FLORIDA: Man Claims Girlfriend Accidentally Choked To Death On His Large Penis, Demands That Jury Sees It

Oh, Florida. Fort Lauderdale’s ABC affiliate reports:

Attorneys argued in court Monday over whether the penis of a South Florida man accused of killing his girlfriend should be shown to the jury in his murder trial. Richard Patterson, 65, of Margate, is charged with second-degree murder in the choking death of his girlfriend, Francisca Marquinez, 60, in 2015. Jury selection in his murder trial began Monday.

Patterson’s attorney claims his client accidentally choked Marquinez while performing oral sex. To prove it, attorney Ken Padowitz wants a Broward County judge to allow Patterson to show his penis to the jury. The assistant state attorney said the state of the penis is pertinent to its relevancy.

“Is it going to be erect, or is it going to be flaccid?” the prosecutor asked. He also wondered how it would be presented to the jury. “Do we do it in the back? Do we do it in open court?” he asked. “How is the defendant going to be erect when the jury views it? Because a flaccid penis, whether it be a picture or the jury actually seeing it, is completely irrelevant. It needs to be erect.”

  • RustynAtlanta

    I. Can’t. Even.

    • Stogiebear

      Evidently, neither could she.

  • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

    I just,…

    No.

  • Gigi

    Pass.

  • Robert Adams

    Couldn’t the jury just examine his hands?

  • bkmn
  • Karl Dubhe

    Say what now?

    On second thought, don’t.

  • vorpal 😼

    This takes top place as the most original strategy I’ve heard so far for some dumbass to wave his penis around in front of strangers.

    • Reality.Bites

      I dunno. New Orleans Mardi gras comes to mind

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Mardi Gras not particularly ‘original,’ though! ;}

    • BJORN RAGNVALDR

      aw, that brought back some fond(led) memories.

  • boatboy_srq

    SIXTY-FIVE years old? He gets to expose himself to the jury only if he agrees to have Pfizer listed as a co-defendant.

    • Capritaur

      They will be in the wrongful death suit later.

    • clay

      My crazy uncle was born in ’38 (you do the math) and he still spends significant time chasing tail, fantasizing, and masturbating.

      Viagra is not included in his meds.

    • Ray Taylor

      It must have been hard over 5 hours.

  • Pollos Hermanos

    It’ll never stand up in court.

  • TuuxKabin

    Another hell beast set up distraction. Look another squirrel.

  • Gustav2

    Str8 people!

  • Baylee Peach

    Florida. Keeping it classy.

  • Kelly Lape

    What a dick. If she choked on his erect dick he still choked her. If she could have removed said member from her throat instead of dying she would of. Obviously he aggressively face-fucked the poor bitch and she died. Lock him up no matter how big a dick he (is/has). At least he’ll be “Popular” in the joint.

    • skyweaver

      Yeah I’m with you. My first thought was “that’s not how blow-jobs work.”

      • BBauerNH

        OH! But it opens the door for a Worker’s Comp claim of wrongful death while on the job!

    • Derrick Johns

      “….removed said member from her throat ….”
      So what was the lady’s cause of death? Florida is unsafe.

    • Reality.Bites

      The evidence from being choked internally would be very different from being choked externally.

      If she’d been choked with a penis or anything else being put down her throat there’d be no need to see his penis. We’d only need to determine intent and culpability

      • there you go again, with your fact and science and logic.

      • Xuuths

        Check the hyoid bone to see if it is fractured — that means strangulation from the outside when it occurs.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Exactly! See my post upstream. This defendant and his lawyer must be trying to set up reversible error in the trial court with all this ‘choked on penis’ nonsense

      • Steven Jaeger

        Actually checking her pharynx and trachea for evidence of internal trauma should have been done with this excuse

    • The_Wretched

      ^this.

    • Todd20036

      She’d have to be bound so she couldn’t “tap out” and he’d have to be not listening to hear her choke, and uncaring to leave it in there when she lost consciousness.

