Penthouse Magazine Offers $1M For Trump Piss Tape

Gizmodo reports:

Russian intelligence agencies allegedly have a video showing several prostitutes who were hired by Donald Trump to urinate on each other. And if this video really exists, then Penthouse, America’s most venerable pornography magazine, is willing to spend $1 million for it. Ridiculous nonsense? Probably. But if you really do have this tape, you could make out like a bandit. You just need to give Penthouse exclusive rights to the tape.

The Wrap’s Debbie Emery got a statement from Penthouse, explaining why the magazine wants the video so badly. Kelly Holland, the CEO of Penthouse, says that they’re not happy with simply printing rumors about Trump. Only by publishing the tape will people be convinced that this actually happened. And as a respectable pornographic institution, they want to get to the bottom of this piss take.

Penthouse’s full statement is below.
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  • Pollos Hermanos

    Meanwhile at Trump Tower….

    https://youtu.be/cAIAczTsRjk

    • Paula

      You silly boys standing up to pee. LOL!

      • BearEyes

        it’s easier to write your name in the snow that way.

    • gaymex1

      It does seem like it. I just never quite figured out how women can sometimes make the same mess…while seated.

      • Pollos Hermanos

        They hover so they don’t touch the seat. Girls with weak quads wobble something fierce.

        • cleos_mom

          Being over-delicate can backfire, for sure. Many a Southern belle has exploded as a consequence of holding farts in since childhood.

          • Pollos Hermanos

            Fort Sumter for one #truestory

        • gaymex1

          Thanks for that tidbit. I didn’t realize hovering was a thing.

      • zeddy303

        Or use a half a roll of toilet paper to wipe themselves.

        • gaymex1

          Yeah, that always sort of amazed me. I’ve had businesses with public restrooms and the women flew through the tp…at least 3 or 4 times as fast as men. Even bidets didn’t make much of a difference.

        • DonnaLee

          They’re all lining the seat for protection, meanwhile Mythbusters proved the toilet seat is one of the cleanest places in the bathroom.

    • Stogiebear

      ROFL!!!!!!

  • Gustav2

    Kelly Holland, the CEO of Penthouse also said they always try tocapitalize on this sort of scandal knowing full well they will not have to pay.

  • Texndoc

    Someone’s got to get this video and make that water shower into a golden pee. Daily Show?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eea1dfe132f6dbf62948ba55abec795e2533d0c16fce6b7a2eaba2a493cb0d20.jpg

    • Ian

      Gah why wasn’t trump thinking of drought striken California. Just like Meryl! SAD!

    • rextrek1

      well at least its from YELLOW Fire engines…LOL

    • Pollos Hermanos
      • sach2

        I’m embarrassed to say that I find this hilarious! Well done.

        • Soniacmazzone

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !mj36d:
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          !mj36d:
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    • Buford

      Trump’s Number 1!!

    • Steve Edwards

      WHY ?

  • Chucktech

    If “Russian intelligence agencies” are the only ones that have this tape, they certainly aren’t going to cough it up for a measly $1 million.

    • Rambie

      I was just thinking the same thing.

      • 2guysnamedjoe

        All it takes is one low paid, disgruntled employee with security clearance . .

        • Chucktech

          Who isn’t afraid of being shot if found out.

    • Rex

      The blackmail value is much higher.

    • Acronym Jim

      Hopefully, Larry Flynt will up the ante.

    • Guest

      GoFundMe where we all add to it? I bet 100 million by 2 weeks.

  • I’m all for whatever takes Trump down, but I seriously wasn’t aware that Penthouse existed any more.

    • greenmanTN

      Me either really. I still have emotional scars from finding my dad’s Hustler magazine with the scratch-n-sniff centerfold!

      • Ian

        That was a thing… yesh. Didn’t think it was possible, but I think I’m even gayer.

        • greenmanTN

          I have no first hand knowledge, but I’m hoping the actual thing doesn’t really smell like a cross between a wet dog and a can of tuna left on the counter overnight.

      • Nax

        lol my sex ed was my dad’s porn collection. One of my favorites was the Penthouse “Loving Couples,” special edition. That was back when men could have hair.

        • greenmanTN

          Hustler had a pictorial in every issue that featured a man, though always limp. Pretty dull stuff actually.

          My mom caught me with one his mags, then said “I’ll let you finish.”

          I was like, “Oh, I’m done, perhaps for the rest of my life.”

    • fastlanestranger

      Conflicted, oppressed sexuality has a shit-ton of disposable income.

