NEBRASKA: Federal Judge Dismisses Lawsuit Against All Homosexuals


A federal judge will not allow a Nebraska woman to be a legal spokeswoman for God and his son, Jesus Christ. Judge John Gerrard dismissed a lawsuit Wednesday filed against all homosexuals. Sylvia Driskell, 66, of Auburn, Nebraska, had asked the court last week to decide whether homosexuality is a sin. In a strongly worded opinion, the judge said it is not up to the court to decide whether homosexuality is sinful. Gerrard said Driskell lacked subject matter jurisdiction and cannot sue a class of unidentified defendants. Driskell did not set forth a factual or legal basis for a federal claim.

Aw, we were still having fun with this. (Tipped by JMG reader Thom)

UPDATE: JMG reader Mike sends us the ruling.

  • People4Humanity

    Does anyone have the link to the judge’s opinion?

  • sherman

    Darned activist judges.


  • Ngawww. You threw off her groove!

  • People4Humanity

    “The United States Federal Courts were created to resolve actual cases and controversies arising under the Constitution and the laws of the United States,” Judge Gerrard said. “A federal court is not a forum for debate or discourse on theological matters.”

    • PeterC

      Does that then also mean that “the church” is not a forum to debate and resolve cases on constitutional matters? Sounds right to me.

  • oikos

    “These are not the arguments of serious people.”

    “A federal court is not a forum for debate or discourse on theological matters.”

    • Jeffg166

      Think she needs her meds adjusted.

    • MarkOH

      “The Court may decide what is lawful, not what is sinful”.


    • Sadly, if I’m not mistaken, I believe the judge who wrote that passed away from cancer last week.

      • oikos

        Sadly , he did, but his words will live on in history. 🙂

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    NO SUIT FOR YOU! – The Suit Nazi

    • Reality.Bites

      Wrong show, Anastasia.

      • Anastasia Beaverhousen

        Oops.. wrong pills this morning. Is it pink in the morning, heed the warning….or pink in the a.m can bring mayhem? I always forget and just take the pretty yellow ones.

        • Reality.Bites

          Oh honey, those aren’t pills… They’re tweety bird turds.

  • Well hey the anti-gays could always try again in some other court…that’s what liberty counsel does after all. Or she could always go be a gust lecture at “liberty” “university”, I’m sure they will appreciate her opinion on the law.

    • Billanddogs

      I know that “gust” was a typo, but please don’t fix it. It’s just perfect as it is, for the haters are such colossal wind bags. Maybe it wasn’t a typo after all, come to think of it.

    • Reality.Bites

      This had nothing to do with the anti-gays. This was a lone, insane woman.

      • I know but a number of anti-gay activists have tossed around the exact same idea. Of course they never followed through with it because this
        is absurd but this woman certainly isn’t the first one to have the idea “lets sue all the gays”

      • Gene

        I think you are right! There was one wingnut who proposed a “class action suit against homosexuality” but, he is nuttier than squirrel shit also. This was just the work of a mentally ill religious fanatic.

        who never passed 8th grade grammar, and lays waste to the idea that older generations all had elegant handwriting

        • William

          I looked up her address on Google StreetView. Her decrepit little house looks like someone has been chewing the lead paint off the siding.

          • Gene

            (Snark! ….THAT was cruel. I will use that 😉

          • GreatLakeSailor

            Me too with the street view. Whaddya wanna bet she’s at that church that’s kitty-corner from her house 6, 7, 8 times a week?

      • Chuck in NYC

        A lone, insane woman with beautiful handwriting.

      • GreatLakeSailor

        Yes a lone, insane wolf…urged by the anti-gays.
        While not a terrorist, it is a close parallel to the Stochastic Terrorism mechanism.

        1. The use of mass ommunication to incite random actors to carry out violent or terrorist acts that are statistically predictable but
        individually unpredictable.

        2. Remote-control murder by lone wolf.

  • SockMikey
    • Sam_Handwich

      • David Walker

        First glance, I thought the judge replied to her in handwriting. It seemed appropriate. More coffee.

    • clay

      Just tell me this– does it begin with the letters W.T.F.?

  • Another example of judicial tyranny, I sayz!

  • Snarkaholic

    Enywon whoo cant spel or punktchuate shood nawt expekt too bee takun seereuslee in a kort uv law!

    • MDB

      W’hiy, yew jes’ ta’yks tha/ fun!n ou’tta e?verth”ang!!

  • BeefJerky

    Greetings Gays!

  • Ninja0980

    BOOO, we were having so much fun with it!

