Ted Cruz Gets The Hook At Wingnut Event [VIDEO]

So this happened today:

You know how when someone takes a bit too long with their speech at the Oscars — especially the low-profile winners — the orchestra inevitably plays them off? Well, that just happened to Ted Cruz.

Speaking at the Faith and Freedom Coalition Conference today, the Texas senator began thanking everyone in attendance. Perhaps thinking that was the indication that Cruz was done, the public address announcer introduced the next speaker, who briskly walked to the podium.

Meanwhile, Cruz just stood there for a moment like a human shrug emoji, obviously wondering why he was being cut off and booted off stage. Eventually, Cruz awkwardly walked off while giving a sheepish wave back to the crowd.

  • Boreal
    • Andymac3

      “Why am I being persecuted?”

      Look in the mirror, asshole.

      • Wendylhess

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    • Ranger One

      Thank you for disregarding truth! Thank you for supporting a dick who has multiple wives! And cheating on them! Thank you for faith in assholes! Freedom to have no moral navigation! Good night!!

      • Boreal


        • Ranger One

          Uh, let’s go back to your pic, which says it all.

        • kelven

          He’s speaking in Ted’s voice, It threw me for a moment too. 🙂

        • narutomania

          RangerOne was talking directly to Ted The Asshole.

          The dick that he supported is Drumpf, etc.

      • BudClark

        I believe in assholes! They have both given and received great pleasure to and from me.

        The Strumpet and The Snake, not so much.

    • jimbo65

      To think that someone actually slept with this guy.

    • ted-

      A real punchable face!

  • Mikey

    “human shrug emoji” – that line wins the internet today, as far as I’m concerned.

  • Philly Mike

    I always thought they modeled Felonious Gru after Ted, I’m an asshole, Cruz. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/542b6a335df450fcbbb970345f3fcc2703c26665e0f70a02656f52c1c79a50a9.png

    • UrsusArctos

      Nope. Gru has real emotions, not the poorly faked ones Sr Cruz uses.

  • William
    • Bob Conti

      Thanks, I was about to look for that clip, glad you posted it, and I didn’t have to listen to that whiney voice. I mean, really, really whiney.

      • William

        It’s the whine that makes the clip so wonderful.

        • AtticusP

          A funny little whine, with a hint of pretentiousness, but totally devoid of self-awareness.

  • Henry Auvil

    Faith and Freedom is an oxymoron.

  • Lakeview Bob

    I can only hope much worse for him in the future.

  • another_steve

    Well, his father (according to Donald Trump) assisted in the assassination of John F. Kennedy.


  • david fairfield

    Next time use a TRAP DOOR!

    • vorpal 😼

      Crucifixion is more amongst their kinks.
      I’d support it.

      • JWC


        • vorpal 😼

          I like making wishes come true, and Ted Cruz so dearly wishes to be persecuted.

          • Cattleya1

            Couldn’t someone hammer him into the ground – upside-down with a croquet mallet.

          • vorpal 😼

            That image was surprisingly easy to masturbate to.

          • Cattleya1

            I’ll bet we could sell tickets. I volunteer to make popcorn for his JMG ‘fans’.

          • greenmanTN

            So crooked they’ll have to screw him into the ground!

          • Cattleya1

            I grew up in the South – trust me, when you don’t have a screwdriver, you can hammer in a screw. We could sell the opportunity by the whack – JMG regulars would be lined up for miles.

      • Robincho

        Remind me sometime to tell you what the difference is between circumcision and crucifixion…

    • Snarkaholic

      …leading to an oubliette!

      • Robincho

        What’s an oubliette again? I forget…

        • Snarkaholic

          Also known as a ‘bottle dungeon’, it’s a prison cell whose only entrance is a hatch in a high ceiling. The word’s origin means ‘to forget’.
          Mean jailers set a bed of upturned iron spikes under the trapdoor, so, when you fell through it…

  • kcken

    I may have watched that 4 or 5 times 🙂


  • jefe5084

    Man, even THAT was too much for me.

