Joel Osteen: God Sent Hurricane Harvey Because He Knows You Can Handle It, Take It As A Compliment

The Huffington Post reports:

Pastor Joel Osteen, who has been under fire for his Houston megachurch’s slow response to helping survivors of Hurricane Harvey, vowed on Sunday that God would “pay back” victims for what they lost.

“We’re not going to understand everything that happens, but having a ‘poor old me’ mentality or ‘look what I lost’ or ‘why did this happen,’ you know that’s just going to pull you down,” he said in his first sermon at his Lakewood Church since the storm.

Instead, he urged his followers to “turn it over” to God. “God won’t allow it unless he has a purpose for it,” he said. “We may not see it at the time, but that’s what faith is all about.”

More from Mediaite:

Bringing up a biblical story involving Jesus and his apostles sailing across a lake during a hurricane-like storm, Osteen said that Jesus didn’t wake up during the squall because he knew they could handle it. “If they were all going to die, he would have gotten up without them having to wake him up,” he exclaimed.

Osteen then went on to tell his congregation that sometimes they may call on God to “fix this right now” as they panic during a storm, but that God apparently has a plan. “The reason it may seem like God is not waking up is not because he’s ignoring you, not because he’s uninterested, it’s because he knows you can handle it,” he stated. Osteen added, “Take it as a compliment.”

  • Mark

    It’s called fucking science and weather asshole. I’m in the Caribbean and waiting on Irma to get here…right in the cone of the fucking thing.

    Jeezus – what an asshole!

    • zhera

      Hold on tight!

      • Mark

        I plan to. Scheduled to hit us early Wednesday morning. Not looking forward to this at all.

        • stuckinthewoods

          Upvoted as a functional equivalent of “thought and prayer”. Wishing you avoid harm and find your preparations sufficient.

    • ColdCountry

      Stay safe!

    • Bad Tom

      Good luck to you.

      • Mark

        Plywood is going up on windows / doors that don’t have hurricane shutters in place. Claustrophobic so I’ll be living on Xanax for a few hours – oy…..

    • Todd20036

      Make sure you have a cache of lube, poppers, alcohol and porn.

      That is what you need to ride out a hurricane, right?

      • Mark

        I have spiced rum but that’s it — dammit…..

  • bkmn

    Grifters never stop

    • TrueWords

      As David Hannum said “There’s a sucker born every minute”. It’s insane to believe this “prosperity gospel” crap.

    • Sashineb

      And he probably had hundred$ of $upporter$ at hi$ $unday $ervice$.

  • Amanda B. Rekendwith

    …‘look what I lost’
    Apparently not the gall.

    • Acronym Jim
      • netxtown

        there’s not a minute in that whole Spartacus series that is without a hot man. I hated to turn it off and go anywhere cuz the scenery just did not compare!

      • Avenger280

        Manu Bennett (he also played Marc Antony on Xena: Warrior Princess)

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    Joel, ProTip, if you’re ‘god’ thinks that wiping out the lives of 50 people (likely to be in the hundreds as the water recedes) and taking away people’s homes, jobs and devastating them economically is a ‘test’, maybe its time to say your god is a bitter mean asshole and stop worshiping him. Oh, but that might crimp your lifestyle, huh?

  • Duck

    Now get those poor people out of the lobby.

  • Lazycrockett

    I know religion makes you blind, but really this stupid?

  • Lazycrockett

    “That god is such a jokester!”

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    Joel, how about I hit you over the head with a crowbar, since I think god thinks you can handle it and its just a test?

    [Metaphorically speaking only, not calling for violence]

    • another_steve

      Metaphorically speaking, I want him to step into a raging fire.

      If his god saves him, I’ll convert.

  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    If he ever has a disaster happen in his life and he starts wailing & moaning, someone needs to chorus his words right back at him.

    • Katherine Hummel

      He did once. Wife had to fly coach.

  • popebuck1

    Unspoken corollary: And the people who died? Must have fucking deserved it. So you don’t have to concern yourself with those losers.

    • Dagoril

      Well he checked his tithing records before offering any assistance to people who were members of his own “church”. So caring about dead losers who weren’t even members is probably beyond him.

  • TrueWords

    God seems like a major asshole…

    • another_steve

      Well, give ‘im a chance.

      He’s new on the job.

