Trump Crowd Cheers After Warmup Speaker Predicts Return Of Jesus Due To Trump’s Jerusalem Move

“Now I don’t know about you, but when I heard about Jerusalem – where the king of kings – where our soon coming king is coming back to Jerusalem, it is because President Trump declared Jerusalem to be capital of Israel.” – GOP Florida state Sen. Doug Broxson, joyously predicting the end of the world thanks to Glorious Leader. The arena roared in approval. Broxton, whose district includes Pensacola, is a graduate of Evangel University, the “first national Pentecostal school of arts and sciences.” Their school team is called the Crusaders.

  • JDS

    Oh please.

  • orion dumptee

    oh pah-lease x 2

  • hdtex
  • olandp

    Oy vey!

  • shellback
    • clay

      “He’s got a crossed wire.”

      • Andymac3

        You would think that with all the miracles that featured fish, someone might have come up with a better symbol than this Ichthys

        • clay

          or one more appropriate to their current social position, but, instead, they HAVE to remember being persecuted.

          • Andymac3

            Vicky Tims, the lot of them.

  • Rocco

    And these yokels vote…in droves.

    • Vista-Cruiser

      And our yokels, not so much.

  • Bomer
    • Todd20036

      I like that message!

      • GayOldLady

        🙂 And so early in the morning!

        • FAEN

          As long as it doesn’t interfere with my coffee 😉

          • GayOldLady

            😉

          • TheManicMechanic

            In front of my salad is fine, though.

          • FAEN

            Well yeah the salad deserves it.

    • anne marie in philly

      wish we could buy that!

    • McSwagg

      And everyone knows that blowfish are toxic.

  • Please, God, take him first.

  • Pluto Animus

    “Their school team is called the Crusaders.”

    Is the school motto, “We Kill Muslims”?

    • Hue-Man

      They also murdered thousands of Christians in Constantinople.

      • clay

        and in France, and many of the last Pagans in the eastern Baltic.

        • McSwagg

          Don’t forget the crusade conducted by the British against the Irish because they weren’t “catholic enough” only to be followed a couple of centuries later by draconian measures against the Irish for being “too catholic” after Britain embraced protestantism.

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        And the indigenous populations of the Americas under “conversions ” and “manifest destiny.”

        • cleos_mom

          The indigenous people had committed the same unpardonable sin as the Canaanites in the heavily-embroidered Old Testament stories; i.e., they had land another group wanted.

      • mpatreyu

        I saw they murdered thousands of Christians with canteloupes

  • GayOldLady

    We all knew that the reason Trump declared Jerusalem the Capital of Israel was to appease the far-right christos who want to bring on Armageddon. Trump gives absolutely no shits about the Israelis or the Palestinians. And he doesn’t believe in the Christos end times philosophy. All he believes in is puffing himself up for a day or two with outrageous decisions that literally put millions of lives in jeopardy. Next up, war with North Korea. The Bastard Is Going To Kill Us All. Truck Fump!!!!

    • Uncle Mark

      Trump’s the atheist, who’s playing all these Christians for the fools they are. The sick irony is that if these Christians actually read or understood their book, they could see how un-Christlike their “savior” is

      • David Walker

        Actually read or understood? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh, Uncle Mark. That’s funnier than Saturday morning TV. Read? For themselves? Think? Comprehend? Understand? You know better than that, Uncle Mark. That’s why god gave them preachers. Of course, they don’t read or understand, either, but they put on a good show, that keeps the rubes coming back, and everybody’s happy. And they all look forward to communion for that kickapoo joyjuice.

        • Uncle Mark

          They DO put on a good show. A couple years back, my family dragged me to an Evangelical Christmas Show. OMG…It was the GAYEST production I EVER saw in my life !! The costumes were bigger, more colorful & sparkly than anything Liberace could EVER dream of wearing. They had the caravans for the 3 wise men that were more ornate and flashy than any gay pride parade. Even the angel Gabriel (floating above everyone’s head like a sparkly disco ball and blessing everyone with glitter poured from his hands) looked liked he preferred to blow something, other than a horn. I kept wondering the whole time how many closet cases were involved in this production…or if this was some gay revenge/joke upon a group that hates them.

          Meanwhile EVERYONE in the crowd was in rapt awe of the spectacle…including most of my family. Between the Christian drag follies and looking at the audience’s faces, it was all I could do to keep from bursting out into hysterical laughter. Fortunately, I was sitting next to my older sister (who shares the same sense of humor as me and would make the perfect fag hag), and I could see a kindred spirit trying very hard not to explode as well. Fortunately, sitting next to each other was probably the only thing that kept us from laughing our heads right out of the auditorium….and into the hallway, where we would laugh at their dinosaur with human (anti-evolution) murals. Best comedy club ever !!

          • David Walker

            There is a gigantically yuge xn theater near Lancaster (PA) that was referred to by us sinful and un-anointed ones as “Jesus City Music Hall. It presents this kind of shit all the time. My father kept threatening to take me but never quite managed. (Sorry, I gotta change cat litter than night.) They went so far as to build a larger-than-most-churches stable for the various animals used to lend veritas (and pungency) to their stories. I know they did a Noah; I can’t imagine what that must have been like. Not all of us feel that way about the Jesusdrome, however. I’ve noticed that the odd actor includes it as a credit.

            As for your Gabriel, you have forced me to share something I stumbled upon last night. I’ll see your Gabriel and raise you a Jesus:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAPKepDA50k

          • BobSF_94117

            I love how he decides it’s a good idea to turn into the spin, as opposed to against it, to cover his rear. Just the sort of thing that trimming the science curriculum to make more time for Bible Study can lead to.

          • Chucktech

            Ha! GMTA! I was just about to post this!

          • Uncle Mark

            Funny video. The spectacle I went to had GAYbriel dropping from the ceiling and his two fag hag angels swooping across the ceiling from either side. We kept waiting for a fatal collision with feathers (and maybe an egg) dropping from the ceiling.

            Being raised Catholic, our Christmas stories ended with the arrival of the 3 Magi. This Evangelical production went thru the crucifixion & resurrection. Jesus in this production didn’t say a word (except for “rendering unto Caesar…”. Why that one of all quotes?). He just walked around gesturing with a big smile on his face. I was telling my sister he looked like he was trying to sell “like-new” cars to the Jews. The best part is when they put Fat Jesus on the cross, and stood it up. It was all I could do to keep from calling bullshit on the whole fasting for 40 days & night. “Jesus clearly had takeout/delivery in the desert.” The funniest thing was when they had to roll Jesus off the cross and down a ramp. “Let’s roll.”

          • witch

            When to see and try to understand a Easter mass once, the up and down looked painful , I stay seated like a good little heathen

          • Jay Silversmith
          • Uncle Mark

            That’s because it clearly doesn’t have enough of a tail

          • yes b’y

            LOL

          • Jay Silversmith

            Is he wearing white tennis shorts with a black jock strap over them? That’s so Castro in the 80’s.

          • TK

            You just made my Saturday morning with that hilarious story, Uncle Mark! Great optics!! LOL I’d be trying to stifle my laughter too! The whole thing is SOOOO absurd. And the “faithful” eat it all up like movie-night popcorn.

