Chelsea, Sunday, 9pm Drunk Girl On Cell: “I had a DREAM!” Passing Twinks (In Unison): “A dream about YOU, baby!”,
Read More »Tag Archives: Overheard
Celebration Times
First & 69th, Friday, 10am I’m coming out of a bodega… Wild-eyed Homeless Guy: “Ooh! Look at you! You bought a paper! Hurray! Woo hoo! You can read! Whoop-dee-doo!” OK, then. New York City.
Read More »How To Get Ahead
Cafe FiGo, First & 68th, 1:30pm Woman 1: After the meeting, the VP of sales told me that I made two of the junior clerks cry because they didn’t make their targets. And then he smiled. Woman 2: You are SO getting promoted.
Read More »In Her Defense
Cafe FiGo, First Avenue, 8:30am Old Lady 1: In my defense, “Cedars-Sinai” and “seat assignment” do sound very similar.Old Lady 2: And you didn’t call back?Old Lady 1: I should care if she’s at the airport?
Read More »Reality Check
NYC Marriage March, 6th Avenue, 7pm Cute Boy 1: I hate to say it, but I kinda like when things go bad and we have these things.Cute Boy 2: Yeah, it’s empowering.Cute Boy 1: No, it’s cuz the cruising is so fierce!
Read More »DJ Taxi
Times Square, Sunday, 8:30pm Outside a tavern….. Tourist 1: Do you want to go in? The music sounds OK.Tourist 2: Ugh. World music. You didn’t get enough of that in the cab?
Read More »Panic Attack
Duane Reade, 1st & 72nd, 11am Woman: Hey, where is the Tamiflu?Clerk: Do you have a prescription?Woman: What?? You need a prescription?Clerk: Yes, but your doctor can just call it in.Woman: That’s CRAZY! You people should be giving it out for FREE. People are DYING! She storms out……
Read More »Knowing Is Worse
Third Avenue, Monday, 8:30pm A homeless man is shouting incomprehensibly…… Girl 1: Dude, the worst part about being crazy? When you don’t know you’re crazy.Girl 2: Uh uh, it’s way way worse to know. Isn’t it?Girl 1: I want my earrings back.
Read More »Routine
Walgreens, Second Avenue, 8:30am…. Little Old Lady: Is this on sale?Clerk: No, next in line please.Little Old Lady: Do you know when it goes on sale?Clerk: No, next in line please.Little Old Lady: You’re not very helpful.Clerk: Sorry, next in line please.Little Old Lady: Fuck you.Clerk: OK, next in line please.
Read More »Anticipation
Cafe Figo, 1st Avenue, 9am Woman On Cell: I know it’s your first week but part of being a good assistant is anticipating my needs. Do I look like a person who doesn’t drink coffee?
Read More »No Triple Digits
U.S. Post Office, Upper East Side, 11:30am UES Girl 1: So he’s all, “Well I live on the Upper East Side too, so we should totally get together.” UES Girl 2: Yeah, but where on the Upper East Side? UES Girl 1: I know, right? And he’s “Oh, I’m at 4xx East 79th.” Like I’m ever gonna date someone in …
Read More »Hey Bagpipe
Grand Central, Monday, 7pm A lone bagpiper in full Highlander drag is playing an unrecognizable tune in the S-train passageway…. MTA Worker: Bagpipe! You ain’t shit. Fuck this. Hey bagpipe! Where the beat at? Fuck bagpipes. Hey Norway! Fuck this. Hey bagpipe!
Read More »Five Point Oh
Cafe FiGo, 1st Avenue, 8AM Hipster 1: Dude, you have to hear this old-school track my dad emailed me, it fuckin’ rocks! (Hands over iPod, Hipster 2 listens) Hipster 2: Oh, I know this. It’s the theme from Hawaii 5.0
Read More »Weasels
Tuesday, 8:30am, 1st & 71st Woman On Cell: Fine! Whatever! Fuck your fat ass and fuck your goddamn weasels! And I’m calling the fucking animal control on your fucking weasels. I had to look it up. Ferrets are indeed illegal in NYC.
Read More »Sign Of The Times, Part 2
Cafe FiGo, 1st Avenue, 4pm Clerk: Do you want that toasted? Customer: Is the president black?
Read More »Gay Makeover
Cafe Fugo, 1st Avenue, 1pm Teen Girl 1: I think he’s gay. He must be with that hair. Teen Girl 2: You did his hair. Teen Girl 1: Yeah, but he let me.
Read More »Homo Office
NYC Eagle, Thursday, 2am Bear 1: I need to find a more gay-positive working environment. Bear 2: Oh, really? Where do you work? Bear 1: At home.
Read More »Dream Lover
First & 68th, Thursday, 8PM Girl 1: So last night I dreamed I was on Deal Or No Deal.Girl 2: Did you win?Girl 1: No! And when they opened my suitcase, there was a pickle in it.Girl 2: Oh my God, you really miss him.Girl 1: Tell me about it.
Read More »First Impressions
Castro Street, Saturday, 12:30 PM Leif and I are walking up the crowded Castro Street sidewalk when he calls out to a handsome bearded cub. Leif: Andy, you sexy motherfucker! Andy : Oh, hi….Leif….uh, these are my parents. Introductions were made to Andy’s tiny elderly parents who politely pretended not to have heard. I didn’t catch their names because I …
Read More »Don’t Touch
6 Train, Thursday, 7pm A five year-old boy is swinging from the grab pole in the middle of the train. Mom: Don’t touch the pole. It has germs on it.Kid: You say that about everything.Mom: Everything has germs. Don’t touch anything. Kid: What about people?Mom: People have the most germs. Don’t touch people.Kid: Fine. I won’t touch you either.Mom: I’m …
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