  • Amanda B. Rekendwith

    “God won’t allow it unless he has a purpose for it,” he said.
    Unless gay.

    • So, Joel – God’s purpose for you is to have a $10.8 million dollar home and private jet(s) and for the rest of God’s rabble – their furniture and belongings can just float away. You don’t have to do a thing – ??

  • Do Something Nice

    Buh bye, Osteen.

  • Dagoril

    More punchable than the Pharmadouche.

    • canoebum

      That’s a tough one. Better punch both, just to be sure.

    • Nick in Pasadena

      But only slightly less punchable than Michael Cohen.

  • juanjo54

    This man has only one thing on his mind – money

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Who exactly are the people that attend the church of this total fucktwit !?!?

  • DaveMiller135

    When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

    • BearEyes

      All the better to fill it with contributions from the gullible.

  • SoCalGal20
  • Jefe5084

    What a willfully ignorant, self-serving, conniving, deceitful POS this guy and all like him are.

  • another_steve

    I say, strip Osteen and let’s see his peenie.

    • LesbianTippingHabits

      Osteen – Trump, which is bigger?

      • another_steve

        Male domestic cats have bigger ones than Donald Trump’s.

    • Jefe5084

      He doesn’t have one. They ran out of skin to stretch across his face to keep that toothy grin. soo,,,He’s a dickhead in more ways that one.

      • another_steve

        Lol. The boy has had some cosmetic surgery, yes indeed.

        Gotta keep the 68-year-old ladies in Wisconsin excited.

    • Galvestonian

      He’s 54 and has had so much plastique surgery that the cleft in his chin is his belly button. Age is gonna come down hard on this bunko-artiste and he’ll have to settle for that swept-back silver pompadour with the embedded LED lights that twinkle and change colors. Plus his peenie is so small that he could masturbate through the slits in a fork.

      • another_steve

        “…so much plastique surgery that the cleft in his chin is his belly button.”

        LMAO!

        Thanks.

        I needed that. 😉

  • Todd20036

    Sigh. Joel. Didn’t God ever tell you that if you’re ever in a hole, you should stop digging?

  • Galvestonian

    Yeah … the message is make more money so ya can give it to me.

  • LovesIrony

    The camel is getting fatter

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      Joel the Fat Camel has grubbed over 50 million dollars from his mindless flock and straight into his filthy pockets.

  • It really is hard to respect people who find such complete and utter bullshit moving or profound.

    • Joe in PA

      AKA Trump followers. 🙁

  • Joe in PA
    • Uncle Mark

      Tell that to the people, who have lost loved ones, that they will be rewarded for that. How the fuck can that ever be made right?!!! What about the elderly, who have lost everything and won’t live long enough for much recompense?

      Keep digging your own grave, grifter. Such easy & callous words to utter when you live in a $10 million mansion on a hill…away from the flood waters. Such words spoken by someone untouched by tragedy, so disconnected from humanity. Now if only humanity would disconnect from you. You had to be SHAMED before granting shelter in your church….allegedly the people’s church of god. I won’t pray to god to teach him humility; I’ll pray to the AGs & court system instead.

      • Randy503

        Agreed. Instead of sympathy and tears, he offers false hope. Any normal human being would be moved to tears over the losses people have suffered. He isn’t normal.

        • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

          That’s psychopathology for ya!

          • Librarykid

            or psychopathological theology or psychotheology or pathological theology.

  • 2patricius2

    Rich man tells people who have lost everything, that his god is just testing them for some unexplained plan of his.

    Apparently Osteen and his fellow preacher charlatans haven’t coordinated their stories. The story was to have been that the gayz caused god to send the storm as a warning.

  • Tom Furgas

    One cannot really blame Osteen for spewing this garbage and raking in millions; his followers are the real fools. Those idiots can keep on flinging money at him, for all I care. If they’re that stupid that’s their problem.

  • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

    So how many times did Osteen pass the plate for Osteen’s personal GoFundMe?

  • Michael

    Closet case says what?

    • AmeriCanadian

      Retin-A, Botox, and teeth whitener addict. JFC!

  • Vinnie NYC

    Yeah, I remember what happened the last time I heard a guy tell me “you can handle it” my ass hurt for days !

    • Dagoril

      It was clearly God’s plan.