          • Acronym Jim

            “Nate, Ah’m purdy shore the Waaz Men didn’t Rahd in no Careban. Ev-body in dem olden-tahms rode donkeys. Carebans and horses ain’t been invented yet back then.”

            “I don’t care. They took me weeks to decorate, they’re FAAAAbulous, and they’re staying.”

            http://www.romanyaclef.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/vardo.jpg

            https://i0.wp.com/www.tinyhouseliving.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Traditional-English-Horse-drawn-Showmans-Wagon.jpg?fit=1000%2C1257

            http://www.faeryland.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Rested-Up-for-Winter.jpg

          • cleos_mom

            Wish I could have seen that ! Our church’s Christmas plays (1950s-1960s) were pretty much the “cardboard sets and shepherds with towels draped across their heads” standard.

          • Uncle Mark

            I used to supplement my income during my poverty-stricken college years by performing (vocally or instrumentally) for churches during the holidays (and some weddings). I used to see a number of curious church disasters.

            One church decided to have the Christ child (doll) ride all the way down a tether from the ceiling in the back of the church to the manger near the altar. It seems the baby messiah had other plans…getting stuck part way down. The ushers had to beat Jeebus like a piñata all the way down the tether to the manger. The following year they tried a jet-assisted Jesus…with disasterous results. “Bethlehem, we have a problem.”

            Another church during the rehearsal for the children’s Mass, Mary dropped the baby Jesus and he shattered all over the place. One of the very old nuns was horrified…only to want to faint later watching one of the priest vacuuming up the Prince of Peace with a Dust Buster. The problem was getting a replacement in such a short time to the proper scale. They were able to find one in one of their nearby ‘burbs, the slight dilemma was that it was a Hispanic neighborhood, so Jesus was noticeably darker than Mary & Joseph. It truly was a blessed Maury Povich Christmas,

      • Dramphooey

        Or are the Christians fools playing the atheist? They want a war that bring about the end of all life.

      • MatthewD

        Trump is atheist? Citation needed.

        • GayOldLady

          Trump is his own god. He’s not an atheist or a christian or a jew or a muslim or even an agnostic. He hasn’t really given it any thought. Just like everything else in his life, he goes with whatever gets him the most applause in the moment.

        • Uncle Mark

          You’re right. Trump thinks he’s his own god, which is amazing considering that he has to look at himself in the mirror everyday. Even Buddha doesn’t have a belly like that.

          • FancyThat

            I remember a clip I’d seen recently where Donald mentioned Pence to an official who’d recently encountered the VP. Trump questioned, jokingly, ‘Oh, and did he make you pray with him?’ as though that was one of the oddities one has to endure around Pence — certainly not something you would hear from a ‘believer.’ ‘Two Corinthians’ would be like saying ‘John three colon sixteen’ — just not something anyone who’d ever ‘been to church’ would say.

            Trump’s Christianity seems as real as Ivanka’s Judaism — bound to a religion for opportunity, not conviction.

        • zhera

          Two Corinthians.

        • vorpal

          Adultery, divorce, remarriage, lying, stealing…
          He may have the values of a conservative Christian, but I’m pretty sure he lacks the beliefs.

          • Uncle Mark

            I’m reminded of the time my lil’ sister was echoing the sentiment of her priest back in 2008, that “Obama was The Beast, because The Beast is supposed to be very popular and promises to fix our problems.” I laughed and told her that she just described every politician that won an election. Needless to say, she seems to be blind to the anti-Christ she elected for President last year.

          • vorpal

            So many anti-Christs that I can’t keep track anymore.

          • FAEN

            I know right?

          • The_Wretched

            Anti-christs are like the end-of-the-world, on convenience rotation.

          • FancyThat

            I have a born again Evangelical family member who constantly reminds me she mourns that my homosexuailty has doomed me to the ‘lakes of fire.’ For her, (and her small-town church congregation) the AntiChrist changes with political cycles. Not surprisingly, their AntiChrist du jour is always the Democratic presidential candidate.

          • Todd20036

            But only ONE Ant-Christ

          • Steverino

            As well as the false prophet the anti-Christ selected for vice-president.

          • FAEN

            Yep. Good to see you V and cutie black kitty 😉.

          • vorpal

            Always good to see you, FAEN :-).
            I got your email and will write back tomorrow. Today I am recovering from yesterday. Blech.

          • FAEN

            No worries V. What did you get up to yesterday that you need recovering from?

          • vorpal

            I went overboard in mourning the passing of our tortoiseshell kitty in terms of wine and ketamine (well, deschloroketamine, actually, but close enough). It was a horrible mess that I won’t even describe, but very cat-thatric (durp) at least. I felt like crap today, but onwards and upwards!

          • FAEN

            Ugh-I’m sorry V. Feel better

          • vorpal

            Feeling MUCH better now! I needed to get it out of my system… and I did in a big way. Hubby and I spent a good couple hours mourning her loss and today we are moving forward with renewed hope… and hoping to find another little homeless kitty (there are so many here) to bring into our flock soon.

          • FAEN

            That is always so difficult. I’m so sorry V. When you’re both ready the right kitty will be there.

          • vorpal

            Thanks, FAEN! I am confident that we will find ourselves a girl to rule the roost once again. Having five boys (two human, three feline) in the house is entirely too many!

            Your email and messages are always, always appreciated, my friend!

          • FAEN

            LOL-yeah I definitely think you need some girl energy!

            Thank you my friend! The feeling is mutual.

          • don

            i am so sorry you lost your kitty..:(( I hope you feel better and that you find another cat-pal soon.

          • MatthewD

            Because no Christian has done those things?

    • Chucktech

      My opinion is Trump did this to shit stir. This disastrous pronouncement now has the entire world talking about Trump. That just tickles his fat orange ass to death.

      He also made this as a campaign promise so now he can crow that this effort-less (for him) stunt fulfills a campaign promise. It’s a “win,” you see.

      • MonochromeMouse

        He’s proven that he craves attention, positive or negative.

        • Rebecca

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      • cleos_mom

        IMO you’re both right.

      • Galvestonian

        I personally think he’s too stupid to stir shit. He just farking around and making up stuff to stay in power … wipe out anything that the Obama Administration did and suck up to any group that would vote for him.

      • Bob Gilboe

        You don’t know if your ass is drill punched or chewed by the rats libatard

        • freethinker666

          I’ll bet you can’t wait to get that tax break for your corporate jet.

        • Chucktech

          heh heh heh, done cawled me a lib-towerd! Guess he done towld me owff lol ha ha

    • cleos_mom

      And Jews assume at their peril that this no-questions-asked support of Israel translates into support for them. The scenario for some sub-groups includes the mass conversion of Jews to Christianity; and we can all guess at what the reaction would be to that not happening.

      This mentality was actually quite popular in the first century CE, and when the Romans sacked Jerusalem and destroyed the Second Temple these believers had the privilege of being the last to die.

