Former Sheriff David Clarke: I’m Going To Bitch Slap The Lying Media And Make Them Taste Their Own Blood

Law & Crime reports:

Former Milwaukee Sheriff and Trump Surrogate David Clarke had something to say after reports emerged that the FBI had executed a search warrant on his email address after receiving a complaint of his abuse of power.

He tweeted out to his followers that he planned to take on the “FAKE NEWS” and “continue to poke them in the eye with a sharp stick and bitch slap these scum bags til they get it.”

His tweets likely stem from media reports about an FBI search warrant that was executed on his email. Back in March, federal investigators sought the warrant looking into Clarke’s email because they were seeking information on communications regarding the detention of Dan Black.

  • Sam_Handwich

    he’s got more issues than national geographic


      He ain’t got issues, he got subscriptions….

      • Nic Peterson

        He should have prescriptions.

        • bzrd

          he should have restrictions
          in prison

          • Nowhereman

            I wonder if he’ll ever be held responsible for the deaths in his jail.

        • Bambino

          Why waste time? Straight to induce coma is needed to prevent further meltdown from a snowflake.

        • Philip Tonee

          Will Don pay for his Part D Coverage? 😉

      • SkokieGuy [ChicagoAdjacentGuy]

        During an earlier meltdown I had posted that his angry tough guy shtick always made me think that as a young adult, he became engaged when he realized that BBC was a stereotype, not a guarantee, and he’s been angry every since.

  • bkmn

    They reported a fact – a search warrant was issued. Precious little snowflake is having a meltdown.

    • My older relatives are all hopping mad that Paul Ryan referred to their Social Security as an “entitlement”. Every one of them will vote to re-elect their Republican representatives and senator next year. They enjoy being mad and will vote for what they hate just so they can keep being outraged.

  • PickyPecker
    • AmeriCanadian

      Bad doggy!

      • ChrisMorley

        Bad Mummy/Daddy for setting up this Flying Toddler YouTube Prank!

    • Karl Dubhe 2

      Good Doggie!

    • billbear1961
    • Rocco

      I love that for so many reasons…lol

    • Nowhereman

      That dog is probably wondering why they were so mad after he saved their lives and all!

  • Treant

    Nice threat there, little fake dude. You and what person who can actually fight? Also, find one who’s willing to go to jail for assault.

  • JoeMyGod

    The sheriff gets SO huffy when somebody mocks his Village People drag.

    • Uncle Mark

      I couldn’t help myself when I saw that tweet early this morning.

    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

      Even Pittsburgh’s mayor threw some shade.

      • Todd20036

        the 3/5 dig is appropriate too here

        • Kruhn

          Reading your dig on the dig showed the burn. Ouch!

        • ColdCountry

          Ooooh, yeah. I missed that; good catch!

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          • Larry in Oklahoma

            Flagged and reported. AND blocked.

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        • Stogiebear

          I think there’s a union/Simpsons reference in there too.

        • KevInPDX

          I don’t think that was a conscious dig but simple math based on 5 band members(?). I personally wouldn’t have gone there.

      • glass
    • Philip Tonee

      I was also thinking “Village People” drag. Wonder if RuPaul can develop an alternative drag show for macho hopefuls? 😉 😀

  • Bambino
  • Boreal
  • Sam_Handwich
    • Treant

      I feel threatened. Too bad I’m not in a state where that alone enables me to protect myself.

      Oh. Wait. I am.

      • Nic Peterson

        Stand your ground, brother.

    • Xaca

      The real question is: How many of his own police officers would have ‘mistakenly’ shot him in the face during a ‘traffic stop’?

      You were lucky, boy.

  • GayOldLady

    Fake Cowboy, All Hat No Horse!

    • swimboy

      All patty, no cow.

    • R W C

      And usually a black hat at that; black hats are for bad guys.

    • Steverino

      Except the horse’s ass.

    • McSwagg

      Texas ain’t the only place where there’s either steers or queers. I just ain’t figured out which one Clarke is.

  • boobert

    Fuck him ! I wanna know how AJ Drew’s blind date went last night !