      • Vinnie NYC

        It was, I kept going back for more over and over

    • zhera

      ‘God’ wants you to stop whining. So what if you hurt? Joel needs money, not whines.

      • Vinnie NYC

        Trust me, I never whined about it

        • BJORN RAGNVALDR

          Whimpered, maybe.

  • Karl Dubhe

    The leader of the Church of Ayn Rand sez whut now?

    • Bj Lincoln

      I like your icon.

      • Karl Dubhe

        I did too. So I stole it from someone else. 🙂

        • Canadian Observer

          Theft is the sincerest compliment in this case.

  • SFBruce

    Something tells me the loved ones of those who lost their lives (50 so far) don’t feel particular complimented nor comforted by this kind of nonsense.

  • skyweaver

    What a carnival barker. You got nothin’, Osteen

    • AmeriCanadian

      That’s exactly what he and his type are. Very poor salespeople selling shit nobody needs but with which a large number are fascinated anyway.

  • Stubenville

    …said by someone who didn’t so much as get a toe wet. Just stop.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3dff2babb90e05073e731bfec7e65d9b4e09eb169ce660650031740178cca503.gif

    • Paula

      Not really. The parking space for his limousine was flooded and he had to walk almost 50 yards to get into the building. He was very inconvenienced.

    • Friday

      I was picturing Conjob being all like, “Everything’s fine, Trump’s got this all under control!”

    • Bj Lincoln

      I hope she is OK. She took a bigger chance than any of the grifters ever would.

    • Bluto

      That’s gonna leave a mark. She’s lucky she wasn’t decrapitated.

  • Nick in Pasadena

    He must have had a quick meeting with Kellyanne Conway to come up with best way to deliver this bullshit.

  • Bj Lincoln

    What a crock of shit. How can humans not gotten any farther than early man when it comes to this shit? The more science explains how the earth works, the harder some cling to outdated and silly ideas. As long as they cling, grifters like this will take advantage of them. Now that my country is being run by a moron, our broken education system will get worse leaving our people a nation of clingers to religions that helped to destroy it.
    Stop the world! I want to get off.

    • another_steve

      Lots of fear and loathing out there, Bj. Out there, in our frail human natures.

      Supply and demand.

      There’s a lot of demand for relief. There are lots of grifters willing and eager to supply it.

    • Beagle

      There is also a lot of clinging to the familiar. When you grow up with something, it becomes comfortable. The new and unknown can be scary, and sometimes it’s too scary even to contemplate.

      It’s why I sometimes say that my greatest accomplishment is getting out of the area where I was born. I was a fish out of water there, but it took a lot of effort to get away.

  • GayOldLady

    You sorry, good for nothing, Son-of-a-bitch. I challenge you to stop counseling the people of Houston to “turn it over to god”, but instead to empty your own coffers, personal and church, to the people in distress in TX. Then you “turn it over to god”, you disgusting con artist.

    • Bj Lincoln

      Ha Ha Ha! Good one hon. Like that will ever happen.

    • Stubenville

      …and fly commercial with the hoi polloi? I think not.

      /sarcasm

    • Kruhn

      Jesus would’ve come to Osteen’s Church with a chainsaw, a gang of Dykes on Bike armed to the teeth, and some pissed off Muslims and Latinos with brickbats. He would’ve entered and gone Old Testament on his Church. Everyone forgets the can of whoopass he opened on The Temple.

  • Bluto
  • liondon#iamnotatraitor

    I agree people get what they deserve… His church deserves Joel.

  • Jefe5084
    • Sam_Handwich

      move over grumpy cat!

      i hope kitty is okay

      • Jefe5084

        My understanding is that they tried to catch kitty but it wasn’t interested and swam away. So..kitty had probably had his fill of stupid humans and decided to venture out on its own. I have my own reality in which kitty is safe and sound somewhere, penning his terse letter to the dumb asses on the city council.

        • vorpal 😼

          Kitty was probably tired of people offering up their thoughts and prayers.

          • LindseyDLund

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!!!
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            >>>http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash390TopLabs/GetPay$97/Hour…….

        • safari

          His ear is clipped, so he’s been neutered and is probably ferral.

          • Bad Tom

            “I remember what happened the LAST time humans caught me.”

  • HomerTh

    Lots of old women fantasizing about this crappy man. Go to his Facebook page and read their breathless comments about how wonderful everything he says/does is.

