Proud Boys Trial Features Their Rules On Jerking Off

Rolling Stone reports:

Prosecutors entered a handbook into evidence that has been provided to Proud Boys members. The guidelines outline everything from the groups ideology, communal initiation procedures, group songs and chants, to bizarre rules banning individual behavior including the wearing of fedoras … and masturbation.

“This is our religion,” reads one rule. “A Proud Boy may not ejaculate alone more often than once every thirty days […] if he needs to ejaculate it must be within one yard of a woman with her consent. The woman may not be a prostitute.” The rule also denies an exception for cyber-sex with one’s wife.

Read the full article.

Stephen Colbert’s take on the rules is cued up below.

“A Proud Boy may not ejaculate alone more often than once every 30 days … if he needs to ejaculate it must be within one yard of a woman with her consent. … The woman may not be a prostitute.”

~ The Proud Boys Handbook

Not parody.https://t.co/zHoymGp3Cm

— Rich Campbell (@RCampbellmc58) January 25, 2023

The document (which Pezzola’s lawyer says is sarcastic) includes lyrics to the Proud Boys “anthem” “Proud of Your Boy” — a song from Aladdin that was the inspiration for the group’s name.

Notably, Pezzola said “Proud of Your Boy” when he filmed himself inside the Capitol. pic.twitter.com/V3tHOuGP2z

— Kyle Cheney (@kyledcheney) January 23, 2023

I wish I was joking. This is Proud Boy founder, Gavin McInnes, explaining his “No Wank” policy. He describes masturbation as a “liberal concept.” McInnes explains the the Catholic priests were right about masturbation 😳. pic.twitter.com/90WqErWx8J

— Laura Burkhardt (@LauraAnnSTL) January 23, 2023