  • MikeBx2
  • 2guysnamedjoe
  • Ninja0980

    Can this happen to him in the Senate too?

    • JWC

      His expression is that he knows something physically isn’t working

    • Tor

      Let’s hope it happens next Election Day.

  • ByronK

    O/T Dershowitz needs to be put out to pasture.

    • Ninja0980

      Yup, he seems bound and determined to carry Trump’s water at this point and I have no idea why.

      • Highmoremotel

        Don’t abandon your Messiah?

    • Tell me about it. He seems to be on a constant tear to push the idea “It isn’t obstruction if the President does it.” Which from BOTH of the last two impeachment articles — Clinton and Nixon — was an integral part of the listed charges.

  • another_steve

    The ultimate Republican Party whore.

    Anyone here remember when Donald Trump accused his father of being an accomplice to the Kennedy assassination? And now Ted Cruz is a Trump cheerleader?


    Am I missing something here?

    • Secure

      Yes, just one more thing – Trump also insinuated that Cruz’s wife was fugly compared to Melania.

      • another_steve

        Well let’s be upfront and honest here, gurl: Melania has good facial bone structure.

        How much of it is natural and how much of it is surgical, I don’t know.

        But there it is.

        • clay

          It’s not just that Melania looks better, but that Heidi was too ugly to fuck.

  • Secure

    That “Faith & Freedom” intro music just fuckin’ Rocks! Praise Jesus!

    • m_lp_ql_m

      I’ve noticed many of them spell that as “fucken,” no apostrophe.

  • Lantor

    OH!!!! This made my day

  • ByronK

    Face it Ted, even the evangelicals think you’re an annoying dick. And they’re supposed to be so Christ-like. Hence, I think Christ would have thought you were an annoying dick too.

    • Adam King

      There isn’t an annoying dick in the world who isn’t comforted by the fact that Ted Cruz is even more of an annoying dick.

    • vorpal 😼

      It’s so pathetically obvious how badly he was cut off.

      I love how he says, “I have two things to say… Number one: thank you thank you thank you thank you blah blah…”

      Announcer: “….and now for something somebody actually gives a shit about!”

    • perversatile

      “Criminal justice reform is one of the few precious things that the
      left and right can agree on.” -Samantha Bee

  • Lantor

    The scariest man in all of US politics

  • bambinoitaliano
    • Karl Dubhe

      What a fun expression on Chris Christie’s face as he glances at Cruz. 🙂

      • clay

        and is happy to see he has someone else he can interact with.

      • UrsusArctos

        Chris KrispyKreme Christie looks like Raphæl was gonna steal his donut.

    • Crud isn’t just getting a cold shoulder, but an absolute zero cold shoulder.

  • Homo Erectus
  • netxtown

    Sing it teddy. sing it!

    I am what I am
    I am my own “special” creation
    So come take a look
    Give me the hook……but wait…..wait…..I ain’t done yet…..

  • AtticusP

    They should have sent Ted off with a rousing rendition of “Listen to the Mockingbird”.

  • houstonray

    We in Texas are hoping to make this a political reality in 2018.

    • Adam King

      You need to teach your Republican neighbors the meaning of the word “shame.”

    • zhera

      Is it possible that people vote for Cruz just to get him out of Texas?

      • Amanda B. Rekendwith

        How do we make him an astronaut?

  • vorpal 😼

    Faith and freedom: oxymorons.

    Faith is the lack of freedom of living under a set of nonsensical laws concocted by humans 2000 years ago that thought that if they kept their sexual organs in check, the magic angry invisible sky fairy wouldn’t make the earth quake and the waters flood.

    • Helen Damnation 🍑™

      I came to a similar conclusion the night I was baptized at the First Baptist Church!

      • vorpal 😼

        Is there a progression? Do you then have to go ahead and get baptized a second time at the Second Baptist Church?

        (I am willfully ignorant about Christian denominational differences. With 42,000 of them currently active, my few remaining brain cells can be put to slightly better use!)

        • jmax

          I don’t know why, and I know this doesn’t answer your question, but in the town where I grew up, the First Baptist Church was almost entirely white, and the Second Baptist Church was entirely African American. I always found that odd.

