Kimmel To Roy Moore: Not Only Will I Fight You, I’ll Wear A Girl Scout Uniform So You Can Get Excited

“I think you’re actually going to like this, Roy. I’m going to come to Gadsden, Ala., with a team of high school cheerleaders, okay? We’ll meet you at the mall. Don’t worry, I can get you in. And then when the girls and I show up, if you can control yourself and behave, if you can somehow manage to keep little Roy in your little cowboy pants when those nubile cheerleaders come bounding in, you and I, we’ll sit down at the food court, we’ll have a little Panda Express and we’ll talk about Christian values.

“So if you are challenging me to a fight, here’s what we’ll do. Let’s find a place to do it. I’ll wear a Girl Scout uniform so you can have something to get excited about. And the winner, whoever wins the fight, will give all the money we charge for the tickets to charity. My charity will be the women who came forward to say you molested them, okay? Alright, tough guy, with your little pistol?” – Jimmy Kimmel, on last night’s show.

  • overandover17

    Oh great, now they are going to vote him into the Senate.

  • vorpal

    Vincente Fox has most graciously offered to pay for Moore’s restraints.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/28a59935754b1fb25327140494bbddcc6d0da19461ec1bff8dd500bb3cf78cfa.jpg

  • gaycuckhubby

    Not sure this helps Jones in Alabama but it is brilliant comedy!

  • Pilot Nozzle

    That’s some great trolling, there.

  • gaycuckhubby
    • clay

      But does NYC license counselors? Needs to be done by the states.

      • gaycuckhubby

        Yeah its a bit confusing. NYC will now prohibit making profit off of conversion therapy, but allow it for free. ie clergy.
        But the punishment will only be fines, they dont have power over licensing.

        It will probably end up being decided in court because it seems like the city may not have jurisdiction here

      • Originals

        States license counselors. However, all counselors must adhere to the ACA Code of Ethics, and not doing so has serious ramifications and a very real potential for losing one’s license to practice. So, states license the counselors, but the city’s passing this order, supports how dangerous and damaging conversion work is, and will help make it less available.

        The stances of the ACA, the APA and the AMA are all adamantly against conversion therapy. It would be great if they could outlaw it’s practice altogether. Sadly, that’s not possible, but they try to be as restrictive as possible.

        From the ACA:
        “The ACA Ethics Committee strongly suggests that ethical professional counselors do not refer clients to someone who engages in conversion therapy or, if they do so, to proceed cautiously only when they are certain that the referral counselor fully informs clients of the unproven nature of the treatment and the potential risks and takes steps to minimize harm to clients. … This information also must be included in written informed consent material by those counselors who offer conversion therapy despite ACA’s position and the Ethics Committee’s statement in opposition to the treatment. To do otherwise violates the spirit and specifics of the ACA Code of Ethics.”– Ethical Issues Related to Conversion or Reparative Therapy.

        • Paula

          ‘Ceptin, those x-tian counselors. They follow only the jeeby’s law. They don’t need a state telling ‘em what to do.

    • Todd20036

      NO MORE FAKE JEWS!!

      Different coversion?

      • Pluto Animus

        No, silly.

        No more kilometers!

      • JCF

        Cofefversion?

  • gaycuckhubby
    • RaygunsGoZap

      Makes me sad! She was murdered not long after the film as shot.

  • greenmanTN
  • Never take on a professional comedian, especially one with a writing staff. Sadly, I think things like this help him with Alabama voters. I think he’s going to win. I hope I’m wrong. I often am.

    • gaycuckhubby

      It probably all depends on how much of themselves they see in Moore. If they identify with him then what Kimmel said will put them on the defensive.

    • netxtown

      I so hope you are wrong. We desperately need a Dem butt on that seat.

      • The fact that a Democrat is within five points of a Republican in a statewide election in Alabama is astonishing. Unfortunately, I just don’t think Fox News watching Teavangelical Alabamians are going to vote for a Democrat. They might stay home or write someone in. That’s possible. We’ll find out. It’s also possible that the polling is skewed because some people are not going to admit, even for a stranger, that they are going to be voting for Moore. No one really knows at this point. it’s worth fighting for that seat, but it’s not going to be an embarrassing loss if Democrats don’t win it, but it is going to be an embarrassing 2-4 years for Republicans if they do.

        • netxtown

          but if he moore wins – the top rethugs have already committed to not seating him.

          • JCF

            We’ll see about that.

