Bachmann: God Doesn’t Want Me In The Senate

Minnesota Public Radio reports:

Former Minnesota Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann has ruled out a run for U.S. Senate seat next fall, MPR News has confirmed. Bachmann’s reasoning: She didn’t have any “sense from the lord” that she should try for the seat, which was left vacant after Al Franken resigned following allegations of sexual misconduct.

“It became very clear to me that I wasn’t hearing any call from God to do this,” Bachman told radio host Jan Markell. Last month, Bachmann said she hadn’t ruled out a run and that she and her husband were considering their options.

  • bkmn

    Please Michele, just go away.

  • mikeinftl

    She must have read the billboard.

  • Gustav2

    Yahweh has been replaced by a new deity called “The Polls.”

  • Henry Auvil

    This is the first time God and I have been on the same page.

  • AtticusP

    Oh, honey. God doesn’t even want you on the fucking planet.

  • bkmn

    Must have been some really heavy duty sexual harassment by Wynn.

    • Cuberly Deux

      Gee, I wonder if Roomba Romney will return his RNC cash now.

      • bkmn

        Ronna McDonald is probably just like the head of the MN state GOP who wants to get a cut from every major donation.

      • FAEN

        LMAO-never going to happen

        • Cuberly Deux

          Yep, they’re all about the Benjamins.

    • Judas Peckerwood

      Who’s a pretty boy?

    • clay

      $7.5mill is huge
      “Entity Y” sounds like he’s blaming it on being male.

      • Artsy

        I thought he had just gotten to the 25th letter in the alphabet, paying off so many he had abused.

  • Bluto
  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Bachmann: God Doesn’t Want Me In The Senate

    Sane Americans: We don’t want you in the country

    People of Earth: Bitch, get the fuck out!

  • Blake J Butler

    Dow is dropping 900+ points.

    Had Been 1500+ points earlier.

    • It was down 1500 at one point before recovering some.

    • AmeriCanadian

      The stock market is not for the faint-hearted. I learned this a long time ago.

      • Blake J Butler

        Only mentioning because baby Huey calls the gains his achievement who directly ties the Dow gains to showcase his economic “growth”.

      • Also, pretty much nobody but the really rich should be trading in individual stocks, except maybe as an occasional exception (like buying company stock on discount, as I was able to do in the 1990s).

        Index funds are the way to go. Bond funds when the market turns especially bearish.

        • AmeriCanadian

          Oh I know. I was foolish and purchased quite a number of shares of Martha Stewart Omnimedia when it went public. Lost over 50%. Never again I said. That was when E-Trade was new and made it so easy for individuals to dabble. I cut my losses and got the hell out!

        • Steve Smith

          Sold out the index funds for a nice profit last week! Good timing or what?

    • It Takes a Village, People

      That’s parallel to The Donald’s lifetime of declining net worth. Had he put his inheritance into Index funds, he’d be worth billions today. Instead, he lost millions upon millions. Rumor has it that his only source of income is his current job (which doesn’t pay enough to live on Park Avenue) and the income from his celebrity (such as the TV show, books and naming rights). He literally doesn’t know what he’s doing.

    • kaydenpat

      A very clear sign.

    • Sashineb
      • Todd20036

        And fleecing the gullible for money. Mustn’t forget that.

        • Sashineb

          Yeah, like $36 million for a new jet. Hello, Kenneth!

          • ted-

            If there were a god, Kenneth’s new plane will take a dive in the middle of the Rockies and hit no life form whatsoever and the plane will burn in flames affecting no carbon emissions.

            Alas, god’s not real… So, the prick is safe.

      • FAEN

        Of course Lady Birds mouth is open wide.

        • Sashineb

          He’s probably thinking of arranging a “prayer meeting” with the Benham brothers.

          • FAEN

            So the usual Monday then 😉

  • Ninja0980

    Translation, she knew she would get clobbered in the general election.

  • Mike

    Babyjebus wants her to stay home and keep trying to pray the gay away from her big fairy of a husband. This could take a while.

  • Franciscan

    “Sense from the Lord,” who said unto her, “Michele, were you behind the door when I passed out the brains?”

  • skyweaver

    She didn’t have any “sense f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶r̶d̶”

  • Bitch…
    God don’t want you on the planet.

  • JCF
  • Dale Snyder

    He didn’t want you as president either but it seems to me he gave you different initial advice, you right wingnut lunatic.