        • JWC

          maybe it didn’t take the first time Was the water from detroit

        • Tor

          There’s a Third Baptist in San Francisco.

          • vorpal 😼

            Given how many natural numbers there are, I’m scared to ask how far this “progresses.”

        • RoFaWh

          “Third Baptist Church” simply means “third Baptist church to be established in this city.”

          Rochester, NY, at one time had (and maybe still has) a Seventh Presbyterian Church.

      • greenmanTN

        I was literally baptized by accident. It was Easter Sunday and I was in youth church. To this day I don’t know how this happened since I did tend to pay attention, but obviously I missed something. The youth pastor said “Stand up if you love Jesus,” so I stood up. It seemed like a no-brainer to me; you’re in church and someone says stand up if you love Jesus, so you stand up. DUH!

        But I was the only one standing, looking around and thinking “What? Y’all don’t love Jesus?”

        I had just volunteered to be baptized and to join the church, completely by accident. Next thing I know I’m downstairs in the main sanctuary, stripped to my tighty-whiteys behind a curtain, dressed in a choir robe and dunked in a tub roughly the size of a small hot tub.

        Afterward, again dressed in my clothes, people were coming up and congratulating me on the depth of my faith but all I could think about was the wet wedgie I was getting from my still damp underwear crawling up my ass! By this point I was already starting to have doubts about religion but stumbled into being baptized.

    • JWC
      • vorpal 😼

        Love George Carlin. Bo Burnham (adorable) and Tim Minchin (unique awesome style) are other great atheists.

      • vorpal 😼

        Okay, even though this isn’t one of his atheist pieces, Tim Minchin is so freaking clever and hilarious that I have to share this one:

        • Bluto

          Australia’s poet laureate.

        • JWC

          Oh ya a Ginja

        • greenmanTN

          Love that one, a very clever play on words. Another favorite is “White Wine In The Sun,” my atheist Christmas carol.

          • peterparker

            I *love* ‘White Wine In The Sun’!!! I always post it on my Facebook page on Christmas Day.

          • ericxdc

            white wine in the sun makes me cry – and somehow very happy – every holiday.

    • Tor

      Vorpal, I did love to meet you in real life someday.

      • vorpal 😼

        Ha! I’ve met quite a few people in person off the internet (JMG, LiveJournal, and Facebook), and most of the experiences have gone delightfully well! Given your avatar, I can’t see how you don’t already start with triple vorpal points. 😸

        Edit: Actually, I met hubby on LiveJournal through a mutual friend!

        • Tor

          I recall you mentioned you live in a Far Away Land. Fortunately, I’m not looking for a husband…. I like the way you think and write. If you are ever in San Francisco, or if I’m ever in that Far Away Land, maybe it could happen. Meow.

          • vorpal 😼

            I will almost certainly end up in SF in the next year for a conference. This is only my temporary abode.

            If it happens, dinner and / or drinks would be my pleasure!

          • Tor

            I’d love it.

          • vorpal 😼

            Fantastic! I’ve got to arrange the plans this week, and will let you know.

        • kevin vincent

          How you doing?

          • vorpal 😼

            Up, down, and side-to-side. It’s been a weird year.

          • greenmanTN

            How about a pick-me-up? Kittens on the patio (yes, I really need to weed and repaint the ancient patio furniture).


          • vorpal 😼

            Awwwww! That was awesome :-). Thank you for sharing!
            I just saw it now (15 hours after you posted it) for some reason, but it was a purrfect start to my Friday night, especially seeing that little black monstress bouncing around! I want to reach through the screen and kidnap her straight into unrelenting cuddles!

          • greenmanTN

            I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I thought you might enjoy this.

            I went looking for the kittens earlier but couldn’t find them. I dismissed it, thinking that when they’ll come out.

            But it was bugging me so every 30 minutes or so I’d go kitten hunting, but never found them. I looked everywhere, calling their names, etc. crawling on the floor looking under furniture, but not a peep. I was starting to think they pulled a Shawshank Redemption and tunneled out with a spoon.

