Jeff Sessions: I Have Never Lied About Russia! [VIDEO]

The Associated Press reports:

Attorney General Jeff Sessions, in a raised voice and defiant tone, strongly defended himself Tuesday against allegations that he had misled members of Congress about his knowledge of communications between Russians and associates of President Donald Trump during the 2016 campaign.

“In all of my testimony, I can only do my best to answer all of your questions as I understand them and to the best of my memory,” Sessions told the House Judiciary Committee. “But I will not accept, and reject, accusations that I have ever lied under oath. That is a lie.”

  • ByronK

    That’s a lie.

  • Lazycrockett
  • Lazycrockett

    Lord the way the GOP cuddles and coddles Sessions is pervy.

    • Bryan


  • Pollos Hermanos
    • Joe in PA

      Rand Paul’s next hair piece?

    • AaronD12

      They play dead and stink, too. Just like Sessions.

  • Kelly Lape

    Occam’s razor suggests this man is a liar. Not a faulty memory. He lies.

    • bkmn

      Just one of the many reasons Trump likes him.

  • Tatonka
  • thatotherjean

    Sure, Jan.

  • Lazycrockett

    So the entire Obama Administration was behind the plot to give Russia all of the Uranium in the World!!!

  • HZ81

    Um, except that time under oath.

  • Kelly Lape

    Let’s unpack this a little. Papadopolous says Sessions “shut him down” on Russia. It seems that any further conspiracy regarding Russia would then be routed around Mr. Sessions during the campaign. If Mr. Sessions is being truthful now (highly unlikely) then AG Sessions should be launching his own investigation into the Trump Campaign to clear his name.

    Fortunately we call all see the tiny little liar for who he is and may rest comfortably knowing AG Sessions will spend his time taking medicine from children rather than restoring the rule of law to our nation. As an Alabama Senator about to have his former seat occupied by a Child Molester, AG Sessions probably feels he can rest easy knowing he won’t be the worst Senator AL ever had.

  • anne marie in philly

    yeah right, and I’mma gonna turn gay in the next 5 minutes – WRONG!

  • boobert

    Now he’s lying about lying !

    • Treant

      Stand back, it’s becoming recursive!

      • Tulle Christensen

        Oh no stack overflow

      • Gerry Fisher

        Stand back, it’s…
        …Stand back, it’s…
        …Stand back, it’s…

        • Gerry Fisher

          …becoming recursive!…
          …becoming recursive!…
          …becoming recursive!

      • David L. Caster

        The huge sucking hole of an infinite regression.

        • UrsusArctos 🐻

          A Goatse of lies.

    • Gerry Fisher

      If you lie about lying does each lie cancel each other out and then make a truth? It’s (Republican) math, right? /s

      • FancyThat

        Lie x Lie = Truth
        Republican Geology 101

    • northern_neighbour

      That’s only because he lies to himself about not lying. It’s just easier than the painful truth which would feel uncomfortable. And anyhow ‘christians’ are automatically saved by the blood of … so they can Lie as much as they want to and say it is the Truth with a capital T.

      Roy Moore has perfected this method of getting the Truth out to everybody, or at least everybody who counts in his circles in ‘Bama.

      And that current brouhaha deflects some of the attention from Beauregard, an authentic American Traitor, and (detested) assistant to the Liar-in-Chief

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Yeah, yeah you did.

  • Luther Kreiger

    You are an awful liar, you evil fucking elf.

  • bkmn

    Remember that Sessy and Roy Moore have known each other for ages and probably worked together at some point in time, potentially with Sessy being well aware of what Roy was in to.

    • anne marie in philly

      perhaps they shared underage children together! (ew)

      • bkmn

        It really makes me wonder what Kayla Moore got out of the marriage – it had to be more than the “prestige” of being married to him. Is she into young girls too?

        • Jeffg166

          Look at their kid. What did they do to him?

          • William

            It would be interesting if Caleb spills the beans.

        • Strepsi

          She’s a good Christian woman, in that she gets off on her own power and being a horrendous bitch to others.

        • anne marie in philly

          interesting thought there…ya never know!

