Jeff Sessions Has Opioids Solution: Just Take Aspirin

The Tampa Bay Times reports:

U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions has drawn jeers for suggesting that people in pain should consider over-the-counter Bufferin instead of opioids. On Wednesday, Sessions was in Tampa, touting the Trump administration’s efforts to combat drug abuse and trafficking. This time, he broadened his suggestion to aspirin.

“I am operating on the assumption that this country prescribes too many opioids,” Sessions said. “People need to take some aspirin sometimes.” Sessions delivered a 25-minute address at the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Tampa, speaking to local police and federal prosecutors about the devastating impact of opioid abuse, including heroin and its high-powered cousin, fentanyl.

Sessions, veering away from his prepared remarks, also made an example of Gen. John Kelly, the president’s chief of staff, whom he said refused opioids after a minor surgery. “He goes, ‘I’m not taking any drugs,’?” the attorney general said, imitating Kelly’s voice and getting a chuckle from the crowd. “But, I mean, a lot of people — you can get through these things.”

  • Michael R
    • kaydenpat

      Just say no to Republicans. They don’t care about you unless you’re rich.

  • Let’s get Elf Sessions through a good oophorectomy/hysterectomy combo, and then hand him some Anacin and say, “Good luck, fuckhead”.

    • kaydenpat

      I’ll volunteer to do the combo myself and I’m not a surgeon.

      • Bad Tom

        Learn while doing!

        • kaydenpat

          Trying to maximize his suffering so no.

    • perversatile

      Aim High, but I’d be perfectly happy with something as mundane as hip replacement surgery, then make him walk several banana strewn blocks to obtain the sweet relief of two (just two) magical, miraculous aspirins.

      • Well struck! and well sung!

      • 🐾vorpal🐾

        Two aspirins? Are you trying to kill him? (Rhetorical question.)
        I was thinking a “children’s aspirin.”

    • 🐾vorpal🐾

      When I woke up from my double intestinal resection to find over 20 staples in my abdomen, if someone handed me an aspirin for my pain, I probably would have strangled them with my IV tubing.

      • Been there, agree with response. (Thankyou injected “dumber-all” for pain relief)

  • safari

    Should women put it between their knees, too, Jeff?

    • kaydenpat

      Their suggestions are so stupid that it makes you wonder how they remember to breathe.

    • Uncle Mark

      His wife does all the time. The poor woman is plagued by so many headaches each night

  • The_Wretched

    The heroin problem has been around a long while. The epidemic of death is due to fentanyl. Take that off the market or reduce doses or attach liability to it’s manufacturer and the death rate will drop. Of course, better to demonize users than make PHARMA unhappy.

    • safari

      Or just legalize the heroin of it and allow a clean supply.

      • The_Wretched

        Safe and clean places to use would drop the heroin death rate as well. Very good track record.

        • zhera

          It’s always the christers who are against the user rooms. At least in Norway. My city now has user rooms but it has been a long battle. As soon as the christers are back in the town administration I expect the rooms to disappear.

          • 🐾vorpal🐾

            These are the same people who claim that not providing children with sex ed will prevent them from having sex and getting pregnant.

            They live in the world of ideals that they want instead of the world that actually exists.

            Edit: edited because I’m apparently unable to formulate a proper thought today.

          • zhera

            Denying people sex ed, denying dignity for drug addicts, denying equal rights for LGBT: this how they feel morally superior.

          • 🐾vorpal🐾

            We are all required to live “up to” (down to?) their expectations for us when they seldom are able to do so.

          • The_Wretched

            I feel like i’ve ranted recently here about the broken and screwed up harmful idea of ‘sin’. Their ideas on social policies are horrific as a result.

        • clay

          and new HIV infections.

      • 🐾vorpal🐾

        Yes, this 100%. I believe that the UK did studies that showed that allowing addicts access to clean, legal heroin provided even better outcomes than methadone maintenance.

    • And from where is the fentanyl coming in such massive quantities?

      China. Not Mexico. Mostly smuggled inside shipping containers.

