New York Magazine reports:
Yesterday wasn’t exactly the slowest of news days: A sitting senator gave birth while in office for the first time ever, the Bill Cosby retrial started, and FBI agents raided the home and office of Donald Trump’s personal lawyer. But Fox News host Tucker Carlson didn’t want to get into any of those boring stories. Instead, he wanted to expose pandas for what they really are: horny. Inspired by the recent Wall Street Journal story, “The Uncuddly Truth About Pandas,” Carlson was eager to disprove all the #fakenews about the bears.
After explaining that pandas “could easily kill you if they felt like it,” Carlson pointed out that male pandas love sex but just hate “unsexy zoos.” But in the wild, per Tucker, males will have sex as much as 40 times in a single afternoon. (Yes, all this was really said.) Twitter, obviously, had an absolute field day with the segment, especially considering Carlson largely avoided the big Cohen news during his show.
For those still in disbelief that Tucker Carlson was talking about pandas instead of Trump’s attorney getting raided by the feds pic.twitter.com/UP0IaappUA
— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) April 10, 2018
THANK YOU, Tucker Carlson, for keeping us informed tonight about all of the big news. America needs patriots like yourself who are willing to tell the truth, even when it is hard. pic.twitter.com/wk8PzmIohW
— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) April 10, 2018
When the pee-tape drops, Tucker Carlson will start running explicit kangaroo porn.
— Jeet Heer (@HeerJeet) April 10, 2018
Wait, was there a fucking panda bear in the offices of the President’s attorney when federal agents came charging in with that warrant? Or is Tucker Carlson the exact opposite of a journalist and his broadcast the Platonic ideal of gibbering insanity? https://t.co/2GloibNl1K
— David Simon (@AoDespair) April 10, 2018
Rather than talk about Cohen, Tucker Carlson decided to talk about the ravaging sex drive of Pandas. I think this is a cry for help. https://t.co/EFc1ze2Zws
— M.J. Mouton (@MJ_Mouton) April 10, 2018
Me: Why did they think panda sex would make us forget about Cohen?
Husband: You’re thinking about this too hard.
Me: Not as hard as Tucker Carlson is thinking about it.
Husband: I’m not sure that’s true.
— Celeste Ng (@pronounced_ing) April 10, 2018
CNN: FBI raids Trump’s lawyer’s office.
NBC: FBI raids Trump’s lawyer’s office.
Fox News: Pandas are aggressive and sex-crazed. We’ll take a look at their role in Hillary’s pedophile pizza ring (dramatic pause) right after the break.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 10, 2018