Texas Judge To Gay Couples: I’ll Marry You But First Sign This Here Statement About How Much I Totally Hate You

Via Wonkette:

Ya see, the judge knows that technically, gays can do marriage to each other, so technically, as a justice of the peace who performs weddings, he has no choice but to do the gay kind now, UGH, unless he’s willing to quit his job altogether, which apparently he’s not. Not yet, anyway. But even if the law requires him to gay marry The Gays, it does not require him to like it. So he will no longer permit photography or video during wedding ceremonies, because, as a conservative Catholic, he knows Jesus hated assless tuxedos. (That’s what gays wear when they get married, right?)

Also, too, if you are the kind of The Gays who insist upon forcing this nice judicial fella to marry you against his will, you must acknowledge, in writing, that the Supreme Court’s ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges “has not changed Judge DePiazza’s personal convictions on marriage,” and that he “prefers to NOT conduct same-sex ceremonies, but will not decline anyone who chooses to schedule with him.” How big of him! Should you still decide to include the judge in your special special gay day, you must sign his form that you fully understand how much he does NOT like your same-sexing, not one bit.

More from the Houston Chronicle:

“It’s to let them know where I stand. I would want to know that if I was getting married,” he said. “There are some couples of the same sex who don’t want to be married by someone who doesn’t believe in same sex marriage.” The document also has couples acknowledge that their ceremony will be “a brief formal declaration of civil marriage,” not the traditional marriage. It also prohibits photography of the ceremony, instead saying couples can use the courtroom to take pictures after their ceremony. “I decided that for my own privacy,” DePiazza said. “Because people take pictures and can doctor them or take little snippets out of video to warp what happened.”

It would be a terrible shame if people started doctoring photos of the judge anyway. That would be just horrible.