Alex Jones: Maybe “Old Lizard” Carrie Fisher Was Murdered To Increase The Box Office For The Last Jedi

“Poor Carrie Fisher, you can see her tweets and videos before she died, and that was during the filming, she died right at the end of filming, she died right as it ended, she flew back. I’m not saying it’s a star murder or anything, but we know in Hollywood sometimes when they think you’re finally done, if you die right after your last record, your last movie, then it triples or quadruples your portfolio. But she just completed it perfectly.

“Flying back, I guess celebrating or whatever, had a bunch of different drugs in her systems and things. And I’m very sad for her, thought she played the goddess archetype very, very well, did a great job in the first films, had a long life, a lot of substance problems, a lot of this had been affected by [inaudible] family, so I don’t put her down.

“But it was like watching an under the bridge dweller, like we have near the office, who I try to bring food and stuff, who, she looked like a basically an old lizard that lived under a bridge or something that could hardly talk.” – Alex Jones, also ranting that all the Star Wars villains are men.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    He really ought to be locked up.

  • DrRobY

    Can someone volunteer to have sex with him and release the sex tape, so we can be done with this freak?

    • Talk about “taking one for the team…” Whomever decides to throw themselves on that feeble sword deserves a medal!

      • Jonathan Smith

        you could NOT pay me enough.

      • Prost Seattle

        And lots of turpentine.

    • Oscarlating Wildely

      Alex Jones Sex: The new water torture.

    • greenmanTN

      I think “being diddled” would describe the act.

    • kareemachan

      I just threw up in my mouth.

      A LOT.

  • Jonathan Smith
  • Isn’t there some kind of ointment or unguent that can handle this rash?!?

  • Jonathan Smith

    WHY is this fucknut allowed to spew whatever the fuck he wants?

    • Daveed_WOW

      Stupid First Amendment

      • Jonathan Smith

        no, i GET the first amendment,
        i DO NOT get why this vile piece of crap has tv, radio,or Internet time.

        • safari

          Why do people slow for car wrecks?

          • Jonathan Smith

            “Thank god it’s not me……
            oh! is there blood?”

        • Oscarlating Wildely

          …Trump elected president…..

        • Daveed_WOW

          I blame the free market

  • mikeinftl

    Well Alex, how can we increase your ratings? Hmmm…

  • Pollos Hermanos
  • Jonathan Smith
  • Boreal
  • That_Looks_Delicious

    It was the Il-looney-nati, Alex, and you know it.

    Speaking of total whackjobs, whatever happened to the Third Eagle of the Puckeredlips?

  • PickyPecker
  • Halou

    “if you die right after your last record, your last movie”

    I’d hope so. If you work on making a record or a movie after dying then something is seriously wrong.

    • Well, there was Biggie and Tupac…

    • Kruhn

      Sure Alex, Leia wasn’t killed off on. Episode VIII, but Luke Skywalker was. Is Disney -Lucasfilm that incompetent that they kill the wrong actor.

  • Oscarlating Wildely
    • Todd20036

      I’d add:

      Hi, Al. How are the wife and kids?

    • Smithbc

      Perfect

  • JT
  • fastlanestranger

    It’s really the only thing that makes sense. I mean, who had even heard of this “Star Wars” before this?

  • Macbill

    Alex, how are the kids? The ex-wife let you see them or are you too explosive an individual you must have supervised visitations?

  • safari

    Not just men… but white men are the villains. And the women aren’t all white either. The horror he must feel.

    • Joseph Miceli

      Gasp! “There are COLORDS in space?”
      Yes, Alex, there are. Have a valium.

      • orion dumptee

        followed by a 5000 mil dose of thorazine

        • ChrisMorley

          Drink plenty of water when taking that many tablets. It gives you a dry mouth.

          • orion dumptee

            ha ha ha..perhaps he can mix it into a bowl of mashed potatoes (made by ALIENS,of course)

  • TexasBoy

    So says the man who was forced to admit in court during a child custody hearing that his block is complete nonsense. Yet people still believe his posts?

  • Joe in PA

    so I don’t put her down.

    Wait, wut?

  • greenmanTN

    Carrie Fisher wiped her ass with things better than Alex Jones.

    • Joe in PA

      The things she wiped were better than Alex Jones. 🙁

    • whollyfool

      this

  • thatotherjean

    Is there nobody who can stop Alex Jones from posting baseless speculation about anybody/anything? Do public figures, alive or dead, have no rights? How about their relatives, in the case of the dead, or even (I can’t believe I’m defending them) Hollywood moguls?

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    “she died right as it ended, she flew back.”