  • Snarkaholic

    Dimsissed?!?!? But I already had my orange prison jumpsuits and black/white striped suit (formal attire) picked out!

    • Snarkaholic

      In case she tries again, what does one wear to a prison shanking?

      • Anastasia Beaverhousen

        Perhaps Martha Stewart can help us.

        • GreatLakeSailor

          “Out of bedsheets and shower drain lint, I’ve made this wonderfully absorbent tunic in earth tones. Sure to catch any blood that may be spilled, you’ll be the envy of your colleagues.”

          • Anastasia Beaverhousen

            It’s a good thing.

        • Snarkaholic

          I was thinking something that can be wiped clean with a damp sponge.

  • Time Warper

    He should have shown some balls and ruled religion has no legal authority in this country and set a legal precedent.

    • Reality.Bites

      No, he shouldn’t have. The only thing issuing a ruling would have done is demonstrate he’s an idiot who should be dismissed from the bench for lacking all understanding of legal procedures.

      Since he’s not an idiot he dismissed the case on the proper legal grounds for dismissal – she didn’t represent who she claimed to represent, the defendants don’t exist and the issue doesn’t belong in the courts.

      • Time Warper

        All of which gained us not jack shit.

        • The point is there was no proper grounds to hear the case so it was dismissed. There is a process here, and it should be followed.

          • Time Warper

            And had it been dismissed on the grounds that religion has no legal standing in the courts, then the process would have been followed with a better result.

          • Reality.Bites

            You have the same keen understanding of the law that the plaintiff has.

        • Reality.Bites

          Too fucking bad. The court system is not a toy to be played with by idiots. You don’t allow people with no standing to sue innocent people with no connection to the plaintiff.

  • dcurlee

    Dang I was looking forward to video of it lol. Was ready with popcorn

    • Bad Tom

      Or at least great pastel drawings from the official court sketcher.

  • popebuck1

    Damn. And I was looking forward to spending July in Omaha at “JoeMyGodCon 2015.”

  • Ireyon

    Aw boo. I was getting ready to sue God because he killed my grandma. Can I sue the pope as part of God’s upper management instead then?

    • OdieDenCO

      by catholic teaching, yes. The Pope is “supposed” to be god’s representative on earth.

    • Paula

      Now, I have to cancel the ninjas.

      • Bad Tom

        Sorry. You cannot cancel the ninjas. They are on their way.

        • Bad Tom

          Man, I’m having that tongue-washing-leathers fantasy again.
          Gee, it’s hot in here.

  • Homo Erectus

    Judge Roy woulda heard it.

    • David Walker

      Perhaps someone could point her in that direction.

      • dcurlee

        Poor Alabama has suffered enough without directing another nut job there 😊

        • David Walker

          Well, it was just a thought.

        • Paula

          No, no it hasn’t.

          • Octavio

            I look at Alabama as a good cul de sac for all these odd folks who resist living in the modern world.

          • Gene

            Speaking as someone who lives in Georgia (next to Alabama) I can say for sure that the only good thing to come out of Alabama is I85 (part of our roadway system)

          • Octavio

            A dear colleague and best friend was from Mobile. He was one of the most amazing and bigger-than-life southern men I’ve had the good fortune to know. He loved to rail and rant about his home state with all the fervor of a baptist preacher. Unfortunately, the poor bastard unexpectedly died from a bacterial infection that ate his kidneys.

            At his invitation I accompanied him and his wife on sojourns to Alabama where he made certain I had the opportunity to experience and observe the inherent oddness of that state. Those visits reinforced how lucky I was to have been born in the real West.

          • RoFaWh

            Tell us about two or three outstanding examples of “the inherent oddness of Alabama”. Please.

    • Gene

      Judge Roy would have ruled on it in her favor BEFORE he heard it.

  • olandp

    Damn, I was working on my court outfit, a suit with Dynasty shoulder pads, a straight skirt with a slit in the back, above the knee to show my legs when I took the stand, and some fabulous six and a half inch heels. All in Barbie pink, the shoes however would have been leopard:(

    • dcurlee

      I’m picturing you and her in a fight in the mud like the episode with Crystal and Alexis lol

      • olandp

        As if I would wallow in the mud! I’m picturing a spike heel between the eyes like in “Flawless”.

        • Bill

          LOL…then there was the episode where everyone as shoot. I laughed so hard……Contracts apparently were up.
          Stay tuned for next season.
          Let us not forget Dianne Carroll, she was HOT……and I am sure enjoyed her role
          in the series.