      Therefore the Trumpers don’t want to do anything about it.

    • 🐾vorpal🐾

      It’s not due to legal fentanyl, as BeccaM said: it’s due to “fentalogues” (fentanyl analogues) produced in China and India and sold over the internet. Many of them are much, much more powerful than fentanyl itself (e.g. carfentanil, which is, IIRC, 10,000 times stronger than morphine).

      • Bad Tom

        Not really clear to me why we need anything more powerful than fentanyl. Everyone I’ve known who was on it (or on morphine) was dying.

  • Bambino

    Such multipurpose Aspirin has become. Cure meth addiction and one tiny tablet between the knees could prevent pregnancy and rape. Wonder Sessy Jeff take them so he can look over the shoulders of other taller individuals.

  • zeroagent
    • Uncle Mark

      How is bacon NOT a drug?!! So addicted.

      • Bad Tom

        The candy of meats.

    • zhera

      No flava beans?

  • I don’t usually wish ill of people, but right now I so want Jeff to experience chronic excruciating pain, perhaps from a degenerative condition or maybe crippling migraines.

    And then let the hospital prescribe aspirin rather than morphine or some other effective pain medicine.

    I swear, the Trump administration job interviews must go thus:

    “Will you swear undying fealty to President-for-Life Donald Trump?”

    “Yep!”

    “Are you corrupt as fuck?”

    “You bet! Racist and sexist, too!”

    “Wonderful. Now are you entirely devoid of human empathy and decency?”

    “I have a perfect score on the sociopathy psychological test spectrum.”

    “Excellent, you’re hired.”

    • Uncle Mark

      For fuck’s sake, if that little shit isn’t taking pain meds on a somewhat regular basis, then he has friends, associates, and family members who do…especially at his age. What the hell is wrong with these hypocrites? I can’t believe that he’s THAT willfully ignorant.

      • I can believe he’s exactly that much a monster.

      • zhera

        They are very good at saying/thinking one thing about ‘them’, and then saying to their friends “but not you, you’re different/not like ‘them’“.

    • perversatile

      ”I don’t usually wish ill of people, but right now I so want Jeff to
      experience chronic excruciating pain, perhaps from a degenerative
      condition or maybe crippling migraines”

      AKA ”Hexcidental misfortune.

      • 🐾vorpal🐾

        I hear cluster headaches (aka suicide headaches) are fun.

        • perversatile

          ”Hurry! Hurry! Come quickly -there’s been an accident.
          A terrible horrible accident”
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9__c7HB6yWg

        • Bad Tom

          I get those. Yes.
          In fact, I’ve had them since childhood.

          I’m on a slug of meds, but none of them are narcotics.

          But when one gets out of control, I am DOWN for the count.

          • 🐾vorpal🐾

            Did you ever try psilocybin for them, out of curiosity?
            I know someone who used to suffer from them and they were not only debilitating but so agonizing that she often thought of killing herself.

            I think psilocybin (sub-hallucinogenic doses) made a huge difference for her, and she just grew her own mushrooms, since it’s fun and easy to do.

            Sorry that you have to deal with that. 🙁

          • JCF

            {{{Bad Tom}}}

        • Try a converted migraine. One that doesn’t go away for months at a time.

          It got bad enough, I contemplated suicide more than once.

          • 🐾vorpal🐾

            I’ve had some horrific headaches, but nothing anywhere near what you describe. However, my Crohn’s pain has been such that I attempted suicide once after three years of severe pain and illness.

            What do you take for a severe migraine of that calibre? Do opioids even help? Have you ever tried psilocybin? Apparently, some people have had quite a bit of success with it for migraines and cluster headaches (at sub-hallucinogenic dosages).

            Speaking of interesting things, I think ketamine is finally being prescribed as an antidepressant! My friend’s boyfriend was prescribed it just a few days ago as a nasal spray, as he hasn’t seen much improvement with a wide range of other antidepressants.

        • clay

          I have chronic cluster headache, literally blinding pain for two hours every morning. My first doctor would let me come into the health center once a month for a morphine vacation.

