Kimmel: Melania Could End Up With “Half Of Nothing”

“The Great White Supremacist has until Monday to come up with a $464 million bond, or the state may seize and sell his property. Trump said nobody has ever heard of anything like this before. Trump needs cash and– we never heard of most of the crazy stuff he did before – I mean, nobody ever heard of the president changing the weather with a Sharpie before either.

“Something tells me over the weekend, Trump’s going to start talking about how strong Vladimir Putin is, and suddenly a dump truck full of rubles will pull up and cover this for him. But of course the real loser here is Melania. She may end up with half of the nothing he owns now. I hope she got an advance on that prenup, because if you think she hates him now, wait until he’s poor.

“Trump yesterday asked the Supreme Court to grant him absolute immunity in the case related to the events of January 6th, and he also wants immunity from chlamydia, just in case, you know. But his argument is that the threat of future imprisonment, not for him, it would prevent the president from doing potentially illegal things, which I think is the point of prison in the first place.

“But if Donald Trump wants immunity, he should drink bleach like he told us to do when we wanted immunity.” – Jimmy Kimmel, in last night’s opening monologue, all of which is worth your time.