      • boatboy_srq
  • Judas Peckerwood

    You lied to Al Franken’s face repeatedly. You’re dead meat.

    • VodkaAndPolitics

      He should have been apprehended on the Senate Floor and taken into custody.

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    • MichaelJ

      while I agree he lied, with Congress and the White House in the hands of Republicans and Trump, I don’t think he’ll suffer any consequences — certainly not the jail time he deserves.

      • Miji

        There’s also the argument that (as much as we hate to) it may be best to keep him in place for now as it protects Rosenstein from being over-ridden by an un-recused AG that could mess with Mueller.

    • JCF

      Franken 2020!

      (just one intriguing possibility 😉 )

  • PickyPecker
    • Tawreos

      Push that ahead to midnight already

  • PickyPecker
  • Never lied about Russia?? There’s another lie right there!

  • Proud MOFO Beaner (bkb)

    I’m so sick of these psychos gaslighting the good people of this country.

  • Treant

    Even the people behind you think you’re full of shit.

  • Christopher Street

    “In all of my testimony, I can only do my best to answer all of your questions as I understand them and to the best of my memory,” “As I understand them…” and “…to the best of my memory. “, the qualifying language of a lying lawyer. Also, “I can only do my best…”

  • Lars Littlefield

    I’m so glad we have that all cleared up. Whew.

  • Michael R
    • another_steve

      But You Are, Blanche, You are in that chair!

  • another_steve

    Just another Alabama Republican.

    You were expecting something different, maybe?

  • Mark Née Fuzz

    I haven’t been able to watch. What’s today’s lie count?

    • Ross


    • another_steve

      Donald Trump under oath, concerning his relationship with Vladimir Putin:

      I did not have sexual relations with that man.

    • The_Wretched

      All of them

  • BobSF_94117

    “But I will not accept, and reject, accusations that I have ever lied under oath. That is a lie.”

    Uh, “accusations” is plural. “That” is singular. He’s not saying the accusations are lies, he’s saying that his previous sentence, the statement “But I will not accept, and reject, accusations that I have ever lied under oath”, is a lie.

  • kcken

    “I don’t remember the meeting, but I do remember telling him that he couldn’t represent the campaign with the Russians”

    Uh.. WHAT ??

  • Bambino
  • kcken

    “I don’t believe we need to investigate Clinton”

    Later today: AG Announces special council to investigate Clinton

  • Jeffg166

    Needless to say that is a lie.

  • Gustav2

    Swallwell: You have changed your testimony 3 times plus again today.

    • lattebud

      I know Eric. Nice guy. Tenacious prosecutor.

      • David Walker

        I tend to be happy when he’s Rachel’s guest. He speaks well, thinks very precisely, and, hell, he’s a looker.

  • Bluto
    • William

      Fuck yeah!

    • TampaDink

      Oh Edward! I thought you’d never ask!

    • Phil2u

      So hot in that movie! Why are bad boys so hot until you actually hook up with one?

      • Bluto

        I dunno but bad* boys are hot.

        *offer void for (real) nazis, republicans, ammosexuals, rapists, kiddie diddlers & likely combinations therein.

  • AlternativeQuacks

    By doing this, he is saying that Gordon lied to the FBI. It’s going to start getting really crowded under that bus with all those bodies down there.

  • Dan M

    I assume the Hon. in front of Sessions stands for honkey

  • Michael R
  • John Kusters

    Will Congress have the temerity to actually hold our AG accountable for his many omissions and untruths? Will they hold him in Contempt of Congress? I’m not holding my breath.

  • AlternativeQuacks

    He wasn’t lying under oath. He was giving alternative testimony.

    • another_steve

      ^^ Lol.


    • lattebud

      As he recalls it

  • geoffalnutt

    Sorry. That plaque: “Hon. Sessions”. “Hon.”? “Hon.”? “Hon.”? “Hon.”? What is “Hon.” about him?

    • Gustav2

      It shouldn’t be “Honorable” /s

  • kelven

    I’m so looking forward to him on the witness stand being questioned by Mueller. I’ve no doubt they have this little treason weasel on tape or email sticking his tongue right up Putin’s ass.

  • another_steve

    Those whom the gods detest they make funny-looking.

