From Steven Petrow’s NYT column Civil Behavior:
Q: My wife and I each gave birth to one of our two children, born a year apart, using the same donor. We then legally adopted each other’s biological child. We are both loving, committed parents to both children, who are now 10 and 11 – we’re a family. Still, my in-laws clearly favor the child my wife gave birth to, as if her biological child were the more real member of their family. They shower affection on my wife’s biological child, but not on the child I carried (and whom their daughter adopted). The issue is that we’re lesbian, and our intimate life somehow taints our children in their minds. I’ve talked to them directly, but they won’t budge. Our children love Grandma and Boppa, and they don’t understand why they’re being treated so differently. We try to limit contact, but this is putting a real strain on our family. How can we fix this?
Tell us how you would handle this, then go read Petrow’s advice.