      In other words, there’s no way you can accidentally kill someone like that

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Notice he is not being prosecuted for womanslaughter, but murder (meaning prosecutors did not buy his story, either)

    • Phillip in L.A.

      “Obviously he aggressively face-fucked the poor bitch and she died.”

      ME’s report should establish whether this is true or not

    • saucetin

      🀳🏽

    • Chuck in PA

      I am laughing at the jokes but calling her a bitch is a step too far.

      • Kelly Lape

        The term “bitch” in this context is used to describe a sub willing to take that kind of abuse. It’s very possible she wasn’t his bitch and was restrained against her will. It seems to me he is arguing to the court that she was his bitch.

  • safari

    I think this was a subplot in a campy gay movie.

    • MattPS

      It would fit in perfectly as a scene from “Die Mommy Die”!

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Judges? Is use of the word ‘campy’ next to ‘gay movie’ redundant? We need a ruling, please.

  • KBlackie

    People ask me where I’m from and I sheepishly say ‘I’m from a land called Florida,’ and this is why. So grateful I made it out.

  • Today in the adventures of Florida Man

  • pj

    he seems pretty confident

    • Stogiebear

      Perhaps, cocky?

      • pj

        exactly

  • james1200

    *sigh* when, oh when, will we be able to retire this gif?

    https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/dq8atjduj0heja67ru1j.jpg

    (Trick question: the answer is never.)

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Perhaps we could try giving it back to the French? Doubt they’d want it

  • Joe in PA

    But will he be judged by a jury of his peers?

    • Sure, old white dicks are plentiful in FL.

    • MichaelJ

      He would like that because he wouldn’t be convicted if it were a hung jury.

  • worstcultever

    Jesus. Even if I wasn’t already a lesbian, this story would make me run screaming to lesbianism.

    • Acronym Jim

      Hell, I’m a gay man and the story makes me want to run screaming to lesbianism.

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        Hell, I’m a gay man and the story makes me want to run screaming to a gay man.

      • Derrick Johns

        You beat me to it, Jim

        Oh, my. He killed her with his ding dong. Can you imagine the funeral and re -pass. How could anybody keep a straight ( or Gay) face?

    • Gigi

      It almost made me into an ex-gay.

    • james1200

      After this story, we all need a safe space from dick right now. (It’s so painful to type those words.)

    • GayOldLady

      Hell I’m a lesbian and it makes me run screaming to lesbianism and I can’t even run anymore! I’m more like run trotting to lesbianism.

  • Stogiebear
    • clay

      whether you can breathe around it, or not.

  • Bryan

    I’ll be honest, I threw up a little in my mouth when I first read the headline….

    • Joe

      THAT gave me the best laugh of the morning

      • Ray Taylor

        I’m getting horse from laughing too much.

  • Do Something Nice

    “Because a flaccid penis. . .is completely irrelevant. It needs to be erect.”

    Truer words were never spoken.

  • Joe in PA
  • Boreal

    Doesn’t it always need to be erect?

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    So you want to reveal the murder weapon ?

  • Dejerrity Mycron

    I know this guy, he was in a 1955 sci-fi movie called “This Island Earth.”

    Here he is getting ready for the blow job scene:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fabf0322e0aa9b3fc7c15bb23a016fce218d08e4b09f8041f40c19b079c40472.jpg

    • Tawreos

      My what a big interociter he has.

      • JohnJay

        Ah hahahahaha! Because I know it’s that big triangular screen thingy.

    • Walton Brothers?

      • Tawreos

        Not slimy enough.

  • Lazycrockett

    Ahh Florida.

  • every single time i think i’ve read the most outrageous Florida Man story, someone steps up to top it.

    i can’t even.

  • JWC

    This man must have some position in the TRUMP administration , if for no other reason than his BS quotient

    • Tawreos

      Trump is not going to have anyone “bigger” than he is in the administration.