  • UrsusArctos 🐻
  • Natty Enquirer

    Beauregard doesn’t lie; he just has a bad memory. Which is what makes him such a good Attorney General. That and his recusals.

  • Bambino

    When you have pass the point of lying to others and convincing yourself your make up version is a reality you insist on living in.

  • /

    The “Hon.” stands for “Honky.”

  • Cuberly Deux

    Why are they even doing this?

    Of course he lied. He can pretend he has foggy brain all he wants. He has such a defiant nature, whenever he’s questioned he lashes out with his I don’t recall bullshit. In his world he’s the one that asks the questions. How dare you question him!

    He perjured himself multiple times. He’s just gonna get away with it cuz nobody has the cajones to cuff the bastard and throw his lying ass in jail.

  • TexasBoy
  • MikeBx2
  • Tomcat

    How can he be so sure since he has such a terrible memory on everything except Benghazi?

  • boatboy_srq

    I do hope there are enough extinguishers in that chamber for the inevitable spontaneous trouser combustion.

  • FAEN

    Traitorous lying KKKeebler Nazi says what now?

  • TexasBoy
  • Tomcat

    Jeff Sessions has separated himself from any and all truths so stop asking him anything. He would not know truth any more if it bit him.

  • TampaDink

    The way that I read the above statement is that by including his 2nd sentence, he has admitted to lying the previous sentence, thereby…in elfin logic, telling the truth.

  • AlternativeQuacks

    OT – Insert excited Lucille gif here.

  • greenmanTN

    Here’s the question I want asked. “Mr Sessions, do you believe that someone with such a poor memory for meetings they’ve attended and information they’ve been given has any business being the Attorney General Of The United States?”

    • Tomcat

      The man however can remember every word Hillary has uttered since 1968.

      • popebuck1

        And many she didn’t.

    • William

      It is a common affliction of rethuglican AGs. Alberto Gonzales couldn’t remember shit either.

    • Jon Doh

      That reminds me of the meeting I had with my boss (owner of company) about raises. He fed me a line about why the company couldn’t afford to give me a raise that year. I told him if I was as stupid as he was hoping I was during our meeting, he wouldn’t want me working for him. He looked at me for a minute and said I was right, I got my raise.

      • BearEyes

        Nothing like beating them at their own game

      • David Walker

        Whew. I thought the outcome would be him saying, “You’re right” and kicking your tush out the door. Instead, congratulations.

        • Jon Doh

          I guess we had a good working relationship. I was hired in as a delivery driver. On my second day as I was backing away from the loading dock he came to my window and said it wasn’t good for job security to back over the boss. I responded with how it wasn’t good for life expectancy to walk behind a moving truck. He just laughed and continued into the building.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      What did ya have for breakfast, hon?

    • trouble94114

      I was thinking the exact same thing.

  • Tomcat

    Anyone know what they had to go vote on? Was it for asbestos pants for them all?

  • Lazycrockett
  • Robert Flanagan

    So with such poor recollection of events in the recent past what the hell are you doing holding office of AG?

  • Ragnar Lothbrok
  • Michael R
    • AlternativeQuacks


  • William

    Jeffy, meeting with Russians at a campaign event does not fall under your official duties as a senator. Saying it never happened, then “correcting” your testimony about meeting Russians is perjury. There are no ‘do overs’ when you are under oath.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    So he’s decided to commit perjury again. What has become of our Nation?

  • Lazycrockett
    • AlternativeQuacks

      Why did you mention Twitter?

      • Lazycrockett

        Cause I posted the twitter feed below and it’s not showing on disqus.

        • AlternativeQuacks

          Aaah. The problem could be on Disqus’ part.

          • William

            Disqus is being wacky.

          • thatotherjean

            Is there ever a time when it’s not?

        • NowAnAgnostic

          Your original post is showing on my Disqus.

  • Galvestonian

    Little Southern weasel, he probably bites the heads off of chickens for a hobby.

  • Pip
  • Gustav2

    A new Quinnipiac poll finds President Trump’s approval rate at 35% to 58%, near his record low.

    Also interesting: Just 40% of voters say Trump is fit to serve as president, while 57% say he is not fit.