  • You should write a book..
    “How to straight marry a Homo”

  • Natty Enquirer
  • Treant

    Hypnotic. I can feel myself shedding IQ points with each second I look at her.

    Also, old photo with her old face. The new one has fewer wrinkles and is more Sarah Palin-esque in its tendency to show the same low level of emotion and zero concern for others.

    • The_Wretched

      Jesus-land cruelty and botox will do that.

  • Galvestonian

    NO SHIT, you cow.

  • Ninja0980
    Long watch but worth it.
    My uncle who had a first row seat to the 94 Republican Revolution warned the younger members of our family (like me) to not mock and laugh at people like Michelle Bachmann (easy to do) because then you overlook the fact that she and others like her are the ones gaining power in the Republican Party and the base.
    Make no mistake, the Republican nominee from MN (there will be two actually) will be someone just like her, just with smarter sense not to say the batshit crazy stuff out loud.

    • kaydenpat

      And hopefully he or she will be beaten like a drum by the Democrat. I wish all Republican candidates were so crazy that they couldn’t win seats.

    • Gustav2

      That is why I warn people outside of Ohio about Gov Kasich. He sounds all ‘aw shucks, let’s all get along,’ but is a religious conservative when he governs.

  • Prost Seattle

    Probably afraid McConnell would stick his neck out for her.

  • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

    I think lots of people ruled out a run for the senate for Screech.

  • AmeriCanadian

    How in hell did she and Marcus manage to have FIVE children? Artificial insemination? I really, really can not see Marcus (giggle) sticking it in her, let alone getting it up to do so.

    • BeaverTales

      Michelle wore a strap-on and after Marcus came in the test tube, they got a turkey baster

      • teeveedub

        Ewwwwwwww. Thanks for ruining lunch.

        • don

          Sometimes the truth is painful

    • Cackalaquiano

      Didn’t they adopt a heap of ‘em?

      • AmeriCanadian

        They fostered another 23. I wonder how many were “recruited” and into what belief system. I cringe at the thought of Marcus having access to young children.

        EDIT: I am not implying that Marcus Bachmann is a pedophile but he is one fucked up dude.

        • m_lp_ql_m

          True, you shouldn’t, but ‘recruitment’ into their belief system certainly counts as child abuse.

        • Cackalaquiano

          And yet they’ll flippantly assert that WE’RE the ones who recruit children into our “lifestyle”

          • The_Wretched

            It’s always is projection with them. Always.

        • clay

          Most of their foster children were girls in residential care facilities– the Bachmann’s collected state payments, while the kids’ room and board was already being covered by the state in a locked ward.

          • The_Wretched

            She’d argue that everyone was grifting the FEDGOV and STATEGOV because it was how she made her money.

          • AmeriCanadian

            Really? That’s criminal. Truly. The Wikipedia entry conveniently left that little detail out.

          • clay

            Apparently, in Minnesota, that’s loophole.

    • Snarkaholic

      He forced her to wear a suit and tie…while taking her from behind…while calling her Michael.

  • Treant

    It’s a start, and makes a weak jab at Dumpy and the Pigs as responsible for the slide.

    If CNN is going this far this early, the Blue Tsunami may have just gotten even bigger.

  • Craig C

    That makes two of us.

  • Rick Jackson

    So nice to know God and I are in agreement about that.

  • Ninja0980
    One more thing…if there is a God, I hope the messages she got were from the LGBT youth she helped kill tormenting her and telling her she’ll go to hell if she ran for the Senate seat.

    • Snarkaholic

      I hope they fucking haunt her ass…all of them…and all at the same time!

  • gaycuckhubby
  • kaydenpat

    “Hallalloo!!” As Shangela would say.

  • Oneofthebobs

    It’s so rare that this god of hers and I are in agreement; He usually says such hateful things.

  • bkmn

    Re: SCOTUS decision not to stay map redrawing in PA.

    Alito alone made that decision, he did not bring the matter to the full bench

  • Rex

    No call from God?
    He must have lost your number.

    • Gustav2

      Her Prayer Line was disconnected.

      • Rex

        or blocked

    • orion dumptee

      ..Gawd only calls ‘collect’ or “operator assisted” he is still on the hardwire rotary(pulse) dial system and those ‘long distance’ charges can be a bitch..Im sure she jus refused the call…

  • Judas Peckerwood

    Sounds like they finally got her meds right.

