Sessions Hits Back At Trump’s “Disgraceful” Comment

Jeff Sessions has issued a rare public response to Trump’s attack this morning which called him “disgraceful” for his handling of the FISA warrants issue.

Via press release from the Department Of Justice:

“We have initiated the appropriate process that will ensure complaints against this Department will be fully and fairly acted upon if necessary. As long as I am the Attorney General, I will continue to discharge my duties with integrity and honor, and this Department will continue to do its work in a fair and impartial manner according to the law and Constitution.” – Jeff Sessions.

  • TampaDink

    Tweet storm response in 3….2….1.

    • JWC

      hehehe maybe .its that point where …..the monkey thot it was all in fun “Pop goes theWeavel’

      • TampaDink

        Pop goes the aneurysm.

  • david fairfield

    This is a pattern between Sessions and Trump. I’m bored.

    • KevInPDX

      “I’m bored”. Made me think of Dieter from Sprocket (SNL). “Your story has become tiresome. Now is the time of Sprocket where we dance”.

  • zhera

    Well well well! How will Donnie take this? I’d love to be a fly on the wall in the Oval Office now!

    • matrem

      Unless fox reports on it, he’ll never know

  • Henry Auvil

    Jeez. When Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions III is sounding like a principled, judicious patriot, you know the world has turned upside down.

    • Judas Peckerwood

      Just to be pedantic, his first name is “Jefferson”, in “honor” of Confederate President Jefferson Davis. The “Beauregard” part is in “honor” of Confederate General P.T.G. Beauregard.

      • Henry Auvil

        Of course. Thanks for correcting my sloppiness.

        • Judas Peckerwood

          It’s always jarring to be reminded that some parents intentionally name their children after history’s monsters.

      • Sporkfighter

        Another word for “pedantic” is “obsessed with accuracy”.

        • ColdCountry

          “Obsessed with accuracy” is three words. 🙂

          • Sporkfighter

            Damn! Now I have to clean iced tea out of my keyboard!

          • ColdCountry

            My work here is done. 🙂

          • JackFknTwist

            Hee hee…..my favourite saying !

      • Librarykid

        Racist from the instant of conception.

    • Todd20036

      He’s not very judicial, and mostly he agrees with Trump, but Trump wants to fire Mueller, and Sessions won’t let him. That’s pretty much it.

      • Bad Tom

        That’s because Jeff Sessions is pissed at Trump, and knows Mueller is gonna get him.

    • 🐾vorpal🐾

      Well, gnomes do get +2 intelligence.

      • Strepsi

        😀

    • Len Ricci

      remember what Mrs. Gayle told Elmyra Gulch in the Wiz of Oz…Elmyra Gulch.. just because you own half the county you think you have the power to run the rest of us…. well, “for 23 years, I’ve been dying to tell you what I think of you… and now, well, being a christian woman, I can’t say it!

      Jeff… GET up the NERVE… and tell the MF off.

      • JackFknTwist

        Like that will happen !

  • Scott MB

    3 snaps in a Z formation…BITCHES!

  • Judas Peckerwood

    The only honorable solution is a fight to the death.

    • fastlanestranger

      Or seppuku by all parties involved.

      • RoFaWh

        Seppuku demands a certain sense of honor.

        Trump and all those around him completely lack honor. If Trump falls on his own sword, it will just be another suicide with no fancy language needed to describe it.

        • David Walker

          I’m good with that, as long as I don’t have to clean up after.

        • fastlanestranger

          Oh my God you’re right. Is there such a thing as seppuku by proxy?

          • Strepsi

            how about bukkake?

    • another_steve

      Well, in Ancient Greece the only honorable solution was to drink poison.

      Not that I’m suggesting that, mind you.

      • zhera

        I like the Japanese way. Gory, but straight to the point.

        • Sporkfighter

          And an appropriate place to display that ugly sneer.

        • David Walker

          The target is certainly too large to miss.

      • RoFaWh

        Hemlock was the poison given to Socrates, but be aware that it’s not the hemlock tree (Tsuga)that’s poisonous but the water hemlock in Conium, along with a couple of other plants related to it.

        • another_steve

          I know hemlock trees aren’t poisonous – at least not to deer – because every winter the deer around here strip bare our hemlock trees as far as they can stretch their necks and graze. As a result, all our hemlocks look like lollipops.

          Whatever.

          The deer were here first.

    • The_Wretched

      Thunderdome!

      Just tell Donny it’s a PPV.

  • Miji

    I think Jeffy knows how this shit show will go down in history and is just trying to look as good as possible in his paragraph.

