SURVEY: 40% Of LGBTs Report Workplace Bullying

In a CareerBuilder survey fittingly released on GLAAD’s anti-bullying Spirit Day, four in ten LGBT workers say they’ve been bullied at the workplace.

CBS News reports:

The majority of those who said they were bullied said it was by one person, while about 13 percent said it happened in a group setting. The number of LGBTQ workers with concerns about workplace bullying has grown since the 2016 election, said David Kilmnick, CEO of The LGBT Network, a nonprofit that serves the gay and transgender community on New York’s Long Island and the borough of Queens.

President Donald Trump earlier this year announced a ban on transgender service members in the military, while the White House’s LGBT rights page disappeared after he took office in January. “It has such a negative impact, not only to the LGBT person, which is a given. If you’re being bullied for who you are, it will impact how one feels safe in one’s workplace. But there are so many other people, non-LGBT folks, that don’t want to hear this,” Kilmnick said.

More from MarketWatch:

More than half (53%) of those who were bullied confronted those responsible, CareerBuilder found, but only 20% of them said the behavior stopped. And these actions have a significant effect on LGBT workers’ well-being: 19% of LGBT workers said the bully caused health problems, while 15% said they called in sick because of feeling bullied. More than two in five LGBT Americans said they have left a job because of harassment.

Bullying against LGBT people takes many forms. Nearly two-thirds said they were falsely accused of mistakes. Other common occurrences include being ignored by others, being held to different standards, facing gossip and being excluded from projects or meetings. Less than one-third of LGBT workers said they reported bullying to human resources.

From a separate survey earlier this year:

A study conducted by Out Now, an LGBT consulting firm based in the Netherlands, found that the share of LGBT individuals in the U.S. who were out to everyone at work dropped from 44% in 2010 to 38% in 2015. The U.S. was the only place in the multi-country study where this metric declined. One possible explanation for that figure: nearly half of LGBT U.S. workers reported having heard something homophobic in the workplace in the past year.

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    My favorite is from a few years ago…it is when the president of the company for the US texted my director after I gave a presentation and texted, “Well, the big old faggot did a great job,” I saw the text and let’s just say, I have a new boss and the president of the company has changed since then and he is enjoying working in Japan.

    • james1200

      I’m sure he’s really enjoying working in xenophobic, collapsing-from-the-inside Japan, lol.

      https://media.giphy.com/media/Bg337rm4ThauI/giphy.gif

    • Andymac3

      Glad you were able to see it and do something about it. Would the director have said something if you hadn’t seen it?

      • Anastasia Beaverhousen

        No he actually didn’t say anything and that is how he got demoted.

    • Leo Tallant

      Grace is working in Japan ??? 😉

    • Rambie

      Nice job getting justice. Please teach us your ways.

    • Snarkaholic

      Congrats! At the last place I worked, my supervisor called me a “child molester” and a “fucking freak of nature”…but there were no witnesses, so he got away with it.

  • boobert

    Only 40% ? That sounds like fake news to me .

    • james1200

      tbf, sometimes we’re the bullies.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3h6es6zh1c

      • Lumpy Gaga

        Key & Peele == Keeper.

        (First time I ever noticed the giant white water bottle…LOL)

        Edit2: Now Obama doesn’t need Luther anymore, but I do.

        • james1200

          They will have to be forced to do a reunion because Jordan Peele is now an all-around superstar after “Get Out” (which everyone should watch, btw) and he’s busy as hell making movies.

      • Treant

        I want that cup. “I love pecker.”

      • DoctorDJ

        “I’m not persecuted. I’m just an asshole.”

        Now if we can get the christian right to admit this…

  • Ninja0980

    That number is way too low.

    • Gustav2

      Out the last 4 of my workplaces, not one had no BS about me being gay.

  • bkmn

    It really pays to get a good read on how your HR department deals with issues like this.

    • Andymac3

      Knowing how responsive the HR department is paramount to how the organisation functions. I worked for a company for 10 years that went from no HR dept to a strong HR dept to a weak and understaffed HR dept. The moral in the company was much better with a strong HR dept.

  • YeOldePickyPeckereth
    • joeyj1220

      and when the President of the United States does it, his base claims its “telling it like it is”

      • Richie Kau

        Or “joking”. The never taking responsibility is big with that group….

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    Let’s not forget the other side that says we don’t need equal rights guarantees because there’s no animus anymore.

  • james1200

    Sometimes I do wonder what they say about me at work, especially when they stop talking when I enter a room. Am I just being paranoid? Probably, because we all pretty much get along but I do wonder…still, we have strict rules of conduct, including rules about inter-office dating, racial and sexual harrassment and even appropriate topics of discussion at work and the company says and does all the right things regarding equality so I certainly have no complaints.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      We sometimes talk about you when you are off line.
      For entirely different reasons though.

      • Lumpy Gaga

        You wait?

        • Ragnar Lothbrok

          Not anymore.

      • james1200

        In a really bitchy way, I hope.

    • Paula

      I’ve had that happen a couple of times. I always say “you bitches talking about me again?” They got very quiet and very uncomfortable. They know Paula can be confrontative as the need arises.

      • james1200

        This is why I wish I was born a kick ass Lesbian. I would really miss Penis, though.

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    Is there anyone who’s LGBT reading this post who has NOT experienced workplace bullying?

    • Bullying no. I did find out I was earning less than my straight coworkers who had the same title and less experience than me. But then again they had wives and girlfriends (eye roll).

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        That is certainly a form of unfair treatment, that could very easily be because of your orientation?

        • It’s a bit complicated. They were a progressive firm and mostly cool people. 1 of the 4 bosses was gay in fact. I think the problem comes with negotiated contracts and implicit biases. If you come into a company as man wearing a wedding ring, it has cultural connotations that you are supporting a family. Where I am but a lowly single queer, who thinks of only myself. So I think their treatment of me was unfair, but it wasn’t necessarily based on orientation as I probably would have been paid more if I had been married to a man. And even more likely if I had a kid.

          • Skokieguy [Larry]

            Single people are certainly discriminated against, regardless of orientation.

    • I can’t say that I have. I was bullied in school. It was horrible. At work? Not that I can recall. Were there things I didn’t notice or don’t recall? Maybe. But nothing big enough to attract my attention.

