“There’s a strong public service component to the show and we have warned you about the threat that zombie raccoons may pose to this country. Raccoons don’t have to be zombies to be a danger. In the state of West Virginia, a new crisis has emerged, drunk raccoons. Police in the town of Milton, West Virginia, are warning residents there about staggering and disoriented raccoons who are roaming the streets. Officers say the animals have eaten fermented crab apples and become intoxicated. So far the drunk raccoons and the zombie raccoons have not made contact or mated but the situation is fluid and will be monitoring it for developments.” – Tucker Carlson, on last night’s show.