Ohio’s Butler County prosecutor has indicted Punxsutawney Phil for lying about an early spring.
Gmoser says that on Groundhog day, Phil “did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early. Contrary to the Groundhog day report, a snowstorm and record low temperatures have been and are predicted to continue in the near future, which constitutes the offense of MISREPRESENTATION OF EARLY SPRING, a Unclassified Felony, and against the peace and dignity of the State Of Ohio.” The “indictment” further states that for the “crime” of: misrepresentation to the people, that the death penalty be implemented to the defendant, Punxsutawney Phil.”
It’s 28 degrees in NYC right now. String him up.