    By a 51% to 38% margin, Americans would like to see Democrats win control of the House of Representatives in 2018. By a 52% to 39% margin, they would like to see Democrats win control of the Senate.

    • AlternativeQuacks

      Yeah, I saw that. What was going on in early August that made him hit his low? I can’t remember now. So much drumpster fire, so little filing capacity.

  • TheManicMechanic

    They lie with the same energy as the sun lights up our solar system.

  • architect_tim

    If you don’t remember meetings or emails, how can you be the AG of the most important country in the world??? I want to reclaim my time with this elf.

    • lattebud

      I am the Chief of Staff for a corporate VP. Every meeting, phone call or bathroom sink conversation is documented and held for many years. Emails are stored in multiple servers and screened my legal regularly. He lies

      • kareemachan

        Well, you’re *special*…..

  • SkokieGuy [ChicagoAdjacentGuy]

    Buzzfeed: The FBI is scrutinizing more than 60 money transfers sent by the Russian foreign ministry to its embassies across the globe, most of them bearing a note that said the money was to be used “to finance election campaign of 2016.”

    • Gustav2

      That is weird it was listed that way, it could be for some other “campaign” or Putin was trolling.

      • AlternativeQuacks

        Cape Verde had an election in 2016. That must have been what Putin was concerned with.

        • Gustav2

          😉 It could have been some PR campaign.

          • Mikey

            Did Puerto Rico have an election? Who’s their new presidente now? Does Trump know?

        • William

          I think that was the one where they decided the correct pronunciation of Cape Verde.

          • AJ Drew

            Meanwhile, the Niger deliberation continues. To their credit, the WH staff has managed to keep DT out of the discussion.

      • SkokieGuy [ChicagoAdjacentGuy]

        Yuppers. Who puts that in the memo line, unless it was intentional to create distraction or simply fluster investigators.? One of the payments did go to the Russian embassy in Washington DC.

        “After discovering the $30,000 transfer to the embassy in Washington, Citibank launched a review of other transfers by the Russian foreign ministry. It unearthed dozens of other transactions with similar memo lines. Compliance officers in Citibank’s Global Intelligence Unit flagged them as suspicious, noting that it was unable to determine the financial, business, or legal purpose of the

        • BearEyes

          Seems almost too obvious

          • Tread

            Well, we are dealing with the dumbest bunch of criminals ever seen. I mean, DTJr was exchanging Twitter DMs with WikiLeaks on how to commit treason.

        • William

          Couldn’t they have flown cash over in diplomatic pouches?

          • SkokieGuy [ChicagoAdjacentGuy]

            It does seem so obvious and clumsy, but then again so does asking the Russians to hack Hillary’s emails in front of TV cameras.

        • whollyfool

          Read Bill Browder’s book Red Notice. It puts Russia in a whole new light. For one thing, he thinks Putin is the richest person in the world including hidden assets.

  • Sam_Handwich


    RED BLUFF, Calif. (KABC) –Three people are
    dead and multiple students have been transported after an “active
    shooter situation” at an elementary school in Tehama County, officials

    • William

      Is it time to talk about gun control?

      • AlternativeQuacks

        Too soon. Always too soon.

        • kareemachan

          crap. fucking crap

    • another shooting.
      what’s for lunch?

      thoughts and prayers, yall.

  • Gene Perry
    Frequently Asked Questions about Focusene

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    • kareemachan


  • SoCalGal20

    So this is interesting. That Politico piece on the racist Trump voters in that town outside of Pittsburgh? Turns out the town voted for CLINTON. They actually have (a very pissed off) Indivisible group there. Meanwhile, the white suburbs are where Trump won but nobody is doing features on those folks. Or the resistance.

  • MassageBear
  • aagold76 .

    I would LOVE to hear someone ask : If you had a person who testified before the Department of Justice and they changed their story several times after new information came out, would you prosecute them or just let them get away with that?

  • TexasBoy
    • AJ Drew

      “Well, Mr Sessions, I think we should take a break. You are clearly annoyed, and your attempted angry face has me on the verge of uncontrollable giggling.”

    • kareemachan

      Jeez, he really doesn’t realize what he’s done.