      The very people who could benefit from reading the book linked below would consider it, like all works by legit biblical scholars, to be the work of their Devil. Its text includes a vivid description of the “Last Days”, first-century style.

      https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Nazareth-King-Jews-Christianity/dp/0679767460/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1512833084&sr=1-1&keywords=Jesus+of+Nazareth

      • Todd20036

        Most Jews didn’t vote for Twitler. We see the parallel to Hitler all too well

        • cleos_mom

          Glad to hear it. That first sentence in my post was rhetorical. 😉

    • FAEN

      You know GOL, unbelievable as it seems, I think the Xtians have lost even more IQ points since they elected the man least like Jeebus. Hearing them vociferously defend the Alabama pedophile shocks even me. I’ve just run out of words to convey my disgust.

      And yeah, the sociopath would be fine killing us all to prove Obama didn’t ‘win’. I need more coffee but fuck it, I’m adding some alcohol to it.

    • Lawerence Collins
    • TK

      Agreed 100%!!! The guy is an out of control maniac with no concerns for anyone but himself.

    • SkokieGuy [ChicagoAdjacentGuy]

      Or Trump did it to appease the donor class.

      “Ten days before Donald J. Trump took office, Sheldon G. Adelson went to Trump Tower for a private meeting. Afterward, Mr. Adelson, the casino billionaire and Republican donor, called an old friend, Morton A. Klein, to report that Mr. Trump told him that moving the American Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem would be a major priority….

      The Adelsons have long been leading donors to pro-Israel groups and causes, and have forged a close relationship with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. They have used their casino fortune to push the Republican Party and its politicians to embrace that line.”

      https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/06/us/politics/trump-embassy-jerusalem-israel.html

    • Scary. Wikipedia:

      A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that directly or indirectly causes itself to become true, by the very terms of the prophecy itself, due to positive feedback between belief and behavior. …

      The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the original false conception come true. This specious validity of the self-fulfilling prophecy perpetuates a reign of error. For the prophet will cite the actual course of events as proof that he was right from the very beginning.

  • That_Looks_Delicious
  • Sam_Handwich

    Apparently Jesus is taking his sweet ol time….

    https://twitter.com/bpolitics/status/939494985560453123

    • Mark Née Fuzz

      In other words, the typical pandering to his moronic base, nothing but meaningless, empty words.

      • Uncle Mark

        But they’re still gonna build that wall, and Americans are gonna have the bestest healthcare ever, right? /s

      • kanehau

        Unfortunately, they were not empty words to the rest of the world.

      • FAEN

        Enjoying the shirtless pic btw.

    • Reality.Bites

      In 1979, when running for PM, Joe Clark (a thoroughly decent man who eventually left the Conservative Party and was the first ex-PM to endorse marriage equality) made the promise to move the embassy to Jerusalem.

      Sanity prevailed and they went back on the decision. Cabinet documents on the decision were just made public a couple of days ago.

      http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/jerusalem-embassy-tel-aviv-clark-1.4436795

      Back in 2001 (!) Clark became the first Canadian Prime Minister (former) to be in a Pride Parade.

      https://media.sermonaudio.com/gallery/newsimages/imdf10062001171648a.jpg

      Mr. Clark is 78. You’re never too old to NOT be a bigot.

      He, along with Paul Martin (79) became the first PMs to attend a same-sex wedding.

      https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2007/08/18/mp_makes_history_with_gay_marriage.html

      I’m adding this old, old photo, just because in case Trump’s reading this he might want to know what a legitimate Time magazine cover looks like.

      https://canadathroughmyeye.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/joeclark71.jpg

    • clay

      Turmp’s construction projects generally take 5 years.

      • Reality.Bites

        Did you mean to go up or to crumble once open?

        • clay

          I do enjoy clear writing, but limiting myself to only one meaning seems so . . . limiting.

      • Chucktech

        Well, of course. Building an embassy in a country like Israel would be a major construction effort. Of COURSE it’s “not something that’s going to happen this year or next.”

    • William

      Tilkerson doesn’t want to attend the ribbon cutting.

    • ChrisMorley

      The US announced in 2008 it would build a replacement embassy in London.
      It still hasn’t officially opened. https://uk.usembassy.gov/our-relationship/new-embassy/

      tRumpy’s too frightened to come and open it. Sad.

    • GayOldLady

      Before ground is ever broken we’ll have a new Democrat POTUS who will reverse this decision.

      • Chucktech

        Yup. “Sorry, world, we were only kidding.” And the rest of the world shakes its head, thinking, we can never trust another goddam thing that comes out of the United States. You guys can always elect some other doofus.

        The lasting damage of this administration will take a couple of generations, at the very least, to repair.

        • GayOldLady

          I hope not, but I do think any responsible POTUS would back off the Jerusalem decision and rather quickly. The world knows we have an illiterate madman as POTUS and they will expect us to repair the damage he’s done in international relations. At least we can hope so. And lest we not forget, Netanyahu was involved in helping Trump get elected and he is currently under a fraud investigation himself and may end up out of office before Trump. No wonder they took such a fancy to one another.

        • don

          Sheee we haven’t even finished cleaning up after BushJr…

      • jerry

        And it’s already got widespread condemnation from the UN Security Council.

      • JCF
      • Olterigo

        If that will be the case, it will be the last time a national Democratic candidate receives overwhelming Jewish support and vote.

    • tamiasmin

      Jesus can’t come back to Jerusalem until there’s a US embassy there. It’s in the Book of Rebelnation.

    • FAEN

      The Xtians don’t realize that you don’t just stick ‘USA’ on a building and call it an Embassy.

      Always good to see you ‘very wicked sandwich’ lol.

    • Steverino

      That’s just his polite way of saying the proposed move is a fucking moronic decision.

  • Boreal

    Rapture or rupture from these assholes is coming. We’re going to need a big cleanup crew.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/df04ed895411bf67dadef6090371aea4fcee7466e35e1fd5c9fad891140e19db.jpg

  • Hardley

    does this mean I can stop holding my stomach in?

    • Mark Née Fuzz

      Nope. We must look fabulous until the very end.

  • Mark Née Fuzz

    Hold your breath, folks, and you’ll meet Jesus even sooner.

    • clay

      Yeah, just four minutes away.

  • Boreal
    • Christopher
      • Boreal

        I never heard this before.

        • Christopher

          It came out a couple of years ago. (And he came out a few years before that.)

          Troye Sivan played the young James Howlett (Wolverine) in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

          I really like him. If you ever get a chance check out some of his videos on YouTube. He’s really quite hilarious.

    • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

      Beautiful Freak is now 21 years old. Kids born that year can now share a beer with you.

      https://youtu.be/oyQCOrVIRIg

  • Statistics Palin

    Evangel Universty Majors:
    Snake Juggling
    Alligator Wrestling
    Queer Bashing
    Faith Based Tax Evasion
    Religious Terrorism for Idiots

    • Snarkaholic

      Their Phys Ed Courses:
      Sprinting (after underaged girls)
      The Infidel Toss (off tall buildings)
      Shit-Fil-A Munching Marathon

    • Dramphooey
      • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

        If you got Shakers, Snake Handlers, and Holy Rollers together, they could shake, rattle and roll!