            So I’m calling for them, without response, then I heard a noise and found them on a shelf of the corner cabinet, all looking at me little smiles on their faces, “This is funny. Like we’re going to answer? Are you NEW?! But really, you crawling on the floor was just darling!”


          • vorpal 😼

            OMG! The adorability has nearly cured my hangover!

            Cats are hilarious. You can walk around for 30 minutes calling a cat that you KNOW knows its name, and get no response. When you finally find them, they look at you as if they enjoyed the show of you making a total idiot of yourself. It’s like they’re thinking, “I knew where I was all along. How did you not know?”

            I love your kitty stories. Please never stop them coming. I get notifications for all comment replies to me, so I do always see them, and they never fail to bring a big smile to my day!

          • greenmanTN

            Evil is its own reward. 😉


          • greenmanTN

            Kittens in the back yard, white rabbit version


            I prefer to think of my style as shabby chic instead of”a bunch of ungodly trash…


        • UrsusArctos

          LJ? You speak the language of the ancients? Was your screen name the same over there? Mine is. I’ve archived to dreamwidth.org and stay in touch with a few of the LJ folk I was closest to over there. I pretty much walked off when SixApart sold to russians.

          • vorpal 😼

            Yes, indeed! My screen name there is the same as here.

            I need to archive, but I’ve tried a few solutions and none of them have worked. I don’t think I tried dreamwidth.org and I’d hate to lose my LJ content since I think I was active there for around 10 years.

            Two years ago I went to Rome and finally met in person a Danish friend I’d known for about 12 years off of there, and then last fall, I took a trip across the US and met two more LJ friends I’d known in person for over 12 years each and then was off to Barcelona to meet back up with my Danish buddy. I keep in touch with all three of them almost daily and will be going to spend a week with one of them in September.

            I’m with you: once LJ kept trading hands and finally ended up owned by a Russian organization, I said fuck it. Now they’re even trying to implement anti-“LGBT propaganda” policies, from what I know, which is why I privatized all my entries.

          • UrsusArctos

            Dreamwidth is a feature for feature match and can import your posts, images, comments. When LJ was sold to a Russian firm I used LJbook to create a PDF of all entries, images, comments. It’s no longer free, it’s now $30+/- https://www.blogbooker.com for some people wanting a good archive, it might be worth the price.

          • UrsusArctos

            I just checked your profile over there. We ran in REALLY different circles. It’s nice to “meet you” here on JMG.

          • vorpal 😼

            Thank you SO much for the recommendation for DreamWidth!

            Last night, I finally created an account on there and was actually able to import not only all of my many years of LJ posts, but also the comments that people made! I was really worried that I was going to lose all of that at some point, so I’m so relieved that I was finally able to do it.

            (I had tried a number of other techniques in the past but always came across issues or there were limitations in place that didn’t fit my needs.)

            I’ve wanted to get back into blogging for ages now, so I’ll probably be pretty active on there! Right now, I think all of my LJ imported posts are private, so there’s not much to see, but I’ll be adding a lot of content soon. If you’re bored or interested in chatting more on there, feel free to friend me!


          • UrsusArctos

            I’m UrsusArctos on Dreamwidth. I’m not too active but I do check it and interact a bit.

    • Increase their wealth. Oh, and allow their baby boys to live to adulthood.

    • greenmanTN

      Diane Keaton made a film in the 80s, “Heaven,” which is clips of people talking about what they think heaven will be like, interspersed with clips from movies that depict heaven. Unsurprisingly, many of the comments are about obscene riches (streets of gold, mansions) or being able to do what they want without consequence.


      • vorpal 😼

        …so, in essence, Trump admirers.

  • Mike__in_Houston

    I first read that as “began thanking everyone in existence.” It looks like that might not have been too far from the truth…

  • Leo

    OT. I smell a rat.

    • Cuberly

      Fuck, here we go.

    • And that rat smells from here to the moon. They are going to weasel out of allowing open trans people to serve.