  • Karl Dubhe 2

    If he hadn’t been elected sheriff, what d’ya think he’d have gone to jail for by now?

    • Sam_Handwich

      domestic violence

      • JAKvirginia

        Walking back from 7-11 eating Skiddles?

    • GayOldLady

      Stalking little girls at the mall?

    • Bambino

      Shot dead by the police in front of his yard for threatening to poke someone eyes out or trying to bitch slap the neighbors.

  • billbear1961

    Stick the prick in a cell for a goddamned WEEK without WATER, as this NAZI did to one of the VICTIMS in his custody, a prisoner who DIED as a result.

    This evil bastard belongs in prison, as does Arpaio.

    That they aren’t speak VOLUMES about this NIGHTMARE of a country!

    • Nowhereman

      Too bad we can’t shackle him while he gives birth on the cell floor…

    • Kruhn

      I wonder how fast His Cheetohness will pardon this asshole. I don’t condone capital punishment, but sometimes I start joining in the chorus asking to bring Mme. La Guillotine, to the US with people like Clarke.

  • Treant

    OT: I just tried Cherry Coke Zero. In addition to all the horrible artificial chemicals that are probably transforming my insides to plastic, I gotta say…it ain’t bad.

    • Lakeview Bob

      You should try Diet Dr. Pepper. It is about the only diet drink I can tolerate yet I continue to stick with high fructose corn syrup.

    • canoebum

      Soda is poison. It will rot your teeth and your guts, diet variety or otherwise. With the possible except of tonic water, it’s horrible stuff that is best left off your beverage list.

      • McSwagg

        It also causes losses to bone density for those that may have a concern there.

  • kanehau

    Just curious @SheriffClarke… if one wanted to achieve total POS assholeness, like you have – what advice would you give them?— PissedOffCitizen (@KaneHau) December 31, 2017

  • greenmanTN

    Feh. It’s been done better.

  • GayOldLady

    This is the same guy who made fun of Congresswoman Fredrica Wilson’s cowboy hat.

    • greenmanTN

      Of course he did. She was stealing his signature ‘look,’ though with less bling.

      • GayOldLady

        I think he should try the pearl earring and pearl necklace accessories.

        • greenmanTN

          As someone with as many issues as he has surrounding “masculinity,” I think it’s a different kind of pearl necklace he secretly wants.

      • Uncle Mark

        Here he is stealing her look. Somehow, he just doesn’t pull it off.

        • Nowhereman

          On her they look stylish. I heard that she has a sentimental reason for wearing them, in honor of her grandmother I think.

          • David Walker

            Yes. He just likes to appear threatening. Huge difference.

        • No More GOP.

          Needs a veil to complete the look.

    • margaretpoa
      • Nowhereman

        So glad my mouth was empty when I saw that–and you’re right!

    • Acronym Jim

      I prefer Disco Cowgirl over Grifto Malborough any day.

      • GayOldLady

        Me too!

    • crankyd

      HATS?! Glass houses, you simple-minded motherfucker.

  • Bambino
  • Michael R
  • Uncle Mark

    There have been a number of people on Twitter (me included), who reported his inflammatory and descriptively violent tweets. Twitter has failed to suspend his account

    • Skeptical_Inquirer

      I really wish someone would buy Twitter and shut it down.

      • Bambino

        No one with that kind of money would do that. Taking Twitter down will just create another opportunity for another social media to rise up. Social networks have grown into a monsters the creators can no longer control.

    • Natty Enquirer

      Twitter’s high-minded principles end where their potential for ad revenue begins.

    • Treant


    • Bambino

      Twitter will not risk taking out anyone with a certain amount of followers. Volumes equal credibility.

      • Uncle Mark

        Very true. The arrogant asshole is bragging about it on Twitter.

        • Acronym Jim

          I went to click on the Twitter link to look at their commenting rules before realizing the link actually went to the Clarke thread for that tweet.

          It is gloriously brutal. And without threats of violence and bloodshed.