      There was one funny incident though. I had a boss who just loved me. I created the powerpoints for her presentations. She wrote great decks and I use her work methods now in creating them for teaching. I was going into dress rehearsals for a show so I was going to need a replacement for a couple of weeks. She called the agency and asked them to send someone just like me “if you get what I mean”. LOL

      I worked in the arts where being gay wasn’t that unusual and day jobbed in banking where I was basically invisible except when they wanted something done. I was basically a human fax machine. I know that sounds awful but I rather liked it that way since I didn’t particularly like being there anyway and didn’t want to interact all that much. I did use a lot of what I saw there to build characters when I had to play kings and other obnoxious jerks.

      OH. I just remembered something. Back in early 2000 I had a gig that was basically opening the mail for the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company. (This was before the anthrax letters. But if I had been there then I’d have been the one that opened that envelope.) The company had just announced its nondiscrimination policy that covered gay people and the religious right was in an uproar over it. For a few weeks after one of the stories ran, I got letters from people angry that the company was promoting homosexuality (rather than just not being crappy to its gay employees. In fact the conversation about the policy went like this:

      Gay Group: We’d like to be included in the nondiscrimination policy.
      Company: Are we discriminating against you now?
      Gay Group: Not that we are aware.
      Company: Okay then!

      Anyway, I forwarded the letters to whoever responded to crap like that, and then about a week or so into this the head of Human Resources came to me personally and apologized to me for having had to read such horrible things. I told her it wasn’t anything I’d heard before. I did appreciate the gesture, though. Oh, our company had an African American President. I think that created a serious environment when it came to nondiscrimination policy.

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        Human fax machine? Are you the one behind One Million Moms?

        • Tawreos

          There is no human running OMMs fax machine

        • Steverino

          Oh, that’s Bill Donohue.

        • Bitch please.

    • jerry

      I haven’t…but I’ve worked for myself for 31 years. The first 4 years, I was only part-time on my own and worked for Dept. of Treasury (Public Debt). And even in mid to late ’80s, they didn’t discriminate or put up with bullying.

    • Keiffer

      I have not and probably just the opposite. Now my employee # was 5 and the 4 before me moved on long ago so I have enjoyed “the most tenured” title for quite a while. I just celebrated my 37th anniversary here (and my story is that I was a child prodigy of 9 when I started).

      When I got a congratulatory anniversary letter on my 13th year (1993) it included the boilerplate “anything we I can do for you” from the president. So I marched into the office and said, “Get me insurance for my partner who I can’t marry.” I explained that plenty of my coworkers were getting more benefits just by being married since the company would put in more to the health plan than those of us who are single.

      No insurance company at the time would provide domestic partnership coverage. So the company upped my gross salary so that the net was equal to the difference and I was able to get top of the line insurance with that. My manager who had not elected to marry her boyfriend thanked me for getting the new DP policy established.

      When that company was acquired, the new owners were progressive enough to have already had a DP policy (and the same is true for the most recent acquisition a couple of years ago).

      At my 25th anniversary I asked to say a few words at a company meeting. I actually got choked up when I pointed out that I had never had one feeling of bullying or ostracizing in all my years with my coworkers.

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        How wonderful. Are you in a gay-friendly industry or your former boss was simply a decent person?

        • Keiffer

          I’m a technology guy (programmer, DBA, designer, architect, business analyst, support manager) in the financial industry and due to my longevity, skill level and track history of delivering I have earned the respect of my co-workers and most management. There’s one or two upper managers that didn’t/don’t work well with me but I never felt it had anything to do with being gay.

          There’s a prevalence of gays in IT but I was the lone unicorn back then. We’re part of a huge company now (the largest technology company in financial services) but I still work with about 130 people to support our original set of products and there’s only 3 of us that are out. And believe me I’m way out [co-workers have socialized with two of the now exes] where I feel comfortable with my co-workers to throw gay shade (i.e., “all you women look alike to me”, “I know you want me to wave my wand and make it all go away but I’m not that kind of fairy”).

          So that particular president was a stand-up guy — at least in this respect. The CFO (which owned HR) to which he assigned the insurance research gave me a bit of the side-eye and so I relished a bit in the fact that he had to go “gay shopping” just for me.

    • Hryflex

      A few years into my employment where I still work, a had unpleasant times with two different co-workers who were Christian fundamentalists. They both had problems with the fact that I went to a Lutheran-affiliated college and that I’m Episcopalian. I out-ranked them, and they were both so ridiculously petty about it that I wouldn’t call their nasty comments bullying. Neither one lasted very long.

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        Mine aren’t fundamentalists, but blue collar types. Some are only in their 30’s and should be of the generation that orientation is no big deal. I’ve had many, many occurrences, here’s two…

        Co workers talking about losing weight and eating fruit. The word fruit is said right before I walk into the room. Someone says “speaking of which…” as I walk in, then everyone falls silent.

        On a day off, a coworker has to sit at my desk to check emails, etc. My desk is wiped down with Lysol disinfecting wipes (no, I wasn’t sick). We have other workers who eat pumpkin seeds and spit into a cup at their desk. Their desk isn’t wiped down.

        And yes, I’m the only gay person in the building.

    • stuckinthewoods

      I don’t know if this is bullying because I don’t know the motive. I was self-employed and out. After my partner died of AIDS in the 1980s I found my business unaccountably dried up. Someone had taken it upon herself to call my customers and tell them I was dead.

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        How awful.

  • teedofftaxpayer

    A few years ago I had a fellow employee tried to get me fired because I was gay. She complained that I talked about my boyfriend and it made her uneasy. Whenever she would talk about her husband I talked about my boyfriend-fair play. HR and my boss came in to talk to me about it. While they were telling me about the complaint, I told them about her fighting on the phone-in front of customers-with her husband. I also told them about her foul language she used while working. They transferred her to another division the next week. Within 6 months she was terminated. And this was a county office where it’s next to impossible to get fired.

    • joeyj1220

      what did the folks in HR want to talk to you about??? “Please stop talking about your boyfriend”?? Is that a company violation? I hope they were embarrassed to even bring it up to you.