    • orion dumptee

      yes, Thorazine 24/7 ‘drip’

      • Lars Littlefield

        She now wears flats everywhere she goes. Can’t shuffle in high heels.

        • orion dumptee

          ha ha ha Perfect! She has ‘haldol’ as a backup

  • JWC

    How arrogant to presume your perceived god would even acknowledge you Regardless of him there are few million others who don’t want you there BITCH you have used your 15 minutes of notoriety

    • AmeriCanadian

      New boyfriend, foster child, conversion patient victim?

    • licuado de platano

      bumpin’ titties

  • Rex

    God said to take up knitting.
    I hear pussy hats are very popular now..

  • pj

    god isnt the only one who dosent want you in the senate

  • Rex

    Jesus called.
    Peggy answered.

  • Gregory B

    To which I can only say “God’s not the only one, Michelle.”…

  • Ninja0980
    Time to lock these assholes up.

    • I just fucking can’t… They lost in goddamned SCOTUS! That’s supposed to be the end!


      • Gustav2

        It is not really the end until the Supremes do sing the final song.

        New lawsuit in the making with a little different wording.

      • bkmn

        And it was Alito who made the decision, he never took the issue to the whole court.

        • The_Wretched

          Alito should have summarily kicked it. It was inappropriate of him to even try to take it.

          • Bryan

            Barring the inappropriateness — that Alito dismissed it so coldly…can we interpret that as a sign that even the most conservative members are rejecting this and should they decide not to comply….will be willing to pull contempt charges? Amongst others? This non-compliance is now against a federally mandated order, I can’t picture them not laying down some reprocussions for bullshit stunts like this.

          • The_Wretched

            Repercussions for Alito for a pro-GOP political act? I don’t see that happening. The PA state case is not appealable to the SCOTUS. It’s just not. As such, 1. Alito should have kicked it without a first thought. 2. It tells us next to nothing about SCOTUS’s position on gerrymandering.

      • popebuck1

        Anything to run out the clock.

        • Yeah, that’s the real goal. “Oh, you have to let us, the gerrymandered GOP majority in the PA state legislature pass at least a half dozen equally gerrymandered Congressional maps between now and 2020!”

          The February 8 / 15 deadlines were set so that they could take effect this year, for this election cycle, because as we all know, justice delayed is justice denied.

      • The_Wretched

        On the irrational appeal of a State court ruling on a State constitutional issue. That doesn’t preclude a FEDCOURT filing. However, they should get bounced out there for other standard legal reasons.

    • Gustav2

      Delay, delay, delay.

    • bkmn

      Do they not understand that SCOTUS is the last frontier?

    • The Pennsylvania state AG and acting Secretary of the Commonwealth (state secretary) need to issue a joint statement saying they’ll simply adopt and impose the map included in the court case.

    • William

      What comes after the Supreme Court, Ivanka?

    • Lars Littlefield

      “Republicans, Whiter than you or me.”

  • nocadrummer

    Yes, God wants you in the house.
    Your own house. Subservient to your “man”, and not telling men what to do.
    Read your own goddamned Bible, you twit.

  • ClevelandJim

    Well duh, why be a senator when there’s obviously MUCH more money to be made as a televangelist?!

  • JoyZeeBoy

    Or anywhere else.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    Ooooookay. Whatever you say.

  • Lars Littlefield

    DOW now down enough that ABC has decided to issue a calming Special Report so grandmas don’t get their panties in a bunch.

    • William

      Lester Holt was just on NBC doing the same.

      • Lars Littlefield

        Yup,”The stock market has just dropped the most points ever in its history. But don’t worry, I’m Lester Holt.”

        • William

          “Remain calm, all is well!”

          • OdieDenCO

            the federal government has established social safety nets for just such occasions…oh wait..never mind you’re on your own. Suckers!

    • BobSF_94117

      What are they saying?

      • Lars Littlefield

        “The stock market has just dropped the most points ever in its history. But don’t worry, I’m George Stephanopoulos.”

        • BobSF_94117

          Did he mention he has great hair? I’ve always found that reassuring…

          • Lars Littlefield

            Yes, the one most important thing for being a TV meat puppet. It’s always about the hair. Then the teeth. Then the lifts in the shoes.

          • William

            George needs stilts.

  • JCF

    Breaking: Wall Street Collapse!!!

    Down 1178!

    • Moebym of the Returners

      Jesus. Our retirement accounts are taking a beating…

      • JCF

        Is “takita” a typo or a pun? I’m not hep enough to tell the difference.

