Jeff Sessions Vows To Root Out “Bias” In The DOJ

ABC News reports:

Attorney General Jeff Sessions said Friday his own Justice Department may be fair game for criticism amid Republican complaints of anti-Trump bias in the FBI.

Sessions, speaking to law enforcement officials in Norfolk, Virginia, said the department’s mission is to identify and correct “mistakes of the past” and eliminate political bias “in either direction” from its investigations and prosecutions, a suggestion that that has not always been the case.

“My purpose every day is to get the department back to its fundamental mission of enforcing the law and protecting the safety of Americans with integrity and fairness,” he said, and the end of a speech about the Trump administration’s immigration crackdown.

  • MT YVR

    BIAS, not bi’s. BIAS. Jeebus monte Cristo, Jeff. BIAS. Not the bi guys and gals. I know you get the big words confused but this one is bias…

    I’ve got a sketch over here somewhere about it.

  • Westcoast88

    Anyone working in the DOJ or FBI who can’t see that Trump is a crook isn’t smart enough to work there.

  • Del Sam

    Including his own backwards, christian extremist and racist bias?

    • Stev84

      Of course not

      • Del Sam

        Agreed. So, in other words, he will root out anyone that DOESN”T have the same extremists views and him.

    • JCF

      That’s a feature, not a bug.

  • AmeriCanadian

    In other words, clean house of all of the Obama holdovers and anyone who can think independently or is even the slightest left-leaning.

    • Silver Badger

      In government circles this is known as a bloodbath. Republicans are notorious for it. Then they hire their friends and relatives to fill the empty positions.

      • (((GC)))

        We’ve already seen the bloodless version, of holding positions open until the Republicans can fill them. Take Gorsuch, sitting in Merrick Garland’s stolen Supreme Court seat. Take hundreds of other federal judges Obama didn’t get to nominate.

      • JCF

        Yup, didn’t start here. Under Dubya, they wanted all the Federal prosecutors to be “loyal Bushies”, and tried to root out all that weren’t (until they were caught!).

    • Scott Carpenter

      It’s well known that reality has a clear liberal bias – got to root it out where ever it might lurk.

    • Bill Haffey

      In the past it was called “The Night of the Long Knives,” anyone who does not agree with the Fuhrer gets wiped out.

    • By left leaning you mean just left of them which doesn’t make them liberal just maybe not a full blown Nazi.

  • teeveedub

    Let’s hope he roots himself out of a cabinet position and goes back to that hollow tree away down south in Dixie.

  • tim870

    He’s quitting?

    • ted-

      He’s dying?!

      • Oscarlating Wildely

        He’s not undead?!?

  • safari

    How about you start with rooting out those that lied to Congress, Jeff.

    You can start with yourself.

  • DaddyRay

    DOJ now accepting applications from Liberty University grads

  • Ray Page

    Q. What do you call a genius in Alabama?
    A. A visitor.

  • Harveyrabbit

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fa505bc5f7a6ece9be617ddb4e6bf07ae6f718879b78644940a6992fd1e7651f.gif ..and now you separate those biased and colored yolks from the egg whites…

  • (((GC)))

    It’s been said before, but…

    Henhouse, meet Fox.

  • Frostbite

    So he’s going to get rid of himself?

  • Robincho

    The one elf at Keebler who WISHES his dick were big enough to pack fudge…

  • Michael R

    Rachel Maddow asked last week :
    How is it possible Jeff Sessions still has a job based on what we know about him ?

    • safari

      It would require a Congressional check.

      Republicans don’t check republicans.

      • MT YVR

        Well… Wide Stance Larry might disagree….

        Oh. CHECK. Not check out. Right. Right.

  • Jim Maloney

    Sure Jan.

  • another_steve

    Jeff Sessions = the fuzz I periodically scrape out of my pupik (Yiddish: belly button).

    • MT YVR

      … ok how sad is it that mentally I just said “oy!” to this as I also thought “after all these years I finally know what that is… cool”

      (takes notes)

  • Blake J Butler
  • Friday’s_cat

    Is this like the Bush the Lesser Clear Skies and Healthy Forrest initiatives?

    • safari

      That policy was announced on a Friday. I remember it being a Friday. I also remember rolling my eyes really hard.

  • safari

    What is odd is that I thought Southerners added syllables to words.

    • Robincho

      It’s not easy to make “egg” a three-syllable word, but somehow they manage ir…

      • edrex

        and it begins with a long “a.”

        • Robincho

          Sort of like “AY-yuh-guh” only more tedious. I would’ve spent more time visiting in the South, but life is only so long…

        • Gretchen

          Dyew wont yur ay-uh-guh fryd r oh-uh-va ezee?

          Oh my god I sound pretty much like that.