  • Marc Gilbert-Widmann

    Reported to Twitter for threats of violence and physical harm… Please do the same.

    • Treant

      I did, and I’m so sure they’ll get right on that.

      • Bambino

        They are still busy stamping out the Nazis. So I’ve heard.🙄

    • Natty Enquirer

      Yeah, good luck with that. Twitter only cares about the money. If violent assholes tweeting to their heart’s content brings in more revenue than it loses, then Twitter is all for it.

    • romanhans


      We have received your complaint regarding account @SheriffClarke.

      We have investigated the reported content and could not identify any violations of the Twitter Rules ( or applicable laws. Accordingly, we have not taken any action at this time.



    • TK

      Twitter loves this stuff because it gets re-posted EVERYWHERE, including here on JMG. Which just keeps the whole cycle and their income stream going. Assholes like Clarke and Trump – and endless others – will keep this shit going as long as we keep giving them the spotlight and attention they crave.

    • Taylor Bixler

      @jack doesn;t care. In fact, he may well follow Clarke like he does Thernovich

  • Frostbite

    LOLOLOL. Whatever you say dude.

  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    If this guy ever goes to jail, he better be set apart from the general population or he is going to get stabbed in the first month, probably by his cell mate.

  • Michael R
    • Treant

      I just substituted that word in the music for “Xanadu…”

    • The_Wretched

      His n-word was out at the cleaners so he had to use a back up.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      If you’re so tired of so many things you should get more naps.

  • j.martindale
    • shellback

      A WalMart greeter?

    • Steverino

      I had no idea he is in the North Korean army. Makes sense.

    • Dazzer

      Too cheap to buy Kevlar.

    • Acronym Jim

      So sheriff uniforms are the new NASCARs?

      • Nowhereman

        A lot of his “medals” look like crackerjack prizes.

    • RobynWatts

      “Hi, welcome to TGI Fridays! Can I start you off with some greasy, overpriced appetizers, or some watered-down drinks? Oh and dig the flair.”

    • Nowhereman

      Somewhere inside that shiny little head he must realize that he looks and acts ridiculous.

    • teeveedub

      This is the only picture I’ve ever seen of him in which he didn’t look enraged. Here, he looks like a sad, lost little boy.

    • vtdave

      Just noticed…he’s a FOUR STAR asshole…with lots of cereal box prize badges! Classy…#Drumph will start wearing little sponsor badges as soon as he gets the production up and running in China.

    • What the fuck are all those pins? He looks like he works at Chili’s!

      • Stogiebear

        Probably cheaper than Kevlar vests.

    • The_Wretched

      Two more medals and he can call himself “generalissimo Clark”

      • Lumpy Gaga

        Or he’ll get Jennifer Aniston’s prime shift in “Office Space”.

    • JCF

      Um, I *think* this has been Photoshopped. [He’s ridiculous enough as it is.]

  • Lakeview Bob

    Total insanity. The black version of the Furor. Or the Furor is the white version of Clark.

  • seant426

    Ohhhhh, Internet tough guy. Bring it, hunty.

  • Xaca

    The lawn jockey thinks Trump wouldn’t provide the rope to lynch him.

    Let him learn the hard way.

  • If ever there was an Uncle Tom, this Trump ass kisser, wannabe cowboy is the poster boy.

  • BlackGayVeganAtheist
    • margaretpoa

      Not to mention meaningless uniform bling.

      • BlackGayVeganAtheist

        Clarke is more than just a “black conservative” or a “black Republican.” the man is a delusional, mentally deranged, self-hating racist of the worst variety. This is a man who puts himself out there to be used by the conservative media to make hateful, ignorant attacks against black civil rights activists and black people in America in general. We joke about him being the living embodiment of Uncle Ruckus or Clayton Bigsby, but all jokes aside this man actually is a stone cold black white supremacist.

        This is a man who has dedicated his platform in right-wing television, radio, and social media to discrediting any activism against racism and police brutality in the black community, and has espoused classic white supremacist beliefs on the inherent behaviors of black people.