        • I think that’s a drumbeat, like a paradiddle. 😀

        • Moebym of the Returners

          Definitely typo. For some reason I’ve been having a great deal of trouble typing comments on Disqus.

      • m_lp_ql_m

        Thankfully, I don’t have any retirement accounts. :/

        • Lars Littlefield

          Fortunately, I’m retired. I cashed out those things years ago.

    • sadoldguy

      trump will blame Obama.

    • The_Wretched

      Panic isn’t helpful.

      • JCF

        Agreed. My comment was not panic.

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    Well, duh. She wants you to stay at home and clean out the closests. Careful not to trip on Marcus.

  • orion dumptee

    this dumbo “Jane” doesnt have ANY sense….Period (sigh)

  • William

    God and I are unanimous in that opinion.

  • Lars Littlefield

    Surfing the channels I just discovered Nicole Wallace laughing happily about the stock market and making fun of Trump. She’s too happy.

  • Cuberly Deux

    That she left politics because she was being investigated for campaign finance violations says a lot. Dropping out when she did ended the investigation. Now, if she went back into politics wouldn’t that bring her under more scrutiny?

    • Ninja0980

      Yup, I imagine that is what she’s afraid of.

      • Cuberly Deux

        In the initial investigation weren’t they concentrating on not only their farm but also Markus’ “counseling” biz?

      • Cuberly Deux

        Heh….yeah, clicking around I forgot that she was under investigation for MANY different issues.

        Marcus’ ex-gay clinic was under investigation by Iowa regulators for inadequate patient followup documentation.

        “WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Michele Bachmann, a Tea Party firebrand and 2012 presidential contender, announced on Wednesday she will not seek re-election to the U.S. House of Representatives but said her surprise decision had nothing to do with multiple investigations into her campaign finances.”

        • AmeriCanadian

          That was just a little coinkydink.

          • Cuberly Deux

            Me wonders if she panicked a bit after making that random claim she was considering a run. Back peddle that shit FAST!

  • It Takes a Village, People

    That billboard is at Midway Books University and Snelling, the busiest corner in Minnesota. The train runs on University, so thousands of tourists saw it over the weekend.

  • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

    As deeply loathsome as we find this woman to be, this is a first. God said “no, don’t do it” to a potential political candidate. And for that Michele, you have made history.

  • JCF
    • BobSF_94117

      Uh. 2016 Oct 28?

  • Rebecca Gardner

    God The Entire Human Race Doesn’t Want Me In The Senate

    • JCF

      …and also God. ;-/

    • JCF

      Becca, you’re back! <3

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      >> US stock market saw its biggest single-day point drop ever today.

      Heckuva job, Dotard!

    • Worth noting that combining today’s loss with Friday’s, the Dow is down 1,841 points from its high last week. I think that’s somewhere around an 8% correction overall (spitballing the math).

      • OdieDenCO

        2,270.96 since it’s high on 26 Jan

  • Lars Littlefield

    And remember kids, a stock is worth only what someone is willing to pay for it. Now, go have a refreshing Coke and don’t pet the polar bear.

    • What are you talking about? Billbear loves cuddles.

      • Lars Littlefield

        He’s been a bit peckish lately. You pet him.

  • JCF

    Oooh, WaPo’s Philip Rucker (who’s Family, right?) is growing a beard…

  • Rebecca Gardner

    OMG! “Lady Doritos” is trending on twitter. I didn’t realize this is something I needed. SMFH.

    • BobSF_94117

      I assume that’s a euphemism.

    • They look and sound disgusting, to be honest.

      • Rebecca Gardner

        How can they sound disgusting? I thought they were designed to not make noise. LOL

        • clay

          soggy Doritos?

      • The_Wretched

        I had to go google. Sounds like it’s from the Onion. Or maybe the less scented, fewer tears Lady-Onion.

      • Dazzer

        I’ve just read that article. You’re so right.

        Obviously, you’re usually right – but in this instance you’ve broken the percentage-meter for being right.

    • m_lp_ql_m

      So what happens if a guy eats them?

  • alc2018
  • The_Wretched

    In case you’re wondering, that’s the NE corner of Snelling and University.

  • So got agrees with everyone else. No one wants her in the Senate, not even Republicans.

  • Boreal

    He ain’t the only one.

  • whollyfool

    Finally, God and I agree on something.

    OT: Two conservatives on how the GOP is destroying our country.

  • Rick James Brown

    ….and neither does anyone else.