  • greenmanTN

    Trump pissed off Penthouse magazine, which is rather ironic considering he lives in a penthouse and likes to watch women piss.

  • Slippy_World
    • rextrek1

      ..could u even imagine the conversations between these two? Id love to be a fly on the wall…….

  • Michael R

    They forgot to throw Melania a bone .

  • TuuxKabin

    Chump change. Up the ante.

  • Rex

    From Penthouse Forum: “It all started out when I was in the lobby of the Ritz Carlton in Moscow. I asked a well-dressed orange man with small hands where the restroom was….”

  • Duh-David

    Maybe Comrade Trump can “borrow” a few million from Comrade Putin to suppress the tape, because crowdfunding will raise more than Penthouse’s measly one million.

  • Joe in PA

    Pee on each other?

    I thought they were peeing on tRump. Dang.

    • Rex

      The man’s a germaphobe, a perverted germaphobe.

      • Chucktech

        Not that an ADD moron and ignoramus like Trump would know, but urine is sterile.

  • Bill

    Really? An ENTIRE million dollars?

    OK, Dr. Evil.

  • stuckinthewoods

    I can easily believe Trump to have been foolish and impulsive enough to fall for a “honey trap” while visiting Moscow. Admittedly having grown up in a spook family I’m suspicious but frankly, who hasn’t wondered if his lovely wife Messalina is a mole?

  • dalnat

    Make America Urinate Again!

  • fastlanestranger

    I just pissed on a cheeto and filmed it…I wonder if they’d be able to tell it’s a fake?

    • samcollins

      You owe me a new keyboard.

    • Ben in Oakland

      As Jeffrey Dahmer said to Lorna Bobbitt: You gonna finish that?

  • Bared Bear

    In Soviet Russia, piss flushes you.

  • Halou

    LeakyWicks has the footage but they are keeping it secret for blackmail purposes.

  • Puckfair52

    no more transition YOUR IN NATION by soft & sensual

  • Rebecca Gardner

    That would be awesome if they could obtain a copy.

    Speaking of Penthouse, I dated the editor of Penthouse Letters about 25 years ago. I asked her, “do people really send in stories.” She said, “Yes they do and most of them are awful but every once in a while, God help the first person that walks past my office.” LOL.

  • Cackalaquiano

    Penthouse being more patriotic than the GOP.

    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      Indeed, let that sink in.

  • Bad Tom

    A measly million ain’t nearly enough.
    Come on, Penthouse, you got it, FLAUNT IT!!!

  • cleos_mom

    Tacky but I’m all for it.

  • Eric

    WaterSportsGate

  • boobert

    He may sell it himself if the price goes up.

  • Paula

    The folders on the table are the names of people that Trumpie doesn’t like and will be sent to the cornfield.

  • William

    Has anyone ever collected on one of Penthouse’s million dollar rewards?

    • Jimmy R

      Has anyone ever collected on one of Donnie’s many many failed lawsuits?

  • Sashineb

    This will be very interesting. It reminds me of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford denying a video of him smoking crack existed. Hello …
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjdTi1r-yRQ

    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      Fake-god, I remember that whole sorry fiasco. Ford was a Trump-like dry run; thankfully both the people and nature corrected that anomaly

  • Uncle Mark

    Oy…from Pussygate to Pissgate

  • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

    It’s worth way more than $1m.

  • Marti386

    Sadly, if this is true it will probably only increase his popularity among his base.

    • Tiger Quinn

      Well, it’s a little different than the pussy grabbing thing, which just showed him to be a swinging dick maverick. Being peed on is subservient, and Appalachia won’t like that. Peed on by hookers. Russian hookers. The whole thing will stick to him like…well, pee stink.

      • MichaelJ

        If the story as reported is true, the women were paid to pee on each other, not on Trump. So some of his supporters will actually like this as a manifestation of Trump’s dominance, not subservience.

  • MBear

    Publicity stunt. because: Penthouse is still around?!?
    $1million? LOL

    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      It’s their Dr. Evil moment.

      • MBear

        one…HUNDRED…dollars! LOL

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    As the saying goes: “You cannot make this shit up”

    • JWC

      But Trump is a “germaphobe” doncha know

  • aar9n

    Please sweet baby jesus

  • Eric Mory

    From looking at pictures of Trump’s penthouse, he’s really into white with gold trim. I guess he likes his ladies like that too!

  • Cylux

    Guess the fact this story still has legs just proves that 4Chan is the best Chan.