      • teedofftaxpayer

        Actually they tried to get me to stop talking about my boyfriend. And I told them that I would, when everyone in the office (43 people) stopped talking about their spouse or children. I worked in a county office as Deputy Commissioner of Civil Marriages. I performed marriage ceremonies. Sexual Orientation was a covered class in our organization. I was even involved in a protest, on the court house steps where I worked, regarding same sex marriages when they tried to ban SSM in the early 2000’s. After the conversation, they left me alone. Because they knew I was going to be a lawsuit if they brought it up again. My boss was an elected official-a Republican.

  • Rex

    I can’t remember a specific incident where I felt bullied at work for being gay, but I suspect that things were said behind my back, and I know for sure I was let go from a job because I was gay. At my current job, I’m very much out – I made that very clear at a total staff meeting right after the shooting at the Pulse nightclub. And at today’s meeting I talked about Spirit Day and showed the Kellogg’s video – I don’t go around work waving a rainbow flag, but I also refuse to hide who I am and if any of my co-workers don’t like it that’s their problem.

    • YeOldePickyPeckereth

      How was the Kellogg’s video received?

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        Via the internet

        🙂

        • gaycuckhubby

          Cheeky

      • Rex

        Well, I’d say. I work at a social services agency, so the staff is working with youth and families and are very aware of the problems bullying can cause. After seeing the video online, I thought it was a good way to get the message across without being heavy handed.
        I was very emotional when I addressed staff after Orlando, and that day I was given several hugs and words of encouragement, I do work with a good group of people, but we all know that not everyone is as accepting as others.

        • Rex

          I also wanted to use the opportunity to say that while October is National Bullying Awareness month, Spirit Day is about LGBTQ youth, and standing up against the abuse they often suffer.

    • Lumpy Gaga
      • Rex

        There are days when my outfits are flashy enough, I don’t need a sign.

        • Lumpy Gaga

          “Hey, sport. Save the buttplug for Casual Fridays.”

          • Rex

            The mistake was wearing jock strap, it just didn’t hide the plug.

          • Lumpy Gaga

            How did you keep the thing from just falling out all day and hitting the floor with a splosh?

          • Rex

            Amazing control.
            And avoiding the bend and snap.

          • greenmanTN
      • james1200

        If it makes you feel better when I bend down to pick something up at work, a tiny, adorable hand pops out of my ass waving a rainbow flag and no one seems to mind.

  • gaycuckhubby

    Im so lucky to work in a queer owned business. Half of my coworkers are queer the other half are really cool straight people

    • Andymac3

      I’ve actually been asked “Can I be your fag hag?”

      Err, no, that’s now how it works, that’s not how any of this works.

      • gaycuckhubby

        I hate that shit

      • Treant

        “No, because that’s an outdated and rather insulting concept. I don’t require a hag and, frankly, you shouldn’t need to be a hag.”

  • Mike C

    My career path has kept me in friendly workplaces so I can’t say I have ever experienced bullying – but I have been the new guy. I don’t think many straight people have ever had to ‘feel out the place’ for a few days/weeks before mentioning their partners….

    • scorpiomike

      Even changing jobs/departments within a company means feeling out the environment. When I interviewed for a new job that moved me to a new department, I asked every person that interviewed me how they felt an openly gay person would be accepted on the team. I think it made the burly Southern gentleman quite uncomfortable, but he handled it well and he actually turned out to be alright.

      • Andymac3

        Mmm, burly southern gentleman, swipe right.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    I was harassed by a very large str8 woman when I worked at a bank. She was my direct supervisor, so I ignored her. I wouldn’t be so appeasing today.

    Another job I did was doing construction. My boss would say Hey- you got a nice pooper.

  • Jon Doh

    I once had a boss that when told I had called in sick said to the the group that I must be worn out from corn holing all night. I decided I would rid myself of his bullshit and turned him in to the higher ups with some of the many questionable things he had been doing. Within a few months I had his job and he was enjoying unemployment.

    • Ben in Oakland

      I think YOU were enjoying HIS unemployment.

  • Statistics Palin

    I was bullied by a VP when I was working for him late in the evening. He said that having a child come out was the greatest tragedy a parent can experience. I said, “What a foolish thing to say. Obviously, you haven’t had enough tragedy in your life, Walter.” He went on about how men were picking each other up for sex in Balboa Park. I said, “Those are married men, just like you, Walter.”

    • Gustav2

      LOL When I told my younger brother the guys using the park in his exurban area were married men from his neighborhood and we city gays didn’t need to travel that far to get laid, he didn’t speak to me for about 20 minutes in the car.

      • Thank you. Why would I do it in a park or a men’s room. I have a nice comfy bed and my own apartment. That crap is mostly for closet cases.

        • Bad Tom

          Men who whisper, with anxiety in their voice, “We can’t go to my place.”

  • easygoingmister

    Where’s the survey question about being sexually harassed by an on-his-second “traditional” marriage boss? Too complex for scantron?

  • shellback

    If you are bullying a gay person, chances are, you too are gay. Suck on that. IMO

  • Bad Tom

    Both Digital Equipment Corporation and Oracle had wonderful policies about gay and lesbian employees.

    Yet, once I visited the DEC Salem, NH manufacturing plant to help on a product I was working on, and saw one of the classic homophobic slurs printed out on huge poster stock, and plastered on the wall of the plant manager’s office.

    Harassment? Not individually. But it sure gave the signal that YOU BETTER NOT BE QUEER HERE.

    I was glad when I left that plant that day.

    Now I’m CIO of my own company, and chief designer of our product. None of that shit will happen on my watch.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      My first IT job, my desktop was a DEC Rainbow, and I worried it was too damn gay.

  • CB

    I’ve been lucky in NYC always to be in very accepting and diverse environments. In my current firm it’s a non-issue. We have a really diverse group and we’re all very good humored and we actually talk about this topic a lot and how each of us has experienced bullying or discrimination in other environments. It’s one of the reasons I’m so fond of my employees and co-workers. While we don’t get into too much detail in other people’s lives, it’s comfortable and open…and we talk about how lucky we are to have created that.

  • canoebum

    This is one reason I’m an appraiser. I work from home, only see the homeowners for an hour or less when I inspect their house and my employer’s home office is 240 miles away. We email with an occasional phone call. When I’m not researching properties or writing I’m driving around in my car photographing houses. I love my playlist!