  • UrsusArctos 🐻

    Gawd isn’t the only one who wants her to STFU and stay out of the senate.

  • -M-

    If God is smart he doesn’t want that grifting bimbo anywhere.

  • R W C

    More importantly, Michelle, Minnesota does not want you in the Senate.

  • andrew

    It is such human arrogance to think that the creator, if there be one, of the hundreds of billions of galaxies is interested in what happens to one of the life forms, on one of the planets, in one of the galaxies in the known universe.

    • Snarkaholic

      …and he/she/it counts how many times per week each and every one of us whacks off.

      • andrew

        Such heresy he/she/it. All theists know that the creator of the universe is of the male gender.

  • Jmdintpa

    She just a good christian woman trying to deal with a gay sinful husband. We need more leaders like her.

  • teedofftaxpayer

    I’m surprised she didn’t say that God wanted her to be barefooted, pregnant and in the kitchen rather than in the Senate.

    • boatboy_srq

      Thst’s just what he wants for those Other Women®. It says so right there in 1 Mammon 49:49-99.

      • teedofftaxpayer

        Or in her case, her husband.

        • boatboy_srq

          Except that she’s not one of Those Other Women® and is thus exempt.

  • Talisman

    No one wants you any where near Washington.

    Well, no one except for Marcus…when the cat’s away, the mice will play…

    • Jmdintpa

      it probably looks like a little hairless mouse peeking out its hole

      • greenmanTN

        If it sees it’s shadow it’s 6 more weeks of pointless flogging.

  • greenmanTN

    Huh. For once me and The Lord are in perfect agreement.

  • Hank
  • dcurlee

    Crazy eyes god isn’t the only ne

  • StreetBanana

    She’s right about one thing: She doesn’t have any sense from the lord.

    • Bride of Trump

      She has no sense in her gourd.

  • Smithbc

    God and I are in agreement on this one.

  • Ben in Oakland

    I don’t want you in the senate.

  • Nowhereman

    I didn’t know she could read!

  • FAEN

    Translation-“I can’t win”

  • olandp

    God isn’t the only one.

  • Stogiebear

    This bint isn’t even worth commenting about.

  • anne marie in philly

    YAYZ! a bit of good news today! now crawl back under a rock and die, bitch! and take your wife marsha with you!

  • Jefe5084

    Your god isn’t giving you any money, either?

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    Oh that God. He’s such a kidder.

  • Gianni

    …..She didn’t have any “sense from the lord”…… She’s completely clueless. Dear, you don’t have any sense, period, end of story.

  • boatboy_srq

    Michele: you could’ve stopped at “God doesn’t want me.” And if your “sense” is coming “from the Lord,” then it’s getting very heavily filtered and jittery along the way: might I suggest upgrading to a direct connection?

  • righteous mob

    She would not have you in the Senate.

  • superindy

    It’s because you’re batshit crazy woman.

  • Nonsense! If there really was a god, he wouldn’t want her anywhere on the planet!

  • Jonathan Smith
  • Mb

    No one wants you in the senate dearie.

  • northern_neighbour

    God spoke to her directly through her big $$ donors, and thus He told her that They were not interested this time around, … unfortunately … and Michele confessed to God, in her anguish, that she simply didn’t have a cool $30 million of her own to squander on a long shot, and did He think she was made of money or something?

    Then God went silent, and Michele went back into her crazy-eyes glazed over navel gazing catatonic trance, … but now has emerged to give us this update.

    Praise Jeebus!!

  • LesbianTippingHabits

    Thanks be to G-d.

  • EdA

    Nobody else rational does either.

  • KnownDonorDad

    Finally, a holy message to Bachmann I can get behind.

  • Librarykid

    Michele, God does not want you period.

  • WTHella
  • e jerry powell

    Billboards are the bomb, no?

  • ColdCountry

    God’s not the only one.

  • red-diaper-baby 1942

    Well, for once He got something right. It doesn’t happen that often, so lets enjoy it while we can.

  • Jay Silversmith
  • Relativicus

    I love when God and I agree. We are so often on opposite ends of a debate so it’s nice when we can find some common ground.

  • Friday

    If she thought otherwise, she’d of course ignore that no one else thinks she has business running for Federal office, either. 🙂

  • TheManicMechanic

    God is telling you to shove a large soldering iron up your snatch, plug it in, and once the burning smell is too overpowering, jump into a bathtub with it still plugged in.