    • No More GOP.

      It’s going to be hard to wash off the ground-in smears of fecal matter deeply embedded in and on him.

      • #DJTK5F

        Jeffy got shit in places dental floss can’t reach.

  • JoeMyGod

    “As long as I am the Attorney General” = You will have to fire me, sucker.

    • Devon Rodriguez

      Trump is angling for yet another firing…

    • zhera

      Did you see the troll in the post about the Noble peace prize? Nasty bugger!

    • not a user 220000

      Hey! Great minds think alike!

    • Todd20036

      I read it that way too. He isn’t quitting.

    • Librarykid

      fucker

  • tbj5

    https://mobile.twitter.com/pacelattin/status/968914730629787648

    All briefings and meeting cancelled suddenly. All executive staff called to Oval Office.

    Something’s coming. And not in the good way for Trump.

    • tbj5

      Now there’s news of Trump addressing the media at 3PM

      • safari

        Oh dear.

      • Sporkfighter

        Trump couldn’t address a letter to Santa by himself. If he were merely incompetent, he’d do what I’d do were I unfortunate enough to become president; I’d leave everyone from the Obama presidency in place, find academics who have spent their working careers studying the issues and ask them for advice, then I’d listen.

        Unfortunately, Trump is not merely incompetent. He’s anti-competent.

      • pj

        hes quitting. probably not but it felt good to type it.

        • 🐾vorpal🐾

          It felt amazing to read it.

    • #DJTK5F

      Hope Hicks is pregnant, and they gotta submit DNA samples?

      Update: I was right. She’s “resigning” (i.e. ‘maternity leave’).

      Who’s gonna iron the Dotard’s crotch now?

      • Gerry Fisher

        Is that a little white lie?

    • kelven

      Shades of Watergate? Hopefully the dotard has decided to resign before the next wave of indictments takes out his entire senior staff.

      • matrem

        Can he wait until after Pence is arrested?

    • The_Wretched

      I dare not be excited.

    • Wisterley

      Great. Now I’m terrified.

      • The_Wretched

        Odds are more on the “Mueller is too close, must saturday night massacre” side than “Mueller is too close, must baby nuke NK tonight” side.

        • Wisterley

          Oh hell, these days I’m just terrified. Don’t need a specific reason. Just waking up is enough.

      • ColdCountry

        I’m actually a little excited, but I’ll put off going to the grocery store to find out – just in case I don’t need to….

        • Wisterley

          I’ve got hydrangeas to prune. I don’t need this shit.

        • clay

          Bread, milk, and eggs! Bread, milk, and eggs!

          – or –

          Bottled water and ammunition!

          • ColdCountry

            Decisions, decisions…. Although, ammunition wouldn’t do me much good as I haven’t got a gun. Grenades! Rocket launchers!

          • clay
          • ColdCountry

            Or, as Strax would say, “I suggest a full frontal assault with automated laser monkeys, scalpel mines and acid.”

    • clay
  • JWC

    Do Not know if I would accept the word ‘honor’ applied to Jeffy Noreguard But good for him standing up to Donny Gee between McMaster Kelly and Sessions will there be a dustup In the OK Oval Office Corral

  • Leo

    Keebler already offered his resignation and Drumpf rejected it folks, remember. What would make this any different is beyond me and my pay grade.

    The former is a necessary evil as lynchpin for Mueller so everyone stay in your trenches and wait to see what toddler does. That’s all at this point.

  • Pollos Hermanos
    • Rex

      Hey Don, I’ve baked a special batch of chocolate cookies just for you.

  • MikeBx2

    With integrity and honor, Sessions bends over and says to Trump, thank you sir may I have another?

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Start making arrangements to return to possum holler.

  • Lindoro Almaviva

    That moment the southern bigot looks like a respectful guy

    • matrem

      Jeffy’s family has been in America longer than Drumf’s.

  • not a user 220000

    “As long as I am the Attorney General”

    Sounds like a challenge to the Imbecile-In-Chief

  • Devon Rodriguez
  • TexasBoy

    Trump’s response: The next Greyhound bus to Shithole Creek leaves in an hour. You need to be on it.

  • No More GOP.

    “integrity and honor”. Oh, Jeff, I do not think that means what you think it means, given your behavior so far.

  • Jim Maloney

    He didn’t tweet it out? WEAK! DISGRACEFUL!

  • alc2018
  • #DJTK5F

    Weak sauce from the Lil Bigot Jeffi. He’s nothing but a white supremacist, trying to do as much damage as he can to women, minorities, LGBTs and immigrants before Trump eventually pulls out hard and kicks him to the curb. He won’t even get the courtesy of a whore’s bath on his way out the door.