    • easygoingmister

      How does a motivated critical thinker get into this line of work? Asking for a friend 🙂

      • canoebum

        It doesn’t pay as well as it used to, a lot depends on where you live. Check your state’s division of professional licensing for requirements. Almost all states have a 2 year apprenticeship. You’ll need a Bachelor’s degree or at least 30 college credit hours of real estate classes, plus 120 hours of appraisal classes.

  • Ken M

    Bring the stats, and some proof, to the EEOC. Until we make that list, this won’t change.

  • Hryflex

    The new CEO at my company is gay. When he first came to the area to work 30-some years ago, he underwent some unbelievable crap where he worked, and stupid rumors about him were being circulated around the community. Glad he stuck it out, because he’s doing an excellent job here.

  • WiscoJoe

    Early in my life I made the decision to work in non-profits, specifically non-profits with female or gay bosses. It has protected me from a lot of harassment and allowed me to live openly and proudly, but it also has meant I’ll never reach my full earning potential and has made upward mobility more challenging. (I live in Wisconsin and am dedicated to the community here.) I’m glad I made this decision, but I’m also cognizant of the trade-offs. I’m proud to stand by my values.

    Even still, in largely female led, queer friendly work places I’ve still experience my fair share of bullying. Only recently I had a run in with a straight male coworker (my current office is 80% female. I’m the only openly gay person in a staff of 60). When I started here this male coworker took me aside and expressed how happy he was that there was another man in the office. He then took the opportunity to “vent” about the women in the office, particularly our mostly female management team, in increasingly misogynistic terms. (IE: “Things would be a lot better around here if these damn women would stop gossiping” and “I’m hooking up with ____ but don’t say anything about it to her or anyone else because you know how women can be.”) When I pushed back on his misogyny and questioned his perspective, he got really defensive and pretty much shut up with some minor grumbles. Later, when he found out I was gay, he suddenly started to refer to me as “the office bitch” and insinuate the only reason I was defending our female boss is because I was pretty much a woman too. I didn’t back down and did my best to explain why his attitude was harming our professional relationship and the overall work climate. This led him to explain how he’s so uncomfortable around gay people because we’re all so sensitive and he never knows what he can and cannot say. Then he told a story that compared gay people to people with disabilities and how you want to help them out but then when you do try to help them out they get offended because people with disabilities also want to be independent and don’t want help. It was… unfortunate. Then he told me a story about how a lot of gay guys are involved with death sex cults and “purposefully get AIDS and overdose on drugs” and how terrible that must be for me to have to a be a part of it. (And yes, this dude is a total Bernie/Green Party supporter who considers himself to be a total feminist and progressive and ally, but also thinks our country would be a socialist paradise if only the women, queers, and PoC would set aside their “identity politics” and follow his lead.)

    • Statistics Palin

      Why don’t you get his ass fired? The office bitch remark would have had me running to my civil rights lawyer (who led the successful effort kick the BSA out of Balboa Park for excluding gays). I’d have paid just $200 bucks for a consultation that would explain how to manipulate HR into firing the bastard.

      • WiscoJoe

        Yeah, I’ve never been an openly confrontational type. I’ve worked behind the scenes to mitigate the worst of his behaviors.

        But that’s a good question why I’ve made excuses for his behavior or brushed it off. Partly it’s a “oh, he’s dumb and doesn’t know any better” justification. Partly it’s “My boss loves me and has given me a lot of power, meanwhile he’s increasingly marginalized in the office and is everyone’s least favorite coworker, so I don’t want to kick him when he’s down.” Also, I think there’s that ever present internalized homophobia of “If I retaliate openly and take my revenge, it will only prove him right that I’m a bitch.” I’m a relatively privileged and outspoken person, and even I deal with this shit. I can’t even imagine what its like for people living further on the margins or with more stress/hurdles in their lives.

        IDK. I could do more. It’s exhausting though. I’m sure I could get him fired if I wanted to (for a number of reasons, primarily his utter incompetence and general unlikability). But I’m also aware that he’ll probably end up failing-upward and will land in a management position at some other non-profit where he’ll make a lot of people miserable.

    • Bad Tom

      Some people lack self-reflection.
      Everyone else can see the brokenness, but not them.

      If they ever do finally realize this, it will be devastating.
      But it’s just as likely they’ll go to their grave thinking they are perfectly right.

      • WiscoJoe

        Yeah, that’s part of the reason I haven’t gone nuclear on his ass. I feel sorry for him. He’s obviously insecure. Maybe he’s struggling with his own sexual identity.

    • Todd20036

      Charming. Real charming.
      This idiot has no idea that there’s a difference between HIV+ and AIDS, I’d bet.
      Also, seeing as how party drugs = bad, but alcohol/opioids/cigarettes = good, I’d further say this idiot has no idea what a drug problem is.
      And the little fucker is supposed to be on OUR side?

    • Tread

      So basically he’s an MRA/Red Piller who believes he’s a progressive. I bet you he can’t understand why no woman wants to date such a “nice guy.”

    • GanymedeRenard

      Jaw-dropping

      • WiscoJoe

        Unfortunately, I think it’s all too common. It was jaw dropping for me as well, but when I talked about it with some female colleagues, they just rolled their eyes and said they deal with this shit all the time. One of them laughed and said, “Congratulations, you’ve just experienced mansplaining!”

  • MT YVR

    I consistently get “Oh, you have no family. It’s different for you.”

    Look, bitch, what the fuck do you think my partner of 17 years is?

    And yes. That is EXACTLY what is said to me. I’ve started hitting back. Weirdly what set people most on their asses recently was when in Dec he had a heart attack and I basically doubled up on the middle finger as I said “yep, not coming to work until the little shit is stable, k, thanks, byeee”.

    But hey. It’s just me being a sensitive fag. /s

    Just like I’m sure I misunderstood the one director/department head who in 2015 made the joke, right next to me a known poz person, to my boss (who was wearing a dust mask from cleaning something up) “what’s with the mask, what you got AIDS?”

    Did I mention we’re an AIDS research org?

    I’m absolutely sure it’s just people being overly sensitive about their fee-fees… /nuclear sarcasm.

