Tag Archives: Benedict Palpatine

Richard Dawkins: I Will Have The Pope Arrested For Crimes Against Humanity

Famed British atheist Richard Dawkins says he plans to have the Pope arrested and charged with crimes against humanity when Ill Papa visits England in September. Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, the atheist author, have asked human rights lawyers to produce a case for charging Pope Benedict XVI over his alleged cover-up of sexual abuse in the Catholic church. The pair …

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Photo Of The Day – Papal Proof

The above is Pope Ratzinger’s signature on a 1985 letter blocking the defrocking of a California priest convicted of child molestation. The letter, written in Latin, expresses concern “for the universal good of the Church.” The Vatican has confirmed the authenticity of the letter.

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This Week In Holy Crimes

Over the last seven days… Alabama: Pastor Bertha Wright arrested on 16 felony counts of Oxycontin prescription fraud.Texas: Pastor Lester Cody pleads no contest to sexually assaulting a minor.Texas: Youth Pastor Matthew Overstreet charged with sexually assaulting a minor.Missouri: Father Patrick Grady pleads guilty to possession of child porn and trying to buy sex from a female minor.Illinois: Deacon George …

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Priest Off!

(Tipped by JMG reader John)

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NYT: The Pope Knew

The New York Times continues to uncover evidence of the Pope’s complicity in the cloaking of pedophile priests. The future Pope Benedict XVI was kept more closely apprised of a sexual abuse case in Germany than previous church statements have suggested, raising fresh questions about his handling of a scandal unfolding under his direct supervision before he rose to the …

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NYT: Pope Protected Priest Who Molested Over 200 Deaf Boys

The New York Times has issued a bombshell report charging that Pope Palpatine and others refused to defrock an American priest who had molested over 200 deaf boys. The internal correspondence from bishops in Wisconsin directly to Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the future pope, shows that while church officials tussled over whether the priest should be dismissed, their highest priority was …

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Pope Accepts Resignation Of Irish Bishop Over Priest Pedophile Scandal

Emperor Palpatine has accepted the resignation of Bishop John Magee over the massive pedophile cover-up scandal that has roiled Ireland. “As I depart, I want to offer once again my sincere apologies to any person who has been abused by any priest of the Diocese of Cloyne during my time as bishop or at any time,” Bishop Magee said in …

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German Diocese Suspends Pedophile Priest Once Protected By Pope Palpatine

Back when Pope Palpatine was the mere Archbishop of Munich, he transferred a pedophile priest to another assignment, presumably to cover up the crime. In the new location, the pervy priest molested again. Yesterday, he was finally suspended amid charges of the Pope’s complicity in the widening German child molestation scandal. According to the Archdioceses of Munich and Freising, the …

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The Devil Lives In The Vatican

According to the Catholic Church’s top exorcist, Satan himself lives in the Vatican. Father Gabriel Amorth has conducted 70,000 exorcisms in the last 50 years and says he needs to do a few inside the palace as well. In the last few months, the Catholic Church have been rocked by a series of sex scandals in Ireland, Holland and, most …

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Gay Prostitution Scandal Hits Vatican

I can’t fucking wait to hear how Ill Papa tries to wriggle out of THIS one! “Put on some music, swallow a Viagra, and adelante!” That’s the headline in Europe today following reports that a papal aide used an intermediary in an elite Vatican choir to solicit young male choristers and seminarians for prostitution. Police wiretaps are expected to result …

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Top Ten Vatican Albums Of All Time!

The Vatican has issued its Top Ten Albums of All Time. SRSLY. The Beatles, Oasis, Pink Floyd, Michael Jackson and U2 may be one step closer to paradise. But Bob Dylan is still “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” The Vatican has previously denounced rock music as the devil’s work but in a surprise change of tune on Sunday the Holy See’s …

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British Activist Peter Tatchell Launches Protest Against Coming Papal Visit

Gay activist Peter Tatchell has launched a petition campaign to “disassociate the British government” from the coming visit by Pope Palpatine. The petition has been posted on Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s official site. We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to disassociate the British government from the Pope’s intolerant views ahead of the Papal visit to Britain in September 2010. …

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Palpatine Attacks UK LGBT Rights Law

“Your country is well known for its firm commitment to equality of opportunity for all members of society. Yet as you have rightly pointed out, the effect of some of the legislation designed to achieve this goal has been to impose unjust limitations on the freedom of religious communities to act in accordance with their beliefs. In some respects it …

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A/S/L?

“Priests are thus challenged to proclaim the Gospel by employing the latest generation of audiovisual resources — images, videos, animated features, blogs, Web sites — which, alongside traditional means, can open up broad new vistas for dialogue, evangelization and catechesis.” – Pope Palpatine, urging priests to take up blogging and social networking.

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Ill Papa: Gays Endanger Humanity

Pope Benedict Palpatine has issued another insulting attack on gays, saying that homosexual marriage endangers all of humanity. Oh noes! Pope Benedict XVI on Monday called laws ignoring the difference between the sexes an “attack” on creation just days after Portugal moved to legalise gay marriage. Creatures, including humans, “can be protected or endangered”, the pope, 82, told the Vatican …

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JMG Poll: Who Was The Most Detestable Anti-Gay Douchebag Bigot Of 2009?

From marriage equality battles to hate crimes legislation, 2009 brought out the anti-gay bigots like we’ve never seen before. By whatever criteria you enjoy, select the person below who you think most exemplified homophobic hatred. It was difficult to select a mere eight names for this poll, so feel free to add your write-in candidates in the comments. Anti-Gay Douchebag …

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Palpatine Forgives Attacker

Pope Palpatine says he forgives the woman that attacked him on Christmas Eve. Appearing for his Christmas “Urbi et Orbi” blessing to tens of thousands of congregants in St. Peter’s Square, the Pope made an appeal to “abandon all logic of violence and revenge” and lead with “generosity” on “the path of peaceful coexistence.” The plea came less than a …

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She’s Got The Holiday Spirit

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Caption This

(Tipped by JMG reader Ted)

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Jews Outraged: Palpatine Wants Holocaust Pope Pius XII To Be Named A Saint

Jewish groups are furious over Pope Palpatine’s announcement that he is submitting Pope Pius XII, infamously known as “Hitler’s Pope,” for beatification. Jewish leaders from around the world expressed their outrage today after the Pope opened the way for his controversial wartime predecessor to be made a saint, with some calling the possible beatification of Pius XII as “inopportune and …

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