Chaffetz Denies Scandal Rumors: I’ve Been Given More Enemas By More People Than You Can Possibly Imagine

Well, this is an odd turn of phrase. Via Politico:

Asked if he is resigning because of a yet-to-be revealed scandal, Chaffetz said, “Absolutely, positively not. “Not in any way shape or form,” he said. “I’ve been given more enemas by more people over the last eight years than you can possibly imagine. From the Secret Service to the Democratic Party. I am who I am. If they had something really scandalous, it would’ve come out a long, long time ago.” But Chaffetz said his political career might not be over. The governor’s mansion in Salt Lake City opens up in 2020, and Chaffetz’s political team has begun snapping up URLs associated with potential future runs.

  • Mark

    Enemas? oh my……. He’s just trying to start more shit….or hide one.

    • McSwagg

      More likely, he’s about to be thoroughly f*cked and wants to be fresh for it.

      • Mark

        they gonna need a water truck for that…..

  • paganguy

    Well, they must not have done a very good job, because he still seems full of shit to me.

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    • McSwagg

      They probably “flushed out” the wrong end.

      • paganguy

        An understandable mistake. They do look a lot alike.

  • Pollos Hermanos

    That explains why he evacuates all over the House floor all the time.

  • Mark

    OTH –

    I am who I am, and who I am needs no enemas….
    I deal my own deck…sometimes from the top, but usually from the bottom…..

    • Librarykid

      When I first glanced at that I read, “I deal with my own dreck,” but i guess it’s understandable given the person and the topic.

  • Cackalaquiano

    Maybe the enema reference is a Mormon thing, I dunno.

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    My guess is he’s part of the FBI investigation and you need to squeal early to obtain immunity. When the investigation is far enough along, they don’t need ya’ anymore.

    His relentless investigation of Hillary would certainly comport with Russia’s interests in throwing the election.

    • crewman

      It’s definitely smoke but it might not be fire. Sleazy politically-motivated “investigations” are standard GOP tactics as well, so on its own that might not implicate Russian involvement. But given the massive amount of other Russian involvement coming to light one certainly has to wonder….

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        • olandp

          Flagged and reported bitch. Deal with that!

          • Reality.Bites

            I realize that there are a lot of people who don’t earn $36,400 a year, but even they probably dream of earning more than that.

          • Todd20036

            Right? And I’m guessing no benefits in Sanaya’s little scheme, either.

      • PeterC

        He means that he is now really, really fucked up. And he NOW knows it.

  • JDS

    And he has the receipts to prove it. 🙂

  • worstcultever

    Who the hell talks like this?

    • Tawreos

      Someone who is trying to misdirect from the reason he is going to quit.

      • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

        Exactly, rising political stars don’t just quit; and they certainly don’t resign mid-term. Someone has got something on him.

      • canoebum

        Denial, denial, denial. I call bullshit. He’s into a dark money scandal up to his eyebrows. He took a lot of money to pillory Hillary.

        • Jamie_Johnson

          The rumor is that he was given $10 million after “leaking” Comey’s letter 10 days prior to the election, and is caught up in a money laundering scheme as a result.

          • Librarykid

            Good. I hope that in the laundering process they run his balls through the wringer, the GDMF Republican. I wonder how deep that nunes is in. I hope it is way over his head.

    • ccc

      Straight people

      • Ginger Snap

        Ignorant straight people.

    • geoffalnutt

      Republicans.

      • BudClark

        Klysmaphiliac?

    • AmeriCanadian

      Exactly. That is the oddest metaphor ever. Shows where his thoughts lie.

    • CanuckDon

      One can be “raked over the coals” or “lambasted” or even “given the third degree” more times than they ever wanted but “given more enemas” takes a special kinda mind to come up with that.

    • Rethuglicunts.

      This is what happens when you allow home-schooling, GMO’s in the food chain, and don’t do a good job cleaning up the lead paint chips. You get the Shitferrets Caffetzes of the world, and the drooling herd critters who voted for them… right before they were led over the cliff.

  • Forever

    He may not consider it a scandal, but let’s ask the 12-year old girl to whom he was recently “eternally bound”.

  • Boreal

    Someone has an enema fetish in a Vitterish sort of way, maybe with hookers.

  • Guest
  • Michael White

    As A nurse I suggest a triple H enema, to put a smile on his face. Hiht, hot and a hell of a lot.

  • WNY

    So he is the party bottom?

    • HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

      Maybe with a bag over his face….