    • Gustav2

      Yes, “You can work late, you don’t have a family.”

      • Todd20036

        I’m lucky. If I need to work late, I work late. If I feel like taking a day off, I have plenty of leave to do that too.
        Being a civil servant has it’s plusses.

        • MT YVR

          I soooooo want a civil servant job.

          20 years later and I find myself chanting that under my breath when I swore I’d never do it. Now I’d fuck a GOP for one.

          • Todd20036

            LOL. I’m a pension actuary. It’s about as boring as it sounds.
            I’ll work until I am ready to retire. Probably when I turn 62.
            It’s not so bad. I don’t answer to Drumpf, and my job involves making sure people who lost their jobs when the companies they worked for went out of business, will still get their retirement income.
            In other words, I directly or indirectly helped keep over 100k people in middle income (or even lower middle income) lifestyles.

          • Paula

            Sounds mathy.

          • Steverino

            PBGC?
            : )

        • KevInPDX

          Reminds me I have 168 hours of use or loose Annual leave and it’s almost November! being a Fed does rock sometimes.

      • MT YVR

        I’ve been in this job for 20 years. I WAS the department for a decade. Now we have three other staff. When time off needs to be negotiated, for holidays or even at all, the first thing is “well X has a new kid… Y has his family in town… Mike you can take…”

        Um. Nope.

        Recently I’ve started flat out bullshitting. “Husband made plans. We’re off to the mountains. Sorry. Tickets bought.”

    • Todd20036

      I REALLY like you.

      • MT YVR

        Awww. Thanks sweetie. I suspect we’d end up needing bail money if we lived in the same city. Just a random thought. 😉

        • Todd20036

          Only for public indecency and exposure.

        • Treant

          Start a GoFundMe. I’ll chip in.

          • MT YVR

            Can you imagine if even half of us were in the same city.

            Ruins. Smoking ruins. And a LOT of scared young men. (evil grin)

          • Treant

            While many would be scared, at least ten percent would be smiling.

          • MT YVR

            I’m fairly certain a few would be dazed and trying to figure out whether to cry or smile.

            I have data to back that up. 😛

    • Andymac3

      From an incompetent boss that I had for a few years ago:
      “Can you stay late and finish this for me, I’ve got to pick up my kids” many times
      “Can you move your holidays, that’s my kids school holiday”
      “Can you fix this over the weekend? I can’t stay, my kid has a play”
      “How was your weekend, I don’t want to know, TMI” her running joke.

      • MT YVR

        These days I do lectures for various things including classes. One of the things I talk about is this. I talk about how there was a point and can still be a point wherein our “transgressive” behaviour is a singular entity.

        As in holding hands or talking about a boyfriend (literally: I have a boyfriend) as AS transgressive as “I like uncut cock sliding into my ass and here’s pictures with sound of my last three fucks, these two were groups…” Exactly the same.

        It’s hilarious to me that people don’t understand that “I’m uncomfortable because you’re talking about your boyfriend” is not that we’re talking about who puts what where. We’re talking about “we went to this art show, it was cool…” The TMI thing has gotten so offensive to me that I have a flinch response of calling people on it.

        As a BDSM, leather, kink community member, I like to point out, I can get truly in your face if you like. Or you could stop being an ass and understand that I’m doing no more or less than you(them).

    • Nashoba Darkwolf

      LOL they tried pulling that bullshit on me when I worked for a hospital as IT. Said that I didn’t have kids or a real family so I could work 3rd shift, but it will only be for 3 weeks. So three weeks were I cant sleep with, or even see my fiance. I told them to fuck themselves and went to a different contract. Had they been nicer about it I would have done it without question but when they told me to my face that my family wasn’t a real family… fuck them. For the record this was a “christian” based hospital. Only real christian thing they did was disrespect my family and treat me like shit.

  • Todd20036

    I had a boss who read my emails to my partner in NYC and complained that they were not appropriate for an office environment.
    This same boss has Jesus bumper stickers in her office, and used to start any function involving food with a blessing over the food that invoked Jesus’ name, etc.
    I complained to HR but to no avail.
    So I demoted myself one grade. That got me off of a large case my boss was involved with. I took a 10% pay cut.
    About 6 months later, there was a reorganization, and I got a new boss (the old one still worked here, but I no longer answered to her)
    I asked for my promotion back. When they said why, I said having a new boss makes the difference.
    I got promoted back. Now people know I am gay, and my new boss does not care.

  • Ben in Oakland

    35 years ago, when I was a probation officer in San Francisco, a lot of the old timers did not take it well that a young, butch, openly gay man was a PO. They were fine with the two flamers, and the very quiet -everyone-knows-but-no-one knows older officers, but I was just too much for them.
    Twice, they tried to get me fired. One ended up with a reprimand in his file, while I got permanent status. The other was told in no uncertain terms that I was one of the few people there who actually did my job, and so it was time to find another target.
    The lesson is, stand up for yourself.

    • Tread

      That pisses me off. Instead of firing the fucks, they just shuffled them somewhere else so they could harass other people. I’m sure their personnel files are a wreck.

  • BeaverTales

    I telecommute from an office at home. The only bullying I experience is from my 2 dogs at feeding time.

    I do sometimes get dumped on more than my straight colleagues when it’s time to work holidays.

    • ETownCanuck

      Me too, or when they feel the urge to go out and pee and bark at the neighborhood.

    • Andymac3

      Now you are just making everyone jealous.

      • BeaverTales

        I’ve suffered discrimination at work, more for being black than being gay. When I got the opportunity to work from home, I took it because many people were more respectful and accommodative of my opinions online than in person

  • liondon#iamnotatraitor

    On the job it should be noted that I needed to learn how to stand up to bullies but it was never taught.
    1. Ask them to stop.
    2. if they continue tell them they will be reported.
    3. If it continues make a formal complaint.
    4. Word got around that you do not mess with me

    Teaching new and current people in a company how to stand up to bullies should be a refresher coarse yearly.

  • Paula

    I have to admit to harrassing some of them back though. 😕😕😕
    My favorite thing to do is when I see a group of straight male teachers ogling some woman, I walk up and say “ Damn, I hate it when I realize that all the girls that look like that are straight!”
    I know that’s bad. Its fun though.