    • SelectFromWhere

      Is that where this originated? I shoulda known…

  • zeddy303

    Come on you guys, you know this is too good to be true or validated! But lordy, if it is, PTL!

  • karmanot

    PEEGHAZI!

  • Paul David

    Why on earth are the Democrats not digging up and publishing every dirty little secret DJT has?

    It would be what that GOP would do if some sort of Democratic Trump was elected! They’d dig and dig and dig and form such a dense cloud of controversy that his entire administration would be hobbled!

    Oh, what am I thinking, this is the same party (Democrats, that is) that thought Hillary was a good choice!

    • canoebum

      Hillary was a good choice. She had all the requisite experience, commitment and temperament for the job. But I do agree with your other point. The Democrats should go all National Enquirer on his lying ass. They won’t, but then again, that’s what the internet community will do. We’ll dig and repeat, dig and repeat, until the main stream media pick up the story.

      • Paul David

        No no no no no, she wasn’t.

        Why the fawk do people keep saying this?

        1.) She was a candidate who, as First Lady, the right wing REVELED in hating. It became a fucking cottage industry! Was that fair? No. Did that compromise her? Fawk yes!

        2.) MOST IMPORTANTLY the country–specifically conservatives–were aching for the a return to the only person they want as president: Authoritarian Conservative White Daddy. After 8 years of Scary Black Man they were NOT READY for a female president!

        What about that is so hard to understand?

        If the Democrats wanted to win the White House, they needed to put up a candidate who–while Democrat–could PLAUSIBLY BE SEEN AS WHITE AUTHORITARIAN DADDY to conservatives, and that includes the “conservative Democrats” who voted Trump.

        So, no, Hillary was an AWFUL candidate who largely ensured that Trump would become president.

        Period.

        • canoebum

          Gee, no misogyny or sexism in your point of view, is there? Thank you for mansplaining to us all why a woman who had dedicated more than three decades of her life to public service at the highest levels of government was not a fit candidate for President. I think we all understand better now.

          • Paul David

            This wasn’t “mainsplaining,” and I really don’t understand how supposed liberals can’t see this.

            I guess maybe it’s a desire not to admit that it was a strategic mistake to nominate Clinton? Much easier to just blame it on misogyny, etc. and call Trump a “fluke” rather than to look at how the nominee was a problem?

            Probably also a desire to have another “historic” candidate on the books? That idea seems to have blinded Democrats to the reality of America at the end of the Obama years (FYI: I’ll “mansplain” this to you: the 1/2 of this country that is conservative doesn’t see Obama as a “historic achievement,” they see him as illegitimate, and they also viewed Clinton as unfit given her gender…that isn’t me being all negative, it’s a fucking fact.)

            So, yeah, I don’t know what psychologically-self-serving reasons you have for your view…but it is wrong.

          • canoebum

            Half? Yeah, the smaller “half”. Der Herr lost the popular vote by 3 million. Add to that, only 34% of the nation’s voters identify as “conservative”. Mr. Obama has left office with a 46% approval rating, compared to Bush’s 22% in October 2008. Thanks for playing, troll. Now go back under your rock, the sun may burn your eyes.

          • Paul David

            Dude, I’m out.

            And don’t call me a troll: you are very much wrong.

  • I can’t really believe Trump watched prostitutes pee on each other. Surely he is only interested in sex with his mirror.

    • SelectFromWhere

      I thought they were peeing on HIM. If it’s just “on each other”, that’s a big disappointment, as well as no help in bringing him down.

      • If they were peeing on him, I hope one of them was one of those aliens. You know. Like the ones whose pee can eat through a metal hull?

    • Robert Conner

      As Penn Gillette noted, Trump’s hair “looks like cotton candy made out of piss.”

  • licuado de platano

    “America’s most venerable pornography magazine”?

    I don’t think so.

  • JCF

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e23896ceca6f7ca308ab22099356c9cfe2b42ce23210e105e19e5dca50abc83e.jpg
    And here I just supposed Drumpf was going to BLOW Putin! [My bad to the Golden Shower community. ;-p]

  • EqualityForAll
  • James

    Good for them, but just $1 million? Seems a bit low.

  • e jerry powell

    Larry Flynt has stacks of cash lying around to burn, no?

  • #Never My President

    There are rumored to be 4 women (so far) who can testify that Trump paid them to have abortions, and paid for the abortions. These women are known to major media outlets, and yet you hear NOTHING about them. The U.S. media has much to account for with Trump as IPOTUS.