Jim Bakker: “Merry Christmas” Was Outlawed Years Ago

While hawking his Official End Times Jesus His Damn Self ornaments on his show today, bisexual scamvangelist Jim Bakker revealed that saying “Merry Christmas” was outlawed years ago.

Kyle Mantyla reports at Right Wing Watch:

Bakker said that he has been searching for Christmas ornaments that feature Jesus instead of Santa because Christmas “is the birthday of Jesus Christ” and complained that he wants to be able to buy a Christmas tree instead of a “holiday tree.”

“They outlawed ‘Merry Christmas’ a few years ago and you know it,” he said. “You couldn’t even say ‘Merry Christmas” at Walmart and the Walmart greeters told me they weren’t allowed to say it. But we all started writing and what did we do? We changed it. We changed it. We all worked together. You don’t have to lay down for it.”

  • Do Something Nice

    Someone needs to spend some time in Santa’s lap.

    • coram nobis

      That sounds prurient somehow.

      • Steverino

        Beary Christmas!

  • TexasBoy

    So who is worse, the scamvangelists, or those dumb enough to listen to them and send them tax free donations?

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    Did he fall down and hurt his widdle head?

  • Judas Peckerwood

    “You don’t have to lay down for it.”

    Is that what you told Jessica Hahn and those rent boys?

    • Tawreos

      Of course not, he preferred they be on top.

      • clay

        and there was the desk for bending over.

  • Lazycrockett

    The Walmart Greeters that I have ever seen, can barely stand up and have never uttered a word.

  • Pollos Hermanos
    • Tawreos

      If there was blood spread around that could look like the work of a serial reindeer killer

    • coram nobis

      “The killing spree started when his co-workers teased him about his nose.”

      • juanjo54

        I understand that these is some concerns over the whereabouts of his employer, whose has not been seen since just before the shooting started. The worst is feared.

    • Bambino

      Rudolph finally had enough of his bullying peers.

    • Paula

      When good reindeer go bad!

  • Butch

    People actually get themselves worked up about this kind of shit. It’s pathetic. Say anything you want. No one is stopping you except the voices in your head.

    • /

      How else are Christians supposed to feel persecuted without actually experiencing any tangible form of danger?

      The voices in their head don’t stop them from doing anything, as we’ve seen over and over and over and over and over again from them lately.

      • AaronD12

        My mother was one of those loonies. We were at Target (gasp!) and the checkout girl said, “Happy Holidays!” My mother snapped back, “Merry Christmas!” (in a very un-merry way).

        Later, I explained to her that Target is using INCLUSIVE language. Christmas is one of those holidays. My mother was using EXCLUSIVE language, leaving out all non-Christian religions and holidays.

        She finally got it and now doesn’t snap at people.

        • /

          I don’t get how anyone can get mad when someone wishes them a happy or merry anything. I’m sure it’s done with good intentions, and there’s enough nastiness in the world that if someone wishes me a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or anything else, even though I’m an atheist, I’ll take it.

          • jerry

            Because the older people watch Fox, and the propaganda channel has perfected getting people outraged (and fearful) about nothing on a daily basis.

          • Nowhereman

            I feel much the same. I’m also an atheist and worked in sales. I never initiated it, but if someone told me merry xmas, I usually just said “same to you” or “and a happy new year” and that’s plenty. If someone came up to the counter and screamed MERRY CHRISTMAS in my face like they were daring me to dispute it, then they deserved whatever I gave them.

          • /

            Agreed 100%.

            It’s like the distinction between someone saying, “I’ll pray for you,” with genuine concern for you because you’re gong through a difficult time and that’s the closest to helping that they can do versus that condescending, “I’ll pray for you,” bullshit that people say with an air of superiority and moral righteousness because they think you’re a reprobate sinner.

          • Nowhereman

            Exactly. My landlady is in her 70s and is an old style christian who walks the walk. If I was going through a hard time and she told me that she would be praying for me, I would not be offended. And she wouldn’t say it instead of doing whatever else she could do for me, she would be doing it in in addition to those things.

    • penpal

      It’s because they want a Christian supremacy in this country and screech “persecution” to advance that agenda.

    • Jonathan Osborn

      But, Butch, those voices are really loud, and insistent! 😲

      Moreover, respecting other peoples’ Different religious traditions makes Jesus sad😥

    • A few years after hearing all the idiotic rants from Teavangelical relatives, I started paying attention. Here are my unscientific findings. Around Thanksgiving (when it’s usually not even Advent much less Christmas) you mostly hear Happy Holidays (or Happy Thanksgiving). As you approach Christmas Day, you start to hear that transition to Merry Christmas and by about a week before Christmas you hear almost nothing else by Merry Christmas. Now that to me as a sane person seems appropriate.

    • Nowhereman

      Their brand of christian just can’t stand it if they’re not the center of attention. I wish they’d read their own damn buybull. Jesus told them to go home and pray in their closets, not bray on the street corner like the hypocrites.

  • MaryJOGrady

    Which legal authority in the US is empowered to outlaw commonplace spoken greetings?

    • RoFaWh

      If Trump had his way, he’d be the one, via a presidential fiat.

      Then he’d be surprised at the strong resistance to such nonsense. He’s not someone who thinks through the possible consequences of his actions.

      • MaryJOGrady

        Truth.

    • Lars Littlefield

      The Office of Weights and Displeasure?

  • Lazycrockett

    I have always just said “Happy Holidays” it covers all of em and its only 2 words. Plus the people I say it to are usually retail clerks/wait staff who don’t give a shit.

    • MaryJOGrady

      When I feel provocative, I say, “Happy holidays! Remember, Mithras is the reason for the season!” That started a flirtation for me once at a post office.

    • Steverino

      Being fond of Eggs Benedict, I prefer Happy Hollandaise, myself.

      • AmeriCanadian

        Don’t get saucy with us now.