    • Statistics Palin

      I’d suggest you add “What a waste!” to the end of your script. It’s what straight women say about gay men the _like_.

      • Paula

        I think that is a great idea. Thanks!

  • stevenj

    When I was 19 (in 1968) I worked in a department store. A creepy bleached blond chicken hawk queen customer used to come in and bully me regularly making suggestive comments. I reported him to store security, told them exactly what he had said to me and they ushered the guy out every time he tried to come in again. I worked for a company for 9 years that made/sold paint. During the AIDS epidemic a new young white straight male employee told one of the gay employees (whose partner was struggling with AIDS) that his partner deserved it. Ignorant bully was fired the next day. We had a lecherous gay manager years later who made lewd comments about my ass. I made very clear to him he was of no interest to me and occasionally I’d fart if he got too close. As loud as I could. He was later demoted and moved to another store after another employee accused him of sexual advances. A straight young Hispanic employee called me a faggot one day in the warehouse. I reported him to the manager and cc’d the district supervisor. He was taken aside and informed the company had a zero tolerance policy on sexual harassment (stemming partly from the previous manager) and told to quit or be fired. He quit.

    Most of my adult life I have been self employed so my workplace was safe for me and those I worked with.

    If you are bullied, speak up. Don’t allow it.

  • another_steve

    I don’t know what it’s like these days for LGBT federal employees (I’ve been retired for a good number of years), but shortly after harassment of LGBT people in the federal workforce was “officially” prohibited, I filed a complaint due to harassment I was receiving from a fellow coworker at the time.

    I prevailed. I asked one of the leading LGBT legal organizations at the time to assist me, and they did. The case was garnering attention, and if there’s one thing federal managers (I eventually became one myself) hate, it’s negative press.

    If you’re a federal employee being harassed by either a coworker or management because of who you are, be brave and take action.

    • KevInPDX

      I work for Interior/USFWS and the agency talks a good line which didn’t exist 10 years ago really. Lotsa mandatory trainings which I am sure are an attempt to insulate managers from liability if the are sued(?). There’s not too much overt issues going on near as I can tell (pretty liberal group) except with the F’in Christians and further from HQ or a Regional office. I work in a State Office which used to be called Field Offices. Our 4 IT staff were all serious Born Again types. Constantly proselytizing and guess who didn’t get any IT support? The unwed folks living together, the single moms, anyone not white, the gay gals and guy (me). AND each one of these Christies had been married and divorced more than once! We complained heartily about our incompetent and bigoted IT staff and since we were/are fed civil servants they just got a talking to which changed nothing. We had to wait until they all retired to rid ourselves of them.

      • another_steve

        Thanks for sharing your story, Kev.

        I bet that kind of thing is still pretty common throughout the federal workforce.

  • greenmanTN

    I was bullied (behind my back) in 2 situations, stood up for myself, and got a good result. (This was in retail, so that helped.) I remember the morning I went in early to speak to the manager about what I had been told was being said and my voice was shaking really bad when I started out (the manager was a frat-boy type) but evened out as I went along. “I work a hell of a lot harder than him and I don’t deserve this!” The bully wasn’t fired immediately (it was the ‘80s), but they were looking for an excuse and it came shortly afterward.

    In another situation it was passive-aggressive BS and I ignored it.

    • Statistics Palin

      You get 200 extra points for doing this during the Reagan Era.

  • ZRAinSWVA

    My VP at my former job started asking persistent and very pointed questions about girlfriends after I told him I didn’t have a wife. It was clearly time to move on, which turned out to be the best change possible!

  • Silver Badger

    Oh yes. These things happened to me many times when working for the state of Colorado. In fact I was fired after 19 years on bogus charges. However, I personally feel that no job is worth going to court over and really considered myself lucky to get out of that toxic environment.

    • Tread

      Maybe not going to court over to keep that job, but financial hardship due to being fired for blatant discrimination deserves to have judicial review. People won’t stop discrimination until you start hitting them where it hurts most, their pocketbooks.

      • Silver Badger

        It simply goes from overt to covert. No thank you very much. No regrets.

  • GayOldLady

    Well, at least we’re making some progress. I can remember when the bullying rate was 99.9999%

  • JWC

    Once again, its one policy that Trump has fully and willingly enabled. It is encouraging that a certain percentage of those bullied , confort and have small sucess. It is not good that bullying should exsist at all

  • greenmanTN

    I saw a documentary years ago about one of the most extreme case of workplace anti-gay bullying I’ve ever heard of. I think the guy worked as a trader on Wall Street, but when he was away on a business trip his boss literally had his car repainted, with homophobic slurs all over it. It was a “joke” and it was repainted again soon after he got back. They made a homophobic video and played it at a sales convention in front of the entire audience. A co-worker pissed on his leg when they were both at urinals. Unsurprisingly his health was affected.

    I know he settled out of court but as part of the terms wasn’t able to say for how much. I hope the amount was HUGE.

  • JW Swift

    Have lost two jobs (at least) over my sexuality.

    My very first job out of college, I had a boss who made it obvious that he volunteered at his local church, and as soon as he had an opportunity due to some company-wide layoffs, I was the one and only person in the department chosen to be let-go, despite having some seniority over at least a couple others.

    I also worked for a local quasi-gov’t agency a while back. During a reorganization, they hired a new department manager from the outside. I didn’t know it at the time, but he began talking shit about me behind my back, and once, when I was out sick for a few days, he was telling everyone that I was dying from AIDS. He was able to get a close friend of his hired as the head of H.R., and soon after, he fired me over a paper-thin flimsy excuse that his friend in H.R. upheld. I still didn’t know exactly how much he had it in for me until I ran into a former co-worker much later who told me about what had been going on behind my back.

    This was all before any non-discrimination laws existed for sexual orientation.

    My current job has been fine, though. The owner once said to me that in a place like here (Ft. Lauderdale) with such a large gay community, a business owner would have to be an idiot to discriminate over someone’s sexuality. He was even very understanding when I was devastated from a break-up and having to find a new place and move, and I haven’t had any problems with any co-workers.

