Weather Hot, Leather Lite

For yesterday’s leather street fair, I surveyed my closet for something from my sadly dwindling supply of perv-wear. Chaps? Yeah, right. My chaps are still lying collapsed in a pile of helpless mocking leather-laughter* after my having tried them on before the Black Party. My chain harness? Um, I’m totally not into sharply-defined man-boobs, and I so don’t want to meet anybody who is! I briefly considered my decade-old black Folsom Street Fair wife-beater, once an almost weekly stalwart of my leather bar whoredrobe, but I decided that there was no freekin’ way I could hold my stomach in all day. And with the temperature in the mid-90’s, even my most super-slutty 501’s would be pretty unbearable after an hour or so of standing in the sun.

I finally decided to pay only passing mention to the theme of the day with my “Pig Wrestling” t-shirt. Otherwise, I was in standard Sunday beer-bust attire: cargo shorts and sneakers. About an hour into the fair, I noticed another guy wearing the “Pig Wrestling” t-shirt. That’s to be expected. An hour later, I noticed another guy with my shirt. Then another one. And of course, my friends noticed them too, and took entirely unreasonable delight in pointing them out to me. Eh, it’s not like I walked out of the showroom with Dolce trailing behind, promising that I’d be the only Pig Wrestler at the leather-debutante ball.

Still, when the Farmboyz began insisting that I pose for pictures with my brothers-in-ringer-tee, that was a bit much. The first of my tee-twins that I posed with was a very short, very young Latino guy, who was very improbably named Spike. Spike wrapped his arm around me and said “Hang your cock out like I am!” Not having been proactive enough to have pre-bored a cock-hole in the crotch of my shorts, I declined. The picture that Father Tony took of Spike and me is not appropriate for JMG, since I’m only X-rated for naughty words. The unknown handsome man pictured here was very amused by Father Tony’s photo request, agreeing to pose once when told that he’d just won Hottest Pig Wrestler At The Fair. I think the expression on my face is the same one usually made by the First Runner-Up at Miss Teen USA.

*Chaps actually made of that weird naugaboo Nasty Pig material, not leather.


Musical highlight of the day, heard on the Eagle roofdeck around 8PM: Yoko Ono’s spooky classic, Walking On Thin Ice, which was famously recorded by Yoko and John Lennon on the evening of his murder in 1980. You gave me my life, like a gush of wind in my hair. Yoko released the single a month later and it only reached #58 on the Billboard singles chart, yet over the decades Walking On Thin Ice has turned into a critic’s favorite and a must-have for both Beatles collectors and dance enthusiasts, two groups that surely have no other common ground, Silly Love Songs notwithstanding. Download Walking On Thin Ice (free). Purchase Yoko Ono: Walking On Thin Ice, here.