    • Vinnie NYC

      I know a couple who do. I’ve had a field day with them

  • Ben in Oakland

    So if you died, does that mean you couldn’t handle it?

    • Bj Lincoln

      yea. That’s the ticket.

  • Mikey

    the reason God isn’t “waking up” is the same reason Harry potter didn’t come help with his magic during relief efforts: because they’re both imaginary characters.

    • Nychta

      Harry has an edge on god, even though both are products of human imagination. Harry’s creator JK Rowling has shown herself to be intelligent and humane, and she’d not afraid to speak out against injustice.

      • Mikey

        I would choose to follow Harry Potter, because he actually represents good values.

  • GayOldLady

    How long do people have to live on this planet to understand that whatever power or force or configuration of being/matter exists in this universe is not an interventionist. Either we help and care for one another or we perish. That’s just the truth of it.

    • Bj Lincoln

      You are correct my friend.

      • GayOldLady

        No matter what you call it, if it exists, it simply does not intervene in the affairs of this planet.

        How is the SS case going?

        • Bj Lincoln

          Just waiting until a new hearing on Oct 17. 2 weeks shy of a whole year since they messed up. I get to add several bulging disks to the pile of shit wrong!

          • GayOldLady

            I’m so sorry that it’s taken so long, but hopefully it will be over on Oct 17. Will they have to pay you retroactively?

          • Bj Lincoln

            They should. I heard that if the amount is large, they will pay it in installments. 4 years is a good size chuck-o-change!

          • GayOldLady

            Good grief, it’s been 4 years? I hope this is resolved quickly.

          • Bj Lincoln

            Me too! Thanks for all your encouragement.

          • GayOldLady

            Keep me posted, please!

          • Bj Lincoln

            I will. How are you?

          • GayOldLady

            I doing as well as can be expected for an old gal. Thank you for asking. I’ll be thinking of you so please don’t forget to let me know what happened after the hearing.

          • Brian Burleson

            While this may not be encouraging, my sister won her case after 7 years. I was so happy for her. And me. I had been making her mortgage payment for the last 60 months. She has paid me back in full. Cross your fingers and hope for the best. Cheers.

          • Bj Lincoln

            You are a good brother! Mine would never do that. 7 years?! Damn! I was told last year I won it but the judge got sick and it sat for 6 months until I made a huge stink by writing every Senator about it. They did move after that. I don’t see my case taking that long. At least I hope not! LOL. Thank you for your best wishes.

          • Bj Lincoln

            I am also on a ‘fast track’ because it’s so old. I hope I don’t have to wait 3 months to hear something.

          • Librarykid

            They did pay retroactively in the case of someone I knew, very handsomely, I might add and the judge was most pissed that they had fucked him over so badly and for so long.

          • misterjack

            Bj, if you haven’t already, have your doctor fill out a Medical Source Statement form. You can download the form off the SSA website. Make sure the completed form is submitted at least five businesses days before your hearing. The judges look at those forms very closely. Good luck!

          • Bj Lincoln

            I have been at this for a long time. In between appeals and hearings my attorney and I have just kept adding things to the pile. All my paperwork is there. Thanks for your help.

          • misterjack

            Glad to hear.

            Most cases end up going to hearing and the back log is as you say, three years, currently. But you have the best chance of winning your claim at the hearing level. Hopefully, you will get a favorable decision. 🍀🍀🍀

        • Bj Lincoln

          It all my religious studies I found that praying for things or intervention does not work no matter what faith. I pray to the universe for patience and understanding then take a deep breath and feel better. That’s it.

          • GayOldLady

            I totally agree. The only thing that helps us through our difficulties is friendship and the compassion of others, often times strangers. I haven’t prayed in 50 years because I know it has no effect. I do meditation. It helps to clear my mind of confusion so that I feel confident in the decisions I make.

          • Librarykid

            I give thanks for blessings I receive. I read in the book the Path of Blessing by Marcia Prager that giving thanks is like the pump that returns water to the top of the fountain so that more can rain down again. Gratitude returns the energy of blessings so that it can come to us again. It seems to work and I was taught from the time I was a wee one to say “Thank you.”

            There are dreams that come out of nowhere I know of that are brought to fruition over time. I give thanks for them along with the miracles of life like being able to see, hear and being protected from dangers and addictions.