          • olandp

            I only watched it a few of times, it was always the episode with the koi pond. Did they do that in every episode?

      • Gene

        ah…memories of cat fights in koi ponds, a time when Americans learned what a major domo is, and we were all EXCITED to see a character who was an ineffectual kind of loser on tv because the producer (to his credit) WAS at least brave enough to have a HOMO (! gasp !) on TV who was not a child molester or as murderer.

        Damn…we have come a long way.

        Still miss the shoulder pads….at least on Alexis

        • Gene

          Ax murdered….not as murderer….hummm….something Freudian there…never mind.

        • vorpal

          “ah…memories of cat fights in koi ponds”

          Hey… you promised you would never bring up that incident again. Bad Gene! =spanks=

          • Gene

            careful with them claws…. 😉

   is that volcano affecting your life? (if it is…I am not sure how close you are to it)

          • vorpal

            Not at all! I am safely too far north to even have an inkling of a sign that anything has happened!

            Now, the volcanic, sulfuric eruptions from hubby’s backside in the morning when he takes his morning piss, on the other hand… those are toxically dangerous.

          • Gene

            glad about the volcano not affecting your life or your work…

            as for the rest…well…any fantasy of a trip south of the Equator for a week of erotic three ways just suffered a major, major, blow. 😉

          • vorpal

            Hahaha! Awwww… how can I lure you back? I have catnip, and you don’t (read: do) want to see me on it!

    • Todd Isaac

      Same here just after I got my outfit together. And got Alexis and Cookie to agree to come to the courtroom in support of their homosexual sons. All dressed up and no court to go to!

  • Aww, spoilsport.

  • BeaverTales

    “Never before has our great nation ‘Murika and the unbelievably awesome state of Nebraska been besiege by sin.

    Isn’t it a sin for slaves to not obey their masters? a woman to have an opinion and not be silent? Look where the slippery slope has led: homosexuals are now asking to be treated like people too!!!!

  • Ninja0980

    The hubby is also discouraged the fun was ruined so early.
    Since he’s bisexual, he so wanted to be questioned by this woman and figure out how he and others would fit into her lawsuit.

  • Todd Allis

    Aw, I would have loved to see the countersuit, All Homosexuals vs. Driskell.

    • Bad Tom

      That would be a classy action suit indeed.

  • TheManicMechanic

    Aww, all that lovely churchy handwriting going to waste. She endured writer’s cramp for naught.

  • MBear

    Next up: Driskell sues the court for a legal argle bargle response to her deeply held religious crusade against sin

  • vorpal

    Goddamit, and I was so looking forward to meeting you all in court and making cracks about the judge’s robes.

    Well, nix that JMG meetup.

    Oddly, I’m guessing that neither of the people that bitchface claims to be representing will be available for comment.

  • WNY

    But there’s still a chance that some news station will get her in front of a camera for an TV interview though, right? Please? Pretty please?

    • nocadrummer

      Even better would be for her to go on Judge Judy with her case. Oh, the entertainment value would be priceless!

    • Gene

      there is a 5 episode “puss in boots” series available on Net Flix. Watch it! Seriously. 1) funny as hell…the “valley Spinx” is hilarious 2) three is a scene where ALL the children, even the boys, want to play the part of “the princess”, and Puss kindly says, “that is just wonderful”. Kids pick up cues from Cartoons (the SNARK level of posters here HAS to have its roots in at least some of our cases from Warner Bros bugs Bunny….yes?) and its great to see it confirmed to some little boy “yeah, you can be the princess if you want to”

      • Rebecca Gardner

        I’m home sick. You just gave me something to do all day. Thank you!

        To the Netflix machine!!!!

        • Get well soon!

          • Rebecca Gardner

            Thanks. I’m out of the hospital and home trying rest. Here I was yesterday finally getting unhooked from everything.

            I have lungs ruined from 9/11 so it’s a common thing for me. FUN! FUN! FUN!

          • Oh! I’m so sorry, very sorry to hear that you are a victim of global hate. Take it easy and recuperate soon.

          • vorpal

            Oh, feel better! We JMGers need your always insightful and interesting posts! =channels good vibes through the screen=

          • Ginger Snap

            I hope you are feeling better real soon Rebecca, Kisses!

    • Bad Tom

      I see your cat has taken lessons (or perhaps given them) to my cat.

      • m_lp_ql_m

        My cat has mean photoshop skillz too!