          But nothing really helps– anything strong enough is disabling in its own way. So I’ve worked on my mental defenses, and have now done my own minor surgeries, set and debrided my own partially severed toe, reset my own dislocated shoulders, and walked on a broken leg.

  • JWC

    Ya and an aspirin held firmly between the knees would remove the need for abortion You fucking idiot

  • kaydenpat

    I was actually naive enough to believe that because so many White folks were addicted to opioids, Trump and his regime would take this crisis serious. Guess not.

    • safari

      I believe Jared and Kellyanne are on the case.

      • kaydenpat

        LOL. Can’t even laugh too much at that since it may be true. Trump has pretty much turned over his government to nincompoops.

        • clay

          It is true. The WH Drug Czar is vacant, as are half of the appointee slots supporting it, so Trump has assigned those duties to KellyAnne. The only thing, literally the only thing that Trump has done about the opioid crisis is name it a crisis. All the other actions that were dependent on that declaration, have been . . . missing in action. Conway’s only effort is to have political pundits write uniformed editorials. She hasn’t even asked for, or researched, the opinions of public health experts.

      • Uncle Mark

        Looking at Kellyanne, I wonder if her solution to the opioid crisis is to hog all the opioids for herself. “Not enough to share with the rest of America…nom…nom…nom”

        • Judas Peckerwood

          Nah, she’s definitely a meth gal.

        • kaydenpat

          Lol! That would work.

    • The_Wretched

      PHARMA got Trump his vig.

    • clay

      They didn’t care when it was white, rural coal miners painfully dying of diagnosed-late, untreated cancer, so why would they care when it’s white, rural coal miners and their grandkids dying of untreated suppressed breathing from opioid pain-killers?

      • kaydenpat

        Fair question. Perhaps these voters will get a clue.

        • clay

          I fear they’ll just get more depressed, nostalgic, paranoid, and conservative. That’s what I saw in Kansas.

          • JCF

            I fear they’ll just die off (and yes, I’m trying to be really sad about that).

          • clay

            They don’t die off very fast–western Kansas has been dying off since 1910, and it’s still not done.

    • zhera

      This is the continuance of the ‘Just Say No’. Addicts are weak, immoral, and deserve their troubles. So goes the christian love/mindset.

      • kaydenpat

        Because just saying “no” is the easiest thing ever! /s

      • JCF

        -ist, but yes.

        • zhera

          I know what you mean, but in this particular case I don’t agree. Sure, there are christians who don’t do this. My personal experience however is that when it comes to drug addicts, even moderate christians are ‘morally superior’. Obviously not ALL of them, but many, many.

          If your experience is better then that’s great!

          • JCF

            Hmmm. In the US, probably the *average* American feels “morally superior” to drug addicts. Is this a Christian thing? As a direct legacy of Puritanism, perhaps you’re right. Today however, the specifically punitive approach to drug addiction is definitely a Christianist thing (liberal Christians, like secular liberals, would be asking “Why can’t we get more money for drug TREATMENT, not prosecution?”)

          • zhera

            I’m reminded that Norway and USA have different christians. Well, mostly. We do have our extreme christians here, who go berserk over abortion, anything gay, etc., but most of them are what you’d probably consider liberal. And THEY are the ones who are elected into offices, and who block things like user rooms.

            BUT. They are not ruling alone, and the other parties will gladly sacrifice drug addicts for a seat on the city council. So it’s not only a religious thing it’s also a ‘people suck’ thing.

    • Bad Tom

      None of those people are rich.
      ——-
      The people selling the opioids are rich.

      • And they also have very good attorneys. Funny how society doesn’t call them drug dealers, when they’re rich, white guys with lawyers. Instead they get fancy titles like CEO.

    • Judas Peckerwood

      They don’t have to take it seriously, they just have to find a way to blame brown people.

      • kaydenpat

        Preferably blame Obama.

    • Why should they. The people being fucked over will turn up in 2020 and vote for Trump again anyway.