          • marshlc

            I was taught as a kid not to pray for outcomes, but for grace, and the strength to get through whatever happens.

            Which is pretty good thinking. Actual outcomes can be measured, and we can see whether or not they happened. Grace and strength can from from inside, from faith. And the thing about faith is that it’s not crucial that what you believe in be real, just that your faith be real. A believer can be like a grace and strength perpetual motion machine. As long as they believe, their very belief gives them what they’re after.

            So this prosperity gospel crap offends me on two levels. It offends me because it’s crap, and it offends whatever small marks the faith of my childhood left on my character – it feels deeply unseemly to me to pray for riches.

          • Richard Rush

            Faith is a valuable thing. After a person is convinced to have faith, they become an easy target for fraud perpetrated by people like Osteen and multitudes of others.

          • Bj Lincoln

            Exactly.

        • Bad Tom

          The only intervention is in our own consciousness. Awareness is an intervention, but not a physical one. Becoming aware is credibly like a flower unfolding, yes?

          • GayOldLady

            Yes!

    • bambinoitaliano

      We are snowflakes. We have many owies that need comforting. Many take alcohol and drugs, while others seek therapy or enter rehabs. Many more seek the solace of imaginary sky fairies who promise their all mighty power guarantee of a cure. Every each of those method works to a point until we gone overboard and become excessively indulge. Indulge we do. As human if nothing else we are greedy consumers.

    • ColdCountry

      Did you ever see the movie, “Oh, God!” with George Burns and John Denver? I think that is more my idea of a god, if there is one. The exchange that went something like:
      Jerry: “How can you permit all the suffering in the world?”
      God: “How can I permit it? How can you permit it?”

      I will believe this man is a servant of Christ when he gives all his and the church’s money to help people in need. Every penny above what is needed to maintain the physical things like church and home. And that home should be no more than is needed. (Hint: private jets and swimming pools are NOT needed.) He truly disgusts me.

      • Bj Lincoln

        I watched that film because I like Denver. I forget more than I remember but George did make John think and was not like I thought it would be. I may find it and watch again. My favorite was “Bruce Almighty”.

      • Librarykid

        That bit of dialogue from Oh, God is very Jewish. Judaism is a religion of acting to make life better while many other religions place more emphasis on what you believe. I wonder if Osteen asked his sheeple to give time and effort to relief efforts. I know better than to expect him to do so personally.

        • ColdCountry

          I don’t know much about it, but I always thought Judaism had more on the ball than Christianity.

  • Statistics Palin
    • another_steve

      Ohmigod I remember those.

      Do people still do that?

      • ohbear1957

        Only if you beg for it, you little worm! ;- )

        • another_steve

          Lol.

          Enema porn is, well, an acquired taste, shall we say.

    • ByronK

      These always make me think of Sally Field playing Sybil and tied to the piano leg. So dating myself.

      • Statistics Palin

        That can’t be as bad as listening to one of Osteen’s sermons.

  • TK

    What an unbelievable and insensitive crock of shit. Osteen is beyond disgusting and his followers are unthinking idiots. I’m sure those “profound words” really provided comfort to people who lost everything and are still suffering. I’m surprised he didn’t end his “pep talk” with “Suck it up!” It just makes me despise these filthy rich mega churches and their grifter pastors all the more. Send more truckloads of hopes and prayers – I’m sure it’s really helping the survivors.

  • Vira

    Hope don’t float. Shit does.

  • Lazycrockett
  • bambinoitaliano

    Pfffffff coming from a guy who can’t even take the pressure from social media before begrudgingly opening up his church for refuge.

  • Carl

    And people will still send him money.

  • Adam Stevens

    There ought to be a law…

  • NMNative

    I should feel sorry for these folks: Con men rule their lives, osteen, trump, robertson, graham (don’t forget limpdick and hannity) and they BELIEVE what these charlatans tell them. I’d pity them more if most of them weren’t so damn hateful.

    • Carl

      It is pathetic. Many of these people have lived most of their lives already and still have no understanding a the fundamental social and economic truths that hold their lives together.

    • another_steve

      The deplorable’s head is like a vacuum.

      Anything fills a vacuum.

  • bambinoitaliano

    Churches are house of lies where scamvangelists grift their money. I can no more explain why roaches would crawl into baitless roach motels than sheep who attend churches.

