Manhattan, Eagle roof-deck, Sunday 9pm Guy 1: Man, is Alan’s new boyfriend dumb or what? What a box of rocks! Guy 2: I don’t know, maybe it’s just his accent. Guy 3: I agree. He could totally be smart. In Spanish..
Read More »Tag Archives: Overheard
Not Married, Married – Just Lovers
Saturday, 1am, Hillside Campgrounds I’m chatting with a trio from Canada. A handsome muscular man walks past the bonfire…. Camper 1: Woof!Camper 2: Agreed.Camper 3: Married. Lives in Boston.Camper 1: Damn, too bad.Camper 2: No, he’s not married, but he lives with his lover.Camper 1: Oh, so I’ve got a shot.Camper 2: I didn’t say that. Just that he’s not …
Read More »Design Flaw
NYC Eagle, Sunday, 9pm Guy 1: So anyway, we had a really good weekend together. He’s totally perfect for me, except for- and I hate to say this – his apartment.Guy 2: Why? Is he a slob?Guy 1: Oh, no. Everything is spotless. You could eat off the floor.Guy 2: So the problem is……Guy 1: The problem is his place …
Read More »Rabbit Season! Duck Season!
Rite Aid, Grand Central Terminal, Wednesday 2pmAn elderly woman approaches a pharmacist, who is out on the floor with a phone, examing the shelves. Elderly Woman (brandishng a pill bottle): Excuse me, do you have these in a suppository?Pharmacist (puts phone on his shoulder): If there aren’t any on the shelf, then we’re out.EW: I need them in the big …
Read More »Parade Rest
Sunday, 3pm, Christopher StreetTwo twinks are waving at a boy on a passing Pride parade float and shouting to hear each other over the float’s music.Twink 1: He does not! He’s very cute. Twink 2: What are you talking about? Twink 1: That was mean. Twink 2: What was mean? Twink 1: He does NOT have the face of a …
Read More »Truthiness
Union Square, outside NYU dorms, Tuesday, 11:30PM Girl 1 (on cell): Fuck you. Go fuck yourself. You ain’t got no dick anyway. She hangs up….Girl 2: Dude, I thought you said he has a nice cock? Girl 1: Shut up!.
Read More »Double Standards
FexEx/Kinko’s, Vanderbilt Street, 8:30amMale Hipster: I still can’t believe you slept with him. I mean, he’s cool and all, but… Female Hipster: Well, clearly he’s not completely gay. MH: Nuh-uh. Once you’ve done it, you are all the way gay. FH: Well, I guess that makes me a lesbian. MH: That’s HOT. FH: Whatever, dude..
Read More »Soup & Pallid
Lenny’s Deli, 1st Avenue, 12:30pmGirl 1: OMG! That chowder smells so good! Girl 2: It totally does, but I’m not getting cream soup so close to summer. Girl 1: You can always get rid of it at the office if you need to. Girl 2: Oh, I never purge at work. People can hear you. (Both laugh.) Girl 1: Yeah, …
Read More »European Union
Wednesday, 7pm, the S trainPreppie Girl 1: So my parents are making me spend the summer with my grandparents in Switzerland. Preppie Girl 2: Oh, I didn’t know your family was from Germany. Preppie Girl 1: They’re not. Switzerland is like, in France..
Read More »Unfriended
Sunday 2pm, Starbucks, Upper West SideYoung Mother: Do you want to have a playdate with Lindsey tomorrow? I can call her mother and set it up. 5 Year-Old: No! I don’t like Lindsey anymore. She’s poor. (Overheard by Jeff.).
Read More »Priorities
Upper East Side, 1st & 71st, 8:30amA woman is walking her dog in front of an under-construction high-rise. A cement truck is waiting to back into the site. Construction Guy: Excuse me, miss! Can you please use the other sidewalk? Woman (pointing at dog): When he is done making HIS shit, you can go back to making YOURS. I was …
Read More »Ruling By Fear
Food Emporium, 1st Avenue, Tuesday 8pmA small boy is running in circles around a produce display, unspooling about 50 feet of plastic bags.Young Mother: You had just better start behaving right this minute or tomorrow morning I’m getting on the phone and calling in Mean Nanny for the rest of the week. Do you want that? Do you want to …
Read More »Hipster Foodies
Saturday, 1am, 2nd Avenue, East VillageStoned Dude 1(pointing): You wanna eat there? Stoned Dude 2: Thailand Cafe? What kinda food do they have? SD1: Um, Thai food, dude. SD 2: Like what? SD 1: Dude! Like noodles and shrimp. That kinda shit. SD 2: Fuck that. I don’t like Chinese..
Read More »Homophonics
The Eagle, Sunday, 10PMMan 1: Well, sure, you are kinda nelly, but some guys like that. Man 2: What are you talking about??!! Man 1: What? Man 2: You asshole, I said I was a feminist, not effeminate! Man 1 (shrinking): Oh….. Man 2: And I am NOT nelly! (Man 2 stalks away.) Man 1 (to himself): Whatever, girl..
Read More »Regrets
The 6 train platform, Saturday 3PMWoman 1: I’m just sorry I slept with them. Woman 2: Well, you were drunk. Woman 1: Yeah, but now today I’m all red and itchy. Woman 2: Right? And you can’t put anything in there, cuz you’ll make it worse. (Horrified, the women realize I’m standing there.) Woman 1: Hey, we’re just talking about …
Read More »Overheard At The Dugout
Man On Cellphone: Oh, Jesus! Well, if it is gunshots, don’t sleep in the front bedroom!.
Read More »Map Quest
Grand Central Terminal, Food Court, 1:30 PMAn attractive young white guy and a stunning Asian girl are seated next to me. As I’m eating my lunch and scanning the Times, they converse animatedly in Japanese. As always, I am startled to hear an apparent Westerner speaking fluent Japanese, I don’t know why I always notice that. They are in business …
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