        It’s not even like he’s like most black conservatives who attack blacks on the merit of being Democrats. Clarke doesn’t embrace any perspective that speaks to black people rising above their condition and their issues, even if he articulates it in an ignorant way. This is a man who has called black people lazy, irresponsible. He refers to all black victims of police violence as no-good thugs and attack their families. He is a willing, self-hating accessory of racist whites and a racist himself.

        Clarke makes Jeff Sessions look like Stokely Carmichael. The media should be calling this out for what it is: Trump courting another racist, white supremacist into the highest office of our land.

        However, because he’s black and many white people have no conception of black people adapting white supremacist beliefs against others, or at least they love being ignorant of it when they see it clear as day. Nodding their head as this black man calls all black people lazy and irresponsible.

        • David Walker

          Speaking strictly for myself, I do have a case white guilt, so although I know the guy’s a self-loathing white supremacist, I have difficulty saying that…not because I care about him (my iron-poor blood probably tastes as good as anyone’s, since he keeps mentioning blood), but because I’m concerned about what POC will think of me.

          One of the things I am grateful for since I now get to ride buses is getting to hear black and brown people…different voices to these ears. I marched for civil rights in the late ’50s and in the ’60s and made good acquaintances during that. One of the theaters in Harrisburg has tried color blind casting and produced many black-cast shows, from “Crowns” to many August Wilson plays. I came to know many black actors because of that. (And there was nothing like Sunday of tech week when the women would bring in food to sustain us during a trying day…not that there was any competition, you understand.) I’ve made a couple of bus route friends and the stories they have to tell are so wonderful. Who knew there were black nightclubs in Harrisburg into the ’60s? Or that a person working in the bakery of a chain grocery store in the ’90s tacked up a sign that read “Coloreds Only” because it seemed that was the only job they could get. She told me that she was one of the people who worked there, and while she denied she put up the sign, I suspect she did. I hope so, anyway.

          I think that I can write pretty tough arguments, but I’m a pussycat in real life. Conflict is not my favorite thing; I’ve paid the price for voicing my opinion several times, and that was with white folks. The last thing I’d ever want to do is appear to show disrespect toward a race I have long respected and individuals I’ve come to enjoy, even if only for 15 minutes a day on a bus.

          So…white guilt. What to do?

          • BlackGayVeganAtheist

            No one should feel guilty for things they had nothing to do with.


            If you want an apology for these things, I suggest you go hit up a cemetery. The people who owe you an apology are probably there.

            In the meantime, stop blaming “yourself” and your ethnic group for the actions of their ancestors. Every single racial group on the planet has committed horrendous atrocities against other racial groups at one point or another in their history, with no exceptions, and you are no more responsible for your group’s atrocities than I am for my group’s.

            Let me tell you, in my opinion, anyone who accuses someone of being racist or demands they feel guilty because of things that happened hundreds of years ago has no interest in people, or the issue of racism. They just want to be able to feel superior to others. They just want to hate others. And that’s all.

          • JCF

            JMO: EVERY group (racial/ethnic/sexuality/religious/language/ability/etc, etc, etc) has their outstanding members…and their POS members.

            The more outstanding members of any given group you know, the less you’ll be taken in when a POS member screams BS at you. Sherriff Clarke: get bent, you POS!

      • Jean-Marc in Canada

        Well, it’s all the rage with “those people” and by “those people” I mean these people:

        • RoFaWh

          They are overly easily impressed people who think the adage “the clothes make the man” is always true.

      • Nowhereman

        His employer finally made him stop wearing his get up when he went on TV.

  • Dreaming Vertebrate

    Sheriff Nut Job say wut??

  • BlackGayVeganAtheist
    • April

      Wanna bet Clarke’s popularity with the Fox News crowd would plummet if his marriage partner was more visible.

      • BlackGayVeganAtheist

        It is quite telling that she is NOT front and center…

        • Scott Carpenter

          She’s where her husband says she belongs – in the kitchen, rustling up some grub.

  • Palmer

    This fuckwad needs to be in a jail cell next to Hair Furor.

  • Bluto

    Anyone remember when we locked up violent lunatics instead of electing them to public office?