  • thatotherjean

    Easy for Osteen to say. The many-times-a-millionaire prosperity-gospel preacher didn’t lose anything in Harvey–except whatever shred of credibility he had left.

  • thrunch

    So the people who died because of Harvey “could handle it” … the way they handled it was to die?

  • Rick

    Oh look, ‘prosperity teeth.’

  • Tomcat

    This guy is as full of shit as a port o let.

  • misterjack

    All that money spent on hair, make-up and plastic surgery, only to turn out like… Margaret Hamilton. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c86868a55a82ab9118660d6fa19e10ddedd857d4ee6ed8b3011f0c4fe578296c.jpg

  • Tomcat

    Who wants to bet this asshole makes money off the hurricane?

  • zeroagent
  • Tomcat

    So Joel wants god to send another one.

  • HZ81

    God sent me to punch Joel in the fucking face. Not a compliment from God.

  • ohbear1957

    Osteen’s a pussy.
    Here’s a religious leader who shows courage in a time of crisis. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2943ce1516094ea03e0c7c21b5c71642dde1dfe3499ed8f9bc6b96331d08a96e.jpg

    • Leo Tallant

      Lex Luthor ????

      • ohbear1957

        Reverend Frank Scott

  • No More GOP.

    He’s just despicable. It would be really easy to work up an honest hate for that motherfucker.

  • Robert Adams

    So, suffering is a compliment from god? Well then, Joel, I guess god doesn’t care much for you, seeing as how I’ve noticed you haven’t received many “compliments” in your life.

  • Uncle Mark

    Joel, since you have clearly demonstrated that you have no empathy, no compassion unless your checkbook is concerned. Let’s make this hurricane all about you then. Let’s look at it this way: Your god gave you a test…the test of a lifetime for someone who considers himself a shepherd of men. It should have been easy for a REAL Christian, let alone a REAL human being to pass. You failed. You failed horribly. You failed to offer shelter to your own flock, until you were SHAMED…until you realized that this would hurt your bank accounts. And now you utter such callous words, that no feeling person, who has known any pain would dare utter.

    You are such an obvious failure as a moral leader and as a human being. I hope this hurricane will have destroyed you too in the end.

    • Steven B

      Amen!
      😉

      • Treant

        Hell, I’ll go all the way down to C-Men.

  • JWC

    Put as much and whatever shade you want but lipstick on this pig and you still have a pig

  • Tomcat

    Texans deserve Osteen if they keep giving to his miserable ministry.

    • Vira

      He gets revenue from both national and international marks; it’s not JUST a Texas thing.

  • Tomcat

    God says I will plant the next one on top of Joels church.

  • FAEN

    Grifters gonna grift-in this case from his multi million dollar home. Just like Jeebus would do of course 😏.

  • Harveyrabbit
    • BearEyes

      The Nashville Gathering.

  • ByronK

    Nothing lets you know you’re getting a high five from God like drowning.

  • Randy503

    Uh, actually, it will be the taxpayers of the United States that will be making you whole. And that will be organized under this thing called the “federal government,” you know, that thing you think is Satan himself. And you will get subsidies from said government, which in your language are called “handouts.”

    • JWC

      and you won’t pay a nickle in taxes Sir you shit in your nest live with it

  • vorpal 😼
  • edrex

    at least it’s consistent with the argument that god allowed his favorite son to be tortured to death out of love.

  • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

    Fuck you, creepo.

  • orion dumptee
  • Dan M

    Surprised he isn’t holding fund raiser to fumigate his church once he gets all the undesirables out.

    • DoctorDJ

      To clean the carpets, of course.

  • billbear1961
    • sdnative1958

      Brilliant.

    • Statistics Palin

      Hail! Hail! Fire and snow! Call the angel! We will go!

      • misterjack

        Far away, for to see,
        Friendly Angel, come to me!

    • Zeldacat

      Terrible episode, awesome reference!

    • Cattleya1

      Isn’t it remarkable how often villains from Star Trek turn up in modern Teabagistan…

  • pgarayt

    Could someone from Game of Thrones please come and help us with these bastards. Bring an axe.

    • Beagle

      Better yet, a dragon.

      • pgarayt

        You’re right, much more suitable.

  • JWC

    Ride this grifter out of town on a railhe has flown his true colors

  • Jeffg166

    Time for god to give Joel at bit of the Job treatment. Let’s see how accepts that.