      • JWC

        Shit Kelly Anne has a bigger dick than Donny

  • UK Canuck

    Regardless of penis size, if it has cut off the air supply to a fellating partner, they’re going to lose consciousness for a while before they actually die. So his defense is basically, “I’m a selfish, self-centred lover who has no regard for my partner beyond their ability to bring me to orgasm.” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d669e8e5d50a9a59516126436ac2ce732ad72245d071e20f66f2116272a7abcf.gif

    • The_Wretched

      ~40 seconds to pass out and minutes from there to dead…but no one stays still for that and the distress is obvious and usually has involuntary body convulsions (movies and TV tend to get these details wrong).

      • UK Canuck

        Thanks for the clarification as I didn’t know the specific timescale.

      • Steven Jaeger

        Where were her teeth. A good hard bite should have let him know

        • The_Wretched

          Interesting side fact, if you’re all the way in and of sufficient size (or even tilting the head or pinning it down) it’s next to impossible to get a hard bite. I know this for reasons….

          It’s the arms hitting you and the obvious panic that that let you know.

    • colo303

      From my experience, there is very little pleasure in that having someone choke on it for a moment.

  • bkmn
  • j.martindale

    Finally! A scandal Tiny Hands tRump obviously is incapable of.

  • ikahana

    I guess I’ll have to be the first to wonder what will happen if he gets a hung jury.

  • Cuberly
  • RepublicansRNotConservative

    I suppose Putin’s isn’t big enough to choke the Fake President. Sad.

  • William
  • Derrick Johns

    It’s Trump Land

  • Ninja0980

    If my husband can’t choke me to death with his dick, doubt this guy could do it to his girlfriend.

    • edrex

      officer, she was fellated to death.

      • clay

        (“irrumated” She fellated him; he irrumated her.)

        • edrex

          thank you so much. i had no knowledge of that word (ha! that I was aware of). my scrabble game just got a much needed boost.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Is that in an English dictionary?

          • edrex

            hmmm.. it doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue….

          • Phillip in L.A.

            It’s Latin

          • edrex

            yeah. i suck at that.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            That is a pun that would be difficult to replicate in Latin! :}

          • clay

            it is more civilized than “face-raped”.

  • Todd Allis

    β€œDo we do it in the back? Do we do it in open court?” he asked.

    That’s the sort of thing you should discuss with him.

    • Reality.Bites

      If they did it in the back she’d be alive now

  • edrex

    “Erection, your honor.” “Sustained.”

    • clay

      Is this like weightlifting, where the erection is declared sustained as soon as it stops moving, or, like rodeo, does it have to be ridden for eight seconds?

      • edrex

        it’s over once it hits the mat.

  • another_steve

    Let’s just say… My husband will never choke to death like that.

    [feeling regret and embarrassment now, for having confessed that in a public forum…]

    • BJORN RAGNVALDR

      I thought it a little amateurish , as well.

    • Reality.Bites

      No shame in having a husband with a large mouth

  • Ken Summers

    Can’t they just use a Clone-a-Willy and provide that as evidence? Then make a fortune selling copies… because, you know, capitalism!

  • Dejerrity Mycron

    Bet he gets a stiff sentence.

  • Natty Enquirer

    Twelve Angry Inches

  • Friday

    *facepalm.* File under ‘Things That Ain’t Making Friday Any Straighter.”

    Pretty sure that his demanding to show off his dick personally isn’t much of a case for the guy being innocent of character.

  • Dean
    • Jim Gallagher-Barker

      There is not enough bleach in the world to cleanse my eyes and brains of that.

  • The_Wretched

    Accidentally? BS That sort of thing takes substantial intention.

  • barrixines
  • HZ81

    Can we drop a MOAB on Florida already? We’ll give the good peeps notice for sure, but…

    • Dean

      I’m out of state right now. Feel free to drop it on my redneck neighbors.

  • Mrs. Councillor Nugent

    What about the re-enactment?

    • Reality.Bites

      Yeah, THIS is the American Crime Story Ryan Murphy should be shooting in Florida, not versace

  • Thorn Spike

    The jury may find his defense hard to swallow.

