Catholic School Covers Up “Suggestive” New Statue

The Guardian reports:

A new statue at a Catholic school in Adelaide has been covered up and will be remodeled over issues with it being “potentially suggestive”. The statue of St Martin de Porres at Blackfriars Priory was unveiled recently and depicts the saint handing a loaf of bread to a young boy.

However, the unfortunate placement of the bread raised other connotations and the school apologised for any concerns the design may have caused. Reaction on social media ranged from incredulity that the school allowed the statue to be put up in the first place, to amusement about the cover-up in black.

(Tipped by JMG reader Donovan)

  • JCF

    Not to mention, that the AFRICAN saint Martin De Porres here doesn’t look it!

    • Jefe5084

      that’s cuz all true lovers of Jeebus are white–just like Jeebus.

    • stuckinthewoods

      excellent catch on your part.
      “Born on December 9, 1579, in Lima, Peru, to a Spanish nobleman and
      former black slave, St. Martín de Porres is the patron saint of
      interracial harmony. Porres entered the Dominican clergy in 1601,
      although it was quite unusual at the time for someone of mixed race to
      be received into the religious order.”

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        I share his DOB. That must mean something ?

        • Gregory B

          Wow, Ragnar, you look great for someone born in 1579!! *ducks*

          • Ragnar Lothbrok

            Thanks, I credit bourbon

        • doninkansas

          How does your “loaf” compare?

          • Ragnar Lothbrok

            Butter it, and find out.

          • doninkansas

            On my way. I have a hot oven you can heat it in

          • Scott Carpenter

            You should proof it first, to get the best rise.

          • Nowhereman

            I thought the proof was in the pudding!

          • Gregory B

            With Biy BUtter?

    • olandp

      I think he may need a bigger loaf.

      • Craig Howell

        Yes, he’s looking a little light in the loaf-ers.

    • Joseph Miceli

      Really? Jesus! I’d have said from looking at that statue that he was Swiss.

      • Statistics Palin

        I thought you were a cradle (recovering) Catholic.

        • Joseph Miceli

          Once a Catholic always a recovering Catholic

    • -M-

      That plus look at the ‘child’, I thought the renaissance was supposed to have put an end to portraying children as shrunken adults.

      • Priya Lynn

        Yes, right away I thought that “boy” didn’t look right. I see what you mean now.

      • Nowhereman

        I thought he looked more like an evil little gnome like Jeff Sessions.

    • William

      They didn’t want him looking too ethnic.

    • GanymedeRenard

      Actually, he wasn’t African. He was half Spanish, half African-Panamanian, and born in Peru.

    • AlternativeQuacks

      Technically, he was half Afro-Peruvian. He was born in Peru and never set foot in Africa. He’s the patron saint of mixed race people! I didn’t even know that there was such a thing until just now. Usually, if a particular saint is the patron saint of something, it’s usually a profession, such as public health workers, which Martin de Porres is also the patron saint of.

  • djcoastermark

    Now that it’s known, putting it behind black plastic makes it seem all that much funnier. What going on back there?

    • Jefe5084

      Confession time.

  • gaycuckhubby
    • Gustav2

      That poll came out, then Trump made his comments supporting Moore.

      • gaycuckhubby

        He’s got his finger on the pulse of his base

        • Gustav2


          • gaycuckhubby


        • Joseph Miceli

          Well, for him it only takes one finger. One really TINY finger.

    • ZRAinSWVA

      And the GOP is reputedly the party of family values. Eh, not so much…

      • Steverino

        Keep in mind, those who wrap themselves up in the flag and the Bible are actually hiding behind them.

      • Sporkfighter

        Depends on what your family values, I suppose.

  • lol, you’ve been Punk’d, rcc. whoever was stupid enough to let this be erected deserves nothing less. i hope the artist is laughing so hard right now. “no refunds, dood.”

  • liondon#iamnotatraitor

    Pissing on the poor…what’s a good conservative Catholic not to love.

  • Kevin Perez

    The sculptor is a genius

  • Javier Smith

    Normally they would just move the statue to a different parish.

  • netxtown

    Fianlly! A religious statue that really does put a little ‘heaven’ on my mind….

  • jruffdc

    Jesus Christ!

  • Kevin Andrews

    Art imitates life. How perfectly appropriate.

  • Acronym Jim

    “Bishop Mulvaney, the new statue we had made for the school looks to be molesting a young boy, what should we do about it?”

    “You have to ask? Cover it up as usual.”