    Wait, she died and then she flew? Holy shit! She really is a Jedi Master!

  • The_Wretched

    Right, she choose to die to increase her portfolio….

    Are you projecting Alex? These thoughts seem normal to you?

  • Max_1

    Maybe if Alex Jones finally strokes out…
    … He’ll have better ratings.

    • Jonathan Smith

      and a funeral in the rotunda…….
      i WISH this was snark………….

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    It’s so much better with music, drums, and of course, a big old flag:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjhWf-9x7GM

    • Jonathan Smith

      is it just me, or are there alot of “This site can’t be reached” msgs going on?

  • gaycuckhubby
  • Bluto
  • JWC

    And Alex drops another big ole fart

  • Joseph Miceli

    I think that when he goes in public, for an interview, to visit the DMV or to just buy groceries, everyone within 10 feet of him should be required to spit on him.
    I would make an awesome ruler of the universe.

  • Dave F.

    By his own “logic” maybe he should off himself to increase his web hits.

  • KnownDonorDad

    He still won’t be able to out-crazy his despicable Sandy Hook “truther”-ism.

  • JAKvirginia

    “…under the bridge dweller…who I try to bring food…”

    Alex Jones. Helping the homeless.
    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. Yeah. Right.

  • Jarred Jones

    Yeah, not like Star Wars movies have any kind of substantial fan base or staying power. Fucking idiot moron

  • JohnJay

    Actually, Captain Phasma was a female villain. Not the main villain, and totally under utilized, but still, a start as a Star Wars female villain.

    • pablo

      And the biggest disappointment since Boba Fett.

    • kevin vincent

      She’s not even the first female SW villain there is Asajj Ventress For one even is she was never in the movies

  • Secure

    “She just completed it perfectly.”

    No she didn’t fuckwad. None of her audio looping had been done. They had to work very hard to fix that. Alex is a conspiracy nut.

    • boatboy_srq

      When you work in jingoistic rants news, “post-production” isn’t something you understand. Jones is too enamoured of the single (raging, spittle-flecked, imminent-coronary-inducing) take to get it.

  • Natty Enquirer

    Here’s to Alex Jones tripling or quadrupling his profile any day now.

    • motordog

      Here here

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    I could comment at length about the various psychoses and neuroses on display with Jones, but alas, this a comment section, not a peer review board taking full submissions on the dangers of right wing sociopathy.

  • I hate him. What an awful thing to say.

  • lymis

    “But it was like watching an under the bridge dweller, like we have near the office, who I try to bring food and stuff, who, she looked like a basically an old lizard that lived under a bridge or something that could hardly talk.”

    Setting aside both they misogyny and the rest of the hostility, buried in that turd of a comment is the fact that Fisher wasn’t in great shape and rose to the challenge of trying to participate in her own legacy even though she wasn’t in good health. It’s not like she cut short her busy mountain-climbing and marathon running schedule to fly to Britain to film it. People, including people close to her, were worried about the strain being in the final trilogy could cause her. Turns out they were right to worry.

  • lymis

    And seriously, “Goddess archetype?” Leia was many things, but hardly that.

    • boatboy_srq

      Those who refuse to comprehend divergent pantheons/philosophies continually misallocate identifiers.

  • HomerTh

    Wish he would Breitbart.

    • kareemachan

      He either needs to quit taking his own lead-filled supplement or take a shitload more of it.

  • matrem

    Shocking that he lost custody of his kids :/

  • Uncle Mark

    Actually, I’m more curious as to why Alex has admittedly spent so much time under bridges. I’m guessing he’s looking for more gay frogs to lick.
    http://youtu.be/9JRLCBb7qK8

  • Judas Peckerwood

    I think it’s time for a movie starring Alex Jones.

  • Galvestonian

    Yeah, he’s not saying it’s murder or anything, but it’s murder …

  • R W C

    Maybe oozing sore Alex Jones will be murdered to increase the re-electability of Trump?

  • JoyZeeBoy

    As they say in the Old South, “dat chile ain’t right.”

  • Lee Grupsmith-Pedersen

    My mother raised me never to say anything but good about the dead. In his case (when the time comes), there will be such a flood of joyful bile…

  • margaretpoa

    You. Fucking. Piece. Of. Shit.

  • wds

    Why are people paying attention to him? He belongs in the trash with a lot of other “broadcast folk” … SMH

  • kevin vincent

    I haven’t seen the new movies but i’m Damn sure One of the baddies is you know a woman? Not to mention the females Sith lady from the Clone Wars but this asshole is desperate to be sued by the Mouse AND Carrie’s Family

  • Gene Perry

    Old lizard? Seriously?