    • Lawerence Collins

      Their drug company buddies won’t stand for that! None of these thugs care about Americans suffering or dying.

    • Niblet58

      Until the opioid plague reaches the very tippy top of the moneyed classes NOTHING will be done to stop it. Poor whites are held in the exact same contempt as people of color by the moneyed classes.

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    LOL. That’s almost as good as Sharon Angle’s healthcare plan of paying doctors with chickens. These Republicans are so bright.

  • BobSF_94117

    [removed due to brain fart]

    • Karl Dubhe

      I thought that was Pence?

      • BobSF_94117

        Ooops

  • Boreal
    • skyweaver

      Oh my GOD I’ve seen this movie a million times and it still makes me laugh.

      • Lumpy Gaga

        “Somebody has to like me best!”

        That movie got a rotten rep. Elaine May is a national treasure.

        • The whole thing is worth watching just for Robin William’s medley of famous choreographers.

      • Lumpy Gaga

        “How do you think I feel? Confused? Betrayed?”

        • skyweaver

          “Wrong response?” “I’m not sure”

  • Bambino

    Please nobody laugh! Or the leprechaun will charge you for treason.

  • Hank
  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    Please make it so he suffers from a chronic pain condition because he can’t learn any other way.

    • Mike

      Something really ghastly. And then let all the “opioid” panic twits tell him to drink camomile and rub some oatmeal on it for quick relief, because only people who live incorrectly need pain medication.

      • zhera

        Has he suggested prayers, yet? He seems the type to do that.

    • zhera

      I usually don’t wish pain on anybody, and being someone with a chronic pain condition myself that’s one of the worse things, IMO.

      However, you’re right about him not learning any other way. Empathy, imagination, humanity: Words NOT associated with Jeff Sessions.

      • prixator

        Or with any Republicans.

    • Bad Tom

      Let it be lingering, and incurable.
      ——-
      Jeff Sessions, it should give you pause, what you’ve inspired in people.

  • clay
    • Too damn right, and it’s been this way since Ray-guns ramped up war on freedom.

  • Karl Dubhe

    I’d be willing to bet he’d be eating opioids like candy if he broke his back.

    I know I did… Fortunately, I use weed for it now.

  • Uncle Mark

    I would like to see what drugs are in KKKeebler’s medicine cabinet. (Any arthritis meds yet with low-dose opioids?) You just know he’s had such a pampered life, that he insists on powerful pain-killers for any little owwie

    • canoebum

      Part of the problem is the Nanny State, showing us all it knows best what we need, has removed all low-dose opioid medications from the market. Remember Empirin with Codeine? That medication and its generic equivalents, are quite efficacious in treating minor back strains, twisted ankles, muscle soreness from excessive exertion, toothaches, etc. It used to be available for adults to buy without a prescription, but the government, in its infinite wisdom, removed it completely from the market. You can’t buy it here even with a prescription. In other countries its widely available for adults without a prescription. The problem is, it’s cheap, effective and can’t easily be abused, and that’s bad news for Big Pharma. They want only the latest and greatest (i.e. most profitable) available to the buying public. That those drugs are highly addictive is just collateral damage.

  • Ninja0980

    If this asshole slips on a patch of ice and breaks his legs, knees etc, how long do you think it will be before he is demanding painkillers?

  • DisqusD37

    Perhaps we should bring back leeches.

    • Uncle Mark

      Big Pharma is already run by leaches

  • Hank

    The War on Drugs was lost decades ago as well as a waste of Billions of dollars. We should follow the lead of Portugal, which has legalized ALL drugs. Drug use has dropped dramatically there, since.

    One can blame Big Pharma, Physicians, etc. However, I know of Elderly patients with Chronic Pain Conditions, that will sell their drugs to obtain money to eat and live!!!
    Make Narcan legal to be bought OTC so EVERY Opioid user can have it on hand, so their friends and family can save their lives.

  • memeluxe

    But if she takes the aspirin from between her knees to use for pain, won’t she get pregnant?

    • perversatile

      The aspirin is to prevent wanton harlotry. Abstinence and
      destroying Planned Parenthood is what stops the pregnancy.

