Trump’s Physician: I Can Unequivocally State He’ll Be The Healthiest Person Ever Elected President

Donald Trump today issued his long-promised health report and as you’d expect it’s as bloviating as its subject. Apparently Trump’s doctor has examined every president since George Washington. Take it away, Mediaite:

There’s a lot to unpack here, so let’s look at Trump’s announcement first. He writes on Facebook that he is “proud to share this report,” which he claims was “written by the highly respected Dr. Jacob Bornstein of Lenox Hill Hospital.” This is already false, because the opening lines of the report contradict the name of Trump’s doctor.

Dr. Jacob Bornstein was Trump’s personal physician until his son Harold took over in 1980. So either Trump is being nostalgic with his announcement, or he just doesn’t care enough to remember the name of his doctor. This leads us to the statement itself, which has… problems. Like a weirdly-worded salutation (“To Whom My Concern”) and many other noticeable grammatical (and personality) issues.

Last but not least, there’s Harold Bornstein himself. He’s probably a wonderful doctor, and no doubt deserving of Trump’s wealthy patronage. Yet the Internet (i.e. Twitter) just cannot help itself when confronted with a face (and haircut) like his.