Respect will chronicle the life of the “Queen of Soul,” from singing as a child in the church where her …

CBS News Miami reports: A Florida man was arrested Thursday night after more than 40 grams of cocaine were found in his possession during a traffic stop near in the Florida Keys, but not before he decided to eat part of the arresting officer’s patrol car seat. According to the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office, Melvin Stubbs, 37 of Homestead, was …

Tampa’s Fox affiliate reports: A Florida woman in Sarasota County is facing multiple charges after deputies say she spread fecal matter around a park where the principal of the school where she is a substitute teacher was supposed to hold a birthday party for her daughter. Deputies say Heather Carpenter, a substitute teacher at Phillippi shores Elementary School, was seen …

Mashable reports: People can’t help but make jokes about the richest couple in the world splitting up. Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos announced their divorce on Wednesday, after 25 years of marriage and attaining a $137 billion net worth. And while ending a marriage is undoubtedly an unhappy experience for their family, Twitter users started making Amazon-themed jokes about the couple’s …

Orlando’s ABC affiliate reports: One Florida woman apparently really wanted a Bloomin’ Onion. Deanne Seltzer was arrested last week after she allegedly attacked her parents and chased her father with a 12-inch knife for refusing to take her to Outback Steakhouse. According to reports, the 28-year-old Palm Beach resident asked her parents to take her to dinner at the popular …

Tampa’s ABC affiliate reports: A Florida man claimed ignorance when jail officials found syringes in his rectum during an early morning strip search. Wesley Scott, 40, was arrested Friday in Pinellas County on an outstanding warrant charging him with drug possession, reports The Smoking Gun. When Scott was searched at the jail, officers found three syringes inside his rectum. However, …

Orlando’s NBC affiliate reports: Police in the Town of Palm Beach have identified the Florida man who drove his Ferrari into the Palm Beach Inlet the day after Christmas. According to a police report, the man behind the wheel is James A. Mucciaccio Jr., of Deerfield Beach. Police are calling this a deliberate act. The car reportedly sank about 30 …

Tampa’s ABC affiliate reports: A Florida man was arrested on Thursday after he threw a pizza at his father because he was mad that his dad helped birth him, deputies said. When deputies arrived at the home in Holiday, Robert Houston, 33, put his hands behind his back saying he knew deputies were going to take him to jail. According …

The Arizona Daily Star reports: An Arizona man who police say pretended to have Down syndrome and hired caregivers to bathe him and change his diapers has been arrested. Paul Anthony Menchaca, 31, posed as a woman on job sites for caregivers saying she needed assistance with her adult son, according to Gilbert police. Citing court documents, ABC15 reported Thursday …

West Palm Beach’s ABC affiliate reports: A Florida man was arrested after he drove up to President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort, told a Secret Service agent he was there to talk to the president about his “$6.3 trillion” and refused to leave, police said. According to a Palm Beach police report, Whitehurst parked in the service entrance area of the …

ABC News reports: A Florida man spent New Years day in a jail cell after police say he attacked a McDonald’s employee for not giving him a straw. Police say 41-year-old Daniel Taylor forcefully grabbed the staffer and pulled her up onto the counter. According to police, she defended herself by punching Taylor in the face. The new law, which …

The Palm Beach Post reports: A Florida man accused of destroying Christmas decorations after his sister asked him to speed up a romantic rendezvous with his girlfriend was arrested on several charges, an affidavit states. Port. St. Lucie police on Dec. 4 went to a reported domestic disturbance and spoke to a woman identified as Zachary Crandall’s sister. The sister …

Another action-packed year has come and gone for this here website thingy, which in a few months will mark its 15th anniversary. (Wow!) I want to sincerely thank all of you, longtime JMG flying monkeys and newbies alike, for coming along on the endless Trump-zaster that 2018 has been. While the last year has seemed like nothing but an infinite …

Playbill reports: Summer: The Donna Summer Musical, which opened April 23 at the Lunt-Fontanne Theatre, ends its Broadway run today after 27 previews and 289 performances. A North American tour will launch September 30, 2019, playing cities across the United States and Canada. Directed by Des McAnuff, the musical stars Tony Award winner LaChanze (The Color Purple), Ariana DeBose (Hamilton), …

The Miami Herald reports: A Florida man pulled over for speeding Christmas Eve locked his keys inside his car when Monroe County Sheriff’s Office deputies told him they were going to search the vehicle, according to his arrest report. Charles Albert Garcia, 40, had reason to worry. Deputies found small amounts of cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, amphetamine pills and marijuana inside …

Fort Lauderdale’s ABC affiliate reports: Cameras were rolling when a Florida man brought a loaded assault rifle into a convenience store over a dispute about the price of cigarettes. Police said the incident took place around 5 p.m. at the Lauderhill Supermarket along the 2000 block of Northwest 49th Avenue, last Thursday. According to officials, 60-year-old Robert Miller brought the …

The New York Post reports: This cat burglar litter-ally cleaned out the place. A man was arrested for busting into a Massachusetts woman’s home — and cleaning a cat’s litter box inside, according to a local report. While in an apparently confused state, 33-year-old Mitchell Sayers entered the victim’s North Adams residence last week through an unlocked door, took off …