          • And if they do that they will piss off the Teavangelicals and face primary challengers next year. There’s no win in this for Republicans only losing. If they are lucky that loss will happen in this upcoming election and they can pretend it never happened, but that is unlikely. If they refuse to seat Moore all hell will break loose but if they do then it breaks loose in the general. If they hadn’t brought this on themselves by pandering to such hateful people it might be sad but for over a year now the only source of political Freude has been the Schadenfreude at what a fucking mess the Republicans have created for themselves.

    • zhera

      Someone should start a ‘Write In Jesus’ campaign in Alabama. They’ll get so exited about Jeeziz that they won’t realize they’re helping the Dem.

      • Chucktech

        hail thay aint thet dum

        • Helen Damnation™

          you ain’t been to ‘Bama. Right?

          • Chucktech

            caint says i had the plesure

    • grindstone

      See also: Quayle v Brown
      (That’s Murphy Brown, youngsters.)

      • Strepsi

        Oh honey, you’re as old as I am — I was literally thinking of this show yesterday, and how it’s been totally forgotten! And the thing that made her “quirky” was she loved Motown….

        (yelling at everyone in her car pool) “If you’re going to sing along, it goes ‘Love Child, Love Child take a look at me’, not ‘Love Child , Love Child, take a look or three!”

      • snowdogrob2112

        I remember that one. Nice.

    • Nax

      The people who voted for Trump will vote for Moore. Moore will win.

      • Moore is a twofer. His win would piss off both liberals and the GOP leadership. Republicans have pandered to racists and bigots for 40 years now and this is what they built. It’s almost funny watching people like McCain and Graham act like they aren’t part of this even though they did everything they could to pander to people like Moore for decades.

    • Uncle Mark

      I LOVE Kimmel, however the Moore supporters will just look at this as another outsider interfering in their politics and telling THEM who to vote for. I am reminded last week, when Moore had a press conference that ended quickly as the press wanted to ask questions about his sexual proclivities. After insulting the press (ala Trump) they then started asking reporters where they’re from…being very dismissive of those outside of Alabama…and even moreso of those, who were not Southerners.

      • Agreed. Moore is going to win because a vote for Moore is both a vote against “libtards” and against the GOP establishment who are all against him. I think they hate the latter even more than the former. Their chance to stop Moore was in the primary and they failed.

      • Chucktech

        You know what that tells me? Those Alabamians desperately wish they were outsiders. They’d do anything to be outsiders. But they know they aren’t. They’re Alabamians. They were born Alabamians. They live the life of Alabamians. And they’ll be Alabamians for the rest of their miserable, wretched, Alabama lives.

        (Cue that scene from “Boys in the Band.”)

        • Uncle Mark

          I totally agree with you. They know that the rest of the country looks down on them, and therefore they hate being judged by outsiders; however it doesn’t stop them from judging those “coastal liberals,” and imposing their f’d up religions and prejudices on the rest of the country

          • Nowhereman

            Those “coastal liberals” support their sorry asses.

          • Uncle Mark

            Good luck convincing them that

      • Phaius

        Even if Kimmel had said nothing, people who vote for Moore were going to do it anyway. Republicans don’t think the same way as Lefties do… if someone’s their candidate, they vote for them, because it’s tribe over principle.

    • JohnoFr

      In a perverse way his winning would force ( one hopes) a reaction from the republicans. If the dog actually shits in the living room you have to clean it up…

      • Nowhereman

        I want to see the look on McConnell’s face when Moore whips out his little purse gun on the floor of the Senate.

        • And moore would be promptly arrested and hauled away. Having weapons in the Congress is totally illegal.

          • Nowhereman

            Yeah, but Moore only obeys god’s laws…

          • Ha! I’d throughly love to see someone use that defense in a court of law.

          • Nowhereman

            I’d like to see them get their god to show up and testify in court. I’d like to ask Joseph and Mary and God to explain that whole virgin birth thing, too.

      • Oh how I wish that were true. But here’s what will happen. A Democrat will come in and try to clean up the mess like Carter did after Nixon, like Clinton did after Reagan/Bush and like Carter did after Bush the lesser. And then significant numbers of “swing voters” will blame Democrats for not doing a good enough job of cleaning up the piles of shit and will vote for the dogs to come back and shit in their living room again. It’s a pattern that goes back to 70 years or more now. I don’t see that changing.