      • RoFaWh

        My recipe for fake Hollandaise sauce:

        Make cheese sauce from powder in a packet. When done, mix in a healthy amount of good commercial mayonnaise, Hellman’s and Best Foods being examples. (Yes, I know, it’s just two brand names for the same stuff.)

        • Steverino

          Fake sauce!!!1!1!!!

      • Lars Littlefield

        “Merry Bechamel sauce!”

    • Uncle Mark

      I say “Happy Festivus” to most of my very diverse clan. It always puts a smile on their faces…as I’ve love celebrating it with friends, family & my project teams

  • bkmn

    I want whatever drugs he is on.

    • RoFaWh

      It’s not drugs, though he’s probably a secret user.

      It’s learned behavior called “lying”, learned from watching other grifters at work.

  • coram nobis

    Tell me, Defrocked Rev. Baker, where in Title 18 of the U.S. Code did they make it illegal? And when was the repeal vote?

  • TrueWords
    • Todd20036

      What it is, is a celebration of the winter solstice, reclaimed by the Christians.

      • JackFknTwist

        Exactly. Just like the drama of the Christian cult that took on Samhain and turned it into the Holy Souls festival.

        A note :

        People were not prepared to give up their pagan festivals, so the Christians commandeered them. Well Christianity has had its day; it had some uses in the arts; but now we are taking back our original culture, the solstices, the equinoxes,
        Samhain, (Halloween). –
        Lughnasa, ( harvest August);
        Bealtaine (pronounced Beow-tell-na) the 1st of May, summer
        Imbolc, 1st Feb….the Celtic first of Spring, now called Feile Bride, the festival of Bridgit, -Christian.

        But it’s good to see the old paganism being respected.
        Happy Solstice !

      • acde

        Correction: STOLEN by Christians as they wanted to compete for money and power

        • Bob Conti

          It was all marketing.

      • Nowhereman

        More like stolen by the christians. They ripped off the whole virgin birth and resurrection thing as well.

    • clay
      • Lars Littlefield

        Just as they do in Mexico!

        • Paul Ohbehr L

          Do they really do this act in Mexico? If so, do you 1) have to speak Spanish and 2) at what age does it end? Lol.

          • Lars Littlefield

            Google the tradition of the posada(s) in Central and South America. It’s from whence the piñata originates.

    • clay
    • BearEyes

      better

  • Tawreos

    If it was outlawed how did you and all of the other idiots that fall for this crap not end up in jail for saying Merry Christmas?

  • KathyCreighton

    Someone give this guy a dictionary. Outlawed means a municipality passed a law that people can be arrested because of and prosecuted for. Never seen anyone taken to court for saying Merry Christmas or a store owner sent to jail for selling a Nativity Set.

  • TrueWords
  • Tatonka

    According to the letter he sent to his cellmates, it happened while he was in prison.

    Dear fellas, I can’t believe how fast things move on the outside. I saw an automobile once when I was a kid, but now they’re everywhere. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry. Black Friday started the week before Thanksgiving this year. The parole board got me a job makin’ lattes at the Starbucks. It’s hard work and I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time. I don’t think the head barista likes me very much.

    Sometimes after work, I go to the park and yell at the gays. I keep thinking Jesus might just show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope wherever he is, he’s a-doin’ okay and makin’ new friends. I have trouble sleepin’ at night. I have bad dreams like someone wishes me “happy holidays.” I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am.

    Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Starbucks, so they’d send me home. I could shoot the head barista while I was at it, sort of like a bonus. I guess I’m too old for that sort of nonsense any more. I don’t like it here. I’m tired of being afraid all the time, and forgettin’ which food tub is fer eatin’, and which is for poopin’. I’ve decided not to stay. I doubt they’ll kick up any fuss. Not for an old crook like me. P.S: Tell Tammy Faye I’m sorry I borrowed her eyeliner. No hard feelings. Jimmers.

  • Puck

    I want to tell him the shut the fck up! Something like him is not going to talk to me about christianity.

    • Lars Littlefield

      The U on your keyboard isn’t working. 🙂

  • Bambino

    And here we are. A once convicted fraudster peddling slob buckets for himself in the name of God.

  • Kevin Perez

    If Jim Bakker can manufacture and sell end of days slop buckets then he can certainly manufacture and sell Jesus Balls.
    Oh, may bad. In my desperation to not watch a Jim Bakker clip, I neglected to see that is exactly what he’s doing .. in violation of the law.

    • RoFaWh

      I wonder just how many buckets of slop he actually sells.

      • clay

        Remember to only count unduplicated buckets of slop, no fair included those returned and re-gifted.

      • Paula

        It looks like it would make good stucco repair material..

  • AlternativeQuacks

    I’m glad he told me before I sent out my Christmas cards. It’s a wonder I’m not in Leavenworth.

  • PickyPecker
  • clay

    Here in the Delaware Valley, we commemorate each year that winter day when Washington crossed the river, defeated the Hessians, and inaugurated the War on Christmas. Have a patriotic December 25th!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3adcfb0b69e9597ace23be42578c4aded694875e55711b7b0f9f8e3835fb6c4c.jpg

    • coram nobis

      It’s also the day we commemorate the trial and execution of Nicolae and Elena Ceaușescu, who were ill-mannered enough not to wish the firing squad “Merry Christmas.”

      • Lars Littlefield

        “Oh Muriel . . .”

    • PickyPecker
      • Snarkaholic

        And Charles Manson’s favorite:
        Deck the halls with parts of Molly
        Falalalalalalalala!

    • anne marie in philly

      I like that idea; thanks!

    • thatotherjean

      “Sit down, you’re rocking the boat!”

    • Bob Conti

      Couldn’t they have just taken the Ben Franklin Bridge?

      • clay

        Have you seen what ’95 south-bound from Bucks County looks like in the morning?