          Fun Fact: As a 5th grader I lived near Gresham Middle School. Kids are mean, and they would tease me and call me Gresham mostly because Gretchen was unusual enough by itself. I was a recent transplant from an even more hick town, and I would respond with my little country accent saying, “Ain’t no schoooo.” This went over in the “big city” about as well as you would expect. I spent months in front of the nightly news practicing talking like Connie Chung trying to get rid of my accent. It mostly worked. Much later I returned to work for several years in that hick town, and all my hard was for nothing.

          • Robincho

            Come sit by me. Please.

          • Gretchen

            I’ll bring the good cookies.

          • Reality.Bites

            What does “Ain’t no schoooo” mean:?

          • Gretchen

            It was hick for “Please do not refer to me by that moniker as I am not in fact named after an institution of learning.”

            I am not a school.

          • Reality.Bites

            Thanks. Without the L on the end my brain pronounced it as “shoo” and couldn’t make any sense of it., but assumed it was a slang term I wasn’t familiar with.

            Obvious once you said it.

          • edrex

            i grew up in the rural south. my family sounds like that. i was a child who watched a lot of pbs and learned to sound like a new englander.

  • Paula

    Grand Wizard Beauregard rooting out bias? jeebus, now, I’ve seen everything

    • Christian1234567

      He should start with himself.

  • Oscarlating Wildely
  • Henry Auvil

    I guess “bias” is the new word for having a principled opinion.

    • Robincho

      And that you spell it correctly is the principal reason I like you…

  • Halou

    It is hard for the FBI to eliminate a political bias present in an investigation if the subject of that investigation is politically biased.

  • shellback

    “My purpose every day is to get the department back to its fundamental
    mission of enforcing the law and protecting the safety of Americans with
    integrity and fairness…”
    My suggestion would be to get rid of Crump, and then off yourself. It would be a job well done.

  • jerry
    • Oscarlating Wildely

      For the cult that they’re in, I think that the hair is wrong on them. Kind of like Sarah.

      • Robincho

        And check the vacant faces. Just the kind you’d like to have around…

        • Scott Carpenter

          None of those annoying thoughts and opinions to get in the way, just like sociopath god intended.

        • Skeptical_Inquirer

          I heard that an ex-fundie Mormon woman said that the men actually don’t like to see expression on their women. They always want you to be “sweet” so I guess they get angry if you do anything but look placid.

    • #DJTK5F

      Jethrine dresses more like a tranny carny whore.

    • JCF

      Frankly, the Huckster should look so good as these brainwashed lasses…

    • Berdawn Hutchinson

      they look like simple, good-hearted prairie dykes to me!

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
    • ted-

      You’re jacking him off? Bleeech. I just vomited…

  • Halou

    “eliminate political bias” means dismissing people affiliated with the Democrats or any civil rights advocacy group or in any way critical of the ruling regime. But when a fine person commits murder it is interpreted to mean that the FBI should not investigate the individual’s affiliations.

  • Spongebob CrankyPants

    It is not possible for a human being to separate him/herself from bias.

    • Halou

      All they can do is act professionally, or have a team of people with diverse political views so as to, at the very least, ‘cancel each other out’.

    • Oscarlating Wildely

      I have a bias against Christians. But I still admit that the law applies to them equally.

  • Blake J Butler
    • Friday’s_cat

      Feel the (rug)Bern!

  • Sam_Handwich

    omg…new post

  • Ann Kah

    Oh, just “anti-Trump” bias… ho hum. Please, Beauregard, root out the bias, but don’t confuse bias with “anti-Trump because of good reasons”.

  • BearEyes

    purge

  • -M-

    Does that mean he’s resigning?

    ‘Cause…

    • Friday’s_cat

      I read that as presigning, the act of having a written letter of resignation under your desk blotter, a bag of cash and a one way ticket to Moscow stashed in an airport locker.

  • 2guysnamedjoe

    ” . . . Justice Department may be fair game for criticism amid Republican complaints of anti-Drumpf -criminal bias in the FBI.

  • Cuberly Deux

    Starting with himself?

    Every day the authoritarian language just gets worse.

    • billbear1961

      And no one does anything about it, as it gets worse and worse. Not ONE prominent elected voice is raised DAILY against this accelerating coup–no prominent figures in ANY institution have organized to FIGHT it!

      They just sit on their FUCKING hands and LET these fascists weaponize law enforcement, work at PURGING government departments of anyone loyal to the Constitution to replace them with far-right fanatics LOYAL to Trump and the GOP’s fledgling BANANA REPUBLIC!

      The media shrug their shoulders, and Americans bow down to the ILLEGITIMATE authority of GANGSTERS who are subverting the rule of law!

      • Friday

        Actually, Elizabeth Warren’s FB feed is pretty daily doing that. 🙂

        • billbear1961

          That’s great!