    • Culture Club Warrior

      He was never not going to win. They might as well swear him in right now, because Republican voters have shown that they will overlook anything that has been said or done by their candidates.

  • Ninja0980

    Sad to say but this will likely help Moore.

    • gaycuckhubby

      Or it emasculates him and turns him into a whiney mockery.
      I can’t decide how I think it’s going to turn out. Either way I don’t think this comedy bit will decide the election.

      I saw a Google analytical study that showed that alabamians search for Al Franken news at a much lower rate than the rest of the country. So I don’t think the “both sider” dilemma will hurt Jones. If anything the time that is passing between the first accusation and election day will hurt more than anything

    • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

      I agree, and I’ve resigned myself that he is going to win. The window of opportunity for the Democrat closed about 10 days ago. The fine subhuman population of Alabama has had time to digest the news and now they are fine with him. Because nothing says “F-you” to the North more than putting a pistol packing child molester in the senate. Jeff Davis would be so proud!

    • Chucktech

      Oh, fuck him. He’s going to win anyway and this is just another national black eye for the denizens of Alabama and their state.

  • ChrisMorley

    OT
    Royal Infighting Is So Much Fun

    Belgian prince says his human rights are being breached after pay cut
    – King’s brother sends lawyer’s letter to PM after he is criticised for unauthorised appearance at Chinese state event
    http://l7.alamy.com/zooms/5f6cb77d40374c8cbc92242fc12fd572/prince-laurent-of-belgium-has-fallen-down-during-the-arrival-for-the-damykx.jpg
    ‘A wayward brother of the king of Belgium has claimed the government is violating his human rights after the prime minister moved to cut his annual €308,000 ($370,000, £280,000) government endowment.
    PM Charles Michel called a meeting with Prince Laurent, younger sibling to King Philippe, in response to his unauthorised appearance in full naval uniform at a Chinese state celebration of the 90th anniversary of the founding of the Red Army.
    Laurent sent a sick note to excuse himself from the meeting about the incident, the latest in a series of unapproved events with foreign dignitaries.

    The prince’s letter has caused uproar in Belgium, where Laurent has until now been warmly regarded as an eccentric but harmless figure.
    His appearance at the Chinese embassy in Brussels to celebrate the founding of the People’s Liberation Army might have gone unnoticed had he not tweeted a picture of himself attending the ceremony.
    Last year, after a critical report from the Belgian court of audit, the financial watchdog for the country’s public institutions, Laurent was forced to repay €16,000 to the Belgian state for claiming expenses for a ski holiday, supermarket bills and the school fees of his three children.
    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/dec/01/belgian-prince-laurent-human-rights-breached-pay-cut

    • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

      Christmas at the Bourbons’ is going to be tense this year.

      • ChrisMorley

        Things are Always Tense:

        The youngest son of the former king and queen Albert II and Paola has previously taken to Belgian television to attack his family, with whom he is barely on speaking terms, claiming they are like the Stasi secret police and have sought to sabotage his career. “My family has never supported me,” he complained.

        • GanymedeRenard

          Plus, everybody and their grandmother in Belgium knows (or at least suspects) that Philippe is secretly gay.

      • Palmer

        The royal house of Belgium is Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, not Bourbon.

      • GanymedeRenard

        I don’t think Juan Carlos and Sofía have spent a Christmas together in years now. On the other hand, Felipe and Letizia seem to be doing just fine. So it’s safe to assume that tension won’t be as heavy at the Bourbon’s this year.

  • netxtown

    While I find Kimmel’s trolling hilarious – it also plays to moore for the sympathy vote – and the ‘no cali-forn-i-a ass is gonna treat our guy like that!’

    I likes me some Jimmy – but we still need a Dem in that seat.

    • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

      Damn right, ain’t no Brooklyn born, mackerel snapper who now lives in the city of depravity telling us God fearing Jesus lovin’ ‘mericuns how to vote.

  • Michael R
  • OdieDenCO

    ball is in your (food) court royboy. stand up or shut up!

  • clay

    I don’t find anything “West Coast” specific or “entertainment industry” specific in Kimmel’s roasting– the use of cheerleaders and girl scouts and Alabama women doesn’t play into any fear of outsiders.

  • GayOldLady

    Kimmel, once again, kicks some Moore ass.