        • jerry

          You might have trouble locating any Shakers to participate…as of January, 2017, there were only 2 individuals left in that movement. They didn’t believe in sex, even for procreation, so they’re about done.

          • cleos_mom

            They were done in by modern alternatives and technology, more than by their celibacy. The Shakers were basically a monastic order that admitted both men and women; monastic orders aren’t exactly attracting vast numbers of applicants but they’re still around.

    • liondon#iamnotatraitor

      Selected cake making

    • vorpal

      Don’t forget “Heterosexual cake baking.”

      • GayOldLady

        I wonder how many hours of study that course requires?

        • vorpal

          All it requires is being drunk on Jesus and alcohol. Here is Jack Phillips producing one of them Masterpiece Cakeshop “pieces of art” that we hear so much about.
          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a6d98e78752e2a8bb4259aa7f282a6c9465ac7482c051711e82cf6fe5ff3ec5f.jpg

          • Menergy

            Bwuahahahahahaha!

          • vorpal

            I’m betting he failed coloring in his kindergarten class.
            Maybe he’s good at something. We’re just not sure what.

          • GayOldLady

            Uh, oh!!!! He’s in trouble if that’s supposed to be art! Even I, a woman who cannot draw a straight line with a ruler, who barely masters the art of stick people, could do better.

          • vorpal

            I suspect that he might be Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ makeup artist as well.

          • BobSF_94117

            The phone call is coming from inside the cake…

          • GayOldLady

            That would explain a lot.

          • Yalma Cuder-Zicci
          • JCF

            LOL

          • don

            If it tastes like it looks….

          • pj

            straight man cake.

          • agcons

            That’s amazing. Why isn’t that in the Tate or the Louvre?

    • clay

      Strychnine production and ingestion?
      Youth “ministry”?
      Castor bean harvesting for fun and profit?
      Husbandry?
      Wifery?
      Studbooks for full quivers?

  • IAMBOWLINGQUEEN
    • sadoldguy

      Can’t wait for all the free stuff. Housing for the homeless, food for the hungry.
      Might just work out OK.

    • cleos_mom

      According to some believers, they’re actually up in the clouds. Presumably causing chaos for airliners and military planes.

      • Andymac3

        Less oxygen so that they are high all the time and hallucinating.

    • Chucktech
  • AJ Drew
    • David Walker

      Eeny meeny chili beany. The spirits are about to speak.

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        “Are they friendly spirits?”

        “Friendly? Well I’ll say!”

  • Dramphooey

    Christopher Hitchens was entirely correct. These people want to blow up the world and kill everything. They go under the radar because the average American thinks being Christian is to be kind and giving and you go to a palace made out of clouds when you die and they are in reality a group of dangerous, sick people.

  • sadoldguy

    When (if) all this right wing craziness is over, trump and company gone, this nation needs to have a long, serious discussion about mental illness.

    • Dramphooey

      And why it is tax free.

  • Uncle Mark

    Don’t these scamvangelists even read the cliff notes of their “sacred” tome?!! Before their Messiah returns, earth has to endure war, famine, plagues, and other assorted punishments poured upon it. There is also supposed to be that whole nasty Beast & Whore of Babylon thang (FYI: All scamvangelists are up for the role of ‘Whore.’). After all the suffering and desolation, then Christ is supposed to return. Incidentally, I thought all those Evangelical Pedophiles were always preaching about their getting a “get out of apocalypse free” card, so they wouldn’t meet Jeebus in Jerusalem anyway. (Fun fact…it doesn’t really indicate such as an escape plan for the “good” in their Bible. The word “rapture” is only mentioned once, and doesn’t describe what these fuckers made up about 200 years ago, but okay; they also think Jesus is White & American)

    • Snarkaholic

      The GOP and anti-vaxers are working as hard as they can on the famine and plagues.

    • David Walker

      But Uncle Mark…the fucking moron and the first tart ARE the Beast and Whore of Babylon. With the Jerusalem thingy, they’re at least partway there.

      • Uncle Mark

        Nah…Melanoma is just the Whore of Slovenia…and as for Trump, I hear the Beast is supposed to have bigger hands. The Whore of Babylon is supposed to be a false prophet/preacher….so pretty much everyone scamvangelist endorsing Orange Herod

      • cleos_mom

        Of course, Babylon is rather short of whorehouses at present.

    • clay

      Yeah, they read that, and it made them hard and even oozy.

    • vorpal

      I always tell them that I’ll worry about the rapture when a whore covered in profanities rises out of the sea on the back of a beast with seven heads and ten horns, and cups start behaving in a funky way.

      They tell me that that’s metaphorical.
      Unlike the rest of the bible, which is of course, literal.

      • Chucktech

        “They tell me that that’s metaphorical.”
        Bwa, ha, ha, ain’t that rich…

        • vorpal

          I know, right?
          A talking snake in a garden with some ethics fruit, a flood where it rained 36 inches per hour for 40 days, a woman who turned into a pillar of salt, and a dude who lived in a whale?
          Absolute literal truth.

          A beast rising literally out of the ocean?
          Don’t be ridiculous, athetits.

          • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

            And Don’t forget the burning bush that talks and food falling from the sky at midnight for forty years.

          • Chucktech

            So, how would YOU feed a nation of Jews wandering in the desert???

          • BillyDee4

            I would call for Chinese takeout.

          • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

            Jimmy John’s, duh. They deliver so freaking fast!

          • Steverino

            Burning bush? Is that what the kids call ginger pubes nowadays?

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        So, Kellyanne Conway then.

      • Raising_Rlyeh

        Yes, it’s interesting how figuratively biblical literalists take revelation

      • Duck

        Yeah, I always go with the whole 7 year long winter and the sun and moon being devoured by wolves thing.

        When creationism is brought up I just smile and nod, before insisting that everyone knows that the world was created from the body of a giant, licked out of ice by a cow, and later slain and dismembered by his grandchildren.

        • vorpal

          That’s about as plausible an explanation as I’ve heard anywhere else.

          Where do I show up to join your cult, good sir?

    • Frank McCormick

      Which is why they invented the Rapture. They’ll be safely assumed bodily into heaven while use heathens will have to endure the Tribulation. Sick, sick, sick. (Also, too, notice the hankering for a King. Buch of authoritarian jerks.)

    • Gretchen

      They are counting on the war, famine, and plagues staying in countries with people of color whom they find so inferior as to not consider them actual human beings.

    • Steverino

      Silly me, but the moral of the story should be that out of some future human evil and chaos, goodness ultimately will return and prevail. The evilgenitals are actually voting for and supporting those forces of evil, in a perverted effort to force and bring about the ultimate good. In other words, they really don’t know what side they are on. “I never knew you… get out of my sight, evildoers…” and all that.

      • Vista-Cruiser

        Similar to Green Party thinking: “Once we drive the Democratic Party out of business, things will get so bad that the people will pull off a revolution…”

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    Jesus is coming and he is pissed.

  • Michael R

    It would be great if what we were dealing
    with was something simple like rabies .