  • ian

    The moral perversion of evangelicals never ceases to amaze.

  • secretlab

    If you’ve ever seen a relative come under the sway of Osteen or Joyce Meyer, it’s like a person going a bit mad. They literally believe ‘god’ hates the poor and has withheld ‘his’ blessings because they are intrinsically evil. It’s a con designed to exploit the victim’s underlying greed and narcissism, and is contrary to every religious norm.

    • Natty Enquirer

      Flattery is always the con artist’s tool of choice.

    • CB

      My younger brother is one of those. When I told him about Osteen and his church he said, “That didn’t happen.” When I sent him the link he said it was fake news.

  • seant426

    The reason god ain’t waking up is because he doesn’t exist, you fucking charlatan.

  • Christopher
  • joe ho

    Religion: Together we can find the cure.

  • sandollar_man

    Mr. Osteen may be the latest hypocrite. But he certainly isn’t the ‘high holy-est’ most prestigious hypocrite.
    That would be Pope Clement VI, who instructed his subordinates to make a ring of fire around him in order to save his own hapless life from THE PLAGUE. That’s how much ‘faith’ HE had, that his own prayers were gonna work.
    And he was the frickin’ Pope.
    He was scared to death of death, even though he knew all of those passages in his Holy Book. And all of those promises of an afterlife.

    We realize now, that the Protestant Reformation happened after the Black Plague and after the failure of the Catholic Pope to show any real influence with his God. What amazes me is we still have the same God, even after he was shown to be such a dismal failure when those people in 1350 needed him the most. The stench of death was all around them. There must have been trillions of prayers said, to ward off any more suffering. The fear must have been unlike anything we experience today. One third of Europe perished in agony. And we worship the same God now, as then. We can’t even muster the energy to create a new one, based on the last one’s total abject failure to save us.
    That’s the trend of history and religion. We’re whipped. Cuz the flesh is here and now, but the supposed afterlife looks more and more like a delusional cop out.

  • jimbo65

    I really loathe the whole “turn it over to God ” bullshit. That’s the same baloney told to some dying patients in intractable pain at some catholic hospitals when they’re not given sufficient narcotics.

    • Tor

      But they might become addicted before they die.

      • William

        In my great aunt’s case, the nurse worried that she might become constipated.

        • Tor

          Eye roll.

  • Natty Enquirer

    Unreasonable optimism is an asset to the successful person. But there’s no need to drag all this supernatural garbage into it. Unless you happen to be selling said garbage.

  • Spongebob CrankyPants

    Idiot.

  • Keith D Plane

    Why didn’t he just quit talking after last week’s shit storm? Talk about clueless!

  • RoFaWh

    That would make a beautiful example of pretzel logic in a book on the subject.

  • Mike

    To make us feel ok with suffering, Sister Mary used to tell us to “offer it up to god,” the theory being that our pain was bartered for reduced sentences for the “souls in purgatory.” Oy.

    I think it’s fascinating that the god people invented for themselves and keep alive with their fear, is the sadistic, murderous prick yahweh/jebus/holy ghost. And when a hurricane kills their neighbors and destroys their property, they think they’re supposed to be grateful to the monster. If they had given me the assignment, I would have invented a much nicer god. No torture, no murder, and no capricious destruction of property just to show who’s in charge.

    But there is no god, just meteorological phenomena that sometimes cause massive destruction, with an assist from humans. That’s the good news and the bad news.

  • CB

    This man is evil, self-serving and ignorant. He’s a solipsistic grifter who turns my stomach every time he opens his mouth.

  • Sporkfighter

    Joel, come on over here so I can kick you in the balls. It’s a compliment, really.

    • William

      I have steel-toed boots, if you need any assistance.

      • Sporkfighter

        We can take turns complementing him.

        • Bryan

          Let me know if you need a tag-out partner? I’ll bring along a boombox and have Still playing on repeat.

  • Tor

    Look at all the Happy Campers.

  • William

    Six members of one family drowned, congratulations!

    Fuck you Osteen!

    • JWC

      Be fair he didn’t want the carpets soiled besides he asked the Lard “what have these people done for me” and didn’t get an answer What was he to do?