  • barrixines

    Another couple of gallons, Mr Chaffetz, it’s not running clear yet.

    https://i.giphy.com/p88IJxc1qmIRG.gif

    • Todd20036

      Is that pink slime?

      • Shy Guy

        Not quite. It is hot dog puree though.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NzUm7UEEIY
        GIF taken from around 1:57 in the video.

        Pink slime was mechanically recovered meat from beef trimmings.
        This is watered down meat paste (which may or may not include some pink slime I guess, but in this video not).

        • The_Wretched

          The liquid smoke give me migraines. I can’t eat anything with it.

          • McSwagg

            That and MSG.

          • The_Wretched

            it varies a bit per person. Vasodilaters like nitrites tend to impact most people who get migrains. I did the experiment with MSG where I bought a shaker of it at a chinese food store and used a ton of it for a few days a few times – net impact? slightly yummier food. I also didn’t flush or turn red or get a regular headache from the MSG.

            Sucralose, on the other hand (coke zero and it’s the new ‘cheap’ sweetener so it’s in everything), is a guarnteed loss of a day to a severe migraine for me.

          • Librarykid

            Artificial sweeteners can give you terrible arthritic pain, but the Dr. who did the research can’t get it published because of the industry’s clout with the medical publishing racket. So many people suffer terrible pain because they use Equal, etc. Truvia is the only safe one if you have an allergy to artificial sweeteners.

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    Jason, if you’ve been given so many enemas by so many people, it probably means they all think you’re full of shit.

    • Librarykid

      It’s a wonder he has not melted away with that much water being directed at the pos.

  • Gustav2

    Here I thought we had him pegged.

    • olandp

      Is he into pegging too?

      • McSwagg

        Apparently his dominatrix is …

  • Brian Burleson

    Most of us have kinks but few of us publize it.

  • Ninja0980

    You mean by people that wanted you to do your job as chairman of the Oversight Committee even though a Republican was in office?

  • GayOldLady
  • Scribble Writer 🌹 ☭

    “I’ve Been Give More Enemas By More People That You Can Possibly Imagine”

    tfw you get your sex life and work life mixed up

  • lovelydestruction

    Rule #34 Mormon Enema Porn starring Jason Chaffetz

    • Librarykid

      How would they know which end to plug it in?

  • well, i guess things are different, in Utah.

  • olandp

    David Vitter had prostitutes diaper him, guess Jason likes to be given enemas (from prostitutes?). Those Republicans have some odd kinks.

    • Miji

      That is the real scandal. That enema thing, not a metaphor.

  • edrex

    well, of course. what did you expect for being such a large asshole?

    • Adam King

      And so full of shit.

  • tim870

    Is that the Mormon version of washing your mouth out with soap?

  • RyanInIllinois

    I would say, “Come again?” but now that I have image of Jason Chaffetz + enemas in my head, there’s a risk that I will never come again.

  • Mrs. Councillor Nugent

    “I’ve Been Given More Enemas. . . . it would’ve come out. . .”
    Pass the brain bleach

  • SpiderPIG

    Over 60 comments at Politico and not one mentions “enema”.
    Is it an unfamiliar term for straight people?
    Weird.

    • ChrisMorley

      Is enema a word banned by Facebook?

      • SpiderPIG

        Oh. It’s a Facebook plug-in comment section…
        Good catch, perhaps it is.

  • Michael R

    Where new wave went horribly wrong …

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5ep8jp2zkQ

    • sfjohn

      I actually know these guys!!

    • The_Wretched

      Thanks for the reminder. I knew the song a ways ago.

  • Ginger Snap

    I have too but in my world it’s called getting ready for a great night in your world it’s called a career ender.

  • Cuberly

    “‘Diva’ Tomi Lahren created ‘toxic atmosphere’ — demanded coworkers heat up her ‘butt pad’: report”

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/diva-tomi-lahren-created-toxic-atmosphere-demanded-coworkers-heat-up-her-butt-pad-report/

    Jonesing on enemas, heated butt pads….What the hell is up with the wing-nut ass obsession! And here we thought they were skeezed out on the butt stuff.

  • Making News!

    Breaking News: Chaffetz implicated in human trafficking network, which sent underaged girls across state lines for plural marriages.

    • Cory L. Rumor

      Rumors: Orrin Hatch implicated as well.

      • nobody wants to talk explicitly about the reality of mormon life. i don’t mean the fancy ones, like Mittens. i mean the day to day regular folks who are caught up in that cult. if not for the fact that they are white, mostly, people would be outraged. there is so much horror in that community it’s hard to know where to begin. but again, white people can get away with anything.