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/39c2aa28ca79a607172663a7bdbe119753b26bd4f36339acec2baa3624200126.jpg

    • Mark Née Fuzz

      Putting him down works in this context too.

  • netxtown

    Just more outright bullshit these fucking power/control freaks will utter and the idiots who lap it up. The unfulfilled windbag promise of jeebus defying every fucking thing we know from real science – just for them. Religion is mental illness.

    • Snarkaholic

      So is greed.

  • justmeeeee

    OMFG. People like this are running our guvmint, ya’ll!

  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    It creeps me out knowing I live among people joyful about the end of the world. Well, used to, I live in Mexico now and they aren’t so evangelical nutty.

    • Uncle Mark

      Well, those joyful morons think they will be spared by all those suffering…being “raptured up,” which means they’re more than happy to watch or let their more sinful brethren burn. Most of us are sympathetic to the plight of another’s suffering…without caring if they are “saved.” Those are some sick, self-righteous fucks

      • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

        I think you’re right. Part of their joy is the prospect of getting to watch all the people they hate burn, all the people they currently want to turn their firearms on.

        • Uncle Mark

          I don’t even think it’s even all about hate, but being able to feel superior to others. (Seriously, I’ve seen church ladies try to out holier-than-thou the others dozens of times. I even had the sweet-sweet pleasure of humiliating one, who tried to pull that shit on me at a church meeting…when I used to go to church.). The problem with the sense of superiority, coupled with the belief that “bad things happen to bad people,” and their prosperity gospel is that it eliminates sympathy & compassion.

          • Todd20036

            Two sides of the same coin.

        • cleos_mom

          If you want to see a display of creative imagination, try asking someone who believes the entire heaven/hell teaching how they can be eternally joyful in heaven if they know that people they care about are not only suffering, but in a place where even death won’t deliver them. You’ll hear some Grade A lulus.

          • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

            This was one of my dad’s drunken laments. He hated that I was gay and obsessed about it, getting drunk and crying that I would not be in heaven for all eternity with him. Which I found ironic, since he never really liked me in this life, and because I was gay, wished I’d never been born.

          • Todd20036

            That’s harsh. Even harsher than my own father, though his “love” for me probably had to do with the fact that I emerged in upper-middle class-hood as an adult.

            YOu’ve already outgrown your father. You’ve left him behind.

            Maybe that’s why he laments. He knows that you’ve grown up far more than he ever could. And you’re just a “queer”, to boot.

          • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

            Yes, I’ve come to terms with and left those pains behind. My dad became a much nicer person after he had a stroke, became paralyzed and therefore dependent on people treating him with kindness. He never talked like that again after the stroke, and only told me how much he loved me and that I was a good person. So, thanks to the stroke (an awful thing to say, I know) we had seven years of peace and the family was able to heal before he went to his reward.

          • Todd20036

            Not so awful. When my father was diagnosed with lung cancer, he became more ornery, more unpleasant to be around, yelled a lot.

            Basically, he had used my mother as a barometer. She smoked more, had more physical ailments (COPD, emphysema, etc) but not cancer. So he assumed he didn’t have to worry.

            He was angry that she “tricked” him by not getting cancer.

            So even though it sounds awful that a stroke helped your father see you in a new light, at least that happened to you.

            My father got no new insights as death closed in.

      • don

        But it’s not a cult! :/

    • Chucktech

      We’re in the middle of a 6 month stay in Mexico to decide if this is where we want to live. What I find striking is that, as uber Catholic as Mexicans are, life seems to be sort of bifurcated between their religion and day-to-day life. They just sort of matter-of-factly coexist.

      Plus, Catholics don’t tend to “evangelize.”

      • Menergy

        As I found the Italians when I lived there in northern Italy for a few years..

      • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

        That was a big surprise for me, living in Mexico. I expected a heavy Catholic presence in politics, but Mexico does a great job of insisting on a separation of church and state, far, far better than the U.S. The only time I see religiosity in public is this season when they have the charming processionals for the Virgin and when people cross themselves when passing in front of a church. There is a reproductive services clinic around the corner from my house and recently there was a group of Christians across from it praying all day for several days.

        • don

          Very interesting. I noticed more or less the same thing in Brazil.

      • jerry

        The whole Catholic thing always seemed to me like “do whatever you like all week long, then tell it to the priest for forgiveness.” Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

        • Chucktech

          That’s how I justified masturbation growing up as I believed this laughable tripe back then.

    • CanuckDon

      They’re not so hot for end times when you see them preying and thanking their God that a tornado struck their neighbours and spared their home and lives.

      • don

        Yeah. Recent CA fires: ‘Thank God no one died’ said one- to wit: ‘How about telling God to go fuck himself for starting the damn fire in the first place??!’

  • Dramphooey

    I’m guessing the Evangel University basically reverses an old Betty Bowers’ joke: a Pentecostal education … at an Episcopalian price!

  • greenmanTN
  • Jmdintpa

    THIS is why i predict violence before this is over. THIS is why I say prepare yourself for what is to come. These people are not playing with a full deck. They are in a cult and are just as blinded by the commands of their leader as the manson girls were of their’s. They are buying guns and ammo in record levels all in the name of taking back america and they think they have god on their side. They have nothing to lose and its a recipe for a disaster a violent deadly disaster for this country.

    • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

      Exactly. This is why I don’t find any of this funny. These people are deadly serious and are now fully connected via social media. They can find each other and find empowerment in knowing that thousands of people all over the country share their toxic brand of reality. THEY VOTE IN LARGE NUMBERS, and they’ve been successful in electing old white men who have no problem promoting their bigoted, theocratic agenda. We’ve been inching our way in this direction for years through apathy and petty infighting. Frankly, unless the current DNC establishment is overthrown by a younger, more diverse leadership, or a strong third party is formed by disaffected progressives, we aren’t too far from the point of no return.

      • cleos_mom

        Frankly, unless the current DNC establishment is overthrown by a
        younger, more diverse leadership, or a strong third party is formed by
        disaffected progressives, we aren’t too far from the point of no return.

        It will have to have to have something going for it other than demonizing elder people, sucking up to purity ponies or both, or it will just be another election-twisting cult.

  • JT

    Let’s have a prediction of when, dipshit.

    • William

      Ask Herold Camping.

  • ceeenbee

    Stupefying that these “end days” fools do not have the self-awareness to understand they are, and always have been, pawns of megalomaniacs like the shitgibbon, putin, and isis, who want nothing more than power.

    Tell them their miserable lot in life is just a test and as long as they follow the marching orders of their masters, they will be rewarded with 70 virgins or sit at the right hand of god, and they will follow blindly as sheep.

    Why is religion strongest in the poorest, most desperate countries? Because those in power have seen the power of subjugation via religion.

    • Friday’s_cat

      Because no education?

      • Chucktech

        Bingo.

    • cleos_mom

      They read it wrong.

      It was 70 Virginians and are they ever pissed off.