  • Jack

    Isn’t that a question best asked of Sessions, rather than the Twitterverse?

    These kids and their phones.

  • kelven
    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      Good kitty!
      Fair is fair!

      • coram nobis

        Kitty needs to get a nice warm dish of cream now.

    • WNY
    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      Looks like a young Donald Trump’s first lesson – do not grab the pussy!

      • RoFaWh

        The caption should be “Young Donald Trump learns that grabbing pussies isn’t always a good idea.”

    • Sam_Handwich

      i can’t stop watching

    • #DJTK5F

      Who fuckin’ films that? Instead of protecting the cat.

      Kid’ll only do that once though.

      • coram nobis

        I don’t think whoever filmed it was expecting that. The kitty looked surprised, too. I just hope the parent gave the kitty some warm cream, or maybe some salmon as an apology.

    • RoFaWh

      That kid’s parents haven’t taught him too important facts:

      1. Catses have clawses, five on each corner. You have been warned.

      2. Cats are not plush toys to be thrown around at will.

  • mickey

    Lmfao…
    As if he ever started: “I will continue to discharge my duties with integrity and honor, and this Department will continue to do its work in a fair and impartial manner according to the law and Constitution ”

    That’s some funny shit.

  • The_Wretched

    Imagine a universe where a racist and ultra-conservative toady isn’t enough loyalty for Trump. oops, we’re there.

  • safari
    • coram nobis

      That’s when he pawned his soul. He needs to bring the ticket back.

    • clay

      . . . and as soon as Trump was the nominee, Secessions was talking to Russia for him.

  • alc2018
    • JWC

      “….if i only had a brain…”

    • Megrim Twist

      Fantastic!

  • leo77

    “Massive FISA abuse” another meme supported by no evidence.

    • The_Wretched

      There’s a reasonable argument that we don’t need or shouldn’t have a secret court that’s making secret law. OTOH, that ship sailed 20 years ago. I’ve been after my conservative co-workers to get them to understand that this problem of secret surveillance is a GWB initiated problem.

      the PATRIOT act needs to go bye-bye too.

  • Leo

    OT. Charlottesville statue tarps officially removed; trial for statue removal not until October.

  • Ninja0980

    Who would have thought there was a scenario where Jeff Sessions wouldn’t look like the bigger asshole?

    • Ben in Oakland

      How big an asshole could an elf have?

      • The_Wretched

        He’s been working on it for 40 years. Pretty big.

  • coram nobis

    So, Beauregard, why are you still working for this moron, who just insulted you in the most public manner?

    Maybe you should (1) resign (the tweet can say “That’s it, I’ve had it, fuck you, Pumpkin Head, I quit”) and (2) call Robert Mueller.

    • JWC

      Beauregard= Noreguard his feeling for most people and policies

      • coram nobis

        He’s named for Jefferson Davis and Pierre Beauregard, so it sort of says it. (Sort of like Robert E. Lee (Bob) Ewell, the nemesis in “To Kill A Mockingbird”).

        • JWC

          I just think that “No Reguard’ fits him better

    • The_Wretched

      I can imagine Jeffy saying to Trump in the voice of Gollum, “I’ve got dirt on youuuu”.

  • JWC

    Wahhhh I don’t wanna [play presidunt no more

    • Todd20036

      you just summed up trump’s present feelings

  • AtticusP
  • Cuberly Deux

    Hhhhh: Mueller Team asking if Trump was aware of stolen DNC emails before the public.

  • alc2018
  • Jalapeño Business

    Sassy little elf.

  • Phil Touchette

    Can someone get Leslie Jordan to play a parody version of this little elfin cracker in a satire of the Trump Administration?

  • Megrim Twist

    :: fan goes SNAP ::

  • Rex

    Fair and impartial manner according to the law and Constitution – well, that’s a novel idea.

    • The_Wretched

      *unless you’re black.

  • Max_1

    “Session”…

  • Sam_Handwich
    • RoFaWh

      I have to wonder how Trump himself, a person who has rarely, if ever, heard the word “no”, is handling “Sessions talking back.”

      Ha ha ha

      If Trump is miserable because things are veering out of control, he has no one but himself to blame. I expect that instead he’ll blame Obama or perhaps Crooked Hillary.

      Donald, dearest, give it up. You are a failure as President and the sooner you admit that to yourself, the sooner your pain will cease, though it will come back when you are arrested and tried.

      Ha ha ha

      Stay away; I’m sick. With an excess of schadenfreude.

