“Dear Joe: One stormy night, I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I’d heard something was up and wanted to see for myself. As I rounded the final turn, my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses.
“Trembling with worry, I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined. Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press. Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, ‘Delgaudio, what are you doing here?’
“Dozens of men began moving toward me. I’d been recognized. As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, ‘This time, Delgaudio, we can’t lose!’ Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Homosexual Lobby could win it all.” – Hate group leader Eugene Delgaudio, repeating one of his oldest (and most hilarious) stories in an emailed money beg sent out today.