    • GanymedeRenard


    • Scott Carpenter

      It’s just awful when your commissioned artwork comes back a little too realistic.

  • TuuxKabin

    Damn, very little sense of fun down there.

  • Shane Gowland

    I have friends that went to this school. Every one of them is an atheist, so the school must be doing something right.

    • Shane Gowland

      I also want to add that Blackfriars is an all-boys school, which makes the story even more hilarious.

    • Craig Howell

      I went to a Catholic all-boys high school also called Priory, and I turned out an atheist, so yeah, maybe there’s something about that name.

  • Jefe5084

    Now that’s a chubby shillelagh.

    • customartist


  • Oscarlating Wildely

    Suggestive statue or accuracy in advertising: you decide.

  • Jacob

    You can’t handle the truth!

  • OdieDenCO

    art imitating life

  • Boreal


  • Sometimes a loaf of bread is just a loaf of bread. But…

    • Steverino

      It looks like a hot dog bun, to me.


    Just ship it to Alabama. They’ll have it.

  • Gigi

    Talk about tone deaf.

    The Case of Cardinal Pell Raises Hope of Reform Among Australian Victims of Clerical Abuse

    Cardinal George Pell: Vatican official charged with multiple sexual offences

  • TexasBoy

    I will admit the placement of the bread is unfortunate, but really I probably would not have thought of it if it wasn’t pointed out. I doubt there was any hidden intent in the design of this statue, and it was just a loaf of bread.

    • Reality.Bites

      Yes, but for Christians the idea of feeding the poor is much worse than child molesting.

    • Ben in Oakland

      You’re obviously not a Christian. If you were…

  • David Gervais

    It was just a statue until I read “Catholic School”. Then it became obvious…..
    Now why would those two words suddenly make something innocent seen dirty, evil, perverted, criminal and worse?

  • Hank

    He is supposed to be African, the saint. Talk about being “HUNG”!!!

    • Librarykid

      As Woody Allen responded in Everything You Want to Know About Sex, “Like a loaf of bread,” with a gesture from his crotch when asked if his wife’s inability to have an orgasm might be due to a small endowment.

    • GanymedeRenard

      Not quite. He was actually born in Peru and was the illegitimate son of a freed slave from Panama and a Spanish aristocrat. It’s suggested he may also have had some Native ancestry.

  • ColdCountry

    It’s like some of the advertising logos* that get past everyone. Seriously, they need to run everything past a 12 year old boy before it goes public.

    *2012 London Olympic logo, Trump/Pence logo

  • Bambino

    What? They never heard of “Suck on my loaf boy!” ?

    • Christopher

      Holy crap!

      See! The church has been subtly telling us for CENTURIES that they’re gonna fuck your kids.

      • AmeriCanadian

        And not so subtly by the looks of some of these statues.

    • DavidOntario

      Please tell me that isn’t real. It gets more difficult on a daily basis to distinguish satire from reality.

      • Google image lead to a site on catholic poland last time I looked for it.

        • MarkOH

          Can you send a link for more info? I’d love to know if its real or not.

          • I can tell you it’s real but has be spread so much about all you see is pinterest and twitter links, I went through 4 or 5 pages of the crap and gave up.

  • /

    LOL someone is either completely oblivious, or has a delightfully dark sense of humor.

    Doesn’t help that the priest’s eyes are mostly closed and he looks seconds away from a loafgasm.

  • Mike Solo

    That is amaze-balls…. pun intended

  • Whore_Ta_Culture

    It REALLY is a acurate image and an example of truth in advertising….RCC and Pederasty

  • Pip

    This has made my day and will hopefully carry me through when I have to hit the store in a bit for last minute thanksgiving items. Wish me luck.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      Look for a healthy loaf of bread.

      • Pip

        I make my own. 🙂

  • Friday’s_cat

    Did anybody say “Art imitates life”?

  • Bluto
  • Harveyrabbit
    • 2patricius2

      Those children don’t look too happy…..

      • Harveyrabbit

        But Jesus does.

    • GanymedeRenard

      Never gets old. XD

  • DaveMiller135

    In fairness, anatomically, that looks a bit high on the belly for an actual penis. Unless he’s like Milton Berle, and only pulled out enough to win the bet.

  • ohbear1957

    The statue is a preview of things to come. Do priests refer to Catholic schools as “Altar boy farms?”

    • GanymedeRenard

      Heck, abortion would be a sacrament.

  • LovesIrony

    I hope this artist does more work to memorialize the disgusting acts of the church.

  • Greg B.