        • Bob Conti

          Isn’t the 95 anywhere bound a cluster between Portland ME and Richmond VA?

    • juanjo54

      The man sitting to the rear front of Washington is Bernie Bernstein’s great great grandfather Scholmo Sheckelgrubber. He was a colonel in the Brooklyn Hasidim Irregulars. They led the charge off the beach into town to route the peaceful, Christmas loving, devout Protestant Hessians who were there to defend Christmas but were taken by surprise. The night before there was a large delivery of Chinese food from a unknown benefactor which the Hessians had partaken of and were sleeping off the effects of when the attack took place. In retrospect the Hessians should have been suspicious when the food delivery included a lovely fruit kugel for dessert.

    • cleos_mom

      But did he wish the rowers a merry Christmas?

      • clay

        “Victory and Peace!”
        I guess that’s not even “Season’s Greetings”.

  • MusicBear88

    People say “Merry Christmas” all the time. I’m an ethnically Jewish agnostic who works for a Congregational church. When somebody says it to me, I say “thank you, and to you too.”

    • Lars Littlefield

      I usually just ignore them. But when I’m in a nice mood I’ll say, “Whatever floats your boat.”

  • PickyPecker
    • anne marie in philly

      YEAH PICKY YEAH!

  • TrueWords
  • alc2018

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/426c4918e43175b24008524a09be54839b2aa6f955f4b8839feb2edf6e9f4173.jpg I can’t even begin to tell y’all the countless STDs and boys calling on jim’s cell phone all hours of the night knowing full well I gotta get up in the morning and do my makeup and go to the studio..praise Jeezus!

  • Paul_in_Dallas
  • kevin000

    If he’s such a god damn Christian, why is he putting up a pagan tree?

    • Friday

      Now they’re trying to claim that they stole that fair and square and Pagans shouldn’t use any of our own symbolism. 🙂

  • pch1013
  • Gigi

    This “Merry Christmas” mug is currently on sale in America. Not outlawed.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/56384b7820d111517ea5fa19b925a3c84747ad74f37a54707b38279e9cd35a87.jpg

  • Christopher

    They’ve gotten so bad that I now ONLY respond with “Happy Holidays”, or “Season’s Greetings” just to piss them off.

  • Tread

    He’s been eating too much of his own slop buckets. That lead lining is really getting to him.

  • Blake J Butler

    Since when did this creep ever go to a Walmart ?

    Yeah I thought so.

  • PickyPecker
    • Duh-David

      The day someone asks me, “Why can’t you just say Merry Christmas,” I look forward to saying, “Because, I don’t share your religion.”

      • wmforr

        And how many of those people say “Happy Hanukah?”

    • anne marie in philly

      I like this one too!

    • DN

      It’s their side (particularly Trump) who has made this a political issue. Forgive me for responding in kind, right?

      • Calamity_Jean

        Nah, it predates Trump by numerous years.

        • DeerRaven

          I remember this all the way back to the 70s. Evangelicals-the rabid kind-always need something to be angry about.

        • Rambie

          Not Trump, but it was the “Religious Right” GOP’ers who started. Trump is the leader of the GOP’ers now so gets the blame

    • Nowhereman

      Thanks! That’s my new go to response!

    • Ivan T. Errible

      If all holidays “mattered” as much as XMas, we wouldn’t be having this discussion; you’re either kidding yourself or trying to kid the rest of us.

  • kelven

    The christianists are doing everything they can to suck all of the joy out of the holiday season. They will never succeed of course, but they’ll try their damnedest. I’m looking forward to spending 2 weeks in Colorado with my relatives, some that actually act like Christians and don’t give a flip if one says Merry Holidays or Happy Christmas. I have a new great niece I haven’t met yet who will be 6 months old and I’m looking forward to lavishing her with lots of hugs and kisses.

  • pch1013

    Well, OK, if he insists… from now on, instead of “Happy Holidays,” I will proudly say this: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0e9b8e18fd54e9b5a0f5fe110bcfcfd2aa54ba23ab790a6be2a50be307901a2c.jpg

  • /

    This explains why Monica Cole’s festive holiday cards read:
    “M*rry Chr*stm*s!”

  • Mrs. Councillor Nugent

    Try any manger scene, you idiot!

  • VodkaAndPolitics

    You know, I’ve been walking around saying Merry Christmas about 75% of the time my whole life, and I’ve never once had anybody get upset about it.

    • Friday

      Yeah. Some Christians have taken it to saying it like a sneer or challenge, in recent years, though. Projecting as usual.

    • BJORN RAGNVALDR

      It’s all about saying the right things and having the right outward appearance…doing? Not so much.

    • olandp

      But how many times have you been arrested for saying it?

  • AmeriCanadian

    OK. How about Joyeux Noel?

  • roadtripboy

    Bullshit on the Wal-claim. I work for them. Just looking at this year’s gift cards…we have one with a manager with star in the background, 3 that have Merry Christmas on them. Along with 2 that say Season’s Greetings,,,2 that say Happy Holidays. Along with lots that just have cute cartoons on them.

    And more importantly, NO ONE has told us we can’t say Merry Christmas.

    • Friday

      The Christian Right started this ‘War On Christmas’ with some old harridan who was pissed that saying nothing *but* ‘Merry Christmas’ wasn’t *mandatory.*

      Just like what the Christian Right is complaining about is people not being *forced* to say only that, though actually Fundies used to be the ones trying to ‘ban Christmas’ along with many other holidays, *and* of course no one just kept parroting the ‘Merry Christmas’ exclusively all along. (In fact Protestants used to say ‘Happy Christmas’ cause ‘Merry’ was taken to connote ‘Mary.’ Go figure.) Gods know Bing Crosby has a ‘Happy Holidays’ song from way back.