    • Tread

      I hope you remember that former co-worker. One thing I’ve decided to do in my adult life is poison the waters for anyone who mistreats others at work, both at work and in the wider career field. Is it petty as fuck? Sure, but I’m tired of people being allowed to lie, cheat, and otherwise being horrible as fuck to others and get advancement or accolades.

  • DJ John Bear

    I work in State government, and there are policies in place that prohibit any form of discrimination at the workplace, including hate speech. Everyone in my office knows that I am gay, and when my husband and I got married, I received cards and well-wishes from my boss and most of my teammates.

    That isn’t to say that there hasn’t been a loudmouth or two where a line was crossed.

    After a couple of months of working here, a long-time employee went on a rant with another coworker when Marriage Equality was still being debated in MA, and ventured into homophobic territory. I told him off. Hard. He returned a nasty stare, and stormed off. To his credit, he never repeated the behavior, although we hadn’t said much to each other in the fourteen years since it happened. He retired a few months back.

  • KevInPDX

    Bullying as a kid made me even more introverted and I pretty much lone’d it and kept to myself. It was pretty obvious I was a ‘mo. In HS, college and my early professional life I had 2 separate and distinct worlds. 15 years ago that fell away and I merged my personal and work life. I’m the token gay dude at work (lotsa gay ladies) and most of my friends are straight. I still keep to myself mostly. Better that way. Folks don’t get me/I don’t mix well lol

  • Treant

    (Raises Hand) However, my boss wanted to hire a friend of his for my programming position. My boss’ boss was ticked that I wasn’t a Fundamentalist, nor willing to parrot the party line at the office. It really wasn’t a good scene all around.

    On the up side, the friend was incompetent…and I wasn’t answering phone calls. From what I hear, it was years until that was back on track. They actually forgot to move all of the Web address renewals off my credit cards. After I canceled the cards, those were bouncing all over the place–and they forgot to ask me for all the account passwords before I left, and I “forgot” to give them the list.

  • JD

    In my experience, LGBT either stay in service jobs where it’s safe to be out or where other jobs are more easily found or hide as they rise up the ladder, being exploited (even recognized) for performing harder until the limit is reached and the Suite puts a stop, or kicks you out–usually for “acceptable” reasons that are not true, but play well. I hope I’ve made a difference in my orgs for younger LGBT for whom I created space, but know I’ve paid dearly for the audacity. Still, have done all right – you just have to, right?

  • Steverino

    Having worked for over 20 years in a state-funded academic university library, it was for the most part a relatively progressive, liberal, gay-friendly environment in which to work, and I was always out (I’m fairly obvious, let’s just put it that way). So there was no bullying or harassment, and since my employment began in the early 1980s, during the dark ages of Reagan, the religious right, and the emerging AIDS crisis, that is really saying something. But the people I worked with were mostly older “Baby Boomers” (I was born in the middle of that demographic) and pre-Boomers, so the liberalism and acceptance was somewhat superficial. “Some of my best friends are…” and all that. I always felt there was something “other” about me to them that was regarded as being “defective” or whatever, so definitely was aware of behind-the-back gossip for being, I suppose, the token “house gay,” and thus being out of the straight, old-timer clique in terms of reputation and promotability. But again to be fair, my period of employment in that career was from 1980 to 2005, when I retired on my 50th birthday. I never regretted retiring early, and have not looked back.

    There is that sappy old meme about retirees being invited back to the workplace for some party or celebration, with a non-retired former coworker asking the retiree: “Do you miss this place?” And the retiree dutifully replies: “I don’t miss the work, but I miss the people.” Barf. My experience is just the opposite: I miss the work, but I sure don’t miss the people!

    However, I do miss working with university-age students, with one exception: the students who were of university age (approximately age 20, more or less) during the Reagan Administration, particularly the mid-1980s. Even in “Silicon Valley” back then, many of them were big Reagan and Gingrich fans, far right-wing, and homophobic. Pretty much the post-Boomer subgeneration, but pre-Gen X and later, when the students became more mellow and very pro-gay, for the most part. But the Reaganistas who were about age 20 in the mid-1980s are now, of course, in their early 50s, which just happens to be the approximate average age of Tea Party and Freedom Caucus Republicans in the U.S. House of Representatives. They haven’t changed a bit, and I still dislike them.

  • HozillaSmallpox

    I was bullied by a guy where I used to work and it later came out that his brother is gay. I asked the gay brother if his own brother bullied him. Unfortunately he did. Bullies suck

  • juanjo54

    When I first started working for the firm I ultimately retired from after 25 years, they prided themselves on being a liberal, open working environment in which everyone was treated as part of one big family. But I was once pointed out to them a few little inconsistencies – first, gay employees like myself, whose jobs required occasional travel were always sent on trips which impacted on holidays and weekends more often that straight employees with the same job. The stated reason was the straight employees had families. Additionally, for company sponsored events invitations were always sent. For straight employees if always said, “employee and spouse/significant other’s name”, since spouses and long term partners were always invited by name. Not so gay employees no matter how long they had been with their partners. Straight, married employees who purchased their first home were always given a thousand dollars as a home warming present. They received an additional thou for each child born or adopted. Not so the gay employees. I once had a photo on my desk of my now husband and myself. He is leaning towards me and kissing me on the cheek in the photo. I was told by a supervisor it was a rather risque photo. I pointed out that there were several other straight employees in my division who had photos virtually identical.

  • Frostbite

    I was fired from a job because my boss found out I was in a relationship with a man. In a state that offers no protections for LGBT. Until that is addressed being called names is the least of my concerns.

  • Lars Littlefield

    Ever been bullied by an LGBT employee at work? I have. Very odd.

    Bear with me.

    I worked with a screaming flamboyant queen at a medical informatics software company. We all know this person; someone who acts as absurdly and extremely gay as possible and yet is a happily heterosexual? He was married, had a 2 year-old son, and seeded conflict and anger throughout the office with vicious gossip. I was friendly, but kept my distance. Of course, he really wasn’t a flamboyant effeminate queen. He just behaved like one. After all, he had a wife and a kid. Lets’s say his name was Gary.

    One day HR representatives showed up at work to “talk to me.” It was a surprise. I found myself being interviewed alone with the HR reps. They informed me that Gary had filed a complaint against me. But they wouldn’t say exactly what. Then Gary showed up in the conference room with a company attorney and I was cornered into giving a deposition. Imagine being accused of something, but never told what. Very frustrating.