    This was actually better than the first version of the statue which depicted the boy opening a gift box which the saint was somehow holding in front of his body handsfree. #itsmydickinabox

  • Natty Enquirer

    Jesus Willy Christ, sometimes a baguette is just a baguette.

    • JAKvirginia

      Not for the dirty-minded. It’s Jesus, Jesus, Jesus all the time then, “Hey, that looks like a dick!”

  • customartist

    The more suggestive statue resides at San Juan Capistrano where a priest embraces a young nude-bottomed Native American or Hispanic boy. It is VERY sexualized. I’m surprised that this issue has never arisen before?

  • JNK

    Wtf? The Catholic church is the world’s largest child sex syndicate. I do not believe this was some overlooked faux pas. It was very much the subliminal message that denizen of wolves wanted to send forth.

  • doninkansas
    • justme

      and I suppose the Pillsbury dough boy is taking the heat for this!!!

    • glass

      Apply heat to make it rise.

  • edrex

    engineer the boy to look like a girl and send it to the alabama state capital. it can be displayed under the confederate flag alongside the ten commandments.

  • nocadrummer

    Because that saint wasn’t really THAT big, and everyone knew it?

  • William

    Hasn’t the Catholic Church been sued out of existence in Australia?

  • 2guysnamedjoe

    The heavy-lidded expression on Marty’s face suggests he’s breathing heavy.

    • Todd Allis

      Yeah, I was thinking it didn’t look THAT bad, until I saw the saint’s expression.

  • GanymedeRenard
    • AmeriCanadian

      I don’t believe that is by accident either. More of an allegorical storytelling in leaded glass.

      • GanymedeRenard

        And you may be right.

    • IDavid

      Where in the world did you find that on the internet? It would be a great t-shirt to hand out at catholic schools and churches.

      • GanymedeRenard

        Haha! Well, Google is your friend. Just type “Catholic oral glass” or similar things. You’d be surprised. 😉

        • IDavid
          • GanymedeRenard

            Ha! And the now-bishop seems to not like it – the victim is too old for the old perv’s taste, if you know what I mean.

          • IDavid

            Yeah I see that now. It’s like the crunchy wrinkled Bishop is saying, ‘what’s this old fart doing on my dick?’
            I guess the old man’s dick tastes better than those disgusting communion wafers that trigger you into auto-barf.

          • GanymedeRenard

            Still eeewwwie!

          • IDavid

            Yeah zactly. 😉

  • MaryJOGrady

    That isn’t even a good likeness of Martin de Porres, who was mixed-race. A contemporary portrait exists.

  • Clive Johnson

    Meanwhile, in the Catholic tradition:

    Priest accused of sex abuse now Newport psychologist

    Defrocked priest pleads not guilty to 31 charges of sex abuse

    Brooklyn Diocese Names 8 Priests Who Sexually Abused Children

    56 lawsuits against Catholic Church that allege sexual abuse are before N.B. courts

    Former Priest Says Revered Colleague Was a Predator

    [All from the first page of google news using the search terms ‘catholic priest sex abuse]

  • Ben in Oakland

    A,axing what religious people see, isn’t it? For such pure, holy, god infested minds, they know exactly what is in front of them.

  • BobSF_94117

    That’s not a young boy. That’s a smaller version of Spiro Agnew.

    • coram nobis

      No, it looks like George C. Scott.

      • BobSF_94117

        He looked familiar and I googled several people. Agnew was kinda close. But you’re right, it’s George C.

      • Benjamin Ruth

        Looks like former Doctor Who actor Colin Baker to me.

  • I remember the days when, believe it or not, most Catholics wouldn’t have noticed, because the blinders were still on. Those days are over, of course.

  • KevInPDX

    That Priest was blessed.

  • Treant

    Bread, head, same difference.

  • BockMcMillan

    So silly!

  • trouble94114

    That doesn’t appear to be a normal way one would hold a loaf of bread. Some sculptor has a naughty sense of humor.


    Looks like the kid is cradling the guy’s sack. That’s just wrong.

  • Nowhereman

    Besides that, it is one butt ugly statue, too.

  • SkokieGuy [ChicagoAdjacentGuy]

    The source article doesn’t list the artist’s name or history. Does anything think this could have been intentional on the part of the artist to comment on the church’s long history or abuse? Or purely accidental and unintentional?

  • EqualityForAll

    I do like them thick like that.

  • Ore Carmi

    The screen makes it worse. Who thought that up? “Take a look behind this screen to see what happens in the church behind closed doors!”