      • jerry

        It was actually “merry”, as in merry-making, merrie month of May…it was drunken debauchery. For many centuries, other than the xmas mass, celebrating the holiday was forbidden, because it was celebrated more like we do New Year’s Eve now. It wasn’t a major holiday until advertisers in NYC pushed it for gift-buying and mass consumerism.

  • Steve Smith

    Buon Natale, over here. Or, in my house, Bugger Bloody Christmas is more the tradition.

  • /

    Another dried up old dotard to throw on the holiday yule fire.

  • alc2018
  • Tim Patterson

    No! All Holidays Matter! (I scream with a tear running down my cheek) LOL

    • OdieDenCO

      that’s got to hurt.

  • Gigi
    • PickyPecker
      • Gigi

        How long have you had this in the wings just waiting to use?

    • AmeriCanadian

      Tis better to give than to receive, no?

      • Treant

        Either-or. And of course, you can do both at once!

        Personally, I find that distracting and would rather concentrate on the job I’m doing, but…

    • Blake J Butler

      Tis the season of giving and receiving.

    • Lars Littlefield

      God Xmas card That’ll get a rise out of them.

    • BearEyes

      JIngle Balls

  • Pip

    Where is it outlawed??? Because I want to move there.

    • pch1013

      Saudi Arabia (I’m guessing).

      • Pip

        Nah, I have misguided friends that live there and celebrate Christmas just fine.

        • pch1013

          Within the safety of a foreigners’ compound, I assume.

          • Pip

            They live out and about. I mean, they do have money. So I’m sure they’d put up with just about anything as long as the person has money to throw around.

    • OdieDenCO

      russia but not lately

  • The_Wretched

    Corp door greeter policy is not the same thing as law.

  • david

    Okay, he said what he said. What about it?

  • HomerTh

    Bronner’s Christmas store in Frankenmuth, Michigan offers 132 Jesus Christmas ornaments: https://www.bronners.com/search.do?query=jesus

    • AmeriCanadian

      A horrible nasty place. I much prefer Zenhder’s.

      • Paul Ohbehr L

        I remember visiting a friend in Ann Arbor and they drove me there. We had their chicken and I bought an ornament which my Mom still has to this day (gosh, I bought that back in the late 1970s).
        Too much detail, excuse me.

    • Paula

      🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

  • Treant

    Merry Christmas.

    There you go, sport.

    Personally, I celebrate Christmas, Yule, the Solstice, Cephalopodmas, the first night of Hanukkah, Christmas Friday (a tradition in our extended family), New Year’s, Three Kings Day, and my birthday.

    • alguien

      what about 12th night?

      • Treant

        Three King’s Day. 🙂

        • MaryJOGrady

          In Spanish-speaking countries, el Dia de los Reyes Magos. That’s the day the children traditionally receive their holiday gifts. I’ve found that in Mexico one can generally tell how US-influenced a city is by how big a deal is made over Christmas vs. Three Kings’ Day.

    • PickyPecker

      What? No Muellermas!?!?!?!

    • AmeriCanadian

      Boxing Day? I have yet to hear what it actually means. Canadians just use it as an excuse for another day off.

      • Treant

        Literally? A hundred years ago and more, it was the day when you boxed up old things, things you’d grown out of or were out of style, or things that you had made, and took them to the poor. Toys for the children were particularly treasured.

        Since you were boxing it up, in typical English fashion, it became “Boxing Day,” and has nothing to do with two mostly-naked men getting hot and sweaty together.

        Boxing Day is still a tradition in some locales. I do celebrate it, but not as a holiday.

        (this is far enough down that most won’t see it and I hate to brag) It’s the day a lot of soap makers take “bad” soap (colors we didn’t care for, slightly broken bars, stuff that got a dusting of soda ash, or scents we didn’t care for) to the homeless shelter and women’s shelter. They’re…pitifully happy to receive a little bit of luxury and something they need to maintain hygiene.

        • AmeriCanadian

          Thanks Treant. I should have clarified that I never hear the meaning from people who live where it’s observed.

          • Treant

            (pedant)
            (/pedant)

            I should start using those. 🙂 Try talking to English folks, particularly rural ones.

          • AmeriCanadian

            Oh I already know…we’ve discussed it in the past. I actually appreciate it!

        • BJORN RAGNVALDR

          “Since you were boxing it up, in typical English fashion, it became “Boxing Day,” and has nothing to do with two mostly-naked men getting hot and sweaty together”

          I’ve been celebrating this all wrong…oh, well, best not mess with tradition.

      • Reality.Bites

        Treant explained the traditional meaning.

        Today it’s a big shopping day for leftover inventory, unsold Xmas cards, etc. It’s kind of like Black Friday.

        TBH, if there’s a holiday that needs a holiday to recover from it, it’s Christmas.

        Retailers will often now refer to the week between Xmas and New Year’s as Boxing Week.

        • AmeriCanadian

          I was told that returns are not accepted on Boxing Day. I find that strange because in the U.S., that is the day where one finds really, really long lines at the return counters.

          • Reality.Bites

            The lines at the checkout counters are much longer.

            I have been out checking the action on Boxing Day once or twice. Nothing could tempt me to attempt a purchase.

            BTW, I have no idea if Boxing Day is observed similarly in other countries. It’s a relatively new innovation, in the last 20 years or so, as Sunday and holiday shopping became more widespread and eventually legal.

            And the answer to the trivia question is Nova Scotia, if the question is “Where did they get marriage equality before Sunday shopping?”

        • thatotherjean

          It used to be (and maybe still is, if you’re wealthy enough), the day when the lord of the manor handed out Christmas boxes to the servants, and gave them the day off to go home and share the goodies with their families.

  • Gehennah

    Umm Merry Christmas was outlawed?

    I have a feeling I’m going to see a few people that actually believe that now.

    • AmeriCanadian

      You should be prepared with handcuffs (or at least a ticket book). 😉

  • Smokey

    Apparently saying “Merry Christmas” is more important than actually being a Christian.

