Todd Starnes Has The Boy Scouts Sadz

Todd Starnes writes for Fox News:

The Boy Scouts of America sacrificed its last vestige of integrity on the altar of political correctness. On Monday, the BSA announced that girls who identify as boys will now be allowed to join the Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts – marking a complete capitulation to the gender and sex revolutionaries.

In “The Deplorables’ Guide to Making America Great Again,” I predicted the Boy Scouts would eventually abdicate all of their long-cherished traditions to the demands of militant social justice warriors. So what’s a patriotic American young man supposed to do? I recommend Trail Life USA, a Christ-centered scouting program that has exploded in growth since its founding in 2014. Nearly 30,000 young people are now involved in the program – a number of them former Boy Scouts.

The BSA is also going to face some logistical issues. Will boys and girls be allowed to shower together? Will they be allowed to use the same camp dressing rooms? What sort of restroom accommodations will be provided for transgender scouts? Besides, how can the Boy Scouts of America teach ethics and morals when its adult leaders can’t muster the courage to stand morally straight in the face of militant gender revolutionaries?

  • Mark

    Just fuck off Todd. No one gives a shit what you think!

  • i thought i farted.
    nope, just todd.

    • pj

      i remember the smell

  • Stogiebear

    Dear BSA,

    Todd Starnes wants to know exactly where every little boy in your group is peeing. You should probably keep an eye on him and warn all the local troops within a 100 mile radius of where he lives/works.

    You’re welcome!

    • grimnebulin2

      I was in the Boy Scouts for many years and I don’t recall the whole troop ever showering together. Starnes’s mind goes to some disturbing places.

      (Also, very few camps have “dressing rooms.”)

  • Treant

    Who? I got bigger fish to fry than this powerless idiot.

  • Silver Badger

    Trail Life USA sounds pretty much like a christian day camp. Don’t christian counselors have a pretty high molestation rate?

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      Similar thought 🙂

      • Silver Badger

        Great minds…

    • T-Batwoman

      You don’t want to know about the christian youth minister I ran across!! Back before I transitioned I was a scuba instructor for a few years. She was one of my students from a neighboring state. She was having trouble with a few of the modules so I helped her after class. One thing led to another and we ended back at her hotel. In the morning she told me she had been a virgin up until the night before. Of course I felt obligated to continue seeing her. She was one of the craziest in the sack I’ve ever had!! She was up for anything at anytime, no holds barred. She lived about four hours away so she came to visit me every other weekend for a healthy dose of debauchery. This went on for over two years. Come to find out she had been married with a kid the entire time! Don’t get me wrong, it was an awesome two years but it just goes to show, religious people are fucked up. Still have thousands of phptps from our time together….fun to look back on from time to time.

  • Butch

    What, Todd, because that young hunk resisted your advances at the BSA jamboree all those years ago?

    • lymis

      Maybe, maybe not, but it’s telling that all he remembers about Scouting is the showers and the bathrooms – and that what he most vividly remembers about them is seeing what the other Scouts were packing.

  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    It’s funny how they’re all about capitalism ripping off the workers but hate it when the market speaks loudly & clearly.

  • Frostbite

    He’s just bitter no troop would take him.

  • Bill

    Thank god human beings die eventually.

  • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

    Reminds me to make a ham sandwich for lunch today. Thanks, Todd!

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    Boy Scouts 2.7 million members. Trail. Life 25,000. Hmmmmm.

    • GayOldLady

      That’s a little detail that tODD overlooked.

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    • vorpal

      Trail Life has a minimum homophobia and transphobia quota for membership.
      Most people these days aren’t eligible.

  • T-Batwoman

    I know right Todd!!! Why would we want to teach inclusiveness and acceptance? Then again I guess every boy scout knows what is in every other boy scout’s pants, how does that work? Do they do naked rain dances or something? I’ve never seen that in a brochure.

  • olandp

    Get some help Toddy, you really need it.

  • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

    O/T, bit further proof you can’t make this shit up.

    Will Bannon turn shitgibbon against the boys, who already hate their father?

    Will Kushner seek revenge, and how?

    Has Bannon turned Ivanka against her father after what happened to her husband?

    It’s the new Game of Thrones!

    • Treant

      When’s the Red Wedding?

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      Lol @ Cucker Tarlson

    • The_Wretched

      Kushner already lets daddy do Ivanka (or has no say in the matter). It’s a little surprising he isn’t used to it already.

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        Cue Tiffany with the knife.

        One stab.

        Then Don Jr.

        Then Eric.

        Then Ivanka.

        Then Jared.

        Then Melania.

        Then Ivana.

        Then Barron.

        Then Marla.

        One stab each.

        And Inspector Poirot determines that he was killed by unknown assailant. Case closed.


    • Todd Allis

      I would say Twitler is a Lannister, part Tywin and part Joffrey.

  • “how can the Boy Scouts of America teach ethics and morals” becasue teaching ethics and morals does not depend on being anti-LGBT. In fact the opposite is true, you can not teach true ethics and morals while also being engaged in lying about gay people in an attempt to demonize them.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Trail life usa ? A good place for mind control and molestation, is what I hear.

    • WitlessProtection

      Damn! Isn’t that what the Boy Scouts used to do? At least they did when I was there, and I loved every second of it. Hey Troop Leader Mike, man I miss you!

    • vorpal

      Second only to your basement dungeon, from what I hear!
      (Said with admiration!)

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        I knew those pics would be trouble

        • vorpal

          Disagree to agree: I’ve made a fortune off of them!

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    Do boy scouts typically shower together? I’ve never heard of that.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      We did, and other things too.

      • Well then, banning trans boys will surely put a stop to that sort of activity.

      • vorpal

        Were badges issued for these “other things?”
        I bet you needed a second sash for all you accumplished!

