Idiocracy

Smugglers Thwart Trump’s Border Wall With $5 Ladder

The El Paso Times reports: Perhaps the quickest way around a billion-dollar wall is over it. Smugglers in Juárez have engineered camouflage hook-and-ladders made of rebar that blend in so well with the border wall that it can be hard to detect, according to U.S. Border Patrol. The ladders are the same rust brown color as the mesh panels or …

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Sean Spicer Sells Personalized Valentine’s Day Videos: The Best Gift You Can Possibly Give That Special Person

“Hey guys, it’s Sean Spicer with an amazing deal. This month, for the entire month of February, my videos that normally cost $400 are over 50 percent off. $199 is going to give you the best Valentine’s Day gift ever. What way to say, ‘I love you, I’m thinking of you,’ this Valentine’s Day than a video from me? “But …

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Lawsuit Ends GA Discrimination Against Puerto Ricans

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports: The Georgia Department of Driver Services has agreed to make it easier for Puerto Ricans and applicants from other U.S. territories to get driver’s licenses under the terms of a federal lawsuit settlement announced Monday. The department agreed to allow residents from the territories — who are U.S. citizens — to transfer their driver’s licenses to …

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SOTU Meme: “Stock Image Of A Corrupt Politician”

Mediaite reports: Missouri Republican Congressman Billy Long became an Internet sensation of the 2020 State-of-the-Union address for enthusiastically cheering President Donald Trump and giving thumbs up while a wad of cash appeared to spill out of his suit’s breast pocket. Long was seen on camera, with stacks of what looked like US currency sticking up from his pocket, reacting with …

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Dem Iowa Caucus Goer Upset To Learn Buttigieg Is Gay

Mediaite reports: Nikki van den Heever, a caucus precinct captain for former South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg, tried to talk down an Iowa woman who was incensed to find out — in real-time during a caucus after she’d signed a card supporting him — that the candidate is openly gay. “Are you saying that he has the same-sex partner? Pete?” …

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Wind Blows Down Section Of Trump’s Border Wall

CNN reports: Newly installed panels from the US border wall fell over in high winds Wednesday, landing on trees on the Mexican side of the border. The area is part of an ongoing construction project to improve existing sections of the wall. Agent Carlos Pitones of the Customs and Border Protection sector in El Centro, California, told CNN that the …

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Trump Allies Hand Out Cash In Black Communities

Politico reports: Allies of Donald Trump have begun holding events in black communities where organizers lavish praise on the president as they hand out tens of thousands of dollars to lucky attendees. The first giveaway took place last month in Cleveland, where recipients whose winning tickets were drawn from a bin landed cash gifts in increments of several hundred dollars, …

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#QAnon Nutbags: Drink Bleach To Stop Coronavirus

The Daily Beast reports: As the global death toll from an alarming new coronavirus surged this week, promoters of the pro-Trump QAnon conspiracy theory were urging their fans to ward off the illness by purchasing and drinking dangerous bleach. The substance—dubbed “Miracle Mineral Solution” or “MMS”—has long been promoted by fringe groups as a combination miracle cure and vaccine for …

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Space Force Logo Boldly Goes To Copyright Violation

CNN reports: President Donald Trump unveiled the new US Space Force logo on Friday — which seems to boldly go where one logo has gone before. Trump posted an image on Twitter of the insignia for the newest branch of the US military, drawing immediate comparisons of the new logo to the “Star Trek” Starfleet Starship duty insignia. A Space …

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Ivanka At Davos: “I Gave Up My Life For Washington”

The New York Times reports: Ivanka Trump, a White House adviser, was presented at this conference of global elites as a principal second only to her father, even as she traveled as part of a delegation that included all of the president’s most important economic advisers. She said that she would “continue to be focused on the areas where I’ve …

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Trump To Roll Back Obama-Era Clean Water Rules

Austin’s NBC News affiliate reports: President Donald Trump told a crowd in downtown Austin that the finalized repeal of specific water rules will be complete in a few days. Leaders at the American Farm Bureau Federation convention in downtown Austin have fought the Waterways of the U.S. rules for years and the President told them he’s about to deliver on …

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National Archives Sorry For Altering Anti-Trump Signs

The New York Times reports: The National Archives and Records Administration, which calls itself the country’s record keeper, apologized on Saturday for altering a photo of protesters at the 2017 Women’s March that blurred out references critical of President Trump. “We made a mistake,” began a statement the archives released on Saturday. The photo of protesters holding signs was part …

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White House: It’s Snowing In Washington! (It Isn’t)

Fox News reports: The White House’s official Twitter handle on Sunday confused residents in Washington, D.C., when it tweeted out a nighttime photograph of the world’s most famous residence behind falling snowflakes with the caption: “First snow of the year!” One problem: It didn’t snow in the city that day and was, in fact, unseasonably warm, with highs that nearly …

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Rick Wilson: Brace Yourselves For President Junior

Rick Wilson writes for The Daily Beast: Get ready for Donald Trump Jr., a man who speaks the fluent asshole dialogue of the own-the-libs Trump Party, to rise to the top of the 2024 GOP primary ranks. The dynastic talk that was once treated as a joke (even by me) is already growing around both Don Jr. and Ivanka. Poor …

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Oliver North: Trump Was “Reaganesque” With Iran

“Look, not only was the Secretary [of State Mike Pompeo] very very clear, and very patient with the chaos that was going on around him, but the president the other night was, in my humble opinion, Reaganesque. “I was in the Oval Office the night that President Reagan told the country about the raid that we’d conducted on Gadhafi. There …

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NY High Court To Consider Trump Defamation Suit

Reuters reports: New York state’s highest court will consider whether U.S. President Donald Trump must face a defamation lawsuit by a former contestant on “The Apprentice,” in a showdown that could help determine whether Trump can be sued while in the White House. The Appellate Division in Manhattan, an intermediate-level court, on Tuesday granted Trump permission to ask the state …

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Trump Claims He Won’t Attack Iranian Cultural Sites:
“If That’s What The Law Is, I Like To Obey The Law”

“They’re allowed to kill our people. They’re allowed to maim our people. They’re allowed to blow up everything that we have and there’s nothing that stops ’em. “And we are, according to various laws, supposed to be very careful with their cultural heritage and you know what, if that’s what the law is, I like to obey the law. “But …

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Trump Boasts: Zuckerberg Told Me I’m #1 On Facebook

Mediaite reports: During his talk with Rush Limbaugh today, President Donald Trump talked about a recent dinner he had with Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg. As the president today talked about the size of his online followings, Trump brought up how “I had dinner with Mark Zuckerberg the other day” and claimed, “He said I’d like to congratulate you, you’re number one …

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Poll: 43% Approve Of Trump’s Killing Of Iranian General

The Huffington Post reports: Americans split narrowly in favor of President Donald Trump’s decision to order the airstrike that killed Iranian military commander Qassem Soleimani, a new HuffPost/YouGov survey finds, but express qualms about the president’s decision-making process and the strike’s possible repercussions. Overall views of the administration’s foreign policy remain underwater. Forty-three percent of Americans approve of the decision …

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Trump Doubles Down On Threat To Commit War Crimes

The New York Times reports: U.S. President Donald Trump on Sunday stood by his threat to go after Iranian cultural sites, warning of a “major retaliation” if Iran strikes back for the killing of one of its top military commanders. The president, speaking to reporters on Air Force One, also threatened sanctions against U.S. ally Iraq after its parliament called …

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