    • Nowhereman

      Yes. And then along came Reagan. We used to be proud of our public schools, too.

  • Xaca
  • Bryan

    Goatee hair-dye model says what now?

  • Tomcat

    I say Clarke will do time.

    • Halou

      The ironic sheriff.
      I hope he gets subjected to the same treatment he gave to others. Didn’t somebody die in his jail one time? I know one of these guys locked up a pregnant woman and they had a miscarriage.

      • The_Wretched

        Clark had an inmate die from dehydration- no water for a week.

        • Halou

          What a fine person Clark is. I would say that should be illegal, but this is Trumptopia we’re living in so if it ever was illegal it’s not any more.

  • Uncle Mark
    • Stogiebear

      Deserves thousands more upvotes!

  • JT

    Girl, you’re trying too hard to convince us.

  • William

    Clarke is about two clicks away from pushing a shopping cart and babbling about government satellites beaming rays at his head.

  • JWC

    he is referred to as the ” Former sheriff”He would also be recognized as the idiot asshole

  • Joseph Miceli

    Now, now Sheriff Clarke, no one likes a bitchy bottom.

  • Pizza009

    Another follower of Jesus turning the other cheek

  • Jefe5084

    He and Moore should put on their cool cowboy outfits and have a horse riding contest. Fake.

  • Richard B

    David Clarke is a menace and needs to be put in a straitjacket and locked in a room with padded walls to protect himself and society from harm.

    • Strkr

      Forget the straitjacket… I wouldn’t care if he harmed himself

  • Rocco

    Is it still called bitch slap when the biggest bitch is doing the slapping (or threatening to slap)?

  • Halou

    Does he kiss his sister with that mouth?

  • Matt

    This is the longest 15 minutes I can recall in quite some time.

  • Ryan Hunter

    Oooooh he is so tuff… bitch slap? LOL.

  • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

    All hat, no cattle.

    • Nowhereman

      No brains, either. He does’t even understand how mirrors work.

  • Nowhereman

    I wonder if he’s even seen a horse. And I would love it if they found his kiddie porn stash, because you know a guy like that must have one. He is a disgusting human being.

  • David Raymore

    I like the hat he wore for the main picture that Joe posted. When I first saw that cowpoke hat, I thought it was Festus from Gunsmoke. He is a delusional, mentally ill man who needs to be locked with a lot of Thorazine and a straight jacket.

    • David Walker

      “…in a ward that also includes Boozer Bannon and the fucking moron. Wouldn’t the staff be thrilled?

      • Danieruw

        They’d better get hazard pay!

      • David Raymore

        Along with Granny Sessions, Refers his wife as Mother-Pence, Shill Paul Ryan, and Liar Kelly Conway. They will need a special building to house all these buffoons.

      • kareemachan

        And didn’t he wander over to Moscow along with Stein?

  • Wesinoregon

    He has as much comedy power as the sheriff in Blazing Saddles.

  • Dean Cameron

    Huh. He’s never MET any people better than them!

  • John Ruff

    Unintimidated. Lol

  • John Kusters


  • fuzzybits

    I feel for the people who have had to deal with this asshole personally. I’m sure he knows where to take someone to beat on them.

  • Galvestonian

    How long does he think he’ll last in prison ? A week, maybe …

  • anne marie in philly

    I wanna bitchslap this muthafucka so hard his head will pop off and roll down the sewer!

    • teeveedub

      With that comment, you no longer have to qualify your handle with “in philly.”

      • Oscarlating Wildely

        Brian Sims is from Philly. It has 1.6 million people. We’re a diverse lot.

      • anne marie in philly

        why thank you, teeveedub! we philly tough!

    • DoctorDJ

      At least he’s no longer in public office where his shenanigans could cause real problems…

      Shout impotently at the sky, you silly little man.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      Now THAT is actionable speech!!!!

  • James

    Worth noting: many Twitter users reported this and other tweets and were told they don’t violate the TOS.