        • Robincho

          Horror and syringes. Lots of syringes…

  • mikeinftl

    I’m sure he enjoyed the enemas!

  • TuuxKabin

    Could use another 8 years worth of ’em Jas’, they don’t appear to have done much good. You’re still full of shit.

    • MaryJOGrady

      He’s one of those rare individuals for whom that explains his eye color.

  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    I don’t see how being a Palin style quitter makes being governor a possibility.

  • RJ Bone

    “Inside” terminology or idiot giving us ammunition?

  • Stogiebear

    It would be just horrible if everyone from this time forward called him Enema Bag Chaffetz. Horrible!

    • Adam King

      Why that would be terrible. What if every time you googled him he came up associated with multiple frequent enemas! That would be wrong, so I will never type the words Enema Bag Chaffetz.

      • Nowhereman

        That reminds me. Time to google santorum, just to make sure he doesn’t run again.

        • McSwagg

          Perhaps a “chaffetz” is the remedy for “santorum” ….

          • Librarykid

            A “chaffetz” is the condition you can get if you don’t practice good hygiene in dealing with leaking Santorum.

          • McSwagg

            That “sounds” more appropriate. Kudos.

          • Nowhereman

            “Chaffetz–boxer shorts that have too much starch in them.”

  • Jeffg166

    Deny, deny, deny until they produce the evidence then find Jesus in three, two…

  • Superman

    Everybody’s just guessing, of course, why a young powerful Congressman would walk away from the power and privilege to return home to Utah. And I think back to my own father, a military officer, who spent a lot of time away, and it makes me focus on something Chaffetz said, that he was spending 200 nights a year away from his wife and child. And if he’s anything like my father was when I was fifteen, maybe his child just needs him now, and maybe Chaffetz needs to sleep in a bed with his wife every night. I’m thinking he needs to go home now.

    • Ninja0980

      Chaffetz once said he couldn’t look his daughter in the eye and tell her he voted for Trump then turned around and campaigned for him.
      He is a corrupt liar and doesn’t deserve the benefit of a doubt.

  • HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

    What a vivid choice of terminology.

  • Jeffrey

    That is odd. No way around how odd that sounded. That can’t have been how he or his PR team wanted that to sound.

  • Friend Or Enema?

    ‘We have seen the enema, and it is us.’

    • Robincho

      With frauds like Chaffetz, who needs enemas?…

      • Jerry

        Keep your friends close and your enemas closer.

  • worstcultever

    Maybe he’s just trying to say what Junior Soprano said – “the feds are so far up my ass I can smell Brylcreem” – in a more polite, genteel, Mormon way.

  • UrsusArctos

    He’s lying! If you gave Chaffetz an enema, nothing would be left. To paraphrase another outstanding example of ethics (Joe “You Lie” Wilson R-SC) /snark

  • Adam King

    A repulsive turn of phrase from a repulsive little person.

  • MBear

    you are now extremely aware of Chaffetz’s sphincter. carry on.

  • Butch

    You and your hobbies.

  • Bj Lincoln

    My mother’s third husband is a funny man. His cure all for life is an enema. It sounds like something he would say. I do think it is a poor choice of words for a man in the Congressman position.

  • Sissy Spacedout

    Is he saying that he likes to play with scat?

    I’m going to back away slowly…

  • Stogiebear

    “More enemas by more people … than you can possibly imagine.”

    1) He obviously misunderestistands our imagination.

    2) No way in hell you’ll convince me he’s that squeaky clean.

    3) Loose lips sink . . . . political careers.

    4) By the waters of babble on we sat down and wept. Yea! Wept!

    5) If this isn’t a bigger political killer than Howard Dean’s scream or Michael Dukakis’s tank ride there is no justice.

  • JT

    Chaffetz needs continuous enemas at both ends.

  • kareemachan

    He sounds… proud of this.

    Gagamaggot.

  • Acronym Jim

    The turn of the phrase is weird, but it may be telling that he mentioned the Secret Service in his rant.

    In addition to providing protection for current and past Presidents and their immediate families, the Secret Service’s other job is investigating “financial crimes, covering missions such as prevention and investigation of counterfeit U.S. currency, U.S. treasury securities, and investigation of major fraud.”

    I’m guessing Chafing was paying for those enemas with funds received as a result of fraud.