  • i bet the red heifer farmers are going apeshit right now.

    that said, sigh. i get so tired of people who skipped The Enlightenment, and all the wonderful thought it produced. jeebus is always ‘right around the corner’ and that’s part of the cult’s appeal. but even children can learn that it’s never going to happen, eventually. it’s embarrassing to live in a world filled with so many adults who won’t.

    • cleos_mom

      And at that, a red heifer is hardly the equivalent of a white Buffalo. I live in a beef-producing agricultural area and while most of the cattle are black or black and white, red cattle are not exactly rare. I’m guessing that most of The Faithful have no real idea what the significance is; namely, a revival of the sacrificial practices in the first and second Temples.

  • anne marie in philly

    JFC, STFU you ignorant crackers! there ain’t no jeebus and there never was a jeebus! this stupid dump move is going to get us all killed! WTF is wrong with you fucking dumptards!!!!!

    • Friday’s_cat

      IDK: There could have been a Gandhi type fellow preaching love and peace who was deified by later followers to gain market share.

      • Chucktech

        But then, HE DIED. No coming back from the dead roughly 1.75 days later, no floating up into heaven, NONE of that bullshit.

        • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

          He didn’t just die… He was brutally tortured and killed by a conspiracy of religious leaders and the occupying forces of Rome to stop a populist threat to their governing power.

          • Chucktech

            Yeah, must’ve sucked for Him.

          • cleos_mom

            More likely it was a proactive effort on the part of the Romans to avoid a riot in Jerusalem at the worst possible time, when the city was packed with people. The event that Sunday School calls “Palm Sunday” had a significance to first century CE people that goes right over our heads: Jesus might not have been advocating revolution but the more fanatical of his followers had gotten out of control.

          • kat

            That’s the myth. Not a shred of evidence to support it.

          • JCF

            IF a myth, so what? Myths—like other stories—can give one’s life meaning.

  • Michael R
    • Reality.Bites

      As we look at this photo, bear in mind halls, stadiums, theatres, etc are rarely built to accommodate more people than a major event would need.

      Clearly this is not a major event.

      This is.

      https://youtu.be/3MEcFdqijQU?t=1m27s

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      If that’s the best crowd Trump can manage to get in the FL panhandle, that could be a good sign for Tuesday, because that was his base of support last year.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0910c704b42b56ef2d541cf97bdc7e885aea319fc313802e5db56471f7dd8655.png

      • GayOldLady

        That’s a very weak crowd.

      • Reality.Bites

        Remember when Sonny and Cher got divorced and she stayed with CBS with a new creative crew while he went to ABC with all the cast and crew for a show that was cancelled before hers even went on the air?

        Hillary quit the show. Instead of a show where he’s fighting the big villain, it’s a show about him bragging about how great he is.

        Skilled comic performers can get laughs with the same routine we’ve heard a thousand times before simply BECAUSE we’ve heard it a thousand times before.

        https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/71993841/well-well-well.jpg

        Trump’s a bad performer. If he doesn’t get a constant supply of new material, why go see him?

  • William

    Does Evangel University accept tuition payment in chickens?

    • Dazzer

      That’s the Voodoo University next door.

      • David Walker

        VooDoo U. Love it!

        • OdieDenCO

          or as the locals refer to it V.D. U?

      • Ningsisa

        Voudou is a way more respectable religion than whatever this guy practices.

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        They share a parking lot.

    • PickyPecker
      • William

        Stop looking at me!!!

        • cleos_mom

          He just jumped on a grouchy old hen without observing the proper chicken courtship ritual (chasing her around the yard and/or finding her some food). She smacked him with one wing like some tough old broad slapping a guy right off his bar stool.

          We keep chickens, and once saw this happen. It was an overexcited cockerel who learned his lesson big time.

    • Reality.Bites

      Only in Chik-fil-a

    • pj

      miss pickey would know.

  • Countdown to this guy being caught in a motel room with a teenage boy.

    • William

      Super 8 can’t take more bad press.

  • That_Looks_Delicious
    • Michael White

      This is the gov whose administration poisoned the water of Flint Michigan and no one went to jail. Grand Ole Pedo Party at work.

      • William

        Why isn’t the governor in prison?

        • Chucktech

          Because he’s not a Democrat.

        • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

          Because Attorney General Bill Schuette doesn’t want to waste his time on it when he could be planning his campaign to replace Snyder next year. Priorities.

    • Christopher

      So, the people of that district will have no representation in the House for almost a year.

      Fucking Republicans!

      • Bluto

        FUCKING repukes!

      • Chucktech

        I suppose he could have installed a Republican. That IS is prerogative, right?

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        It’s okay. Conyers 14th District only includes all of Detroit and takes a swing north to include Pontiac — you know, where the poor black people live…

    • bzrd

      what’s the elevation of the high road?
      seems there’s no oxygen left for the Dems to breath thus depriving their brains the ability to function properly

    • Vista-Cruiser

      This is why the Democratic Party needs to take state-level races more seriously.

    • JCF

      Waitaminnit: the Rethug governor is doing this, so you’re blaming Dems? I don’t get it. You’re saying they should have left Conyers in office, to weaken the nationwide 2018 campaign—is that it? O_o

      • That_Looks_Delicious

        Assuming that the allegations are true, I think that the correct way to handle it would have been through the primaries, by withdrawing support from Conyers and supporting an alternative Dem in his district.

        • JCF

          Leave him in office for another 13 months? Did you hear any of his accusers? [These were his *subordinate employees*, not random women as w/ Franken]. No, leaving Conyers in office was NOT an option. Not to me!

  • Michael White

    This is what the wacko evilgenitals think will happen. The same “thoughts and prayers” and those who pray for rain that never comes. etc. Nut jobs all

    • Christopher

      Ha!

      I call them Evilgenitals too!

  • Bluto

    This would be easier to endure if insanity creators looked more like this.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cc36f76d1819fdf1865fa30c7550ccba8d3a1146d5cc612eb1aaf8d4dd161124.gif

  • liondon#iamnotatraitor

    Molesting children and bringing about the end of the world…lovely.

  • dcurlee

    Cult….please give them the koolaid

  • PickyPecker

    OT: Skift of snow overnight. Cold this morning, brrrr. Dug into grandma & grandpa’s 78’s and cranked up the Brunswick. Thought I’d share. XO
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XHk_8izVqY

    • Reality.Bites

      Is cranking up the Brunswick similar to giving full throttle to your Johnson?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCe6NOBUut0

      • PickyPecker
      • Joe in PA

        You and your Johnson…a way of life for over 50 years.

        Indeed. I [seriously] cannot tell if that was done tongue-in-cheek or not. Hilarious.

        • Reality.Bites

          I know that the ad is legit. I wasn’t familiar with the term Johnson at the time, but if I recall it was in Top Gun in the early 80s, so it was likely in use at the time the ad was done.

          This is what adweek opined:

          If you thought “Chevy runs deep” sounded suggestive, you should try this ’70s spot for Johnson outboard motors on for size. They just keep saying it. A line like “You, your kids and your Johnson” sounds prosecutable in this day and age. Even watching this ad all the way through probably puts you on a watch list. But despite the comically earnest singer, let’s not pretend everyone was oblivious to how this sounded. This was the decade of Blowfly, after all.