  • geoffalnutt

    Gee. I really can’t wait until, as he’s lying there, suffering the unspeakable pain of cancer, the nurse to interrupt his screams with “Oh, fer Chissake!!! Shut the fuck up, already! I gave you an aspirin two hours ago!!”

    • Stogiebear

      You need to give me your name and address so I can leave everything to you in my will.

  • zhera

    But I need the Aspirin to stay between my knees! Goddamnit Sessions!

  • glass

    Why are republicans so damn dumb? Someone please give this man an aspirin and let him go play in traffic already.

    • Steve Smith

      So, you’ve just had some surgery. Take aspirin, and bleed to death because it helps to prevent blood clotting, including in wounds…..

      • Lumpy Gaga

        Feh. “Science”.

  • JustDucky

    Sessions is a fucking moron. But broken clocks and all that:

    “In a randomized, double-blind clinical trial—the gold standard of trials—a combination of ibuprofen (Advil) and acetaminophen (Tylenol) was just as effective at treating patients with acute pain in an extremity as three other pain-killer combinations containing opioids

    Researchers then randomly assigned the patients to get one of four pain-pill combinations: 400mg of ibuprofen and 1,000mg of acetaminophen; 5mg of oxycodone and 325mg of acetaminophen; 5mg of hydrocodone and 300mg of acetaminophen; or 30mg of codeine and 300mg of acetaminophen. Each of the pill combinations looked identical to the patients—three opaque capsules. Two hours later, the patients scored their pain again. There were no statistically significant differences in pain reduction across the four groups.

    https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/11/as-epidemic-rages-er-study-finds-opioids-no-better-than-advil-and-tylenol/?amp=1

    • Lumpy Gaga

      aspirin != acetaminophen

      • JustDucky

        Yes, that’s true. Like I said, he’s a fucking moron. My point is that studies are showing there probably is some truth to the idea that over the counter pain medications are just as effective as opioids in most cases.

        • Lumpy Gaga

          An extended period on 1g doses of acetaminophen is problematic.

          • clay

            Yep, acute versus chronic, but all of the opioids loose effectiveness with use, even if they don’t cause liver damage.

          • JustDucky

            “Likewise, when researchers and health experts recently reassessed the common practice of using opioids for chronic pain, they also found a dearth of data backing the prescriptions. What they did find was a heap of evidence that long-term opioid use led to tolerance, dependence, addiction, and, in many cases, overdoses. As such, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention updated their prescribing guidelines last year, urging doctors to avoid using opioids to help patients manage chronic pain.

            ‘Plainly stated, the risks of opioids are addiction and death, and the benefits for chronic pain are often transient and generally unproven,’ then-CDC Director Tom Frieden said at the time.”

          • Lumpy Gaga

            Look…. “Dr.” Sessions should not be doling out folk wisdom such as “just keep popping aspirin until the pain goes away”.

    • clay

      Please note the situation: “acute pain in an extremity”. That’s not the situation in which opioids are generally being prescribed.

      • JustDucky

        Hit the link. There’s more.

        • clay

          This is better: “a handful of studies on dental and post-operative patients clearly indicated that non-opioid drug pairs were just as effective.” and this: “evidence that long-term opioid use led to tolerance.”

          But this article still ignores the reality in the field; these meds are NOT out there because they were being prescribed to patients “stumbling into a hospital emergency room with a broken or badly bloodied limb”. The current ‘epidemic’ took off in two regions with NO oncological care and very little primary care. They were prescribed to people who were never expected to heal or recover, but as a way to avoid actually diagnosing and treating their cancer. And all those left-over pills “helped” their families through their grief. Yes, fentanyl and heroin are taking over, but that’s because they’re cheaper and stronger substitutes in what was a purely preventable public health disaster, if only people cared about affordable, accessible primary care. And this article doesn’t address opioids’ use as end-stage cancer comfort care.