  • MassageBear
    • David Walker

      Would it be appropriate to toss his weaselly carcass into one of his investments?

  • Rocco

    He must face consequences for all his lies, he is making a mockery of the DOJ.

  • trouble94114

    Wow. He really is begging Senator Franken to politely rip him to shreds. Suggestion for Sessions, when engaging in a battle of wits, it’s always helpful if you bring more than just the nit.

    And since Papadopoulos has already testified under oath to Mueller regarding the conversations about Russia, Sessions doesn’t have too many options regarding his explaination(s). (I’m stupid or, I am not an astute enough lawyer to realize that…was important, aren’t really going to help him out here) And I’ve no doubt that Papadopoulos sang like the proverbial canary regarding the content of those meetings.

    • clay

      plus Gorman, who was Papdopoulos’ boss and Session’s assistant.

  • Talisman

    Except ya did.

  • UrsusArctos 🐻

    I keep waiting for him to answer “Define what the meaning of is is ‘lie’ is, so I can answer with a completely nonsensical non sequitur”

  • David Walker

    Judging from her expression, the honorable Mrs. Weasel isn’t buying it either.

  • So Sessions doesn’t “remember” the Papadopoulos meeting, but he must have told Papadopoulos that “he was not authorized to represent the Campaign with the Russian Government, or any other foreign government for that matter.”

    So they’re saying:
    1. They were dumb enough to mention Russian Collusion out loud. (I believe this because they were dumb enough to email about it and create a written record.)
    2. Sessions hears this conversation about foreign collusion and forgets about. (If he really forgot the conversation, it makes me wonder what was truly so illegal as to make treason seem trivial.)
    3. Sessions was in a position high enough to dictate who was authorized to speak on behalf of the campaign. But he wasn’t important enough to be in on the some of the most critical decision of the campaign.

  • bJason

    “But I will not accept, and reject, accusations that I have ever lied under oath. That is a lie,” he lied lyingly.

  • Tempus Fuggit

    Wait, wait, haven’t we heard this song before?

  • I love dim sum

    When are they actually going to find definitive proof of this Russia conspiracy? They’ve had over a year. I bet it gonna go on next year, and it’ll turn out to be a losing issue, just like it did in 2016.

    • MBear

      A little olive oil and enough sugar to make a paste make a nice facial scrub. Gently massage onto face avoiding eye area then rinse with warm water. This can also be used on hands.

    • Halou

      It is right there, next to Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate. How long was that a thing?

  • Cuberly Deux

    Dear gawd, it’s like trying to get answers from a turnip. Rambling stammering nonsense.

  • Paula

    It sure would have been great to see someone sitting behind Jeff dressed as an elf.

  • FAEN

    Except when you did Blanche!

    • Mikey

      Ewwww! he did Blanche?
      And there I was thinking she had better taste than that.

      • FAEN

        Probably Roy Moore style.

  • 2patricius2

    Channeling Richard Nixon’s famous statement: NIXON:” …because people have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I’m not a crook.” SESSIONS: “,,,because people have got to know whether or not their attorney general is a liar. Well, I’m not a liar.”

  • clay

    Mr. Sessions, did you lie about your recusal on any and all matters regarding the presidential campaigns?

  • Cuberly Deux

    So basically what we’ve learned is the evangelicals are demanding some religious freedom bs. Some GOP patrons in FL and KS REALLY want to see Hillary’s head on a pike. Oh, and the GOP doesn’t give a shit about russian meddling in the election and has no desire to implement any form of legislation to address it.

  • rednekokie

    Maybe not Russia, specifically, but certainly about everything else.

  • MassageBear
  • WretchedMouse

    But you did Blanche, you did lie!

  • sword

    Listen carefully to Session’s testimony, which the Senate Committee Democrats seem to have missed. He said that he had “no direct contact with Russians, except meeting with the Russian ambassador”. That doesn’t mean he didn’t have contact with third party go-betweens. “Your honor…I didn’t rob the bank myself…I had someone else do it for me. Therefore, I am totally innocent”.

  • Blobby

    I’m still laughing at the Hon. . The man doesn’t have an honorable bone in his decomposing body.