  • BobSF_94117

    He gets the flick from his daughter.
    He gets the flick from his wife.
    He gets the flick from anonymous announcers.

    You’d think he’d get it, but no…

  • JT

    Here’s a blow for faith and freedom. It’s also the way some of us worship. “Get down on your knees and pray!”

    • Helen Damnation 🍑™

      Only on JMG can you see, without apology, illustrated fellatio on a Ted Cruz thread.

      • lenvus

        And what a great illustration indeed. Nowadays, with artwork and computer software (editing), it is becoming hard to distinguish the illustrations from real-life photos.

      • JT

        I’m pretty sure you won’t find a poem by Auden on the subject either.

        The Platonic Blow

        W. H. Auden

        It was a spring day, a day for a lay, when the air

        Smelled like a locker-room, a day to blow or get blown;

        Returning from lunch I turned my corner and there

        On a near-by stoop I saw him standing alone.

        I glanced as I advanced. The clean white T-shirt

        A forceful torso, the light-blue denims divulged

        Much. I observed the snug curves where they hugged the behind,

        I watched the crotch where the cloth intriguingly bulged.

        Our eyes met. I felt sick. My knees turned weak.

        I couldn’t move. I didn’t know what to say.

        In a blur I heard words, myself like a stranger speak

        “Will you come to my room?” Then a husky voice,

        I produced some beer and we talked. Like a little

        He told me his story. Present address: next door.

        Half Polish, half Irish. The youngest. From Illinois.

        Profession: mechanic. Name: Bud. Age: twenty-four.

        He put down his glass and stretched his bare arms

        The back of my sofa. The afternoon sunlight struck

        The blond hairs on the wrist near my head. His chin was strong.

        His mouth sucky. I could hardly believe my luck.

        And here he was sitting beside me, legs apart.

        I could bear it no longer. I touched the inside of his thigh.

        His reply was to move closer. I trembled, my heart

        Thumped and jumped as my fingers went to his fly.

        I opened a gap in the flap. I went in there.

        I sought for a slit in the gripper shorts that had charge

        Of the basket I asked for. I came to warm flesh then to hair.

        I went on. I found what I hoped. I groped. It was large.

        He responded to my fondling in a charming, disarming

        Without a word he unbuckled his belt while I felt.

        And lolled back, stretching his legs. His pants fell away.

        Carefully drawing it out, I beheld what I held.

        The circumcised head was a work of mastercraft

        With perfectly beveled rim of unusual weight

        And the friendliest red. Even relaxed, the shaft

        Was of noble dimensions with the wrinkles that indicate

        Singular powers of extension. For a second or two,

        It lay there inert, then suddenly stirred in my hand,

        Then paused as if frightened or doubtful of what to do.

        And then with a violent jerk began to expand.

        By soundless bounds it extended and distended, by

        Great leaps it rose, it flushed, it rushed to its full size.

        Nearly nine inches long and three inches thick,

        A royal column, ineffably solemn and wise.

        I tested its length and strength with a manual

        I bunched my fingers and twirled them about the knob.

        I stroked it from top to bottom. I got on my knees.

        I lowered my head. I opened my mouth for the job.

        But he pushed me gently away. He bent down. He

        His shoes. He removed his socks. Stood up. Shed

        His pants altogether. Muscles in arms and waist

        Rippled as he whipped his T-shirt over his head.

        I scanned his tan, enjoyed the contrast of brown

        Trunk against white shorts taut around small

        Hips. With a dig and a wriggle he peeled them down.

        I tore off my clothes. He faced me, smiling. I saw all.

        The gorgeous organ stood stiffly and straightly out

        With a slight flare upwards. At each beat of his heart it threw

        An odd little nod my way. From the slot of the spout

        Exuded a drop of transparent viscous goo.

        The lair of hair was fair, the grove of a young man,

        A tangle of curls and whorls, luxuriant but couth.

        Except for a spur of golden hairs that fan

        To the neat navel, the rest of the belly was smooth.

        Well hung, slung from the fork of the muscular legs,

        The firm vase of his sperm, like a bulging pear,

        Cradling its handsome glands, two herculean eggs,

        Swung as he came towards me, shameless, bare.

