Tag Archives: Overheard

Smart In Spanish

Manhattan, Eagle roof-deck, Sunday 9pm Guy 1: Man, is Alan’s new boyfriend dumb or what? What a box of rocks! Guy 2: I don’t know, maybe it’s just his accent. Guy 3: I agree. He could totally be smart. In Spanish..

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Not Married, Married – Just Lovers

Saturday, 1am, Hillside Campgrounds I’m chatting with a trio from Canada. A handsome muscular man walks past the bonfire…. Camper 1: Woof!Camper 2: Agreed.Camper 3: Married. Lives in Boston.Camper 1: Damn, too bad.Camper 2: No, he’s not married, but he lives with his lover.Camper 1: Oh, so I’ve got a shot.Camper 2: I didn’t say that. Just that he’s not …

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Design Flaw

NYC Eagle, Sunday, 9pm Guy 1: So anyway, we had a really good weekend together. He’s totally perfect for me, except for- and I hate to say this – his apartment.Guy 2: Why? Is he a slob?Guy 1: Oh, no. Everything is spotless. You could eat off the floor.Guy 2: So the problem is……Guy 1: The problem is his place …

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Rabbit Season! Duck Season!

Rite Aid, Grand Central Terminal, Wednesday 2pmAn elderly woman approaches a pharmacist, who is out on the floor with a phone, examing the shelves. Elderly Woman (brandishng a pill bottle): Excuse me, do you have these in a suppository?Pharmacist (puts phone on his shoulder): If there aren’t any on the shelf, then we’re out.EW: I need them in the big …

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Parade Rest

Sunday, 3pm, Christopher StreetTwo twinks are waving at a boy on a passing Pride parade float and shouting to hear each other over the float’s music.Twink 1: He does not! He’s very cute. Twink 2: What are you talking about? Twink 1: That was mean. Twink 2: What was mean? Twink 1: He does NOT have the face of a …

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Truthiness

Union Square, outside NYU dorms, Tuesday, 11:30PM Girl 1 (on cell): Fuck you. Go fuck yourself. You ain’t got no dick anyway. She hangs up….Girl 2: Dude, I thought you said he has a nice cock? Girl 1: Shut up!.

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Double Standards

FexEx/Kinko’s, Vanderbilt Street, 8:30amMale Hipster: I still can’t believe you slept with him. I mean, he’s cool and all, but… Female Hipster: Well, clearly he’s not completely gay. MH: Nuh-uh. Once you’ve done it, you are all the way gay. FH: Well, I guess that makes me a lesbian. MH: That’s HOT. FH: Whatever, dude..

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Soup & Pallid

Lenny’s Deli, 1st Avenue, 12:30pmGirl 1: OMG! That chowder smells so good! Girl 2: It totally does, but I’m not getting cream soup so close to summer. Girl 1: You can always get rid of it at the office if you need to. Girl 2: Oh, I never purge at work. People can hear you. (Both laugh.) Girl 1: Yeah, …

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European Union

Wednesday, 7pm, the S trainPreppie Girl 1: So my parents are making me spend the summer with my grandparents in Switzerland. Preppie Girl 2: Oh, I didn’t know your family was from Germany. Preppie Girl 1: They’re not. Switzerland is like, in France..

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Unfriended

Sunday 2pm, Starbucks, Upper West SideYoung Mother: Do you want to have a playdate with Lindsey tomorrow? I can call her mother and set it up. 5 Year-Old: No! I don’t like Lindsey anymore. She’s poor. (Overheard by Jeff.).

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Priorities

Upper East Side, 1st & 71st, 8:30amA woman is walking her dog in front of an under-construction high-rise. A cement truck is waiting to back into the site. Construction Guy: Excuse me, miss! Can you please use the other sidewalk? Woman (pointing at dog): When he is done making HIS shit, you can go back to making YOURS. I was …

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Ruling By Fear

Food Emporium, 1st Avenue, Tuesday 8pmA small boy is running in circles around a produce display, unspooling about 50 feet of plastic bags.Young Mother: You had just better start behaving right this minute or tomorrow morning I’m getting on the phone and calling in Mean Nanny for the rest of the week. Do you want that? Do you want to …

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Hipster Foodies

Saturday, 1am, 2nd Avenue, East VillageStoned Dude 1(pointing): You wanna eat there? Stoned Dude 2: Thailand Cafe? What kinda food do they have? SD1: Um, Thai food, dude. SD 2: Like what? SD 1: Dude! Like noodles and shrimp. That kinda shit. SD 2: Fuck that. I don’t like Chinese..

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Homophonics

The Eagle, Sunday, 10PMMan 1: Well, sure, you are kinda nelly, but some guys like that. Man 2: What are you talking about??!! Man 1: What? Man 2: You asshole, I said I was a feminist, not effeminate! Man 1 (shrinking): Oh….. Man 2: And I am NOT nelly! (Man 2 stalks away.) Man 1 (to himself): Whatever, girl..

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Regrets

The 6 train platform, Saturday 3PMWoman 1: I’m just sorry I slept with them. Woman 2: Well, you were drunk. Woman 1: Yeah, but now today I’m all red and itchy. Woman 2: Right? And you can’t put anything in there, cuz you’ll make it worse. (Horrified, the women realize I’m standing there.) Woman 1: Hey, we’re just talking about …

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Overheard At The Dugout

Man On Cellphone: Oh, Jesus! Well, if it is gunshots, don’t sleep in the front bedroom!.

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Map Quest

Grand Central Terminal, Food Court, 1:30 PMAn attractive young white guy and a stunning Asian girl are seated next to me. As I’m eating my lunch and scanning the Times, they converse animatedly in Japanese. As always, I am startled to hear an apparent Westerner speaking fluent Japanese, I don’t know why I always notice that. They are in business …

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