  • Mike Solo

    I hope he really does it, and has an empty seat across from him at Panda Express

  • greenmanTN

    By now the people who are going to vote for Moore are committed and aren’t going to change their mind no matter what so I don’t see this changing anything. The only thing that MIGHT have an effect is that group Moore was a part of that said women shouldn’t even be able to vote. If they have two brain cells to rub together no woman would vote for him after that, but, well, Alabama and Jeebus sittin’ in a tree….

    • kareemachan

      I read about that and wondered what his wife thought about it. Does he let her vote?

  • Tawreos

    I think it may have been more effective to just show up at a campaign event and show Moore up for being all bluster and tiny gun and no balls when dealing with an adult.

  • Boy Elvis

    One by one all of these right wing blowhards are learning the hard way that you can’t take on Jimmy Kimmel in the media. Just like Jon Stewart before him, he has verbally obliterated every single politician who’s tried to step up.

    • ColdCountry

      But the sycophants don’t see it that way. I bet they’re all nudging each other and crowing about how Moore told that city asshole off. Any response by Kimmel, or none at all, they would see as evidence that they’re right. It’s a whole different view point.

      • Boy Elvis

        Of course they do, but fuck them. They’re useless turds, totally fact resistant, and not worth bothering with. It’s the swing voters I concern myself with.

  • Rex

    I’m quite sure Kimmel’s humor is lost on most Alabama voters.

  • geru

    BOOM! Stay down!

    Also, note to self: don’t start beef with Jimmy Kimmel.

  • colo303

    Silly Jimmy….they don’t have Panda Express there!

    • trouble94114

      Actually they do, but rather than just Panda Express, it’s Jim Bob’s “Generic Racial Slur” Express. I suspect though, that instead of most of the standard meat proteins, they’re more locally sourced… so rather than ‘Sesame or Kung Pao Chicken’, you get ‘Sesame Squirrel’ and Kung Pao Possum

  • Buford

    The wuss who refused to debate his opponent thinks it’s a good idea to taunt someone for not doing something ‘man-to-man’…!?!?

    Seriously…??

  • DennisH

    If the new norm is to elect television personalities to the highest office in the land then I vote Jimmy Kimmel for President 2020.

  • narutomania

    Not only is Kimmel hawt in his new beard, but he is SO on point with his critiques of the GOP hucksters! You go, Jimmy!!

  • Taylor Bixler
  • ceeenbee

    Interesting. roy is too gutless a pig to debate his democratic challenger. Maybe he can gather enough sone to debate a comedian.

  • Dayglo

    The Hollywood elite? Shit, everything is too elite for Alabamians. They think “Honey Boo Boo” is a Noel Coward drawing room comedy. Alabama is the poor man’s Mississippi.

    • alguien

      besides, isn’t roy moore gadsden elite?

  • leastyebejudged

    baptist culture needs to be obliterated

  • Richard B

    Oh, Jimmy, you are a such brilliant star gleaming brightly and will get a invite to my Winter Solstice Party.

  • GanymedeRenard

    Well, well… It seems Jimmy’s HANDS are bigger!

  • Halou
  • boobert

    Jimmy tells it like it is. I hope it has an affect on keeping this nut out of the senate.

  • Kevin Andrews

    Got to love Jimmy Kimmel. Humor is always founded in truth and that’s something Roy Moore fears more than Satan herself.
    Lettuce spray this vile sub-human Christ-O-Fascist, the Evangelical Poster-Child for hypocrisy and fraud finds real Alabama Family Values. Isn’t he married to his sister? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7fddbc7dc8e5434217a023186cf0fc964d954dcd6744b0e92b081b7824b7c77e.png

  • KnownDonorDad
  • Charlie

    PERFECT! Wonder how old Roy will respond. I’m sure his old hag wife Kayla will have something to say.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
  • Pip

    Ouch.

  • Bert_Bauer

    Gurl, that ain’t shade … that’s a muthafuckin eclipse! Channeling Julia Sugarbaker.

  • Jay George

    Wow! Jimmy Kimmel just won me all the way over. Never been a huge fan, but I think I’ll love his guts from now on out. Just wow!

  • peterparker

    I have always had a little crush on Jimmy Kimmel. And that crush just grows and grows and grows!

  • aar_nr
  • ian

    I wish he had just shown up at Moores offices, with a small film crew, unannounced, and ready to rumble. Of course it would have been a safe bet that Moore, being the coward he is, like all bullies, wouldn’t dare show his face. But, Kimmel calling Moores bluff like this, in so public a manner, will essentially prove the same: that Moore is a cowardly bully.