    Gary also gave a deposition. He claimed I had accused him or said something very damaging in front of him and other employees. The HR reps and the attorney apparently knew what I had said. But no one would say exactly say what it was that I said or when. Other coworkers were brought in to give depositions. My staff was just as confused as I was. HR, the attorney, and the closet queen kept trying to get me to admit to something, but I honestly couldn’t figure out what. Eventually I realized they were trying to get me to admit I had sexually harassed and bullied the closet queen. I never did. I never would. Quite the opposite. I went out of my way to avoid him whenever possible. I avoided him not because I regarded him a screaming flamboyant queen. Hell, I could probably out do him if I put my mind to it. I, like most of the office, avoided him because he was a fucking bitch. Who needs that in their life? But I was never rude to him.

    After a day of interviews and defending myself against accusations about doing/saying something that no one would specifically define, the HR reps and the attorney left very frustrated. Gary broke down in tears and took the rest of the day off. I received a copy of the HR rules governing employee behavior for my trouble.

    Six months later at a conference in Las Vegas I met some employees from Gary’s previous place of employment. When they found out where I worked they all laughed and asked, “How many employees has Gary filed sexual harassment complaints against?” It seems he had a habit of bullying people by filing complaints and lawsuits and getting coworkers fired — especially people he thought were gay

    A year after this whole kerfuffle Gary was arrested and convicted for lewd behavior in a city park mens room. Sometimes life is so weird it’s beyond sad.

    • Andymac3

      Oh my!

  • IamSmartypants

    While working for a large non-profit organization, a senior woman in HR would wear a skirt with no underwear, then flash her coochie at gay guys in the elevator. Her attitude was it was all fun and games. There wasn’t an option to report her since she was the person in HR who handled harassment. It finally stopped when all the out gay men called her out anonymously a mandatory company-wide anti-harassment training.

    • AmeriCanadian

      GROSS!

  • BartmanLA

    Before I retired I was a transit bus driver where I live in Los Angeles, driving through West Hollywood one day I was tasked with picking up a wheel chair passenger and his companion. The bus was crowded and as I endeavored to make room to accommodate the passenger a disgruntled passenger got loud and verbal about how he was being inconvenienced, and cracked “Why do I have to move for this faggot and his faggot “wife” to let them on the bus?” To which I responded “THIS FAGGOT is doing his job and is going to make sure ALL passengers get where they’re going to go, do you have a PROBLEM with that???” He shut up but obviously wasn’t happy, but I had more than one passenger who exited the bus tell me they appreciated me standing up for the disabled and gay people! One of the best days of my working career there.

  • AmeriCanadian

    I thought my co-workers were cool with me being gay but I recently discovered that invitations were being prepared to senior level managers to attend the owner’s birthday party and every one of them were addressed as Mr. & Mrs. so and so except mine. It was simply addressed to me with no mention of my husband. I declined to go. Interestingly no one asked me why. Apparently I had been wrong all along. It was just hidden well.

  • Pip

    I’m lucky that my team has always been very accepting of me. They make sure to invite both of us to all team outings that include families and the such. However, when I came to my current team I learned that the person I’d replaced had had a complaint filed on him. He was uncomfortable with a trans woman who worked a few desks over from him. She was going through her transition at the time and kept updating the pictures on her desk to how she looked and identified at the time. So of course her pictures went from featuring her as a man to featuring her as a woman. He went into her cube one day and tore down all of the pictures and left them under her keyboard. When she confronted him about it he told her that he didn’t feel that she should display her pictures in her cube because it made him uncomfortable. She rightfully went to HR and filed a complaint. It went all the way up with him being disciplined, but he kept his job. She eventually quit because she felt that she was now working in a hostile environment. Meanwhile, he went on to become a manager of a few other teams and is now my manager. He has never said anything to me to make me feel uncomfortable, or given any indication that he has anything but respect for me. He even asks about my home life, how things are, just like he would anyone else on the team. But I always have the fact that he bullied this poor woman and pretty much got away with it in the back of my mind.

  • mizzourah

    HR departments still discriminate against gay people even when hiring. It’s legal in most states, but more so, it’s easy regardless. The SFBay area is loaded with companies with 25-year-old girls from countries where LGBT people “don’t exist” or aren’t accepted. Even in the progressive Bay Area.

  • Yann

    At my hold job, one of my coworker was nice to me because she could forget that I was gay since I didn’t really talk to her… A friend (and one of our coworker) told me how she was with gays that came into the store when I was not there… I’m glad I don’t have to work with her anymore.

    Also I’m not discriminate against at work but everyday I got to hear the word ‘fif’ to describe thing that are weak… For those that don’t know, fif is a pejorative use in Quebec to describe a very effeminate man or gay people in general. When it’s my coworker I say something, but customer are another thing.

  • BillyDee4

    I started a new job in 1989. The man who hired me (my boss) worked with me at another place 10 years earlier. I was pretty out at that job but my boss never seemed to grasp the concept. On the first day at the new job eight people came up to me individually and said they were glad I took the job because the guy I replaced was “a fag.” The company was a large, conservative, foreign-owned corporation. You could basically tell a person’s position in the company by looking at him or her. All the bosses were old, white Christian men. All of the women were clerks. Out of 700 employees there were about eight African Americans and two Latinas. It was horrendous.

  • ChuckLikesToCanuck

    “They just do it because they know it bothers you.”

    Who said that again?

  • Nashoba Darkwolf

    I got bullied by a boss who was a closet case. What happened is my old boss stood up for our team and the contracting company didn’t like that so they replaced him. Did some research on the new boss and wanted to get to know him considering I was the only other gay one in my department (at least out). In my research I found out that the new boss wrote gay soft-core romance novels. I was so excited that I wasn’t going to be the only gay person in my department anymore. Fast forward to his first week, he was bitter, mean, and immediately didn’t like me. I called him into a one-on-one He freaked out at me when I brought up the books. When I asked him about his family and he belittled me and since that day bullied me ever since. I ended up quitting and moving to a different company. Shortly after a lot of people left after me. He was a real piece of shit and I am so glad I left. Never thought a gay man would be so toxic and evil to one of his own kind.