    • Dejerrity Mycron

      You said a mouthful.

  • Dejerrity Mycron

    You may find this hard to swallow, but I just looked up section 069 of the Penal Code, and I think we’re looking at a hung jury.

    • Xuuths

      Don’t be so cocky. You’ve got some balls writing that here! What a dick! They only accept hard, penetrating evidence.

  • Cuberly

    OT: Speaking of, keeping it in your pants…

    “A Silicon Valley startup is under scrutiny after a former employee sued and alleged there was a sex bed in the office β€˜kink room’”

    “UploadVR allegedly set up a room with a bed at the office and called it the “kink room.” “Male employees used that room to have sexual intercourse, which was disruptive and inappropriate. Often, underwear and condom wrappers would be found in the room,” the plaintiff wrote in the complaint.”

    http://www.sfgate.com/technology/businessinsider/article/A-Silicon-Valley-startup-is-under-scrutiny-after-11148333.php

  • Andrew Iverson

    Huh, i was wondering whatever happened to Bevis.

  • Rex

    Would never happen to a gay man.

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Hell, I don’t even have a uvula any more

  • Statistics Palin

    Stay classy, straight people! πŸ˜‰

  • Blake J Butler

    I tried to find a good shuddering GIF, but all i got were gory horror GIF’s which i do not imagine is far off if we are contemplating on bringing a man’s penis into the court room.

    I think if you are well hung, maybe you should get a tattoo of a warning label “may cause choking when fully erect”

  • Halou

    How could his wife be choking and he not notice it?

    • clay

      [sheepishly raises hand]

      . . . for the two to four minutes that it took to kill her.

  • Michael R

    When John Waters asked Edith Massey to improvise …

    https://s27.postimg.org/yw9gvft9f/desperate-living-20_B.jpg

    • Capritaur

      I’ve always suspected that Mortville is in Florida.

      • Randolph Finder

        More or less everything John Waters did is set near his home town of Baltimore.

  • Steve Heath

    2017 Meme of Year — A Flaccid Penis is Irrelevant

    • Talisman

      Unfortunately, a flaccid penis is going to kill us all.

  • Jim Gallagher-Barker

    So the flailing, clawing & pushing away weren’t enough of a clue?

  • Hank

    Is he out on bail??? I have some free time here in FTL, to check out the truth!

  • saucetin

    If decedent had let him
    “do it in the back,”
    so should the jury.

  • Perhaps his attorney could argue to have the charges reduced to assault with a friendly weapon?

    • Phillip in L.A.

      ‘assault with an engorged weapon’

  • Tom G

    I guess I’ll be the judge if this “choking” is pissible.

  • ceeenbee

    If the penis doesn’t fit, we MUST acquit!

  • David Wickham

    No one told her to breathe through her nose?

  • Ginger Snap

    I’m sorry in advance for this. I have yet to meet a cock that can choke me.

  • Michael Bruce Florist

    Clearly, a gag story…

  • TJay229

    Words to live by: https://youtu.be/A312dp9US18

  • Flori-DUH!

  • BobSF_94117

    And people ask me why Florida scares me…

  • AmeriCanadian

    Irrelevant irrelevant irrelevant! What is happening to the U.S. justice system???? It doesn’t matter what he choked her to death with. The fact is…HE CHOKED HER TO DEATH!

    • It is about intent. If the defense can show that the death was an accident, rather than reckless intent or spur of the moment rage, (i.e. a couple scenarios for a second degree murder conviction) than the defendant can get a manslaughter conviction, (if the jury is allowed to have to deliberate for a voluntary or involuntarily manslaughter charges)

      Personally, the defense motions to show the defendant’s genitals are absurd. Strangulation is suffocation/asphyxiation. It takes a couple minutes to strangle someone, not from someone gagging on a penis. There should be major bruising on the victim’s neck, petechial hemorrhaging, (vessels in the eyelids, which are very sensitive to blood pressure changes) There is going to be a huge struggle, as the victim fights for her life, with major wounds to the defendant.. I hope the defense’s motions are denied. The right call is to go by the autopsy report..