        • Ragnar Lothbrok

          Can’t say; I took an Oath

  • lymis

    The Boy Scouts will not have boys and girls showering together. They will have cis and trans boys involved in the same troops.

    While I’m sure times have changed, I honestly don’t recall “showering together” as a primary activity of scouting.

    And Todd, if it is impossible for a trans kid to shower safely with other Scouts, you’ve just declared that a significant majority of scouts are rapists and/or willing to stand by while another Scout is raped in front of them. Might want to consider addressing that, since it seems like it’s far more important an issue.

    • Starnes was probably never a scout but his fantasies involve showering together as a primary activity of scouting.


        They would never let creepy Todd shower with them as a boy, he’s never forgotten that.

  • The Milkman

    One of the unintended consequences of President Bannon’s Reichstag fire is the fact that these little men and their little hissy fits over LGBT issues seem so silly by comparison.

    (I can’t recall who I grabbed the Reichstag fire line from, but whoever you are, a thousand thank yous.)

  • Mike C

    How he longs for the past…

    • jmax

      Watched Teenage Crime Wave this past weekend!

  • Sam_Handwich
  • Tom Chicago

    “Dispatches from Bitter America” I couldn’t have put it any better myself. We are now in an era of Bitter America, fueled by a Deplorable bitterness, rage and revenge.

    • And he thinks that’s clever, rather than a pathetic description.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    Poor little fella.

  • AtticusP
  • GayOldLady

    “Will boys and girls be allowed to shower together? Will they be allowed to use the same camp dressing rooms”

    You sure spend a lot of time thinking about that stuff, tODD. WHY? Try not to worry about it, you’ve been living and working alongside transgender people all your life, so this isn’t anything new. Try to relax, perhaps a another piece of ham will help.


      Perhaps another full ham will help.

  • Tiger Quinn

    Why does this toad only come running when it’s issues of gender? It’s so fucking creepy.

    • Todd20036

      He also comes running when gays get civil rights.
      Oh, he’s definitely a closet case. And at this point, he deserves to remain there

    • Uncle Mark

      Because Todd Starnes is a genderless marshmallow “man” that only gets poked by a stick before getting roasted over a campfire.

      It’s said in private, he’s more whore than s’more.

  • How many trans boys are there trying to get into the Boy Scouts? Are there even more than 5? This is not a problem. You let the boys join the scouts. This is only a problem for people like Starnes who need to find some tiny thing that affects single digits of people as if the whole world was about to come crashing down. The lack of compassion or empathy is sociopathic. If this were a fringe I wouldn’t be concerned but these monsters are running the fucking government. FSM help us all.

  • Ray Page

    I, for one, am very proud to be a gender and sex revolutionary.

  • M Jackson

    I want to know what’s going on in the boys’ showers at Trail Life USA, although not nearly as much as dirty boy Starnes does.

  • ceeenbee

    ” I predicted the Boy Scouts would eventually abdicate all of their long-cherished traditions to the demands of militant social justice warriors.”

    “THE END-TIMES ARE NEAR!!! WHAT WILL YOU DO WHEN THE FOUR HORSEMAN APPEAR? Who will you turn to for love and affection when you are hunkered down in your isolated bunker with no one but white jeebus to talk to?”

    That’s why we’re offering a life sized sex toy modeled after moi for your carnal needs when the world is in flames around you for only $199.99 (+ postage and handling). Our life-like doll gives the man in you not one but two ports of entry. (Rest assured, muslim’s will be barred entry from either if these ports.)


    • Uncle Mark

      Is that an anniversary picture? I’m well-familiar with same-sex marriage, but not a latex marriage

    • Tor

      I’ll take the one on the right. It probably performs better.

  • Robincho

    Poor Toad. And he was THIS close to that merit badge for drinking piss…

  • Rex

    Oh, Todd, taking all the burdens of the world on your shoulders. You’re no Boy Scout, so why the hell do you care?

  • Martin

    He can always remember happier times…

    • Princess Lardass

      This never gets old!

  • Henry Auvil

    I can’t imagine anything more terrifying than having to shower with Todd Starnes.

  • CatApostrophe

    “The Boy Scouts of America sacrificed its last vestige of integrity on the altar of political correctness.”

    Drama queen…

  • Cuberly

    So you join Trail Life to ignore what Jesus would do?

    Yep, sounds christiany to me.

  • Itsatarp

    I remember very clearly back in the 90s when the first cases were heard regarding the BS ban on gays. People like Starnes claimed (quite correctly) that the BSA was a private organization and could restrict their membership to whoever they wished. Well, now it is our turn to say the same thing back. Suck it up, buttercup.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Someone call the Whhhaaaambulance, we have another crying man-baby.

  • Marti386

    I have to say, enjoying the Boy Scout meltdown has been the most entertaining news of the morning. 😀

  • Paul David

    Todd Starnes holds the title of Most Sexually Unattractive and/or Appalling Man in America™.

    In fact, I think the expression “sexually appalling” very much fits his general appearance.

  • Toddie’s just upset because when he’s removing the uniforms from those boys he may not find what he’s looking for…

  • Boy Elvis

    I was in the BSA and every camping trip was a living theater version of Lord of the Flies. To be a closeted gay kid in that environment was no fun whatsoever.. It’s the last place I’d ever want to be if I was trans.

    That said, good on ya, BSA, and go slurp on some piss, Starnes, you goddamn suckhole.

  • karmanot

    Poor Toad. Nobody likes you!

  • Len Ricci

    OMG… we’ve gone and upset pig boy.. (I swear, he really resembles a swine).. I’m sure the Boy Scouts will find a way to integrate all the kids without much trouble.. after all the ARMY, NAVY, MARINES, and AIR FORCE seemed to manage this…