PETA: Chicken Causes Small Penises

PETA wrote to the organizers of this weekend’s National Chicken Wing Festival in Buffalo, New York:

Dear Mr. Cerza: You may remember hearing from us a few years back, when we requested that you cancel the wing-eating competitions at the National Buffalo Wing Festival because of the cruelty inherent in poultry production. I’m reaching out again to ask you at least to take steps to ensure the safety of pregnant women by barring them from taking part in your contests. As I will explain, consuming poultry while pregnant may lead to birth defects in utero, including smaller-than-average penises for newborn boys. I think we can agree that embarrassment and insecurity are no small matters.

Findings published by the Study for Future Families showed that eating poultry during pregnancy may lead to smaller penis size in male infants. Looking at dairy products, eggs, fish, fruit, bird meat, potatoes, tomatoes, vegetables, and red meat, researchers found the most significant link between chicken consumption and decreased penis size because of a chemical compound found in the meat. Furthermore, evidence indicates that heterosexual women’s sexual satisfaction depends in part on their partner’s penis size. Now that you are well endowed with this information, I hope you will have the backs of future Buffalo residents and visitors by not allowing their pregnant mothers to participate in the wing-eating contest. I hope to hear from you soon.

(Tipped by JMG reader Perry)