      • jerry

        Sounds like a new GOP theme song: “…you, your kids, and your Johnson…”.

    • Joe in PA

      Dunno how much a “skift” is..but it is snowing here too! Love it. 2-4″ prediction…fingers crossed.

      • E.J.

        The storm that hit the southeast is supposed to go up the east coast over the weekend. Another storm is over the great lakes moving east….

      • Michael White

        We received about 3 inches from a systemlast night and are expecting lake effect of 6-8 more inches and this not including my husband. After all it is the weekend
        👿

      • Treant

        It’s weird, but I’m perfectly content with a nice 4″.

        • Joe in PA

          Pssst: call me. 🙂

    • cleos_mom

      I can’t believe that Atlanta got snow before we did. IT’S A SIGN, I tells ya.

  • ceeenbee
  • Karl Dubhe 2

    Hell, why not run things on the basis of the reality of Harry Potter’s world while we’re at it?

    Sheer fucking bugfuckery.

  • Richard B

    The combination of autocratic religion and authoritarianism is FASCISM.
    Trump is more than a unwell man, he is extremely dangerous.
    He must be stopped by any and all means.

  • yes b’y
  • Wesinoregon

    Their omnipotent God needs their help to make his prophecy come true. Sounds a little weak to me.

  • DesertSun59

    Amusing.

    Jesus is not ‘coming back’.

    The entire religion is astro-theology.

  • abbafan65

    Jesus is coming…..look busy

  • Kevin Andrews

    The Christ-O-Fascists howl their mythology of Missionary of Hate and continue to demonstrate the malignant narcissism of their delusions. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3630959ba3ec6920201629aa56a42e0a4e7d1d0a4644342a7a68463985b5a9c9.png

  • Menergy

    Lost my breakfast after reading that. 🤢

  • zhera

    “Pentecostal school of arts and sciences”

    Sounds like a bigly great school!

    • leastyebejudged

      It’s all about making sure the wimmin wear skirts, so they can’t run away…

      • RJ Bone

        I always thought it was an accessibility thing…

    • Xaca

      “Science was my FAVORITE subject, especially the Old Testament!”

    • Ben in Oakland

      Farts and lie-nces.

    • GanymedeRenard

      The mere coexisting of the words “Pentecostal” and “sciences” in the same name is a contradictio in terminis.

  • Xaca

    If these lying sons of bastards believed what they said, they should be shitting their cheap suits in fear of judgment; that they don’t, gives the lie.

    https://youtu.be/bK0X9J_pX8w?t=46

  • Macbill

    Hooray! We’re all gonna die!!!

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Sigh….

    Well, I suppose we should all just sit back and wait for the nukes to fly since it’s clear now that America is going to do nothing to stop Murika in its march toward oblivion or as they call it, the rapture. You have the 2nd and 25th at your disposal, you could storm the capitol like Katniss and take down president Snowjob or something else…but no, apparently, we the world must wait until all out war has begun.

    I apologize for my snark & frustration, but speaking as one of many outside your borders, it’s becoming a little tedious to watch this go on while no one, not even Mueller, seems willing to do what’s necessary. Your president is a clear and present danger to us all. If he were just threatening to destroy your own country, I’d be less concerned, not because I want America to be destroyed of course, but because the damage would be contained. Alas, that’s never going to be the case, so yeah, as a concerned citizen of planet Earth I am now begging you to stop him….by any means necessary.

    P.S. I’m not sleeping well, I have a bit of a cold after all the baking last night.

    • GanymedeRenard

      Feel better!

      • Jean-Marc in Canada

        Yeah, I’m just in one of those cranky old man moods today. Still, the baking keeps me grounded. Another 3 dozen breads on the go and then off to the Nursing Home with them tonight.

  • KaBoomBOX

    … and now we know exactly why this is happening.

  • leastyebejudged

    Have paper towels ready to clean it up.

  • TK

    It is mind-boggling and scary that we have SO many of these “faith” blinded, ignorant and arrogant idiots in our governments, Trump being numero uno. And he isn’t even among the faithful. Everything he does is only about him and some political or business motive. No heart, no soul and shit for brains. Same can be said for most of his followers and supporters. People like Broxon are just another reason why I reject organized religion. ANY religion. They can all believe whatever they want. But keep it ALL out of our political systems.

    • sadoldguy

      And don’t expect me to play along.

    • leastyebejudged

      lol, Trump isn’t even a person of faith, lololol.

  • Larry in Oklahoma

    A few thoughts on this whole rapture mania.
    First, if they read their Bible, they should know that “no man knoweth” when that will be.
    Secondly, I contend that it may never be.
    Thirdly, are they sure they are ready and willing to be told whether or not they are going to Heaven or Hell?
    Lastly, are they truly ready to give up ram-rodding politics, society and the whole world?
    I think these End Of World people are really content with life as they know it. They should be cautious about what they wish for!!

  • The_Wretched

    Pandering to religious zealots is beyond stupid.

  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    Sane Israelis who know about this really fucking resent being seen as collateral damage in a three act play written by fundajelicals where they basically get massacred in the second act.

    And I fucking resent that our Middle East politics is fubared by this shitty religious nonsense.

    I loathe this suicidal “end times” fappery where the fundajelicals get vacuumed into Heaven while watching all the unbelievers suffer tribulations. It’s basically admitting that you’re one of the Cenobites of Hellraiser.

    In a secular country, this would be treated like a doomsday cult akin to Jim Jones or Manson’s Helter Skelter. If I was a politician who said, “FSM told me that he will return and bring meatballs if you cheer on the annihilation of the population of an entire country,” I would NEVER be elected. So why are the vast majority of Christians in this country so quiet about this?

    • RJ Bone

      Because they agree with him and are “polite enough” to stay quiet, minimize it, or deny it while cheering on the inside.

  • Friday

    So, basically the Trumpublicans and their near-empty bleachers are down to the support of those who actively salivate over the idea of their God starting a vicious war in Israel and ending the freaking world. And they’ll enable kiddie-chasing liars and oathbreakers to do it. What a bunch of sick fucks. But they show what their *real* ‘values’ are.

    • Cuberly Deux

      Tump = Jim Bakker 2.0

  • Treant

    Ya know how they get all pissy when we roll our eyes and act all superior?

    I’m rolling my eyes and acting all superior. Those people are callous, thoughtless idiots.

  • Since the death of Jesus, people in every generation for over 2,000 years and hundreds of generations have wanted to be the one that experiences the end of days. None has. There must be a clue in there somewhere for you. If you waited at a bus stop for 2,000 years, at what point would you conclude that the bus wasn’t coming? Or would you just stand there, FOREVER, because somebody had stuck up a “bus stop” sign? But if the wait makes you happy and gives you comfort, good for you. You’ll be waiting for rest of your life. Me, I would rather not live my life in such apocalyptic terms.

