“Ex-Gay” Milo Is Having A Hard Time Being Straight

Posted to Milo Yiannopoulos’s Telegram channel:

Last week, my therapist said we’re approaching a point in the process where I might consider (a) establishing routines and processes and safeguards that will cement me into celibacy for life, or (b) taking a punt on something riskier and more intimidating–years of work trying to drag my broken compass back to True North.

I am writing him a letter today to say that in anticipation of this day, I have for the last six months been paying closer attention to the personalities and habits of women in general, and, after careful consideration, I am TOTALLY GOOD stopping where I am, thanks so much!

Initially, my concern was: I can’t do that to some innocent girl, all so I can have a son as some grand symbolic triumph. Now I’ve had the chance to observe a range of women more thoroughly and systematically, I am certain I’d end up a sadistic serial-killing rapist if I had to live with one every day. How would I sell myself on the surreal injustice in the first place?

“Hey, imagine something as expensive to maintain as a boat that you have to train like a dog but has the personality of a cat, and if you aren’t there to maintain discipline every day forever, with consistency, equanimity and tenderness, even though these creatures are violent and basically psychotic at least a few days a month, she will murder your baby in the womb and have sex with your brother, then cry on the doorstep about how it’s all your fault before inhaling ice cream for six months and putting on 30lbs she will never lose, and the last ten years of your life will be spent with a fatter, angrier approximation of the overbearing and shrewish mother who made you gay in the first place.”

Appreciate the offer, bro, but … imma pass?

Milo, you may recall, was recently shitcanned from Hitler fan Kanye West’s presidential campaign. That came not long after he was shitcanned from selling Catholic tchotchkes on the shopping channel for the extremist ex-gay Church Militant website.