      • ColdCountry

        Dump will never have no one but himself to blame, and he, himself, is blameless in every case.

    • clay

      Speaking of the Generals, weren’t they a half-week late announcing their new policies on trans-gender persons? and aren’t they another week late, now, announcing the specifics?

  • bkmn

    Sounds like Lindseybelle ghost wrote that for him

  • GeneInSJ

    “Them’s fightin’ words!”

  • Ninja0980

    Keep in mind Sessions has wanted this job for a long, long time.
    No way he’s going to let Trump drive him out of it.

  • Ben in Oakland

    As long as I am attorney general…

    Well that shouldnt take long.

  • another_steve

    I experience terrible lust for these “Grasshopper” cookies (to die for), but feel guilty because Sessions is on the wrapping.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8ec1d392bbf61648ade3d0b0f1f9139a51a4c3bb184d4b2554069b75888d5aad.jpg

    • Ben in Oakland

      You experience terrible lust for The Jared as well. Doesn’t this tell you something?

      • The_Wretched

        Calories don’t count if you eat them in the basement.

        • Ben in Oakland

          And Steve wants to keep The Jared in his basement. I can see where this is going.

      • Wisterley

        LOL.

        • Ben in Oakland

          I know!
          Chocolate mint cookies sound disgusting. And The Jared…?!?!?!?!?!?

          • Wisterley

            Disgusting things are possible with shrimp.

          • Ben in Oakland

            The Bible calls them abominations.

          • Wisterley

            I think we’ve all known a few abominations in our times. Done a few as well.

      • another_steve

        That I like delicious things that aren’t good for me?

        • Ben in Oakland

          Well, I would put it more in terms of artificial flavors and trans fats, but sure.

  • kareemachan

    ‘Integrity and honor’ my ass.

    • Todd20036

      yes sir…

  • Longpole

    Don’t eat the cookies today, the keebler elf looks pissed.

  • Sam_Handwich
    • Cuberly Deux

      Didn’t he talk about damaging info a few hours after Uday’s infamous meeting w/ the Ruskies?

      • The_Wretched

        Then there was that whole “Russia, if you’re listening, I can use those emails right now.”

      • David Walker

        I believe you’re right. I think he mentioned 30,000 emails a few hours after the Trump Tower meeting with junior and the child adoption specialists.

        • Cuberly Deux

          HA! “…child adoption specialist…” HA!

      • clay

        (minutes)

        • Cuberly Deux

          Yeah, wasn’t it like 20min after the Ruskies left?

    • Bambino

      I’m sure his answers will be in the variety of “People were saying”, “I read it from the internet”, “ask everybody”.

      • Cuberly Deux

        Mueller:”Did you hear about hacked email prior to the public learning about them?”
        Trump: “Look, I’m a performer, I perform, I say things to make people happy, I’m a performer. If I hear something and they like it I say it. I’m a performer, it’s simple.”
        Mueller: “So your answer is yes?”

  • JWC

    Slowly, ever so slowly, in a perfect arch and dead eyed trajectory the large turd progresses to the rapidly spinning fan

    • Bambino

      I bet Sessy Jeff himself has been busy collecting damning evidence against bone spur cadet as a leverage when the time comes.

      • JWC

        Anyone around trump should have done that How many of Caesar’s allies stabbed him

        • Bambino

          If they have not learned from Comey experience already.

  • Bambino

    Bone spur cadet is a coward. The little leprechaun bite back and he ran back into his corner licking his wound.

  • gaycuckhubby

    BREAKING… You can’t make this shit up.

    https://twitter.com/AP/status/968903039942881281?s=19

    • bkmn

      Georgia always has to find a way to outshine Florida

    • gaycuckhubby
      • David Walker

        This should also reinforce the lieutenant governor’s decision to try to block Delta’s tax benefits. Delta is clearly wrong and FedEx is just the kind of people GA government wants to bidness with.

      • #DJTK5F

        In the rain!

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      Wait! Isn’t this a teacher with a gun??
      Isn’t the GOP plan to arm all the teachers?

      • David Walker

        Yuppers. But it’s too soon to ask “what could possibly go wrong?”

        • Dreaming Vertebrate

          A North Georgia teacher, known as the longtime radio voice of Dalton High School football, is in custody after he fired at least one shot inside a classroom, police said.
          About 11:30 a.m., some students tried to get into Randal Davidson’s classroom and he would not let them in, Dalton police spokesman Bruce Frazier said.

          They alerted the principal. When the principal came to the door and used his key to try to open it, Davidson forcibly closed it on him, Frazier said.

