There’s A Mayonnaise Store In Brooklyn

It just opened and seriously, that’s all they sell.

A store selling only artisanal flavored mayonnaise opened on Sunday in the Prospect Heights section of Brooklyn, adding another notch to the borough’s bedpost of pretentiousness. It’s called Empire Mayonnaise, it’s not a joke (in fact, we knew it was coming), and inside you’ll find flavored mayos like White Truffle, Black Garlic, Lime Pickle, Bacon, Saffron, Preserved Lemon, and Vadouvan (a French curry masala). At press time it’s unclear if there’s an ironic Hellman’s section.

The recent plague of “artisanal” products hurts my eyes from all the rolling. Artisanal pizza! At Domino’s. As for the new store, I’m a Miracle Whip guy anyway.