  • Tawreos

    Do you ever get the urge to send christians like Bakker to a part of the world where christians really are persecuted? I bet when they get back they hug every atheist and homosexual they can find and apologize for all of the trouble they have caused.

    • Talisman

      They would whine and cry louder.

  • I’m from a Catholic country and I have to tell you: the only plastic ornaments of Jesus or Mary I ever saw were the ones in the nativity scene. I’m pretty sure plastic tree ornaments are largely impious. I’ve seen loads of crosses, stained-glass windows, candles, angels and stars, though. So yeah, more mouth-sewage from this little slop-peddlar.

  • Jonathan Smith

    i can’t even.
    WHEN will this troll die already?

  • madknits
    • olandp

      Sorry, I have to say I just don’t get this one.

      • The image of Santa Claus kneeling before the manger and worshipping the Baby Jesus has enjoyed a certain following ever since the late 1920s, when a slender and notably treacly illustrated book about how Santa Claus met Jesus was published in the US. I’ve forgotten its exact title, and indeed the name of the author, though I remember he was an Evangelical lay preacher.

        The plot involves Santa having trouble with his sleigh, but he a handsome young stranger (blond and blue-eyed of course) turns up, says he is a carpenter and offers to help; but won’t say who he is or where he came from. Anyway, he builds Santa a marvellous new sleigh, and when it’s finished offers to take Santa to meet his family. So they get aboard the sled and miraculously fly through time and space to a distant village which the young man says is called Bethlehem. He points to a barn there and vanishes. Inside there are a man and a woman with a baby lying in a manger, and Santa realises that the baby is in fact his assistant, whose identity he finally realises.

        The last picture in the book — which the drawing here satirises — shows Santa on his knees adoring the baby.

      • madknits

        Santa is about to snuff out Baby Jesus with a pillow.
        Santa (secular Christmas) vs. Jesus (religious Christmas).

        Only one can survive.

  • JCF
  • Pip
  • PickyPecker
  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Funny, we never got the memo. We say it all the time…oh wait…is it because we also say Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Kwanza, Happy Diwali, Merry Yule, Happy Solstice, etc.??? Hmmmmm…

    • MT YVR

      Oh but you know…. we’re filthy socialist commies up here in Canada. Qui, comrade?

      • Jean-Marc in Canada

        Da Komrad

        • MT YVR

          did you just call me cumrag?

          Gods… that takes me back…. Wait, what were we saying?

          • Jean-Marc in Canada

            LOL Boots at the Selby was always fun too.

          • Jean-Marc in Canada

            Ah…but truth be told, the Toolbox on Eastern Ave. was always my favourite.

  • Frank Conway

    What an asshole!

  • Mark

    Just fuck you. Fuck you very much!

  • “You don’t have to lay down for it.” That’s not the first time he’s uttered that phrase.
    In the last hour, I’m sure.

  • Mark

    Lying sack of shit. Go on Amazon and you’ll find em – – god I”m sick of these assholes!

    • Treant

      My tree skirt is a gorgeous piece of deep green velvet with “Merry Christmas” scripted onto it in a red velvet stitch. It’s noisy, but fun, and mostly sits under the tree.

      • Tor

        Sounds like my cat.

        • Treant

          Mine was often found curled up on it or, in rare instances, poking his nose out of the tree as an additional “ornament.”

          • MT YVR

            When I was like five we had one verrrry hyper cat/kitten. It liked to climb up onto the quilting frame next to where the tree would be set up and use it like a trampoline. So of course it’s first Christmas the lil fucker bounced twice, rocketed to the tree and tore up to the top.

            And promptly took the whole thing down with a bang.

            In an effort to keep giving she ate a piece of tinsel which had to be removed later. Much later.

            Cats. So … much fun?

          • Treant

            Oh, please, that’s adorable. Messy, but adorable.

            My parents used to have a hellion of a Dachshund. One night, they went to dinner, then came home and…the Christmas tree was not in the window.

            It was on the floor, with much of the glass broken. The dog? Nowhere to be found.

            (The dog was fine, but fully aware that there was Trouble in Dogtown Tonight. She did it twice more that year, and that was the year my parents started using wood and plastic ornaments, and lashing the tree to the drapery bar).

          • MT YVR

            From that point forward we tied the tree to various points around the room. Had to. Damned cats and then dogs tried it.

            Actually. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation? That… is pretty much what most of my childhood looked like.

            Including a cat that almost died. It was suuuuper fluffy for a bit. And the lights never worked right again. And yes, we had people trapped in a crawlspace once. And Grandmother with the cat and the jello with catfood? Oh… we had one of those.

            And the whole tree thing? We lugged our asses to the back of our 100 acre property for 2 hours through waist high snow to find… at the base of the tree… we didn’t have a saw.

            What? People need to know Christmas is dangerous times for me and mine. Alarum, alack!

          • Treant

            I’m in a morose mood. My first thought was, “I wish my memories were that good.”

            Sorry, because I know you didn’t have it easy. Still, it actually sounds kind of fun.

          • MT YVR

            Hun. I know. It’s why I typed it out for you. 😉

            Besides. I prefer to hit the lighter side of things. I learned a long time ago it’s just not worth the crap I got into by trying to do anything else online. Here… I come to read and use JMG as my first spot to see news (then jump off to read more from other sources) but… not to talk about it. I’ve been jumped too many times.

            Yes. Childhood was crap. Humans can neither laugh constantly nor cry endlessly. It took a long time to learn how to not invalidate what went wrong by remembering the hilarious.

            And honestly. A cat chomping on a string of tree lights, making that incredibly high pitched REWWWWOW sound as it dopplers out of the room? Then seeing it on tv? I’ve made friends watch that movie so I can point out how that shit happened in our family. People’s reactions are so hilarious.