  • mjcc1987

    Either Russians or a twink…………….

    • Funeral Potatoe

      Or a Russian twink.

  • Lars Littlefield

    Well, that explains the look on his face.

  • ByronK

    Well, isn’t that a great image to start the day with. Eeeek.

  • That old Hitch one about being buried in a matchbox.

  • Mike C

    I read that too many enemas can cause Chaffetzing.

  • djcoastermark

    Dear jason, I want to hear nothing of your sexual fetishes, especially that one. Thank you.

  • The_Wretched

    I had to check the calendar. It’s not April 1st. Is the enema thing a common saying in Utah?

  • david fairfield

    Seems an odd thing to exclaim.

    • billbear1961

      He knows he’s full of SHIT.

      • david fairfield

        Oh yeah. Getting out of the yellow house is not going to lessen his part in all the scandals. He’s such a pompous ass, which evidently is a job requirement in the Trump administration, that he won’t admit to anything until evidence is made public. And even then it’s unlikely. Something’s up, Billbear…or he wouldn’t be leaving. He loves his power too much to walk away for the sake of spending time with his family. What else would one expect from this job, that he would get to rake in the benefits and go on vacation every week? That only applies to his boss.

        • billbear1961

          His “boss” should be–IS–his constituents AND his DUTY to the Constitution.

          Yes, something’s up–not running again is ONE thing, leaving so soon after just being reelected is ANOTHER.

  • billbear1961

    Stick it up your ass, you vicious, power-abusing little SLANDERER.

  • david fairfield

    He’s a liar. His scandal begins in 5….4….3….2….

  • Uncle Mark

    It appears the man is inundated by enemies and enemas. He must get go excited when the “Fleet’s in” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bb46825feb127b3023f0ad87307994c61b32131ad78c51fb0ee32cedacaf8852.jpg

  • I didn’t think Mormons were allowed to have enemas. I thought that’s why they are so constipated.

  • Statistics Palin

    As Betty Bowers said, one good enema and Jason Chaffetz could fly to Europe in an envelope. Enjoy your vaction, Jason.

    • billbear1961

      on trial and then in a prison cell

  • Tiger Quinn

    So he’s doing a reverse Palin then? That sounds smart.

  • Gregory In Seattle

    “I’ve been given more enemas by more people over the last eight years than you can possibly imagine.”

    And yet, he is still so very full of shit.

  • Chuck in NYC

    Sometime last year I said in one of these posts that Little Marco and Little Jason were eyeing each other as future competition in the GOP presidential sweepstakes. Until an actual scandal comes out about Little Jason, I still believe that to be true.

  • MikeBx2

    Well, if he’s really been that closely scrutinized then he has that in common with Hillary Clinton, who Chaffetz was glad to target over and over. There is one glaring difference though. Hillary, who really was not guilty of any wrongdoing, never quit.

  • Niblet58

    Well I guess he hasn’t been totally cleaned out yet! Lotsa shit in that tube.

  • Vodka is a food group

    All those enema’s and he still FULL OF SHIT

  • HandsomeMrToad

    With friends like these, who needs enemas?

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Well, he does seem to have the face of a man who’s been fisted one too many times.

  • McSwagg

    Jason has discovered the confluence of the Denial and Vulgar Rivers.

  • coram nobis

    Public Enema #1.

    • McSwagg

      Touché!!!

      • Tread

        Douché, is more like it, amirite?

        • McSwagg

          You’re right. I missed that one.

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    I’m so disappointed in the JMG commentariat. I really expected a brain bleach graphic to be the number one comment.

  • Boy Elvis

    Paging Dan Savage! Is a “Chaffetz” now a hardcore enema fetishist?

    • coram nobis

      It’s the most public leak since santorum first appeared.

  • Nic Peterson

    he wants to be the next Bill O

  • Michael Hampton

    Since he’s a republican, he is very obviously lying.

  • Franciscan

    So he’s compiled his own “enemas” list? I think he misread the newspaper accounts of Nixon’s White House politics.

  • dballard

    If it came from the Secret Service, would that make it… an Enema of the State? But really, the combination of “enemas” with the phrase “it would’ve come out” makes me wonder what he’s been sticking up his backside that he wouldn’t want coming back out?

  • glass

    All those enemas and still FULL of shit!

  • Piona O.

    Jason Chaffetz admits that he’s anal erotic.

  • JCF

    Enema, huh? Is that what Colbert was giving him?

    http://www.motherjones.com/files/colbertlegwrestling.png