          At that point, the principal heard a gunshot. Police have not said what type of gun was used, only that it was a handgun.

  • Gigi

    O/T: Now we know why FedEx refu$e$ to cut tie$ with the NRA.

    Fedex Has Had Secret Deal With NRA & Gun Manufacturers to Ship Guns
    https://secondnexus.com/news/fedex-secret-deal-nra/

    • bkmn

      Yup, rules that apply to the public don’t apply to certain companies that sell the NRA’s guns.

    • JWC

      so now we know Boycott Fedex

      • Michael White

        which includes Amazon as they use Fedex as their carrier.

        • JWC

          so apply pressure on Amazon Even if only to suggest the association is a problem

  • Ninja0980
    • Cuberly Deux

      Says the opportunistic troll that refuses to decline campaign donations from the NRA. A lobbying group actively engaged in attacking victims of a school shooting.

      Go fuck yourself and your sanctimonious pining you corrupt little twat.

    • April

      NRA whore said what?

  • Boreal

    OT:
    Trump excludes Florida’s Democratic senator from ‘bipartisan’ meeting on guns — just like he did after hurricane

    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/02/trump-excludes-floridas-democratic-senator-bipartisan-meeting-guns-just-like-hurricane/

    • ColdCountry

      That man just keeps getting worse.

  • mikemmiv

    Is there running list of who is in line to resign?

  • coram nobis

    “I will continue to discharge my duties with integrity and honor …”

    You work for Donald J-for-Jerk Trump, Beauregard. The integrity and honor is not possible.

    • edrex

      or expected.

  • toddc

    cant say i really like the guy, but “oh snap” well said buckaroo.

  • Karl Dubhe

    The fucky thing is that I almost believe Jeffy. Well, more than I believe anything out of trump’s mouth anyhow.

    It’s the only thing he could say, and the fact that he has to say it shows how much we’re all going to suffer from trump’s leadershit abilities.

  • BobSF_94117

    Staged spat.

  • TexasBoy

    Thunderdome!

  • canoebum

    ‘Isn’t he an Obama guy?” impunes every career civil servant in the Federal government. This man really should be hanged on the Washington Mall, just so the world knows we’re not giving up on our democratic Republic and its Constitution.

    • David Walker

      Such an event would draw more people than his inauguration.

      • Michael White

        my speaking there would draw a bigger crowd than tRump/s

  • SoCalGal20

    Sessions is truly awful but he’s done a couple of good things. He properly recused himself from TrumpRussia and he allowed Rod Rosenstein to appoint a special counsel. And he’s correctly letting the IG investigation take its course in this matter. And Trump can’t do a fucking thing about it and it’s eating him up.

    And as bad as he is, I daresay he cares more about being AG than being Trump’s lapdog.

    • The_Wretched

      I think Sessions is more worried about his own legal jeopardy at this point than whatever Trump is upset about.

      • ColdCountry

        Whatever it takes to make him do the right thing….

      • Uncle Mark

        And I suspect that Sessions had no idea how corrupted the Trump team was, until he was fully committed to the team….being blinded by the promise of leading the DOJ. I’ll bet anything that his vetting process was just rubber stamping everyone Trump wanted.

        At this point, I’m certain that Sessions sees the walls closing in, and is looking to minimize the charges against him; perhaps awaiting the opportunity to negotiate with Mueller. You just know he regrets giving up his cushy Senate seat for this shitshow. It’s almost like he made a wish on a shitgibbon’s paw

        • clay

          Sessions was part of their Russian connections back at the time of the Convention.

          • Natty Enquirer

            Exactly. Sessions was no wide-eyed debutante sashaying into her first Cotillion.

  • alc2018
  • Kevin Andrews

    Poor Little Lying Jethro Sessions couldn’t care less about the “Law and Constitution.” If he and the Senate did care about the “Law and Constitution” the twisted Keebler Elf would be in Leavenworth now for his Lying to the Senate during his confirmation rubber-stamping.

  • It’s going to be fun watching everyone in the Trump administration go down not because they were taken down but because Trump is happy to throw them off the cliff on a whim. And they totally deserve all of it.

  • Richard

    The Dotard dissing his AG again….. anyone surprised? Didn’t think so….

  • ‘Til Tuesday
  • Jon Doh

    I’ll bet he about fell off his booster seat when he heard what Trump said.

  • Gregory Peterson

    Prig the Elf vs. The Orange Ogre.

  • MassageBear
  • andrew

    Trump uses people when they are advancing him and ridicules and abuses them when they aren’t. Sorry Jeff your usefulness to Trump is over.