      • Tor

        Tooth marks on the penis?

        • I read a little about the case after I posted. Richard Patterson didn’t call the police, (actually he called his attorney first, who then called law enforcement) from 8-24 hours after the incident. It was difficult to ascertain bruising around the neck. I think there has to be perforation of the skin, than marks on his skin.

          Some of the most culpable evidence is some text to his daughter stating he choked the victim.. Anyway, I do think there is enough evidence to get a second degree murder conviction..

    • Phillip in L.A.

      You can hardly blame the defense attorney–although my guess is that the defendant himself came up with this ‘defense’–for trying an ‘original’ theory

  • katkelly57

    Does not having a (3rd) leg to stand on have any credence in this case?

  • mikeinftl

    Only in Floriduh can you get a defense like that.
    Must have been one of those erections that lasted 4 hours.

  • Phillip in L.A.

    This is what Florida’s judicial system has become!?! (Not that California’s is far behind….)

  • Phillip in L.A.

    Florida Statutes (2012) Title VII, Ch. 90:

    “90.403 Exclusion on grounds of prejudice or confusion.β€”Relevant
    evidence is inadmissible if its probative value is substantially
    outweighed by the danger of unfair prejudice, confusion of issues,
    misleading the jury, or needless presentation of cumulative evidence….”

  • Stephen Elliot Phillips

    Well…..i could think of worse ways to die.

    • William

      The Christopher Meloni/Brian Bloom scene in Oz. That’s what I want.

    • KCMC

      was living in L.A. when Divine died of asphyxiation.
      The same week John Holmes died. Was always curious

  • Tomcat

    The fingernail marks in the back of her head don’t mean anything, she likes it rough.

  • Tomcat

    Red states are America’s joke to the world.

  • rextrek1

    Sir – Get the the Point of your evidence…….

  • Ben in Oakland

    I think most likely she Was working on it, he was drunk, he forced her down and she couldn’t breathe, and he thought she was having a good time.

    Possibly an “accident”, but I wouldn’t bet the farm on that.

  • grada3784

    So he has a large dick. His large dick has an even larger handle.

  • grada3784

    I’ve heard of death by chocolate, but death by blow job?

  • kaydenpat

    They’ve really taken this whole “Florida Man” thing way too far.

  • caphillprof

    I don’t see the relevance. He could have choked her with his hands or with his penis or a combination of both. The size of the penis would not matter.

    Suicide by oral sex?

  • UrsusArctos

    Oh HELL no! I don’t want to see the Nancy Grace Special re-enacting this! Some things are simply unacceptable, that would be one.

  • DumbHairyApe

    “I picked a fine day to stop Jury Duty.”

  • MarkBuster

    Worth a laugh.. but when I used to use, I had some rough druggie get off on doing that.

  • DumbHairyApe

    For presentation to the jury, the Bailiff may have to give him a hand.

  • DumbHairyApe

    He gave her a safe word. Nevertheless, she persisted.

  • glass

    Ok, dude THINKS he is hung and just wants to show people his dick. It’s probably a short fat dick and he thinks he’s going to to use that as an excuse, not to mention he’s probably getting off on wandering around showing his dick.
    Guaranteed this is no John Holmes, Danny D (Matt Hughes), or Chad Hunt.

  • GuinnessCub

    His defense is literally “I can’t be guilty of murder. Look at how big my dick is.”

  • Walt Hodgson

    So, your girlfriend is choking to death on your dick. Don’t you pull it out? If you don’t, that’s murder.

  • carrolmcc

    Judge seems pretty serious about seeing an erect penis …

  • Rocco

    So he has a dick of death?

  • Andrew Davenhall

    “Lights, camera, penis..”

  • XaurreauX

    If there are Trump voters on that jury this guy is home free.

  • WadeXavier

    Beautiful irony if it turns out to be a hung jury.