Tag Archives: Overheard

Second Avenue, Wednesday, 9:45PM Woman On Cell Phone: “You’re still at the office? What’s that music? I can hear music. Why is there music at your office? Where are you really? OK, fine. Send me a photo of your desk right now and I’ll believe you. I’ll wait. Hello? Don’t you fucking hang up on me! Hello?”

A newly viral Twitter account taken verbatim from the elevator at Conde Naste.

Walgreens, Upper East Side, Monday 10pm Old Lady: “Where can I get some of those nuclear pills?” Clerk: “What, like, diet pills?” Old Lady: “No! No! The ones they have in Japan!” Clerk: “Japanese diet pills?”

Island House, poolside, Key West, 2PM A new arrival shows off his colorful thong to his friends… Friend 1: Oh, honey! Don’t ask, don’t TEAL!Friend 2: Yes, that thing needs some cloture in the back.Thong Man: Bitches of the House, I move we suspend this debate.

Madison Square Garden, Wednesday, 9pm Stoner Dude: Fuck that, she’s not bi. No such thing. She’s just softening you up for the big lesbo announcement. Rock Chick: No such thing? Just because you can’t imagine it personally doesn’t mean there’s no such thing as bisexuals. That’s like saying because YOU don’t know how to play the piano, there’s no such …

Walgreens, Second Avenue, 12:30pm Chick 1: Flu shots, $25. I guess it’s that time again. Chick 2: Richard got me one for my birthday last year. Chick 1: You’re joking. Chick 2: Plus dinner at Olive Garden. Chick 1: You’re joking. Chick 2: I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Cafe Figo, First Avenue, 1PM Linda Richman Look-A-Like: So anyway, false alarm, thank the BVM. But I told her that if she EVAH makes me a grandma before I’m 50, I’ll move down to her Nanna Marie’s in Boca so fast it’ll make her weave spin.

Citibank ATM vestibule, First Avenue, 8:30am MAN ON CELL: OK, fine. Fine! I’ll go without you. But you know what, Ed? No matter how much time you spend at that fucking gym, tomorrow morning when you get up you are still going to be 47 years old. You spend so much time trying to look good, nobody actually sees you.

Rite Aid, Second Avenue, 8am Cashier: And that comes to $10.02. Elderly Man: OK, wait I have the pennies. He empties his pocket onto the counter and a small diamond-shaped blue pill skitters towards the cashier, who quickly pushes it back towards him with a gasp. Elderly Man: That’s an ALIEVE! Cashier (expressionless): Oh. I believe you. Yeah, totally.

Cafe Figo, First Avenue, 8:30am Nurse 1: I am so goddamn sick of hearing him talk about marrying Beyonce. ALL day. He’s crazy! He really thinks he’s gonna marry her! Nurse 2: Actually he’s saying fiance. Not Beyonce. It’s his accent. Nurse 1: Oh. Well, them damn Russians need to learn how to talk right.

Duane Reade, 1st Avenue, 8:30am Hipster Dude 1: And then she said I was emotionally crippled, that my family is all freaks, that I’m going nowhere in my job, that I’m lazy, that I’ve got bad taste. She just went on and on. Hipster Dude 2: What did you say? Hipster Dude 1: I told her she’s fat. Hipster Dude …

Cafe Figo, First Avenue, 2pm Hipster Chick 1: Anyway, it starts at 11. Wanna go? You can be my plus one. Hipster Chick 2: I’m sick of being everybody’s plus one. When do I get my name on the list? Hipster Chick 1: Blowing the promoter always helps.

Walgreens, Second Avenue, 9pm Woman In Scrubs: I like to keep an unscratched $5 Lotto ticket on my desk. It feels like a mystery savings account. Female Friend: You should upgrade to a $20 ticket. Then you can pretend it’s a trust fund.

Walgreens, Upper East Side, 7PM Female Voice On Intercom: Mary Richards, your order is ready for pickup at the pharmacy. Mary Richards. Clearly Gay Male Voice On Intercom: Mr. Graaaaant, your order is ready at the pharmacy. Mr. Graaaaaant.

At last night’s marriage rally in Times Square, a family of tourists passed by the protesters’ pen with the mother shaking her head in disapproval at the activists. That prompted a trio of protesting women to alter their chant. “Leggings on are not pants! Leggings are not pants!” I love my people.

L Train, Monday, 9:30pm Hipster Chick 1: Yeah, so it’s pretty big and the price is OK, but it’s waaay at the end of the R train.Hipster Chick 2: Totally BFE out there.Hipster Chick 1: Right? And Kristen pointed out that we hadn’t seen a single gay man the entire time.Hipster Chick 2: Like I said, beyond civilization.Hipster Chick 1: …

Post Office, East 70th Street, 2PM An elderly woman is taking a very long time at the automated postage computer and a lengthy line has formed behind her. Young Man (very loudly): There should be a muthafuckin’ age limit for these machines!Middle-Aged Man: Sir! That language is uncalled for around ladies! Unacceptable!Elderly Woman: Thank you, but I can fight my …

East Village, Nowhere Bar, Sunday, 1:30am Fashion Victim: Oh, don’t get me wrong. He’s totally hot and funny and nice and all that. But I just can’t see myself ever loving somebody who thought knuckle tattoos were a good idea.

Food Emporium, Wednesday, 8PM, UES 6 Year-Old Girl: I hate this place! Why do we have to come here! Dad: How do you think all that food gets to our kitchen? Magic? 6 Year-Old Girl: Well, I’m gonna wish that every night everybody’s kitchen fills up with food so nobody has to ever come here ever ever ever again! Dad: …

Tuesday, 10pm, Chelsea Twink 1: What should I go as for Halloween?Twink 2: A top?Twink 1: Funny. And you can go as “sobriety.”