  • Clive Johnson

    “The reason it may seem like God is not waking up is not because he’s ignoring you, not because he’s uninterested, it’s because he knows you can handle it,” he stated. Osteen added, “Take it as a compliment.”

    What a con artist!

  • Larry in Oklahoma

    A loss like that is NOT something to turn over to God or just say it’s God’s will. I’ll profess to being a bit religious but Fuck that idea that God will repay you for what you lost. I had a burglary a few weeks ago and I do not aim to turn it over to God….I am working with the legal system. So when I hear Joel say let God handle it and he will repay you for your losses….you know what?–the only paybacks people get is where they go out and BUY the stuff they lost. And if that’s God’s will, then as R.E.M. would say, “I’m losing my religion.”

  • Dot Beech

    With all his money, why won’t he get a better hair cut? This guy is a total, total, total hoser.

  • MBear

    Oh fk off

  • Baylee Peach
  • David in Tucson

    Disgusting.

  • Ginger Snap

    It’s douchebags like him that should have lose everything and I mean everything in a storm like this.

    • UrsusArctos

      They can’t lose their hubris, greed, or inhumanity because that’s all “Lizard people” like these “prosperity gospel scammers preachers” have.

  • David Raymore
  • olandp

    So his God is really a dick. And Joel, a squall is not a hurricane, shithead.

  • JWC

    As David Mixner said in his piece “American Dunkirk “…..he has brought shame on his brandfor years to come…”

  • JDS
  • Halou

    God would “pay back” victims for what they lost.
    he urged his followers to “turn it over” to God.

    This is one of the main “seed faith” salesmen. Having people hand over to him and his church almost their entire life savings with the promise of getting it all back plus interest by the grace of god. If it weren’t a church he would have been done for fraud years ago.
    He sees the suffering of thousands of people and answers it by asking them to give him the money to aid their own recovery. Such greed! Nobody, whether they have a heart of flesh or of stone, would fail to sigh at witnessing the inhumanity of Joel Olsteen.

  • Halou

    I see you broke your leg, Mr Olsteen. How about you give me the pain medication, that’ll make it all better for sure. And don’t worry, you can handle it or it wouldn’t have happened. Right?

    http://reactiongifs.me/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/rub-it-in-your-face-middle-finger-in-your-face.gif

  • FelineMama

    Shouldn’t have a “poor old me” mentality says the rich, grifting, ScamEvangelist bastard! I hope Ms. Karma pays you a visit soon. Then we’ll see if you can smile & accept.

  • Joel, is asleep and ignoring you. God, however, works through volunteers and those who take in the victims (unlike you). God also works through generous people who donate to help victims.

  • M Jackson

    Why do they keep saying such stupid shit???

  • Pat

    I hope god sends him a good case of the hemorrhoids for the same reason.

  • fuzzybits
  • rednekokie

    This nit wit hasn’t a clue about global warming, and how human interference, with all sorts of carbon pollution, are the main cause of storms such as this. When the climate, and with it, the oceans, warm, we are bound to have severe hurricanes.
    Some imaginary god in the sky, with a hand on all the climate levers, has absolutely nothing to do with it.

  • SDG

    Need a vaccine for religion!

  • JCF

    “…and He’s sending Irma, because God wants to skull-f#ck you!” {smdh} Osteen, asshat.

    But the Lord was not in the wind…

    https://image.slidesharecdn.com/hearinggod3-140630022414-phpapp01/95/hearing-god-part-3-6-638.jpg?cb=1404095087

  • Gregory Peterson

    Negative Clank*

    *A poem by Richard Brautigan: “He’d sell a rat’s asshole to a blind man/As a wedding ring.” For some reason Osteen’s sermon made me think of that. Can’t imagine why…..

    http://rmadisonj.blogspot.com/2017/09/negative-clank.html#comment-form

  • LindseyDLund

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!!!
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    >>>http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash390TopLabs/GetPay$97/Hour……..

  • Koollion Marshall

    Am I the only one thinking; What if this storm was man made and his so called God had nothing to do with it.

  • itsnwman

    Over 4000 gods currently being worshiped by Humanity. That all think their god is the only one. All with absolutely no proof. And goof balls like this make out like bandits. Fools Follow!

  • Benjamin Ruth

    “You can handle it.” And I guess the 60+ people who died due to the storm were just “called home to God.” Fuck off with this shit.

  • Dan Smith

    disgusting in so many ways