  • nocadrummer

    Darn, I was SO looking forward to her proving that she was, indeed, the “Ambassador for God and His Son, Jesus Christ” in court.
    Hell, if she could get them to show up, they’d probably testify in our behalf anyway.

  • M Jackson

    She could well have a future as a columnist at BarbWire or WND.

  • BobSF_94117

    On the other hand, he gave her an A+ for penmanship.

    • Tor

      Everyone keeps saying that. I, personally, don’t think her penmanship is that great, though she probably got A’s in the fifth grade. Looks like a fifth grade hand. And don’t get me started on punctuation, spelling, apostrophes and grammar…….!!

      • BobSF_94117

        We’re grading on a curve….


        • Tor

          In that case….. I’ve seen some horrible handwriting in my day.

  • Rillion

    That opinion is not “strongly worded”. It reads like a well written Civil Procedure law school exam answer with a bit of Constitutional Law thrown in (cases and controversies plus the standing requirement).

  • SFBruce

    Just another activist judges.

    • Rebecca Gardner

      I wonder if she has a GoFundMe site set up yet?

    • Jamie Brewer

      Another blatant example of the persecution of Christians in the USA…..

  • Sean Taylor

    He could have had the decency to at least issue me a subpoena!

  • Gaiboi66

    Cue the wack-jobs pretending to be outraged and using their default “activist judges” as part of their “we are being both discriminated against and victimized” monologue.

    • olandp

      Don’t forget the GoFundMe page…

  • anne marie in philly

    bwhahahahahahahahahaha! asswipe!

  • Rebecca Gardner

    This is my favorite part…

    “The Court will not give the plaintiff an opportunity to amend her complaint in this matter because it is obvious that amendment would be futile. Even liberally construed, the plaintiff does not set forth any discernible claim for relief over which this Court has jurisdiction. This Court is not the place to seek opinions regarding theological matters; this particular forum is closed and the case will be dismissed.

    You tell her your honor!

  • D. J.

    She also forgot to sue on behalf of the “Holy Ghosty Spirit”.

  • e’ville_globeguy

    Loved the last sentence, right before the “Orders”. I almost expected the judge to paraphrase our Joe, and say “bolding is motherfucking mine!”

    • Rebecca Gardner

      LMAOROF!!! The exact same thought went through my mind.

  • BaddogLtd

    Too bad. I think the court proceedings could have been interesting.

  • douglas

    Damn! Now what do I do with that subpoena to give to Jesus?

    • grada3784

      You have to follow all the Christians around until one of them spills it. After all, they all found Jesus.

  • YakHerder

    Yes, yes, YES!!! I TOTALLY CALLED THIS YESTERDAY! The opinion cites Mayo v. Satan and His Staff (W.D. Pa. 1971), where the court dismissed the case because Mr. Mayo couldn’t show that he’d delivered a summons and a copy of the lawsuit to the Devil.

  • I’m glad I didn’t waste any time making a 12(b)(6) motion, then.

  • AuntieCol

    And… mic drop…..

  • All is not lost by the dismissal of the Nebraska Nutcase’s lawsuit for lack of jurisdiction. Perhaps she will appeal the dismissal to the 8th Circuit and we can continue to have fun at the expense of the Nebraska Nutcase.

  • lattebud

    And I was getting my carpool lined up to show up at the trial

  • JalapeñoBusiness

    As a duly appointed representative of Big Gay, I was very much looking forward to giving expert testimony, with graphs and charts. Video too.

  • ChadSF

    “This is a court of law and the law know no heresy”. Boom!!

  • John Calendo

    Rev up the GoFundMe page…another Christian martyr coming through.

    • GreatLakeSailor

      I predict that BriBri, Pat R., et al, will eventually wise up to the likely reality that every dollar that goes the way of a GoFundyMe grift is a dollar they ain’t baggin’ in their own, long running hate grifts, and together they’ll settle on a few common talking points to shut down their competition.

  • Chris Lion

    So all gays don’t have to go to Nebraska for depositions? Too bad, it would have been a fun party.

  • noni

    We should support her appeal with right-wing-like “briefs” that include every ridiculous idea we can imagine or taken from Teabagistan.

  • noni

    Sylvia has had it with activist judges. She figures he’s a homoscheshual

  • Prixator

    This is a case where the plaintiff should be assessed a penalty for a frivolous lawsuit.

    Isn’t her “god” supposed to take care of things like this?

  • The judge really passed up the opportunity to throw some epic sarcasm to her by issuing his ruling by scrawling it on page after page of yellow legal pad.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    His law clerk had fun putting that together.