          • JustDucky

            I wasn’t posting information in response to Joe’s headline. The opioid crisis is a fucking train wreck and no single change is going to fix it. But Sessions said:

            “I am operating on the assumption that this country prescribes too many opioids. People need to take some aspirin sometimes.”

            And there seems to be some truth to that. (Well, not the “aspirin” part specifically. Because Sessions is a fucking moron. And probably a traitor and definitely a racist.) But it appears that opioids should be prescribed in very few cases, and the list of cases in which they are indicated is getting shorter as they are studied more. And I’m of the opinion that more information is generally better than less information. So I posted some information that, judging from the comments, doesn’t seem to be common knowledge.

          • clay

            “I am operating on the assumption that this country prescribes too many opioids.”

            Yes, but that means he, and we, should find out what they’re actually being prescribed for. Finding better pain management with fewer side effects for broken limbs, mangled limbs, toothache, even surgery is excellent . . . but will likely have no real impact on the opioid crisis.

    • Friday’s_cat

      But Big Pharma can’t charge $% a dose for Tylenol.

  • TJay229

    Let’s not forget:

    An overwhelming majority of White people voted for a man who would pick people who would chose to say this kind of foolishness.

  • jimbo65

    As if we needed another reason to hate this craven elf . Listen asshole, if your wife had terminal cancer you wouldn’t tell her to tough it out. But of course she’s white and rich, so the little brown and poor people can just suffer. God I hate this man and the Dotard administration he serves.

    • Bad Tom

      It wouldn’t even be a question in his mind.

  • HZ81

    Aspirin is birth-control, aspirin will help after you’ve been hit by a bus!!! Wow, this GOP cure-all is the best.

    • fuzzybits

      You just have to remember to put the aspirin between your legs.

  • fuzzybits
  • Friday’s_cat

    Like the gun makers, Big Pharma makes and distributes way more opioids than medically necessary.

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      And like the gun makers, Big Pharma makes humongous contributions bribes to lawmakers.

  • M Jackson

    You first, you pissant little fuckwad.

  • TexasBoy

    I personally dare Mr. Sessions to be bitten by a rattlesnake and not use an opiod for pain.

  • Jack

    One would hope that a sitting US AG would hesitate to speak definitively without sufficient facts. I guess when he’s speaking off the cuff, it’s too hard to realize that “minor surgery” and “debilitating pain” probably don’t require the same meds or if the same med then not the same dose or even if the same dose then not for the same length of time.

    Minor surgery — three days’ worth? A week’s worth?

  • Harveyrabbit

    I tend to not want to take strong pharmaceutical drugs when I can avoid it. Just don’t like the effects on my mind or awareness. I’ve had a number of colonoscopies where I’ve refused any painkillers or anesthesia… just grit my teeth and get it over with… like Kelly’s “minor surgery” it’s over in 15 minutes.

    However I also suffer from kidney stones. I won’t bother to describe the intense pain since it’s well documented. Under those circumstances.. about once or twice a year.. I take morphine or its equivalent with no hesitancy whatsoever. There’s no other option. Compared to kidney stones a colonoscopy is almost fun.

    In short.. Sessions can go fuck himself.

  • Maggie 4NoH8

    IDK, but I’ve heard pirin tablets work wonders.

  • CharlestonDave

    What drugs are appropriate for getting through the pain of the Trump administration?

    • Harveyrabbit

      4 year Ambien tablets.

  • 🐾vorpal🐾

    Uh huh. When my Crohn’s pain is 10/10 and I am seriously contemplating suicide to escape from it, aspirin isn’t going to cut it, Sessions.

  • JDS

    This disgusting elf on the shelf deserves intractable pain and can only take aspirin for it.

  • TKW

    The stupidity is mind numbing. I suppose keeping your legs crossed prevents pregnancy too.

    • BearEyes

      That’s the aspirin between your knees

  • JT

    Jeff Sessions Has Opioids Solution: Just Take Aspirin

    Jayuff needs an enema fast.

  • DN

    I’m not kidding when I was told this by my boss. My back went out one day, resulting in debilitating pain when I would move. I was prescribed Percocet to kill th pain and valium to relax the muscles.