    • The_Wretched

      Double standards for the conservative poster boys.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      Some low-level schmuck who works for CNN is going to be found dead in a gutter, and everybody will be all, “How did THAT happen?”

  • Dayglo

    Ever see that one guy at a leather bar who puts too much thought into his uniform?

  • KnownDonorDad

    “Fake News” also caught on in the late 30’s and early 40’s when a certain group used the term “Lügenpresse.” Always be on guard.

    • McSwagg

      Gee whiz! I wonder if that was in that book of Hitler speeches dRumpf kept on his nightstand.

  • Michael White

    Uncle Tom sellout.

  • kareemachan

    He’s full of himself.


  • red-diaper-baby 1942

    Real classy guy! And what’s with those silly hats — him and Roy Moore? Do they think they’re cowboys, riding the range and shooting at coyotes? (Well, maybe gay coyotes.)

    • RoFaWh

      All hat, no cattle, as the saying goes.

      • McSwagg

        Is he a steer or a queer?
        Inquiring Texans want to know.

  • Free speech does NOT include threats of violence. Every Republican should have denounced this by now. Have any?

  • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

    Time for him to write that book and go on tour to promote it. First stop Jackson, Mississippi, followed by stops in LA, AL, GA, SC, TN, AK, WY, AND ID. Probably best to focus on the small towns in rural areas. Those are where the Real Americans live.

    I’m sure he’ll be well-received.

  • infmom

    He buys his suits from the same place that sells all those medals to the guys who stand around Kim Jong-un.

  • The_Wretched

    Cartoon cowboy talks bullying and violence.

  • The_Wretched

    That tweet is from a man who used to be in law enforcement. How can you trust cops like him?

  • David in Tucson

    He’s so full of hot air! Why hasn’t he just floated up to the highest reaches of the atmosphere and disintegrated into shreds of decaying bloviation?

  • DaveMiller135

    Trump has turned the phrase “Fake News” into a shibboleth. In that anyone who says they are being attacked by the “liberal media” or “Fake News” is lying.

  • Westcoast88

    Put him in a permanent straight jacket

  • kareemachan

    Does he even realize what a stupid git he looks like? Twunt.

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Oh, Clarke, where is thy aneurysm?

    • crankyd

      Hopefully, it’s just growing bigger; it’ll burst sooner or later.

  • Outlaw Woman

    Cowardly ex-sheriff Clarke forgets he doesn’t have a goon squad anymore to do his fighting for him.

    As for that stupid WWE photoshop … it will be a cold day in hell before Donald Trump jumps in to help anyone of color, let alone Clarke.

  • StudioTodd

    Right, because there’s nothing more intimidating than an old guy wearing a sequined cowboy hat (a COWBOY hat, fcs) making empty threats to no one in particular.


  • Girlgoon

    The media isn’t lying about your brazen abuse of power and attempts to bully and intimidate innocents . While the spotlight is on you could you explain why so many prisoners died mysteriously under your charge. Oh and take off those stupid medals that you didn’t earn.

  • Gianni

    Get over yourself, already. I find your looks appealing, but that’s it for anything likeable about you. Oh, and you’re not intimidated? Guess what, that works both ways, buddy.

  • Willys41

    As an American, I’m officially embarrassed.

  • Stogiebear
  • TimJ

    The funniest part of this story (I think) is that the “fake news” Sheriff Stupid refers to was an actual FBI document. Not much fake about that.

  • JCF
  • The Milkman

    Bring it, prison pussy.

  • RKitty01

    how butch

  • crankyd

    Is this what you eventually end up with when you bully a child? What an unhappy asshole; I hope he commits suicide for his new year’s resolution. Happy 2018!

  • Smith_90125

    The only way Clarke could stop crime is to eat his own gun.

  • CarolZarek


  • Puck

    The first time he punches a media person will be his last. Take his ass to jail! A few lawsuits will keep him out of the police in the future. Too many may get him in a cell with someone he put away!!! Lol

  • No More GOP.

    It must be very painful to be him.

  • .
    J.M.G!!! I see the resemblance.

    (His hat’s bigger than yours, though.)