        We aligned mouths. We entwined. All act was clutch,

        All fact contact, the attack and the interlock

        Of tongues, the charms of arms. I shook at the touch

        Of his fresh flesh, I rocked at the shock of his cock.

        Straddling my legs a little I inserted his divine

        Person between and closed on it tight as I could.

        The upright warmth of his belly lay all along mine.

        Nude, glued together for a minute, we stood.

        I stroked the lobes of his ears, the back of his

        And the broad shoulders. I took bold hold of the compact

        Globes of his bottom. We tottered. He fell on the bed.

        Lips parted, eyes closed, he lay there, ripe for the act.

        Mad to be had, to be felt and smelled. My lips

        Explored the adorable masculine tits. My eyes

        Assessed the chest. I caressed the athletic hips

        And the slim limbs. I approved the grooves of the thighs.

        I hugged, I snuggled into an armpit. I sniffed

        The subtle whiff of its tuft. I lapped up the taste

        Of its hot hollow. My fingers began to drift

        On a trek of inspection, a leisurely tour of the waist.

        Downward in narrowing circles they playfully

        Encroached on his privates like poachers, approached the prick,

        But teasingly swerved, retreated from meeting. It betrayed

        Its pleading need by a pretty imploring kick.

        “Shall I rim you?” I whispered. He shifted
        his limbs in assent.

        Turned on his side and opened his legs, let me pass

        To the dark parts behind. I kissed as I went

        The great thick cord that ran back from his balls to his arse.

        Prying the buttocks aside, I nosed my way in

        Down the shaggy slopes. I came to the puckered goal.

        It was quick to my licking. He pressed his crotch to my chin.

        His thighs squirmed as my tongue wormed in his hole.

        His sensations yearned for consummation. He untucked

        His legs and lay panting, hot as a teen-age boy.

        Naked, enlarged, charged, aching to get sucked,

        Clawing the sheet, all his pores open to joy.

        I inspected his erection. I surveyed his parts with
        a stare

        From scrotum level. Sighting along the underside

        Of his cock, I looked through the forest of pubic hair

        To the range of the chest beyond rising lofty and wide.

        I admired the texture, the delicate wrinkles and the

        Sutures of the capacious bag. I adored the grace

        Of the male genitalia. I raised the delicious meat

        Up to my mouth, brought the face of its hard-on to my face.

        Slipping my lips round the Byzantine dome of the

        With the tip of my tongue I caressed the sensitive groove.

        He thrilled to the trill. “That’s lovely!” he hoarsely

        “Go on! Go on!” Very slowly I started to move.

        Gently, intently, I slid to the massive base

        Of his tower of power, paused there a moment down

        In the warm moist thicket, then began to retrace

        Inch by inch the smooth way to the throbbing crown.

        Indwelling excitements swelled at delights to come

        As I descended and ascended those thick distended walls.

        I grasped his root between left forefinger and thumb

        And with my right hand tickled his heavy voluminous balls.

        I plunged with a rhythmical lunge steady and slow,

        And at every stroke made a corkscrew roll with my tongue.

        His soul reeled in the feeling. He whimpered “Oh!”

        As I tongued and squeezed and rolled and tickled and swung.

        Then I pressed on the spot where the groin is joined
        to the cock,

        Slipped a finger into his arse and massaged him from inside.

        The secret sluices of his juices began to unlock.

        He melted into what he felt. “O Jesus!” he cried.

        Waves of immeasurable pleasures mounted his member
        in quick

        Spasms. I lay still in the notch of his crotch inhaling his

        His ring convulsed round my finger. Into me, rich and thick,

        His hot spunk spouted in gouts, spurted in jet after jet.

        • Tor


        • Robincho

          Reading Auden always makes me so wystful…

        • I love how subtle it all is.

      • Reality.Bites

        Yeah, Joe SHOULD apologize for having a Ted Cruz thread.

    • Lantor

      Sweet Jesus!

    • JCF



      “orthodox-calendar dot com”????