    After three or four days of lying on the couch, totally high, he starts sending me vaguely threatening texts about how I’m not working and “we need you to engage on this project.” I reminded him that I’m on prescription meds that prevent me from driving to work. “Just take a couple ibuprofen; that’s what I do when my back hurts.”

    Fearing for my job, i immediately stopped my meds and went to work the next day. I spent the entire day walking around bent over at about a 70 degree angle.

  • Galvestonian

    Jefferson Beauregard lives in a different world … a world that’s a bit more polite, certainly stupider and the South won the War of Northern Aggression.

  • BeaverTales

    “He goes, ‘I’m not taking any drugs,’?” the attorney general said, imitating Kelly’s voice and getting a chuckle from the crowd. “But, I mean, a lot of people — you can get through these things.”

    I want them to play him a recording of himself saying this in the hospital or hospice once his own body starts to betray him. He ain’t no spring chicken, and won’t live forever unless he gets raptured.

    But since he’s a smiling member of the Happy Jebus club, he can pray the pain away just like his religion asks us to do with our sexual orientations..

    • Gianni

      Sounds like former General Kelly is suggesting we all should ‘be a man’ and ‘tough it out like a man’ and I’m assuming he is our example. Good for you, Mr. Kelly but there is something you should consider: Taking pain killers for something like after-surgery pain, aids in the healing and being in constant pain does awful things to one’s frame of mind. That’s why medical science searched for effective pain killers – to limit the suffering.

  • Blackfork

    I saw some Bufferin-flavored Keebler cookies at the Piggly Wiggly today….

  • anne marie in philly

    we the people to the keebler elf: FUCK YOU, MUTHAFUCKA!

  • Gianni

    I don’t wish any ill on anyone, but, Jeff, if you ever experience something like sciatic inflammation or a moving kidney stone, you’ll want to take the whole bottle of aspirin and before it kills you, you’ll find it won’t touch the pain. So how about you lay off the medical advice and stick to what you know, which, as far as I’ve seen, isn’t much.

  • I’d like to see Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III (can’t forget the “III” — it’s part of his tradition) endure some of the pain I’ve had to endure, and I just had an opioid prescribed for the first time my life, because the first painkiller, a sort of hopped-up acetaminophen, didn’t have any effect at all. The opioid at least took the edge off so I could sleep. (I should note that I have a fairly high tolerance for pain; the downside is that I also seem immune to most painkillers — I don’t even waste time on over-the-counter stuff any more.)

    Obviously, Sessions has never had to suffer any really intense pain.

    • Stev84

      If he suddenly had real pain, he’d find – in typical conservative fashion – a way to justify it for himself.

    • Ann Kah

      Currently it’s very difficult to get my doctor to give me a legal prescription for tramadol, not a very strong drug, but one that makes it possible for me to lead a normal life. I’m a senior citizen with a chronic condition. I’m not out selling them on the street corners. But the doc finds himself to be under such extreme scrutiny now, so the “war on drugs” has turned into the “war on people who need drugs”.

      • My doctor normally e-mails my prescriptions to my pharmacy. For the hydrocodone, she had to get approval from a senior doctor and give me a paper prescription.

        • Ann Kah

          Same here – but it’s that “approval from a senior doctor” that’s the problem, not because he doesn’t think I need it, but because the state is giving him a hard time, when what he wants to do is treat his patients appropriately without a government trying to second-guess him.

          • I’m sympathetic, believe me, but given that opioid overdoses were the single biggest cause of death in the US last year, I understand why the state would want to keep a close eye on it. I don’t think the government is trying to second-guess anyone, they’re just trying to make sure that these prescriptions aren’t feeding into the street trade.

    • Davester

      yeah, it’s important to avoid a generalized hysteria against opioids, which I see in some of the responses

      fact is they really do have a place in advanced medicine, we just need doctors to prescribe them more thoughtfully in some cases.

      • Unfortunately, from some of the coverage I’ve seen, the problem is the street trade, in which some doctors, sadly, are complicit.