          If only we saw stories in print and interviews every day in the media by BIG names sounding the alarm, and equal concern coming from the press.

    • MarkOH

      That was my first thought. A change to JMG headline:

      Jeff Sessions Vows To Root Out “Bias” In The DOJ by firing himself

  • hdtex
  • Luther Kreiger

    Ahahaha, Sessions in the same room as “integrity and fairness”?? Best joke of the year so far!

  • ClevelandJim

    “I Will Root Out Bi Ass!” coming up next on today’s episode of Elfin Paranoia.

  • Tomcat

    I wonder if he would have done the same for Obama. LOL

  • By bias he of course means anything that would oppose his racist views.

  • AtticusP

    I wouldn’t trust this little gnome to shine my shoes.

    And he’s Attorney General of United States.

    Just another reminder of how far we have fallen.

  • JWC

    Jeffy Noreguard Sessions wouldn’t know the meaning of fairness beyond rich white male

  • Sporkfighter

    I’m the first to admit a bias against racist bigots, thieves, hypocrites and liars.

    • MBear

      But.. but… both sides of the issues!! LOL

      • BobSF_94117

        I guess too many FBI agents are biased against drug dealers, human traffickers, traitors, and kidnappers…

  • Adam Stevens
  • Friday

    Pretty sure impartiality isn’t an issue when it comes to what Drumph is doing and for that matter tweeting.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Translation: he’s been given orders to commit a purge of Stalin’s, I mean Trump’s, perceived enemies; those being anyone who still believes in the rule of law, specifically as it pertains to presidential crimes & acts of treason.

    • boatboy_srq

      Funny you should put it that way. I’m beginning to think that the only reason we haven’t seen any Five Year Plans is that POTUS only serves for four and discussing Year Five has bad optics.

      • Friday

        Also it would involve planning, and more words than ‘Beautiful, Tremendous, and No more disaster.’

  • Bambino

    So he is going to resign?

  • greenmanTN

    An event that will be known historically as “The Night Of The Teeny Tiny Knives.”

    http://www.creepbay.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/elf-on-the-shelf.jpg

    • Treant

      I hear he’s fucking Melanoma. He calls it “Elf on a MILF.”

      • MBear

        Okay…ew.

        LOL… but: ew

      • OdieDenCO

        oh, that is a nasty visual

  • drbrentzenobia

    He’s as good as gone. Warm up a nice comfy federal penitentiary cell for him.

  • MBear

    Integrity?!? LOL

    Fairness?!?!? ROFLMAO

    Oh stop! It hurts to laugh so hard

  • boatboy_srq

    How very lawnorder of him.

  • Macbill

    “I’ll make sure that no one voted for any other than our blessed Donald J in any of the families of current employees.”

  • Jay George

    Integrity, he keeps using that word. I wonder what he thinks it means?

    • MBear

      Small donuts filled with raspberries and cheese…?

      • Jay George

        LOL! 😀 😀 Either that or fudge-striped cookies…

  • #DJTK5F

    Sessions announces forthcoming witch hunt and pogrom.

    • Tor

      Loyalty oaths required?

  • OdieDenCO

    first a purge then a loyalty pledge and dear leader will be all safe and sound.
    /s icymi

  • Lee Grupsmith-Pedersen

    Are they going to have huge broadcasted show trials? Or will it just be a quick lynchin’ just like they did down at the plantation?

  • The_Wretched

    Purges, a tru sign of democracy.

  • Marides48

    Reminds me of early 1950’s right purge of “Commies” that were infiltrating our Govment. I guess we don’t learn from the mistakes of the past.

  • JAKvirginia

    Start with your office, Jeffy.

  • “My purpose every day is to get the department back to its fundamental
    mission of enforcing the law and protecting the safety of Americans with
    integrity and fairness,”

    A good first step would be to resign.

  • j.martindale

    Engaging in political witch hunts in the DOJ? How very American of you! Bring back McCarthyism!

  • Will Parkinson

    Start by looking in the mirror.

  • kladinvt

    Did Beauregard the PERJURER says this in front of his bathroom mirror?

  • Kevin Andrews

    Little Jethro lying Sessions spews again. AmeriKKKa’s lying top cop.

  • rednekokie

    I think the most productive place to start would be with himself.

  • lymis

    “Jeff Sessions Vows To Root Out “Bias” In The DOJ”

    He’s resigning? Yay!

    • Gianni

      He really should start with himself.

  • andrew

    Me thinks that we have declined a bit. In the 1960s Robert Kennedy was Attorney General now over 50 years later we have Jeff Sessions. Woe is me!!!

  • Ore Carmi

    “Jeff Sessions vows to root out “bias” in DOJ”
    Oh, I’m so glad he’ll be resigning!