      • JT

        That’s the orthodox position.

    • BudClark

      I WANT!

  • BobSF_94117


    More suggestive than I remembered…

  • Dreaming Vertebrate

    This was payback.
    Trump was there earlier, and clearly arranged a little “surprise revenge” after Ted failed to endorse him last year at the reTHUG Convention. Revenge is a dish best served COLD.

    • Tor

      Isn’t Cruz licking Trump’s butt now?

      • clay

        Turmp’s never satisfied, it’s never enough.

      • Dreaming Vertebrate

        Too late!
        Once disloyal to Dumpf, you are forever branded as disloyal.

  • SLK in SF

    I’m still laughing at this brilliant work of art : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLkbx5U7EVU

    • Lumpy Gaga

      “That guy wants to party and have someone that’ll do the puking for him.”

      [Thumb up]

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Ain’t no loyal friend like a conservative loyal friend.

  • Highmoremotel

    Poor Guy. Always being denigrated.


    • jefe5084

      WOW. what a douche

    • Robincho

      Don’t be niggardly in your compassion for him…

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
  • olandp

    Even the people who like him can’t stand to listen to him.

    • MaryJOGrady

      Nobody likes him.

  • Phil2u
  • BearEyes

    aw. ghee. golly shucks.
    oh well.
    buh bye!

  • Lumpy Gaga

    He brought Mercer to the GOP prom, and Mercer (eventually) brought these cretins the ultimate afterparty.

    From a GOP politico standpoint, Cruz “deserves” better (although I think they all need to be somewhere in hell.)

  • Duck

    And she laughed at him!

  • Henry Auvil

    “You have to understand that I like Ted Cruz probably more than my colleagues like Ted Cruz,” wrote Franken, “and I hate Ted Cruz.”

  • TheManicMechanic

    He forgot to thank yew for the booger snacks.

  • clay

    “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

    “You’re not welcome. Next!”

  • JWC

    the expression on Ted Cruz’s face give new meaning to shitting a brick

  • Duh-David

    Stand-up comics on the old Tonight show had to inform the producer of their last joke, so the applause sign could be cued, so the band would be ready to play in, and so Johnny Carson was set for his reaction shot, etc. etc. etc. I recall one night when the comic told them his last bit was the “pizza” joke, forgetting that the first bit also included the word, “pizza.” Yes, you guessed it, the comic wasn’t on a full minute before Doc Severinsen heard his cue, and the band played the comic off.

  • His speech was still way too long.

  • bdsmjack

    Hahaha! Too bad, mini penis nose.

    • bdsmjack
      • Ben in Oakland

        Thanks lot. I now will never enjoy dick again because I will always think of that reptilian smile.

        • RidingTheLine

          That’s not dick, it’s just his GOP elephant trunk. Feel better?

          • Ben in Oakland

            Thanks for the explanation! now I do!

        • Robincho

          In the words of Ted’s papi, “Nunca digas nunca”…

          • Ben in Oakland

            It was a brief wave of simply overwhelming disgust. Like aversion therapy, but not as pleasant. A long talk with Johnny Walker, and I am over it.

      • pgarayt

        His wife prefers it over the other one.
        I wish you didn’t show me that even though it is Gods work.

  • Cuberly
  • JCF

    Because this GIF will never stop being hi-larious!


    • UrsusArctos

      Persecuted / prosecuted. Either one works for me.

  • CityWOOF

    Lesson: Don’t stand there kvelling over the meager applause you receive for so long!
    Also – Someone’s been stress eating since the election!

  • TuuxKabin

    Was hoping he’d fall off the stage.

  • Wendylhess

    +$97/hr pay by google, I am making a good salary from home $7500-$9000/WEEK , which is amazing, one year ago I was jobless in a horrible economy, I thank God every day I was blessed with these instructions and now it’s my duty to pay it forward and share it with everyone,Here is I started,,,
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  • SilasMarner

    Hit the brick asshole, you’re done.

  • Not enough hatred – time up, Ted!

  • Marides48

    “Got to know when t fold them….”