  • leastyebejudged

    He deserves to die in a fire.

    But the pharma executives that created this crisis, this disaster, and all the silent profiteering scumbags in the so-called “medical community” – I can not even articulate what it is they deserve.

    • Ann Kah

      It isn’t the opioids that are the problem. It is the illegal traffic in them.

      • leastyebejudged

        Not rel familiar with what’s been going on last 5 years, eh ?

        • Ann Kah

          Yes, unfortunately, very familiar. In the last three years I’ve had separation of the sacro-iliac joint, a ruptured tendon, and a torn muscle in my back, to go along with the usual arthritis and bursitis. Now I’m having trouble getting the medication that I need to live a normal life. Or haven’t you been familiar with what goes on in the lives of senior citizens (and others) for whom effective medication is worth its weight in gold.

          As I said, it’s the illegal traffic that’s the problem. And I cannot understand your “DIAF” comment, and you with the screen name “lest ye be judged”…

  • Barry William Teske

    Spoken like someone, who is in so much self-inflicted pain, on the inside, the difference eludes.
    Anger and indifference become HATE, which in turn becomes self identity.
    It has been, will be, and is still the chosen pain killer of fascists for they assume that fear is not an inner problem, but that of others.

  • The areas with the worst of the opioid problems mostly voted for Trump even though it was Clinton who had a detailed plan for dealing with the problem. They voted for nothing and that’s what they’re getting. We tried. Now they are failing. Sorry if I don’t have a lot of sympathy right now for people who fucked themselves over and the rest of us too.

  • Makoto

    “I am operating on the assumption that…”

    That is the perfect motto for this administration. They don’t seek out information to confirm or deny their assumptions, that’s too much like work and won’t fit on a bumper sticker. They just know the solution (double bonus points if you can somehow fit immigrants or other groups to deliver some pain on with such a ‘solution’), find words to talk about the problem, and move on as fast as possible in the hopes no one digs too deep into how your ‘solution’ didn’t actually address the real problem in any meaningful way.

  • Paula

    Are there any operatives inside Jeffy’s office we could pay to get him hooked on opioids. That would be funny!

    • Stogiebear

      THANK YOU!!!!! Exactly what that little fuckwit pipsqueak needs — to be addicted to that shit as quickly and irreversibly as possible so that he’s peddling his saggy wrinkled fishbelly white ass so hard down on 14th that it returns to being DC’s notorious red-light district and he can afford more drugs.

  • Stogiebear

    I wonder how many people it would take to bitch slap him before the skin on his face literally fell off? Someone please come up with the correct answer so we know to have the next one in line offer him an aspirin for the discomfort.

  • mark99k

    I swear to god, the only karmically appropriate payback for the shit that comes out of this fucker’s mouth will be if he gets a devastating cancer diagnosis, caught too late for anything but palliative care, and a sassy black nurse throws an aspirin at him.

  • Pip

    My mother has battled opioid addiction for years now. The last time I remember her being fully sober with no issues was when I was 12 years old. She has built up a tolerance so high that she has to take up to six pills at a time to feel anything from them any more. Recently she’s had bouts with seizures and had an actual stroke due to her pill use. Watching her struggles has been a deterrent for me. I will not touch anything stronger than Advil unless it is absolutely necessary, and even then I have yet to finish off a bottle of pills. I usually wind up flushing most of the bottle. My point is, the thought of having to take a prescription pain pill fills me with anxiety. But you know what? If they are needed, they are needed. Doctors prescribing them isn’t bad. It’s the fact that there’s been a lack of systems to track these prescriptions. There’s been a lack of systems that show what doctors hand these things out like candy. Which patients doctor shop for more pills. Which pharmacies can’t keep them on their shelves. What wholesalers are dropping pills off to the same areas over and over. Until the right regulations and systems are in place this is going to keep happening. This blase bullshit attitude of “Just take some aspirin.” shows that they are nowhere near being serious about this epidemic. They are just paying typical political lip service to it since it’s the hot button topic of the moment.