            The first time we watched it as a family, way back when? “Oh my god.” was said a LOT. 😉

          • Treant

            Thanks, darlin’, that got me to smile. 🙂 Remind me to tell you the story of My Father Trying To Change The Wired-In Kitchen Clock While Standing On A Grounded Metal Ladder.

            But my mood is whiplashing like crazy right now and I’m see-sawing between “fuck those useless women” and “no, seriously, fuck them.”

            I should probably get something to eat; my blood sugar is probably low.

          • MT YVR

            Mike. My father. Is a double PhD in microbiology and virology. He LOVES to let you know how smart he is. Distinguished career. Lots of respect in his field. Etc.

            One side : me. Other side : David my older brother. Between us : Mike. We’re standing by an electric fence. One that’s pretty much hooked into a main. Because it’s set for elephants – ACTUAL FACT. Used in plantations. Mike bought it for sheep. (don’t ask… just… don’t ask)

            So on this day Mike has a tester. Which is basically a meter and a long sheathed wire leading to a sheathed nail. Which grounds things so of course one is SUPPOSED to plant it in… ta daaaaa: the ground.

            But does this paragon of virtue, this towering intellect do this? No. As WE protest, constantly, he snarls at us to shut up and places the ground on one of the wires. Which, ta da, was NOT the ground wire of the fence.

            A good 250-300 lbs, this man squatting down is BLOWN backwards and backward summersaults. Twice. To this glorious, wondrous, fantabulous sound.

            “Whoop!”

            He SAID “whoop!”

            Loudly.

            Now. Mike had very little hair but a LOT of comb over. So he sat up, dazed, many feet away, in the grass, with a random tuft of what had been his hair… randomly waving in the wind. Blinking – him, not the hair – at us.

            “Don’t you DARE”

            Of course Sue who’d seen it was pissing herself on the porch. We ran, honestly. To hide to laugh our asses off.

            “NOT FUNNY… mainly. No, no. NOT FUNNY…”

          • Treant

            OK. that one was funnier than my story!

  • justme

    Hey Jimda..
    Don’t forget to tell you faithful fleeced flock that Christmas day was a pagan ritual day stolen and used to turn pagans into Christians

  • Friday

    Maybe if he didn’t support Republicans (and himself) robbing his flock of disposable income, he’d have more ‘Christian book chains’ to buy his specialized kitch at.

  • AtticusP

    Here’s the deal, Jim: every time you say “Merry Christmas“ to me, I will say “Hail, Satan!” back to you. OK?

    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      Praise be the FSM, pasta be upon him.

      • jerry

        And use the good pasta…none of that shit from Bakker’s slop buckets.

      • BombasticB

        Ramen!

    • M Jackson

      Sounds as X-tian as can be!

    • I think if you said “Hail, Mary!” it would upset him every bit as much.

  • AtticusP

    Whatever happened to Ted Haggard? How come Jim Bakker gets a pass for his past sins? Maybe being married to Tammy Faye was punishment enough.

    • Lazycrockett
    • Jeffg166

      Jim has much bigger balls and no fall back occupation.

    • MaryJOGrady

      I happened to Google Ted Haggard last evening after watching Jim Carroll’s excellent documentary, “Constantine’s Sword,” in which he has a pre-rentboy-and-meth cameo. Haggard seems to be trying to sell insurance now, the earthly kind, not the cosmic extortion.

      • AtticusP

        Well, at least the ROI on that investment is tangible. Unlike what he sold in his previous profession.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Speaking of duplicitous assholes with no sense of irony, integrity or intelligence….

    https://twitter.com/sirlthr69/status/931254531706556416

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      #EmptyThePews is kinda fun too 🙂

  • Jeffg166

    Oh, the persecution never ceases. I don’t understand how they can be the victim after being in control for 1400 years.

    • thatotherjean

      Because the Bible says they will be persecuted for Jesus’ sake (which was occasionally true during the Roman Empire). They believe every word of the Bible, however much it contradicts itself, so they’re being persecuted. They can see it, even if you can’t.

  • AlternativeQuacks

    OT – For some reason, this bothers me more than all the other crappy news the last couple of weeks.

    Can anyone imagine this inserting any other President’s name in for Trump’s?

    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/931178309676863488

  • Talisman
  • Tom G

    How can I confirm that Bakker has no viewership? Nobody cares what this closeted asshole thinks.

  • Lazycrockett

    https://twitter.com/MSNBC/status/931257100604493824

    You know Katy had an opportunity to ask Palin why she needed to carry a gun in the first place.

  • Uncle Mark

    Ever since Bakker went to prison, he always gets excited at the thought of some big guy forcing his way into his chimney

  • Tawreos

    Sort of OT: Do you want to completely ruin your Christmas? Try to win the Christmas Breakfast with Trump.

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/prize-christmas-breakfast-donald-trump-152940148.html

  • OdieDenCO

    yawn! we get it, jimmy you can’t live without being a martyr or convincing other of their martyrdom even if you have to lie, cheat or steal to do it. the sooner your type die out the better this world will be.

  • Gregory B

    I wish we could outlaw this POS and all his evangelical POS brethren.

  • AlternativeQuacks

    It’s a good thing that the Trumpublican Party is so stupid and inept.

    https://twitter.com/TeaPainUSA/status/931254343419990016

    • Treant

      (sniff, sniff) I smell a setup.

      It smells like Republican flop sweat, despair, and stale poppers.

      • The_Wretched

        While I agree this allegation is largely fail and smells of setup; the political right got their fig leaf to “both sides” it AND a Senate investigation. Additionally, the purists ‘from the middle’ as well as bright-line-rule types have judged juried and prosecuted Frankin and anyone saying we should get more than the immediate splash facts. Those aren’t small achievements.

  • anne marie in philly

    I would be VERY happy if this shit WAS banned entirely! biggest buncha horseshit I ever saw. since there ain’t no gawd or jeebus, 12/25 means nothing. just another secular day to me.

    • Treant

      …No presents?