    I find it extremely disturbing that so many people, even many elected officials, think in such Apocalyptic terms. How it must cloud their long-term view of the future! Imagine: All our science and technology and exploration and investment in the Advancing Modern World is all for naught, because it will simply be swept away in some grand battle between the armies of Heaven and Hell! How utterly depressing and nihilistic! Maybe it would be far better if people would just grow up, get over their fairy tales and superstitions, and learn how to live in the REAL WORLD. Trust me, you can enjoy a perfectly happy, decent, and meaningful life without having to worry about the end of the world.

    • Treant

      …is the bus free?

      :-p

    • Skeptical_Inquirer

      This is also a huge reason why they poop on the environment. They think Jesus will come back and clean up their mess. I’m not kidding. They don’t see the world and nature as having worth in and of itself.

      • -M-

        Also, they’re suggesting that they have control over God.
        If God’s supposed to be omniscient or omnipotent then:
        1) God wouldn’t need help arranging Armageddon.
        2) God’s plans wouldn’t be rushed or hindered by people’s attempts to meddle with items on a checklist of prerequisites.

      • cleos_mom

        James Watt, Rotten Reagan’s henhouse fox at the EPA, was quite frank about having that POV.

      • RJ Bone

        Depending on the sect, they expect the Earth to be “consumed in fire” anyway.

        After their god finishes smiting all the infidels, that is.

    • canoebum

      These people are deluded, plain and simple. Such beliefs are a diagnosable mental disorder. Yet, they are allowed to vote and hold public office.

  • JWC

    I fucking refuse to accept a self confessed molester as a “Glorious leaders” This just shows how, out of touch the GOP and Religious right have drifted

  • Jefe5084

    “Glorious leader”—–we have become North Korea, Philippines, Nazi Germany…etc.

  • Cuberly Deux

    Cult45

  • Paul

    And yet I’m told Isis is the real threat to non believers. These fuckers would love to throw us off buildings too.

  • Chris Gardner

    If you want to scare one of Trump’s dimwitted evangelical followers, tell them you been reading the Bible and think that Trump might be the anti-Christ as prophesied. They might love him but they are also very paranoid. Haha

  • JAKvirginia

    Jesus called. Not coming back. “You people be crazy!” Sorry.

  • Jay Silversmith
  • Jalapeño Out Of F**ks To Give

    Jesus is coming. Look busy.

    https://youtu.be/0H70gxSO5r0?t=34s

  • FelineMama

    Seriously, you really believe jesus would want to come back? Here? Now?

    • Ann Kah

      What makes them think he would return to a place he never heard of?

  • JCF

    A story from my own spiritual journey:

    I was raised Episcopalian, but when I was in high school, a lot of my friends (in band) were Evangelical Christians (a bunch were also Mormons, but nothing on that for now!). So, via the natural desire to fit in (I guess I need mention that, while I’d had a few intimations of non-straightness, but nothing definitive…yet!), my senior year I went w/ some of them to their afterschool group, called “Young Life”.

    I’ll never, ever forget this: one afternoon, the leader (probably a college student) had us read something apocalyptic from Book of Revelation. He then asked us, collectively, what we thought about it. One student offered: “I don’t think the world will last another 10 years.” Stunned, I responded, “Wow, that’s pessimistic!”

    The group, seeming as one, turned on me: “Whaddayou mean, ‘pessimistic’? We WANT the world to end—JESUS WILL COME BACK!!!” >:-O

    This EPISCOPALIAN walked out of that group, and never went back! [The following year, I was in the Campus Episcopal Group, at UC Davis. In the Spring—following a visit to campus by hate preachers screechers—two students (one male, one female) in our group CAME OUT. (This was the first time I’d ever experienced the PRIVILEGE of having anyone come out to me.)]

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/057e68e0fe9297e81155248d34c5c4e7c5df8ecbae855a1aa270f7d05c25ce03.jpg

    “I don’t think the world will last another 10 years”: FFS, that was 1979. Didn’t know this word then: mofo CHRISTIANISTS!!!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/98de8600866c40acaabcbb7bdc5f2f522b075754d174ba223cf622c768f9dac1.jpg

    • peacfulseas inWA

      A house across the alley from us that for a couple years was ” Young Lifers ” central. We would see them sitting in a circle in the park that is basically our front yard. This is a seven bedroom home that is essentially a boarding house. Actually there were other such groups in the area. Long story short a few young life leaders were arrested, no surprise, for sexual issues.

  • KnownDonorDad

    Madness.

  • TheManicMechanic

    Stupidchristians™ being Stupidchristians ™, as usual, but buoyed by the Idiot In Chief into a mass orgy of stupidity. Aka, all Abrahamic religions. Same stupid, different God.

  • No More GOP.

    These people are just divorced from reality. And clearly, reality took everything in the divorce.

  • Galvestonian

    The only Jesus he’s gonna see is some young Spanish man becoming President of the U.S. or Governor of Florida in the near future.

    • Ann Kah

      To quote their line, “Come, lord Jesus!”. No. . .that would be too confusing for a campaign slogan for the next election.

  • Oh, Parker

    How pathetic and empty does your life have to be for the concept of standing on a hill waiting to die then be “called home” by some imaginary entity becomes more desirable than opening a few books and participating in reality?

    • Todd20036

      The latter requires effort and thinking and introspection.

      Nut jobs like being told what to do and when to do it. They’re the Gammas in Brave New World.

      • Gianni

        So true. Fantasy is a lot easier and more appealing.

  • RJ Bone

    This.

    Is.

    Not.

    Fucking.

    Okay.

  • Ann Kah

    It used to be that only tiny cults of a couple of dozen people went through their batshit-crazy phase of waiting for the end of the world. What is WRONG with Americans now? Crazy and delusional appear to be catching.

  • Jack

    What the hell is going on?

  • kladinvt

    Fundie-Cultists are so funny, since they don’t recognize the small-minded, willfully-ignornant, hate-filled, violence-prone, power-hungry, little ‘god’ they’ve made in their own image.

  • Gianni

    Is it any wonder that these people so readily part with their money? All a scammer has to do is include God, Jesus, the Bible, second coming, etc in the blather. So Jesus has been specifically waiting to return until Donnie was elected President and decided to recognize Jeruszum (Donnie’s pronunciation) as Israel’s capital? Boy, heavenly operations depend on some pretty mundane earthly things.

  • Marc

    Trump’s fantasy three-way has always been Putin and Netanyahu (with Vlady as the obvious top). Trump doesn’t give a shit about a peace accord between Israel and the Palestine. I doubt he even knows who the two factions are. When violence erupts because of this political hand job, I can’t wait to see how he spins it as Obama or Hillary’s fault.

    • Gianni

      Let’s start with: “Can Donnie point to Israel on a map?”

  • Vinny DeFeo

    I can believe Trump will bring Armageddon, but not because of some silly biblical shit.

  • JoyZeeBoy

    I’m sick to death of these funnymentalists who believe Jeebus is en route thanks to our continued support of Zionist Israel… or some bat-shit-crazy-as-fuck belief like that.

  • Pip

    If their dear and fluffy lord ever does come back around 99.9% of these fundies are going to get the surprise of their lives when they are the first to be cast down. They are the furthest away from what that book of theirs says that they’re just walking cartoons at this point.