      • anne marie in philly

        nope, I want for nothing.

        • Treant

          Blast. I love making soap for everybody and packing it up in pretty bags and taking it around.

          I’m always slightly disappointed that few people are as pleased to receive it as I’m pleased to give it. One very tactless (sanctimonious bitch of a) cousin told me she still had all the bags in her front closet, unused for years. That was the last she ever got.

          • MaryJOGrady

            Well, fooey on her. I think home-made gifts are the best.

          • anne marie in philly

            ooooh, now THAT would be something wonderful to receive! I only knit for myself because only I can appreciate the creativity and time that went into making something by hand.

          • Treant

            See? There is something you want. 🙂

        • clay
          • anne marie in philly

            yep.

    • infmom

      In the USA Christmas is BY LAW a secular holiday because it would be unconstitutional to shut everything down for a religious holiday of any kind.

      But that’s just got law and logic going for it.

  • Pablo Sánchez

    I know it must have been exhausting to type “baby jesus” on Amazon

  • MikeBx2

    I wish I would have known a “few years ago” that it was against the law for Walmart greeters to say Merry Christmas, because I would have been calling the police on those damn lawbreakers.

  • Cuberly Deux

    Ran an errand at Target yesterday. I actually was sort of surprised to see a big ole sign with the word Christmas on it. GASP!

    • William

      I hope you called the SWAT team.

      • Cuberly Deux

        When I got home I was curled up in the fetal position in the corner for a good hour or so.

    • Treant

      My grocery store here in secular, jeebus-hatin’ eastern PA has a lovely Christmas tree up and a huge sign reading “Merry Christmas!”

      They also have displays for other holidays celebrated around the same time. Every year, somebody complains about the Kwanzaa one or the Hanukkah one or the…

      • clay
        • Treant

          STOLEN!

      • Cuberly Deux

        Reminds me of that evangelical grievance that since our calendar is based on the designations of BC and AD therefore christians own the calendar and the holidays that go with it…..and somehow that’s proof of god.

        • infmom

          It’s now CE (common era) and BCE (before common era) but the knucklewalkers would not know that.

          • Cuberly Deux

            Oh lordy they REALLY hate the new designations. Another example of removing jebus from our “culture”. They completely lose their shit on that.

            Sorta strange because CE and BCE have been used in academia for quite a while.

        • clay

          I find it more useful to simply use “before the present”– BP.

  • 2guysnamedjoe

    You couldn’t even say ‘Merry Christmas” at Walmart and the Walmart greeters told me they weren’t allowed to say it.

    And Walmart is the Law in Teabagistan.

  • canoebum

    Victimhood. It’s what’s for dinner.

    • Bryan

      Does it come in a five-gallon resealable tub?

  • TKW

    Really? Outlawed? Maybe in Alt-land. I find it scary how easy they can manipulate their cult followers to believe an alternative past.

  • Bluto

    googles “jesus christmas tree ornaments for sale”
    “About 14,100,000 results”

  • kaydenpat

    Lying for Jesus once again, I see.

  • fuzzybits
    • Stubenville

      Obvi not his food bucket gruel; she’s not gagging.

  • tonyg

    2 Bonus Christmas Ornaments? AND a Jesus Necklace and Bracelet??!? Should I wait for after-Christmas clearance specials or look for it on Amazon and get free shipping? If I find it for a lower price, does that effect the miracle powers? Do all the evangelical grifters have a QVC (Quality, Value, Christ) network or just the good ones? I haz questions.

  • KnownDonorDad

    This man needs psychiatric help.

  • Tomcat

    Well Merry Fucking Christmas Bakker, you old coot.

    • Tomcat

      Or should I say Merry Xmas?

  • BeaverTales

    Christmas around here starts well before Halloween. We have 90+ days of ads and decorations it, not 12. Nobody outlawed it yet.

  • Paula

    Quch QISmaS! It sounds better in the original Klingon.

  • Jack

    I’m aware of no law preventing Walmart greeters from saying “Merry Christmas.”

    • Stubenville

      Their employer may want to be inclusive, and thus have other ideas on how to greet their customers. Certainly nothing is stopping them from saying “Merry Christmas” when they’re off work.

      • Jack

        That’s my point. Bakker claimed it was “outlawed.” There is no law. And whatever and employer requires on the job (in dealing with customers), it doesn’t apply anywhere else — like at home or in a break room.

  • DaveMiller135

    They actually nailed Jesus to a Cross. I mention it, because the dude did not need to go looking for things to complain about. Unlike his present day followers.

  • JWC

    wow two assholes

  • disqus_D9pH1OIG67

    December was never the birth month of Jesus of Nazareth. The Xmas celebration was simply a renaming of the winter solstice celebration of pagans. So let’s not get so upset about this nonsense.

  • Baltimatt

    All these years I’ve been breaking the law by wishing people a Merry Christmas. Who knew?

    • Kudzu

      That law is probably just as effective as the laws that are on the Baltimore Sun talk forms about posting

  • Friday’s_cat

    Jesus stole the celebration from the Druids and Corporate America stole it from the cult that grew up around his legend.

  • infmom

    Jimmy the Huckster got outlawed years ago too, but he keeps on going.

  • teedofftaxpayer

    He’s so full of bulls–t it isn’t even funny any more. Many businesses have gone the route of “Happy holidays” because it includes all faiths. Bakker and the likes only wants “Christianity” to be recognized so they make up the “phony Christmas wars”.

  • yourmomsidol

    Wal Mart greeters have always said Merry Christmas. Poor xtians.

  • orion dumptee

    somebody oughta stick a Kwanzabush up his…..

    • Lee Grupsmith-Pedersen

      And follow that with a Chanukah bush or maybe a menorah with all candles lit.

  • Natty Enquirer

    Merrily we grift along …

  • Bob Conti

    I’m travelling back to North Carolina at the beginning of December to visit my dad. I’m bracing myself for this crap. We really deal with it here in Southern California. Except maybe in Kern County.

  • Gregory Peterson

    He must be too crazy or something for shopping as I found 3.9 million results for “Christmas ornaments that feature Jesus”. Even the much reviled by awful religious bigots Target is selling Christmas trees…and they’re 20% off.

    Merry Christmas, Mr. Bakker, though you don’t seem to want one.

  • Gianni

    Jim, you didn’t spend near enough time in the slammer.

  • Robin Bailey

    Bakker, his own self, will lay down for anything.

  • richard philbrick

    I’m a lapsed atheist . , , that means i haven’t eaten an aborted fetus in ages, but when someone says “Merry Christmas” to me I say “Merry Christmas” back at them. If saying Merry Christmas, or NOT saying Merry Christmas and getting upset about it bothers you then you are simply an asshole….PERIOD!!!

  • Gregory Peterson
  • JAKvirginia

    “THOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS”.

    Read that somewhere. Not as if it’s written in stone, I guess. Oh, wait….

  • Stubenville

    Citation required.

  • DN

    Show me one person who has been arrested or otherwise punished by the government for saying, “merry Christmas.” Just one FUCKING person.

    Asshole.

    • clay

      How DARE you! Jim went PRISON! And Roy Moore! for doing his JOB!

      /s

      • DN

        bhahah nice one 🙂

  • Stubenville

    So why not boycott Walmart, Jimbo? Too many of your audience would desert you?

  • LovesIrony

    jim, jesus died for your sins, what a waste of a good bottom.

  • JAKvirginia

    Teacher says, every time Jim Bakker says “Merry Christmas” an angel loses its wings. And dies.
    😣😣😣😣

    • Friday’s_cat

      I thought they lost their wings and got herpes.

  • Friday’s_cat

    Magic Jesus trinkets to ward off Satan on sale for thirty pieces of silver.

  • juanjo54
  • Jamie Brewer

    A favourite XMAS listen is he movie review on the Scathing Athiest podcast of that shitstain of a movie “Kirk Cameron Saving XMAS” Enjoy the madness.. the review stars at the 26:45 mark… http://podbay.fm/show/594676720/e/1417093200?autostart=1

  • Richard B

    It makes my head hurt reading about a con artist scamvangelist who takes advantage of simpleminded highly superstitious folks plying them with scary fairy tales about an angry god who communicates to the scamvangelist that he is going to destroy the world soon because he hates what he created.
    The narrative is all about keeping the masses in fear.
    It is bad enough this is going on and all the money that comes in to Jim Bakker’s pocket is all nontaxable income. There are enough of these simple minded scared people who are keeping the malevolent Donald Trump in power serving the needs of a wealthy elite who doesn’t give a rat ass about the needs or well being of the scared and simple minded masses.

    • Gianni

      These religious scammers will never, ever say it, but privately they give thanks that God created the gullible, the idiots, the fools, etc who continue to send them money so they can hear the same bullshit week after week. They know that if God hadn’t created the weak-minded, the scammers would either be living on the street or, heaven forbid, actually working at productive jobs to make ends meet. It’s all the fools and suckers who buy into the bullshit that make this such a lucrative endeavor.

  • Gregory Peterson

    Fred Clark of the Slacktivist blog, knows “evangelicals.”

    Christmas [stuff]

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/2017/11/16/christmas-stuff/

  • olandp

    No Jim, you went to prison for fraud, not saying “Merry Christmas”.

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      You make a good point

  • Pete Wascher

    excuse me . . . you’re complaining cuz you can’t find a “merry christmas” ornament to hang on a tree tradition started by pagans? ??????

  • These dolts have had it backwards for years, but you can’t tell them that. The “happy holidays/seasons’ greetings” messages have been around for a century. There was no controversy until they started bitching about it, and insisting that we all say Merry Christmas, whether appropriate or not. And then they try to find the few overly “politically correct” stores or legislators or school admins, and FOX “News” pretends it’s widespread and “the libs” doing it. Sigh. It’s exhausting and now all of our politics is just as stupid as the phony War on Christmas.

  • A friend of my parents was ranting about this shit many years ago. He was referencing an article in USA Today that he really hadn’t understood but I did and it made sense of so much. The gist was that the more religious people are, the less they spend on Christmas. Not that they don’t celebrate but religious people tend to have their cherished Christmas decorations and ornaments that they use every year only replacing them when they need new ones (breakage) or move to a bigger hours. The people who spend the most on decorations aren’t that religious and would just as soon have Rudolf, Santa and other secular holiday stuff than the baby Jesus. And stores stock what sells. There is no conspiracy, but if they want more religious Christmas stuff, they need to go out and buy more of it. That’s how capitalism works. You’d think conservatives would know that. But no, they expect stores to pander to them by stocking tons of religious merch that they have no intention of buying. yes, that crowd is nuts. Just got back from a visit. FML.

  • victorvictor

    How the hell did he refind Tammy ?
    Dude has more blonde bimbos than Bill Clinton

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      How dare you denigrate Tammy Faye Baker!

  • Daveed_WOW

    The War on Christmas is my favorite war of all time. No stakes and low cost: all you have to do is not buy things!

  • Thomas Mc

    All Holidays Matter.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    “Merry Christmas!” There, I said it. Now come lock me up.

  • Nowhereman

    Oh FFS! Make your own damn ornaments. Nobody outlawed merry xmas, and you are not a poor persecuted minority. That would be people like us, who are constantly being bombarded by your religious fantasies. I am sick of you. Go the hell away.

  • wmforr

    The last time I said “Merry Christmas” to a checker at the store, she reported me. But the judge allowed me to do community service instead of the five-to-life that the law allows.

    • wmforr

      On the other hand, apparently molesting fourteen-year-old girls is quite acceptable now, as long as you play the Persecuted Christian card.